


Ileenium Manor

by WaterlilyRose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst, Class Differences, F/M, First Love, Forbidden Love, Jane Eyre Inspired, Kylo is persistant, Loss of Virginity, Master/Servant, Passion, Period Typical Attitudes, Power Play, Pregnancy, References to Dickens, Rey is a Maid, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:19:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 109,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7459234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterlilyRose/pseuds/WaterlilyRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey decided she hated Lord Benjamin Solo before she even met him. So when he comes to take his rightful place as heir to Ileenium Manor where she works as a maid, it will test Rey in ways she couldn't have imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Era of New Challenges

**Author's Note:**

> I probably shouldn't be working on another piece of work at the moment due to trying to update "The Descendants" as much as I can but I just couldn't get this idea out of my head.
> 
> I have a love for Victorian era romances so of course I had to throw our trash babies into the mix. This is inspired by Fingersmith by Sarah Walters, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte and Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (though mainly for the themes rather than the plot).
> 
> EDIT: This BEAUTIFUL art work is courtesy of EyreBones who can be found at http://eyre-bones.tumblr.com/ . Go and give her love. Lots and lots and lots of love!
> 
> My tumblr is https://waterlilyrose.tumblr.com/

 

 

The servants of Ileenium Manor had all retired to their rooms after hearing the news. None had the heart or stomach for anything other than solitude after the news.

 

Rey had not been allowed the luxury of hiding herself away due to Lady Organa-Solo still needed her to attend to her before bed. As the personal maid of the lady of the estate, something as trivial as a crushing blow would have to wait until she was dismissed.

 

Rey went about her work with her usual diligence, taking her time unbraiding the older lady's silver mane and running the brush from scalp to ends in an almost soothing motion. The regal lady held her back straight through out as always but was utterly silent. Normally she was fond of engaging her young maid servant in conversation.

 

Tonight there was nothing to say.

 

Rey was glad for once of the 'don't speak unless spoken to' rule that had been embedded in her. For tonight, she had no words.

 

Helping Lady Leia under the covers, they both stiffened as both their eyes fell upon the other side of the bed. Lady Leia insisted the pillows were kept plump and that she slept on the left side of the bed.

 

“ _He likes to sleep next to a window. Decades of having to leap from his bed and jump for his life, no doubt.”_

 

He hadn't occupied the same bed as her for many years yet there had always been the hope that he would stay long enough to appreciate his love's tender gesture.

 

Rey left his mistress alone with a candle burning at the other end of the room. No-one would blow out their candle tonight.

 

Climbing the stairs to her attic quarters, Rey let herself into her meagre room and sat down on her bed. The tears that she had suppressed all through dinner and getting Lady Leia ready for bed burst free.

 

Lord Han Solo was dead. An era had ended and they had but one night to prepare for the next one.

 

 

 

_Four Weeks Later_

 

 

 

Rey woke early on the first day of spring. The sun shone through the window and directly onto her bed. Birds had started to sing again in the morning and the chill wasn't quite so harsh in the mornings. Wrapping her shawl around her, she walked to the small mirror she had propped against her wall. There was a jug and bowl next to it with water to wash her face. The shock of the cold water would be welcome today. She needed to be as alert as it is possible to be.

 

Today was a momentous and, quite possibly, terrible day.

 

Today, Leia Organa-Solo would hand over the rule of her house. Her son Benjamin Solo was coming to take his place as the new Master of the House.

 

The month that had followed Lord Solo's death had been challenging. The entire house had worn black with their Mistress as they had prepared her for the journey to London to bury her husband. Leia had chosen not to bury Han within the grounds of the Manor. It felt wrong to lay him to rest in a place he stayed so rarely. She opted instead to bury him at sea to commemorate his Naval career. Many had gone so far as to simply call him a pirate but those whispers had died down to nothing following his demise. British decency forbade anyone from making jests about a man so recently passed.

 

The household had gone about in a trance while Lady Leia was gone. Mr Poe Dameron, Han's former manservant for the rare times he was at the Manor, tried to raise cheer with tales of the stories that Han had told him. Rey had enjoyed listening to them as it gave her a happy feeling that had been lost since the news. Mr Dameron had been forced to stop however after Mr Chewbacca, an extremely large, extremely hairy gentlemen who tended the horses and grounds, had been forced to flee the room in agony. It was told that Lord Solo and Mr Chewbacca had been great friends growing up before Han Solo had scandalously married a lady so above his own station. It was said he was little more than a daring horseman when he set his cap at Lady Leia.

 

Rey had only had the pleasure of meeting the man a grand total of three times but had been instantly taken with him. Much like his wife, he was of the opinion that servants were people much like him. It must have come from growing up so low down.

 

Rey had a curious nature and was quite adapt at fixing any number of things. Lord Solo was the first to notice that she was eyeing the wheels of his carriage with a pinched expression and asked for her opinion. Not only had he listened when she warned the wheels were in danger of sustaining damage due to the viciousness of the roads up the manor, he also listened to her pleas to loosen the bridles on the horses for they were too tight and bound to hurt the poor creatures. A happy horse is a loyal horse, she explained.

 

He had asked her on his last visit if she would be interested in joining him in London. It was unorthodox but he had a friend, A Mr Lando Calrissan, who had need of a stable hand. Normally a girl would never be put forward over a young gentleman but he had faith that she could do it better than some young whelp straight out of short trousers. Besides, Mr Calrissan was a good friend who would treat her well.

 

Rey had been utterly staggered and flattered by this and had considered it, but her love for Lady Leia had stopped her short. She may be just a maidservant here but it felt the closest she had ever had to a home. With Maz Kanata, the elderly, tiny cook, Mr Dameron, Miss Jessika Pava, another chamber maid who sometimes slept with her when the nights were cold and, of course, her closest friend, the coachman Finn, she had a family. So, with gratitude and some regret, Rey declined but gifted Lord Solo with a wide smile whenever he was in her presence without fear of being called impertinent.

 

Now, as she dressed herself in her petticoat and pulled on her most formal, and most drab, gown, Rey cursed that decision a little. Lady Leia would still be within the Manor and she would still serve her. Rey was sure that her mistress needed her now as much as she ever did. But their son…

 

The new Lord Solo had never visited the manor since she had come here as a girl of sixteen. The estrangement between himself and his parents was well-known and discussed in great depth. The gentlemen would now be in his thirtieth year and had been rumoured to be something of a destructive force. The few times she had ever seen Lady Leia look lost and hurt was from some news that had reached her from Coruscant in London about her son's actions. It was said he drank heavily, had numerous affairs and was part of a radical new political party. They went by the name of the First Order and were in direct opposition to the current Resistance government.

 

Rey was fairly confident that if Lord Han had not succumbed to his fever then his son would never have graced the front step of Ileenium Manor again. It was only at the insistence of his mother that he take his position. She had even offered to leave if it meant he came back but not even the infamous Master Solo was so ruthless as to do that. It seemed compassion and duty had finally yielded him to agree and offer his mother a chance to remain there if she wished.

 

Rey straightened her dress and scrutinised her appearance. Her dress was a grey colour which sucked the colour from her cheeks. Perfectly appropriate.

 

He was arriving at ten o'clock that very day.

 

It was her duty to be part of the party to greet him. It was her duty to appear demure and obedient. Her private thoughts were between her and a God she didn't truly believe in.

 

She hated this gentleman. He represented all the pain that had ever fallen on this very grand house and, for that alone, her opinion was the lowest it was possible to be.

 

Lady Leia was her mistress; this man was just a usurper.

 

* * *

 

All the servants of the house lined up at the front of the house. All kitted out in their best clothes and all as stiff as their dress.

 

Lady Leia joined them at the front of the house as the carriage appeared at the end of the driveway. She was still wearing black in remembrance of her lost love but had insisted that the servants not wallow with her. Rey would have been quite happy to join her in an outward display of grief.

 

The coach was a grand one. Made of the best wood and pulled by two fine black stallions. If the Grim Reaper did drive a coach, Rey would be confident that he would drive that very one.

 

The horses were pulled to a stop and the coachman hopped down to open the door.

 

Rey had heard descriptions of him from various sources.

 

“ _Tall he is. Taller than what is decent really.”_

 

“ _Black hair and black eyes. It's said he dresses in black too, like a priest. Or an executioner.”_

 

“ _Nose and ears too big for his face. His lips not much better.”_

 

“ _He's no beauty, Miss. Let yourself be assured of that.”_

 

So it was with a jolt of surprise that Rey took in the man so poorly described.

 

None of the descriptions she had heard were false per say but they had more or less described him as being unattractive. Rey found that was the biggest lie she had been told. The man before her was indeed very tall, taller even than Lord Han had been, and dark both with his hair, that was wild and untamed, and his eyes. His hair covered his ears so she could not check to see if they were as large as described. His nose, she could plainly see, was long and prominent but aquiline in its shape and almost regal. His lips were pink and looked sensual. His whole body was large and he seemed to fill any space he occupied completely.

 

This man was no classic gentleman. But he was no monster either.

 

His eyes did not fall on any particular person as he stepped out of the carriage. (Rey saw that he was indeed wearing all black. Even if it was his usual garb, it might help her mistress to see her son wearing the colour of mourning.) He was looking up at the Manor with trepidation and reluctance. He looked like he was looking up at a prison that he would be forced to inhabit. This wasn't a joyous homecoming for him either then.

 

Lady Leia stepped forward which broke his concentration on the house. The height difference between them was almost comical. How on Earth had such a small woman created such a man of enormous presence and stature?

 

“Welcome home.” Leia's arms were outstretched in greeting. In an invitation for an embrace.

 

“Mother.” He greeted. His voice was deep and baritone. He stood still in front of her. Leia's arms were still outstretched.

 

Rey found herself pleading in her head. _Go to her. She's your mother. Just give her this!_

 

A beat passed before Lord Solo bent down awkwardly to reach his mother and allowed her arms to wrap around him. He didn't throw his arms around her. Instead opting to pat her back stiffly.

 

It was all so pathetic and tense and unnatural that Rey wished she could turn away.

 

Rising himself back to his full height, the young Lord Solo looked about the grounds. Lady Leia looked somewhat resigned to the cool reception she had received but not surprised. Putting a brave face on it, she held up her hand to indicate the Manor.

 

“Ileenium Manor is yours now. These servants will be under your command. Many of them have positions within the house but you may make changes as you see fit.”

 

“I'm sure whatever is arranged will be fine.” Lord Solo responded as though he couldn't allow himself to care either way.

 

“I have asked Mr Dameron to be your manservant while you are here. I trust you remember him.”

 

Lord Solo's eyes fell on his father's old servant with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, it rings a bell.”

 

Mr Dameron was too proud and loyal to Lady Leia to give away even a hint of discomfort. He was a man who liked a challenge. Rey was fairly certain he had found one.

 

“Ms Kanata is still the head cook. As is Mr Chewbacca in charge of the grounds.”

 

Lord Solo looked in their direction and his bored arrogance gave way momentarily to a look of regret. Mr Chewbacca was taller even than Lord Solo and stared straight over the young man's head as though he were a drill sergeant. Or as though he could not bare to look at his new master. Lord Solo's eyes rested on his late father's oldest friend before tearing his eyes away.

 

His eyes scanned the line up, taking in Finn and Jessika with bored interest, before landing on Rey.

 

His eyes studied her as though she was an antique.

 

“This one I don't recognise.”

 

“This is Rey. She's my personal maidservant. She came to us after you went to Coruscant.” Leia introduced.

 

Rey dropped into the shallowest curtsey that decency would allow. She hoped if she kept her eyes down and appeared almost mute he would stop staring at her. Her hope died when she rose back up and his black eyes were still studying her.

 

It was like he could see into her soul, could read her thoughts, knew her every secret. It was a disarming, frightening gaze. Eyes with that much power behind them shouldn't be encased in a face that looked almost sensitive.

 

“Hmmm.” Was the only opinion he gave to Rey after what felt like an interrogation. He followed his mother into the entrance of his new home leaving Rey feeling oddly breathless in his wake.


	2. Walk of Rememberance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flipping heck! You guys are awesome. I didn't expect so much feedback. Thank you so much.
> 
> I'm not too sure about this chapter. I want to set the scene and the backgrounds of our space babies. As a result this feels a bit like a filler.
> 
> I hope its enjoyable enough regardless.

Rey did not let the shock of finding Lord Solo to be a striking man instead of the devil himself put her off feeling wary of what was to come of the household. The servants had prepared for every eventuality in the weeks since Lord Han's death and were prepared for most outcomes. Providing none of them lost their positions, Rey was even confident that they could weather this storm.

 

The night of his arrival, Rey had taken special care to prepare Lady Leia for dinner with her son. It was the one time of day which he had agreed, reluctantly, to sit down with his mother. Her mistress had always had the most intricate hairstyles, setting fashion trends back when she was younger with various buns and braids. In a show of support, Rey fashioned her lady's silver mane into an elegant up-do. Leia had raised an eyebrow but a fond one. Rey had merely raised one back.

 

Rey was required to put her rooms in order, organise her gowns and generally make use of herself while Lady Leia sat down with her son at dinner. Only Maz, who had cooked the meal, was permitted access to this undoubtedly momentous occasion and that was only to serve the soup.

 

As Rey lit the candles to light up the darkening room, she felt an ember of hope in her gut. Maybe they had been too harsh. Perhaps the grief of Han's passing would end the estrangement. Rey reasoned that if they were under the same roof, even a roof as large as the Manor, they had to start talking.

 

As soon as Rey went down to collect her mistress at the end of dinner, she saw she had allowed that ember to heat to a flame prematurely.

 

It was like the night of the news of Han's death all over again. The life looked like it had been leached from Leia.

 

Rey went to bed that night cursing the dark-haired man. To the dogs with hope! It was wasted on this man.

 

* * *

 

 

One of the benefits of having a strong relationship with fellow servants: you learn everything first hand.

 

Poe Dameron had been in the service of the gentry since he was a boy and was used to the very best of gentleman (Lord Han) and the very worst (he often spoke in hatred of his service with Duke Grummgar) so he was prepared for all sorts.

 

When he sat down to dinner with them for the first time in two weeks, he looked exhausted.

 

He'd never had a master who was so… contradictory.

 

“The rumours are true about the drinking.” Poe confirmed as Maz ladled some broth hot from the pot for him. “He drinks whiskey like it were water.”

 

“That terribly strong stuff that Lord Han would drink if he was feeling restless?” Jessika inquired.

 

“The very same.” Poe nodded, setting upon his food like a starving man.

 

“We see so little of him around here.” Finn mused, taking a sip of ale, “I thought he would come stalking into our bedrooms unannounced the way people had talked.”

 

“He's always in the library. I'm banished to the other side of the room and he bends over ancient tomes for hours on end. If he's not reading, he's writing letters and sending me off to have them delivered at once.”

 

“Who is he writing to? A sweetheart?” Jessika enquired.

 

“Ha! Not likely. Lord Solo doesn't seem the type to try and wax lyrical for some pretty baroness. No, they are all addressed to someone in parliament. He seems to want to keep the communications between London as strong as he left them.”

 

“If he wants it so strong, why not just go back there?” Rey grumbled into her stew.

 

No-one seemed shocked at this. Rey's dislike for her new Master was well-known from the first day by her friends.

 

“Because he is sitting on his birthright up here. The income of this estate alone is enough to bring him in £10,000.”

 

Finn whistled at the sum while Rey kept spooning her dinner into her mouth.

 

“He keeps breaking things as well.” Poe complained. “I've come back from running an errand to find vases smashed to pieces and a table overturned. Normally from some news he doesn't like from London.”

 

“He's never tried to strike you, has he Poe?” Maz asked sounding weary of his answer.

 

“No. Well, not yet anyway. I don't think I'm worthy of his notice just yet. He only speaks when he wants something. I'm used to having someone to talk to. I'm going to lose my voice from lack of use!”

 

“No such luck.” Finn quipped, causing Poe to flick a pea at his head.

 

“He can't just work all the time. What does he do besides that?” Jessika asked.

 

“He… and this is probably the strangest thing… he goes to the chapel.”

 

That got Rey's attention. “Chapel?”

 

“Indeed. He prays three times a day. Gets up at five o'clock in the morning to hear old Reverent Tekka read from the scriptures.”

 

“Lor San Tekka?” Maz asked sounding the closest she had ever been to surprised. “That is strange.”

 

Prone to fits of rage.

Silent unless giving orders.

Works himself almost to exhaustion.

Secretly pious.

 

Rey's dislike for him remained firmly where it was but his character was now of interest to her.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey had every Sunday afternoon off for her own leisure as did the other servants. Lady Leia liked to spend the afternoon and nights with a book by her fireplace which didn't require Rey to keep her company.

 

Rey loved to walk the vast land surrounding the Manor. In the country, the air was always fresh with green stretching as far as her eye could see. Dressed in her shawl and a bonnet that made her look a bit like a bat, she walked around the lake that took up the majority of the garden.

 

It was at times like this that Rey would send up thanks that she was walking this beautiful land.

 

Her childhood had been utterly different.

 

She had been born into a workhouse by a mother who had just lost her husband. Her mother had lived long enough to name her daughter but had then succumbed to the dangers of childbirth. As a result, Rey grew up knowing only the grey and unloving world of the prison-like institution.

 

The masters of the house sold her at the age of four to work for a factory owner called Unkar Plutt. An enormously fat and greedy man, he needed children who were quick and hard-working. And if they were small and could get into machines to fix them then all the better.

 

His factory was a large textile one called Jakku. It was a new age of steam power and iron. The world was getting faster, more advanced, and Plutt was loathe to be left behind. It was something of a surprise and a relief that Rey found she had something of a talent for it. The machinery was dangerous but by the time she was eleven she could fix more or less any problem that would come up and, miraculously, hadn't lost any limbs in the process.

 

Rey had slept in a tiny room that Plutt provided on a bunch of rags (because he had felt generous) and worked fourteen hour days. She spoke to nearly no-one there as the girls could be cruel and the boys worse. Rey had spent a week in solitary confinement when some lout had tried to put his hands on her. He'd been left with two black eyes and a broken nose. She had barely the strength to stand when they finally let her out but the message was clear: Rey was a girl who would fight back.

 

She had survived with a lingering feeling of hope. Hope that there may be some surviving family members that would come and save her. Take her away from the screams of the machines.

 

When she had been sixteen, her luck had changed. A cat had wandered into the grounds of Jakku. She had just finished a meal of tasteless gruel when she caught Teedo, a fellow worker and not a pleasant one at that, taunting a cat that he had caught in a net. Rey may not have felt much liking for her fellow workers but she had always liked animals. And the cat was very small. Practically still a kitten.

 

Rey had shouted at Teedo and, while he shouted back some expletives that would have got him whipped if Plutt or the other Masters were around, he eventually dumped the net and stalked off. Rey had cut the ropes to set the cat free.

 

It was a pretty little thing. Orange and white with long whiskers that Rey couldn't help but try and straighten after it's ordeal in the net.

 

The plan had been to plonk the cat back over the wall and get on with her day. But the cat seemed to have decided that they were now the very best of friends and would keep slipping back through the gates and following Rey around.

 

Despite her better judgement, Rey snuck him into her box room. Even the cat had been unimpressed by the interior. It wouldn't go near her rag bed.

 

A few days passed before the owner of the cat became known to her.

 

Plutt sometimes sent her out on errands in exchange for a few hours away from the horrible factory and the promise of a large portion of food when she came back. He liked to send her out to help fix the carriages of local gentleman who needed urgent assistance. They paid him handsomely and Rey had taught herself not to dwell too much on just how she never saw any of it despite doing all the work.

 

The cat had gotten rather depressed in her horrid little room so Rey decided to use the opportunity to let the cat get some exercise. So, sneaking him down in a sack (which from the cat's experience of nets proved difficult), the cat had trotted alongside her happily.

 

Arriving at the carriage, she came face-to-face with a manservant. Dark-skinned and of her height, the young man looked earnest and almost nervous. So unlike the pompous sirs that treated her with disdain that she normally encountered.

 

He seemed to be astonished at the sight of her (it was not usual for a girl to arrive to fix a carriage).

 

Then she realised he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the cat.

 

It turned out that he was the owner of this particular cat. Or, more accurately, his mistress was soon to be.

 

He had been running errands for his Lady when he had acquired a cat from her brother Lord Luke. He lived alone at sea and had thought that his sister might be cheered up by a little pet. Except Finn, as the boy was called, had turned his back on it for a moment when they stopped in London and the cat had made a break for it.

 

Finn had tried to explain to her and take the cat back. Rey had been unwilling to give him what he wanted. How did she know he was telling the truth? This cat had become a friend to her and she didn't want to give that up.

 

So he made a suggestion: come and see where the cat is going.

 

It was ludicrous and a stupid idea but somehow Rey had agreed. So she had fixed the wheel on his carriage (Lady Leia liked them to travel in style apparently) and then had stepped into it and had left London by nightfall.

 

It had felt like a dream. Like an adventure. But Rey had deduced that her life would have very little happiness. Why not take a moment to see the world beyond the walls of brick, noise and heat?

 

She had kept the cat close at all times and somehow during that time, she found that this young man was kind and courteous to her in a way no-one else ever had been. He seemed very taken with her too.

 

Rey had nearly stumbled when she saw the Manor for the first time. No doubt, this was the life anyone would be happy to have.

 

She had agreed to surrender the cat into Finn's care as they stood in the driveway.

 

He had asked if she would like to name him.

 

She had looked at the cat. He was practically a baby. She had only ever seen seven newborns in her life before being moved to the factory. This feline was the eighth.

 

Finn had looked bemused when she called him Baby Eight but agreed. Then with a deep breath of conviction strode into the kitchen and asked if he could speak to Maz, the housekeeper.

 

Within the space of the night, she had gone from runaway factory girl to maid of a grand house.

 

Rey tipped her head back and breathed in deeply. That had been three years ago. She was now a personal maid to an actual lady and somewhere down the line Baby Eight had been shortened to BB8, pronounced Bee-Bee-Eight. He had been a welcome addition to the house and Leia was very fond of him. But Leia had admitted to Rey that she saw him as Rey's cat. Not hers.

 

Rey had argued that he was the Manor's cat. He didn't have an owner; he had a family.

 

Sunday was a day of gratitude and remembrance for Rey. She liked to feel the wind on her face. Fresh air was the most welcome change in her life. She had used to work by the furnaces in the factory. The heat still haunted her and a gentle breeze was all it ever took to put her in a splendid mood.

 

Somehow along her walk the wind began to get a bit more insistent. Rey tried not to let this bother her as she walked further.

 

Soon howevee the heavens began to open and the rain began to beat the earth like it had done it an injustice.

 

Running and trying to use her horrid bonnet to cover her a little better, Rey dashed along the path. She was too far from the Manor to run back but she couldn't stay in the open. She would risk a chill.

 

Blindly, she ducked under the first building she came across. Looking around she found that she was in the doorway of the old church. Deciding that she would wait until the tempest had passed, she leant against the wall and watched the rain.

 

There was something calming, enchanting even, about watching the rain when you were sheltered from it. Sticking out her hand, she let the raindrops soak her skin.

 

“Alas I fear spring will have to wait a while.”

 

Turning, the old Reverend Lor San Tekka was walking out of the darkness of his church and into the alcove. Rey smiled in greeting. She liked the elderly man. He was genial and had an aura of deep set peace about him. Dressed in a long robe that swept the floor, his white hair was closely cut and he had a peppering of grey stubble.

 

“We often have to wait.” Rey nodded, looking back out at the rain. The sky was the colour of parchment.

 

“Good things come to those that do.” Reverend Tekka agreed. “I trust your mistress is well?”

 

“Very well, Sir.”

 

“I will have to pay her a visit soon. I wish to learn how her brother fares. And I worry for her a little. All the community does. Lord Solo was a popular man.”

 

Rey could only nod and study the rain with more scrutiny than necessary.

 

“It will be a while before the storm passes. You are welcome inside until it does.”

 

“Thank you, Sir, but I am quite alright.”

 

“The door is open whenever needed.” Reverend Tekka disappeared back into the darkness. That was another thing she liked about him: he didn't push.

 

Rey waited a further ten minutes then decided that sitting in a church that was dry and little warmer would be more sensible.

 

The air was perfumed with incense and the windows were colourful with images portrayed. The aisles were dark but the alter was lit with candles. There was a feeling of peace that gave Rey a sense of ease.

 

Sitting down at the back, Rey looked around her.

 

There was someone at the front of the church seemingly in prayer.

 

It was too dark to see them clearly but they seemed to be a male. His head was bent and looked like he was praying fervently. Rey wish she could feel a devotion like that in a church but she had seen too much misery to believe in that.

 

She believed instead in the goodness and potential in others. In there being more out there. Maybe other worlds. With the way technology was going, her descendants would see them.

 

The rain must have got to her a little as she gave a little sneeze. The bent figure stilled more than they already were and turned to see the source of the noise.

 

She went to apologise but the words were caught.

 

Black eyes. Black hair. Angular features.

 

Lord Ben Solo was looking at her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam Driver mentioned once that he portrayed Kylo Ren as something of a 'religious fanatic'. And it struck me that in this era, the church was very much a presence that dictated a lot of lives. I could see him seeking comfort in that.
> 
> Please let me know. I love comments. I could eat them. But like all good things, they probably come with a lot of calories.
> 
> Which makes me want them more.


	3. Take Me To Church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed by how lovely some people are on this fandom. Every compliment on my work leaves me beaming and even a little teary. Thank you all so so much.
> 
> Also a huge thank you to EyreBones who made this gorgeous art work inspired by it. I've always wanted to be good enough to inspire fanart so thank you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> http://eyre-bones.tumblr.com/post/147419496108/pp-time

Rey felt like she had been turned to stone like the old stories of Medusa.

 

Lord Solo rose to his full height from his pew and kept his eyes on her. The silence that had once been so comforting was now oppressive. But Rey wouldn't leave. This was a house for God's children, Reverend Tekka always proclaimed, and all his children were equal. She had as much right to be here as him.

 

Rey closed her eyes and tried to let the feeling of calm and security wash over her. If ever there was a time to embrace His presence it was now.

 

“Rey.”

 

Her eyes snapped open and she tried not to startle to find Lord Solo standing at her own pew to the left of her. How he had managed to walk so quietly where his frame was so large and she knew him to be capable of heavy footfalls was something she could not fathom.

 

“Yes, Sir.” She nodded her head in a show of deference. She hoped her ugly bonnet would hide her grimace.

 

“I didn't have you down as a devout church goer.” His tone was sardonic.

 

“It is the basis of our society, Sir.” She tried to keep her tone respectful but the urge to be cheeky was growing insistent like an itch.

 

He was silent for a while and Rey let her head tilt up to look at him. He loomed over her from her sitting position. His black coat was like a shroud and his eyes were penetrating. Like he could see right into her. Just like that first day out in the courtyard. He knew she was lying.

 

“It was raining, Sir. I took shelter. Reverend Tekka offered me a seat inside.”

 

“Yes, that sounds like Tekka.” He looked at her. “Stand up, girl.”

 

The order tripped off his tongue with an air of nonchalance. The upper classes rarely had to ask twice for anything and Rey knew it was her place to obey without comment.

 

She rose, slowly, to her feet.

 

Rey felt like she was a horse being bought before a stable-hand for inspection.

 

Slowly, Ren raised his hand and tilted her chin up.

 

Rey hoped his finger stayed under the tip of her chin so he couldn't feel her pulse jumping in her throat. His touch was surprisingly gentle and his eyes were appraising.

 

His dark eyes, which she saw weren't actually black but a rich brown, surveyed her entire face.

 

“How old are you, girl?”

 

“Nineteen, Sir.”

 

“And you've been in my mother's service since you were sixteen?”

 

“Y...Yes. Sir.” How did he know that?

 

“Any family?”

 

“None, Sir.”

 

“None at all?”

 

“No.” Her eyes fell a little. It was still her greatest longing to one day find out where she came from. The years were slipping away from her though and sometimes it felt like it was a dream that was baring the fingernail marks of a desperate girl. Lord Solo's touch disappeared and his hand dropped back to his side.

 

“My mother seems very taken with you. I dare say she views you like the daughter she never had. _You_. A maid.” There was a sense of disbelief in his tone.

 

“Your mother is the best of women. As your father was the best of men.” She made herself look at him. His eyes were narrowed. A smile twisted his mouth.

 

“Your devotion to my mother is admirable. Your devotion to Lord Han's memory is perhaps a little misguided.”

 

Rey pushed her shoulders back. “In what way, Sir?” Her voice was hardly in a tone that could be viewed as respectful. She didn't care. He could insult her and poke fun at her all he wanted but not them. Never them.

 

“My parents were always more lax with their servants than most masters. They probably treated you kindly enough. You would be forgiven in thinking of them as the parents you never had. My mother I can almost understand. My father… let it go. It's a dream that would have left you wanting.”

 

“I may not have known him as long as your good Lady Mother but I knew him well enough and he was a good man.” Rey's fear of being punished for insolence was now a distant cry caught in the gale of her indignation. “He listened to me. Offered me opportunities. He even gave me a pot of honey once when he knew I liked it!”

 

“You really are easily pleased.” His tone was nasty. Spiteful. Dismissive.

 

“He treated me with respect!” Her voice rang around the stone walls of the church.

 

“He probably had his eye on you with more than fatherly concern.”

 

Rey recoiled as though slapped. “That's not… It was never like that! He was a gentleman and he loved your mother.”

 

“So much that he saw her about three times a year(!)”

 

Rey slammed her hands against his chest in fury. The shock of her attack caused him to stagger back more than the force of it probably did. His face was outraged.

 

“You know nothing! You left her. Left them both. It broke them apart. Broke your mother's heart and now you're doing it all over again by being cruel when there is no need. If you hate it so much, if you want to keep your correspondence with London so strong, do us all a favour: get back in the death carriage of yours and go back there. Leave us in peace. Do something unselfish for once and set us all free! Just go!”

 

And with a sob of rage, Rey picked up her skirts and ran out of the church. The rain was still pouring but it could have been hailing fire for all she cared.

 

She ran from the church like it housed the devil himself which, in her mind, it did indeed.

 

She thought she could hear cries in a deep voice to come back and not to go out in the rain. The voice was bellowing. Almost desperate.

 

She didn't slow or look back.

 

* * *

 

It was only when Rey was safely back in her attic room and changed out of her wet clothes that she sat down on the bed and contemplated what had happened.

 

Her anger was gone and fear and dread took its place.

 

What had she done?

 

This could ruin her life. She could be beaten with the cane by Lord Solo for her actions. And that was if she was lucky. Not even Lady Leia would be able to defend her actions this time. She had attacked the Master of the House. That was a sacking offence. She would be thrown out without reference. Which meant she would be destitute. And probably would end up starving to death.

 

Rey bit her knuckle and fought against the rising horror.

 

No. No! She mustn't give in to despair. She hadn't survived the fires of the furnace in Jakku to give in now. She had survived and thrived outside of impossible circumstances. She could do it again.

 

She wouldn't run. She would face him bravely.

 

Changing into a new dress, she sat on her bed and waited patiently.

 

They would come for her soon. To turf her out. She would go with dignity.

 

The room started to grow dark and the candlesticks melted and dripped on the floor.

 

Rey sat there until the night sky was a deep velvet blue. Only then did she get undressed for bed.

 

They must be coming for her tomorrow. Yes, that would be it. She may as well get as much rest as possible.

 

She slept fitfully and without much success. She dressed and descended the steps down to the house. Arriving at Lady Leia's rooms, she set to work stirring the fires and getting her clothes ready. She would miss this. She would miss the only place she thought of as her home.

 

Lady Leia woke and Rey prepared herself for the onslaught of rage.

 

Instead, she was greeted with her usual smile and greeting.

 

“Good morning Rey. Did you enjoy your Sunday?”

 

Her eyes were normal and her tone genuinely curious as always.

 

“Uh… Yes, Miss. Very nice.” She helped the older lady out of her nightwear and into her petticoats.

 

“I have finished that book. Such an interesting read.”

 

“I'm sure it was, Miss.” Rey agreed vaguely.

 

“Yes, it was a pleasant night. Though dinner was quite strange.”

 

Ah. Here we go…

 

“Strange how, Miss?”

 

“Ben.” As though that name would explain anything. “He was acting a little odd. He was… chastened.”

 

Rey's fingers slowed in their lacing up the back of Lady Leia's gown. “Chastened?”

 

“I can't think of any other way of explaining. When I tried to talk to him as I often do at dinner, he didn't snap or refuse to talk. He answered quietly. He seemed thoughtful.”

 

“Maybe he found peace in prayer after spending the afternoon in chapel.” Rey offered.

 

“How do you know he was in chapel?”

 

Rey swallowed back a lump. “I took shelter when it rained. He was there.”

 

“Oh. How strange. He didn't mention seeing you.”

 

He hadn't mentioned… he hadn't said anything?

 

“Probably not worth his notice, Miss.” Rey mumbled.

 

“Nonsense. You'd draw anyone's eye Rey.” And with that they went about their day.

 

* * *

 

Rey found herself waiting for her punishment for over a week. Every knock at the door made her tense, every time Leia went to dinner with her son she waited with baited breath and at night she tossed and turned. Eventually a week turned to a fortnight and she came to the remarkable realisation that she'd been granted something of a reprieve. Lord Solo had told no-one. Why?

 

A part of Rey wondered that maybe he was embarrassed by the whole incident. And probably didn't want it known that he was caught off guard by a woman. They were meant to be the fairer and weaker sex after all.

 

She saw a lot more of him afterwards it seemed. He could often be spotted walking about the house. Dameron noted that he spent a lot of time in the library still but he seemed a bit less preoccupied with matters of politics.

 

Rey tried all the harder to blend herself into the walls. Whenever she was within two rooms of his presence, she tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. Leia asked her once or twice if she was feeling well as she found herself becoming more quiet as a result.

 

Rey found herself sitting at the fireside one night with Lady Leia reading a book when her hand was forced.

 

“This book is dreadful. I can't get into it at all.” Lady Leia sighed.

 

“Would you like me to read it to you? It may help.” Rey offered.

  
“No, my dear. I think this one is a lost cause.” She closed it and held it out to Rey. “Would you return it to the library?”

 

Rey tried not to flinch. “The library?”

 

“Yes. As boring as it is, it's apparently part of quite a valuable set. Best not risk it getting damaged.”

 

Rey couldn't argue with the reasoning. Standing gingerly and causing BB8 to dislodge from her lap, she left the room with the book clutched like a shield.

 

The house was dark as night had fallen about an hour ago. She didn't light a candle as she knew all the hallways and doors by heart. It was the unnatural quiet of the normally bustling manor always unnerved her more than the darkness ever did.

 

She reached the ground floor and pushed open the door of the ancient library.

 

Candles were lit causing light to dash across the once pitchblack space she had walked and luckily the hinges were well oiled so they made almost no noise.

 

If she could slip in without him hearing, maybe she wouldn't have to encounter him at all.

 

The library had always impressed her greatly. It was large and almost cavernous with its books reaching so high you needed to climb a ladder to get to some. She had spent less time in here than all the other rooms but she had always liked the presence of books. There was comfort in knowledge.

 

Rey snuck down one particular stack of books and ran her finger along the velvet hardbacks before finding the gap where Leia's unimaginative novel was to be housed. She slipped it in and sighed with relief. It was done.

 

She turned to leave. And collided with a wall of solid muscle.

 

“Your attempt at espionage needs some work.” Lord Solo drawled. Rey could only stagger back wide-eyed before shakily dipping into a curtsy.

 

“Where is Mr Dameron?” She asked.

 

“Fell asleep in the armchair about an hour ago. I sent him out after his snoring began to get on my nerves.”

 

“Forgive me, Sir. I was only returning your mother's book. I'll just be leaving now.” Rey desperately wanted to get out of the room. She had got away with the unthinkable once. She doubted her fortunes would be so bright if it happened again. She went to walk around him. He put a hand on the shelf, blocking her path.

 

He said nothing but Rey knew his eyes were on her. She wondered if the skin the brown eyes were examining would ever be pure again.

 

“Why do I frighten you so?” The words were almost gentle. Like he cared.

 

“You don't frighten me.” Rey prided herself on her bravery.

 

“Then why do you have such a passionate dislike for me?”

 

“Sir, what was said in the chapel-”

 

“This is before that incident. You've looked at me since I stepped out of the carriage like I was Lucifer himself. I would like to know what I've done to you that is so appalling.”

 

Rey could only sigh and forced her eyes up. She realised with some trepidation that she had never been this close to him before. The candlelight of the library made his alabaster skin look almost golden. She also saw that he had eyelashes that would rival a woman's. The framing they did on his eyes was almost sinful to witness.

 

“You have done nothing to me. Like you said in the chapel,” she looked down again, not liking to bring it back up for fear of losing her reprieve, “I have a great loyalty to your mother. When she hurts, I hurt.”

 

Lord Solo sighed through his nose. The expelled breath danced across Rey's cheek making her shiver. He withdrew his hand from the shelf and stepped back.

 

“I accept that I have been viewed as a wayward son. But at least give me a chance before you form an opinion.”

 

Rey stood silently for a moment.

 

“I'm sorry for my actions in the chapel. They were unladylike and unacceptable.”

 

“No, you're not.”

 

Rey could only look at him. His eyes had their mystical quality again where they seemed to see her soul.

 

“You're not sorry for what you said. You said what you thought was the truth. And I accept I inspired it by my unkind words. You may be a little embarrassed for pushing me and were worried for your position, but that was all.”

 

Some of the worry must have risen back to her face.

 

“I'm not going to tell anyone. Your livelihood is safe.”

 

Rey should have fallen to her knees and given thanks. Instead she asked: “Why?”

 

“You question my generosity?”

 

“I need to know why you have forgiven a sacking offence.”

 

Lord Solo's mouth twisted. It looked a mixture of amused and sardonic. He wore his arrogance like Lady Leia wore her hairstyles: with a flourish.

 

“You intrigue me. You talk to me in a way not many dare. And that… evokes me.”

 

Rey could only stare at him. This dark haired, wild-natured man. Could only stand still as he reached out a hand to tuck a strand of hair come loose from her buns behind her ear.

 

“You look better with your hair showing. That bonnet didn't suit you. More comely. More pure.”

 

His finger was now trailing down her cheek and resting lightly under her chin like in the church.

 

Rey realised two shocking things. The emotion that was looking at her was desire. He was looking at her like he found her desirable. Like he found her becoming.

 

He wanted her.

 

The second even more debilitating realisation was he must be reading the same look in her eyes.

 

He was no monster. From his dark eyes to his soft lips to the wild unkempt hair, she understood that the rage and irritation he inspired in her wasn't just from his past injustices.

 

She found him desirable. Especially here in the candlelight in a secluded library with him looking at her like a meal when he was starving.

 

Backing away suddenly, Rey sank into a curtsy.

 

“Please Lord Solo… Lady Leia… she'll be wondering...” Her face was flaming in a way the candles couldn't possibly mask.

 

Lord Solo said nothing but stepped aside to let her through. She dashed passed him and out of the library.

 

She didn't slow until she reached the staircase where she sank to heap on the bottom step and tried to collect the remnants of her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... what do you think?
> 
> I've tried to keep this as in character to Victorian servants as possible. And sadly punishments were harsh on servants back then so Rey's fear would have been justified. Which makes Lord Solo's lenience even more interesting...
> 
> Comments and kudos are worth 60 portions.


	4. A Slip of Glove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, WOW! The response to this fic has been crazy! Thank you so much for your lovely comments and kudos. They really are a writer's reward. 
> 
> Secondly, apologises for the delay. To say I haven't had a spare minute is an understatement. I'm exhausted from work and haven't had much time to sleep let alone write. 
> 
> Hopefully this chapter will make amends.
> 
> Enjoy.

Rey was restless for the entirety of the night of her encounter with Lord Solo. Lady Leia was luckily ready to retire to bed when she came back upstairs and therefore gave Rey's nervous hands something to do. The older woman did ask Rey if she were cold as her hands seemed to be trembling. Rey could only shake her head and try and portray a steady demeanour.

 

When she was safely shut away in her own small attic room, the magnitude of what happened, or didn't happen, hit her and she paced about her room frantically to try and work off some of the nervous energy.

 

She undressed in front of the mirror for bed and, on instinct, let her petticoats fall to the group, exposing her naked body.

 

She looked at it with some scepticism. She was about average height and thin from years of gruel and little else in Jakku. Her shoulders seemed broad and her arms strong from many hours of grafting and toil. Her breasts were small but in proportion to her body. There wasn't much curve to her hips. She was almost boyish in shape.

 

Rey would concede that she had a pleasing enough face. Her eyes were hazel and her nose petite. Finn also liked to praise her smile which he said lit up any room. She'd never had cause to smile at Lord Solo.

 

Pulling her nightgown on to cover her nakedness, she climbed into bed.

 

Whatever game Lord Solo was playing, she would not let him win. Even if the promised rewards were so enticing, they made her shake.

 

* * *

 

The problem that Rey soon encountered in her course to maintain her virtue and sanity was Lord Solo's own determination to have her in his presence as often as possible.

 

He was nothing if not cunning. To the outside observer, such as Lady Leia and the other servants, there was nothing about his actions or requests that singled Rey out in any way or favour to the rest of them. He never said a single word to her when she was in his mother's company. He was much more susceptible to dinner with Lady Leia and had now come to Leia's room to speak to his mother on occasion.

 

This delighted the older woman who, although wise enough not to let her hopes grow too high too fast, felt a kindling of hope that her son was warming to the idea of a closer relationship within their home.

 

What she didn't see was as soon as her back was turned or her eyes elsewhere, her son's eyes would snap onto the silent maid behind her or at the door to collect her after every dinner.

 

Dark and with wide irises, they said the same thing every time: I want you.

 

Rey didn't have the heart to explain to her mistress that her son's intentions were not with maternal bonding but with getting into Rey's petticoats.

 

His attempts to get her alone became more ambitious. He would call for things after sending Mr Dameron out to town to run errands, forcing another servant to run around for him. Luckily Jessika or Maz would normally jovially go up as they were normally passing the rooms anyway.

 

Rey always felt guilty when they would both come down confused (Maz looking bemused while Jess nearly upset) at Lord Solo's attitude once they got there. Apparently, he couldn't get them out of the rooms quick enough and didn't seem interested in the item he would have requested.

 

Rey went about her business as best she could. She kept up her walks on her days off but would now invite Jessika to walk alongside her. She would have preferred the company of Finn but it would be unseemly to walk with an unattached young man without a chaperone.

 

Rey thought that the etiquette of the day was all rather ridiculous as she had seen and heard stories about the so-called gentry of London while working in Jakku that would make most people's toes curl. If there was one thing Rey hated more than cruelty and hunger, it was hypocrisy.

 

Sadly, it was easier to live a quiet, unremarkable life. Especially if there was truly nothing remarkable going on.

 

It was the following Sunday when she insisted Jessika accompany her.

 

“You seem rather preoccupied Rey.” Jess noted in her jovial type of way, “Everything alright?”

 

“I'm fine.” Rey replied promptly and lightly. Maybe a bit too lightly. Rather than sound carefree, she sounded more hysterical. “It's just hard to see Lady Leia go through so many emotions.”

 

“Does she still grieve Lord Han?” Jessika asked softly.

 

“Of course. She refuses to wear dresses brighter than midnight blue. Also,” Rey shut her eyes at the remembrance, “I sometimes catch her when she thinks I'm not looking. Like it's taking her everything not to bend double with pain.” Rey sighed. “I've tried to raise the subject about what to do with Lord Han's old clothing. She still has some in the wardrobe but how can I possibly suggest...”

 

“It is hard on you too.” Jess patted Rey's gloved hand with her own. “You were fond of him.”

 

“I only knew him a short time.” Rey dismissed.

 

“Long enough to form an opinion. And he was a good man. He complimented me once, you know. Said I was a fine horsewoman.” Jessika said this in a way that alerted Rey to the fact it was probably the highest praise she had ever received.

 

“Indeed you are. Almost as good as Mr Dameron.” Rey agreed.

 

“No one is as good as Poe. I think he made Lord Han a little insecure. He was often challenging him to races around the grounds.”

 

“Oh yes. Poe won as I recall.” Rey chuckled at the memory.

 

“Lord Han won at the drinking game later that night. He was able to stay upright about thirty seconds more than Poe after drinking that bottle of brandy between them.”

 

The two girls laughed heartily.

 

“Poor Poe. He looked ever so tender the next day.” Jess giggled.

 

“It wasn't so bad. Han's competition of choice the next morning was to see who could stay silent for the longest.” Rey remembered fondly.

 

“Who won that one?”

 

“No idea. They both fell asleep and called it a draw I think.”

 

The girls laughed and continued to walk around the lake.

 

“Do you believe the new Lord Solo is a fan of such games?” Jessika asked wistfully.

 

Rey almost faltered in her step at that. _Yes, I believe his sense of competition takes a much different tone though._

 

“Why do you ask?” Rey asked instead.

 

“I just miss the laughter that used to fill the house. It's like a cloud has formed and we are waiting for the rain to come down on us all.” Jessika sighed. “I cannot imagine Lord Solo riding his horse simply for the fun of it or drinking with us.”

 

“Lord Han was born low like us. Lord Benjamin was raised as the heir to this entire estate and untold riches that he is still to make. We will not get from him what we got from his father.” Rey advised wisely.

 

“But why must he be so difficult?” Jess snapped, looking the closest to truly vexed that Rey had ever witnessed.

 

“I do not know.”

 

“He should marry. Maybe a lady will soften his heart.” Jess declared.

 

Rey hoped her bonnet would cover that her ears were turning pink. “Do you believe that likely?”

 

“Affection of some kind helps us all at times. It helped me.”

 

Rey looked at her female friend. “You? I didn't know you had a sweetheart.”

 

“I don’t per say.” Jess shrugged looking bashful. “But I may have shared a kiss or two with a boy Wexley from my old village.”

 

Rey could only stare wide eyed at her friend. Jess simply burst out laughing.

 

“Oh Rey, you are sweet. You have never had any fancy?”

 

Rey was not feeling quite so indulgent to admit that the man that Jess had been criticizing only a second ago and also the man who dictated both their lives was occupying most of her thoughts. So she simply shock her head.

 

“The Jakku factory was not exactly a haven for romances.”

 

“Ah.” Jess nodded in understanding. “Forgive me, that was a little tactless of me. But try not to judge me. A little innocent dalliance is fine so long as you both enjoy it.”

 

Rey could only nod dumbly at that and they carried on their walk.

 

* * *

 

On the Monday that followed Lady Leia announced her intention to have Lord Solo in her quarters for a discussion over the estate. Rey would be required to attend just to bring refreshments and anything else they needed. Other than that, she was free to sit in the corner and play with BB8, Leia assured.

 

Rey tried to smile but her mouth felt twisted. She could imagine the amount of times Lord Solo's eyes would find hers in the space of the hour.

 

At two o'clock, Mr Dameron introduced Lord Solo to Lady Leia's company.

 

Rey could not help but find her eyes fixate on him. There was an aura about him that she had always denied before in her dislike. A power. Maybe it was because he was so very tall. Maybe because he was broad. Or maybe it was simply the darkness of his clothing in contrast with his pale features. Whatever it was it was hypnotic and she cursed those people who had led her into a false comfort with their reports of him being unattractive.

 

For he was not. And denying it was simply to tell a lie.

 

Lord Solo dismissed Mr Dameron.

 

“One servant shall suffice” He reasoned. “Besides you have those letters to deliver to town for me.”

 

Mr Dameron didn't seem to be too upset at being deprived of his Master's company and left with a bow.

 

Lady Leia sat down in a seat by the fire and gestured for Lord Solo to take the opposite seat. He sat down a little awkwardly. His eyes had found Rey while his mother rearranged her skirts.

 

They seemed to say _Hello. Remember me?_

 

Rey had never been more grateful that servants were expected to keep their eyes down.

 

For the first half an hour, it all seemed to go relatively well. Lord Solo and his mother talked about the matters regarding the estate without too much conflict and Rey busied herself with stroking BB8's orange and white fur. The cat had grown not much bigger than when he was a kitten. He was perfectly happy to be curled up in Rey's lap for many an evening. Though when the occasion rose, he could scamper and sprint like the best race horse at the derby.

 

Rey was beginning to think that maybe today would be a fairly simple day after all when Maz bustled in after a knock.

 

She dipped a low curtsy.

 

“So sorry to disturb you both. But a matter has emerged that needs attention. There is a problem with the dairy man. He wishes to speak to the Master.”

 

Lord Solo made no move to get up and Lady Leia probably thought it not the wisest move to send her surly son to deal with administrative problems.

 

“I will speak with him. Come with me Maz.” Leia stood up. “I will return shortly.”

 

Rey shot to her feet so abruptly that BB8 had to use his ability to land on his feet to escape injury.

 

“Lady Leia, may I not accompany you? To be of help...”

 

“It is only a trifle issue and Maz know more about our records so she will be help enough. You stay here. Maybe pour some tea. I won't be long.”

 

And with that, Leia and Maz left the room. Leaving her and Lord Solo alone.

 

Rey could only stare at the closed door for a moment before being forced to turn. Lord Solo was looking at her. This time amusement was gracing his face.

 

“Would you like some tea, Sir?” Rey asked quietly.

 

Lord Solo didn't look like he was inclined towards a hot drink at all but replied, “Please” all the same.

 

It was only upon the next seconds after his reply when Rey realised that the table with the tea tray was only two feet away from him. Meaning that she would need to move closer to him.

 

Straightening her back, she walked towards him and started to go about making him a cup.

 

“You have been hard to get alone, I must say.” His voice sounded like velvet. His tone was intimate.

 

“I am kept very busy, Sir.” Rey focused so hard on what her hands were doing she was certain the teacup would be engrained forever on her brain.

 

“Indeed.”

 

“Do you require anything else while we wait for your mother, Lord Solo?”

 

The question was meant to keep the line between servant and master as clear as possible. It only meant that Lord Solo now knew exactly where to step over it.

 

“Not require.” He drawled. “More… crave.”

 

Rey could only place down the spoon she was using to stir his tea. Either that or it would drop straight out of her shaking fingers.

 

Her periphery vision saw movement and suddenly Lord Solo was standing. Towering before her.

 

“I saw your eyes in that library. I know I am not alone in this.”

 

Rey turned her head and looked him right in the eye. She was many things but not craven. She wished that he was no quite so tall. Or quite so brooding. Or have eyes that promised such delightful sin.

 

“Let me kiss you.” He whispered. The whispered breath caressed her lips like the act he was asking would.

 

“What?” She could only breathe back.

 

“Allow me to kiss you. We both know you want me to.” His eyes were on her lips like they were a beauty to behold.

 

“How do you know what I want?” If they were over the line of Master and Servant, why not run along the fields herself?

 

“I can sense it.” His eyes flickered up to her own eyes. “Don't be afraid. I feel it too.”

 

The gentleness and sincerity in that one sentence made Rey want to forget herself. If just for a moment.

 

But Rey never forgot herself.

 

“No.”

 

Lord Solo gave no reaction.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because it's not right.” Rey replied.

 

“I am the Master of this House. I will dictate what is and isn't right.” He proclaimed.

 

“Not to me. I won't let you steal my first kiss simply because you are Master of the House.”

 

His eyebrows raised and Rey could not help but flush at what she had just revealed.

 

“Your first kiss then? Good Lord, you are more innocent than I imagined.” Rey wasn't sure if it was a compliment or an attempt to tease her.

 

“I know enough. Enough to know that a kiss should only be gifted to those who are worthy.”

 

“You deem me unworthy of your lips?”

 

“No actions you have taken so far have proven to me otherwise.” Rey was impressed at how strong her voice was considering she was nearly sick with fear and lust.

 

Lord Solo's eyes left her eyes and trailed down her body. The act itself left her feeling dizzy. As though his eyes that could read her thoughts could perhaps see through her clothes too.

 

His eyes rest on one of her hands at her side. He picked it up and inspected it as though he found it interesting. Rey could only watch as he turned her gloved hand over to look at it from both sides. It seemed so small in his own huge hand.

 

Pinching one of the fingertips, he tugged the material covering her hands and pulled to release her hand of its gloved cage. Her hand was revealed to him. There was nothing remarkable about it. They were rough and calloused from years of toil. Her nails were quite short and her fingers slender like the rest of her. She could only watch in a mixture of horror and awe as Lord Ben bought her hand to his mouth and delicately kissed the tip of her index finger.

 

He tugged her closer so that her wrist was level with his mouth. With eyes on her, his full lips kissed the delicate skin of her wrist.

 

“Sir-”

 

“Do you truly deem me unworthy of this, Rey?” He rasped. “Tell me. And I shall drop your hand at once.”

 

She should of course. She should form her fingers together and strike him across the face for such insolence. Master or no. But no words came forward. For behind her fear of being cornered, there had also been another emotion she had been dodging all week: anticipation.

 

His mouth returned to her wrist and his tongue touched her skin. She gasped at the sensation. His ministrations grew more fervent until he took a mouthful of her skin between his teeth and sucked. Rey had never felt a mingle of pain and pleasure but could not contain the moan of ecstasy that it inspired within her. The darkness in Lord Solo's eyes, which were still on her, inspired her bliss only further.

 

Finally his mouth left her wrist. Already she could see a red blotch that was beginning to bloom on her wrist. She could conceal it with long sleeves and gloves. But she would feel it there.

 

Lord Solo's fingers stroked her face and his eyes were devoid of any of their rich brown in favour for his irises that consumed all other colour but black in his eyes.

 

“I will gain a kiss from your lips.” It was a promise.

 

Despite her breathlessness and want, Rey had enough presence of mind to fight his presumptive nature.

 

“I'm not giving you anything.”

 

“We'll see.” There was such cockiness in both his tone and expression that Rey wondered if maybe a slap was warranted after all. But also wondered what it would be like to actually taste the mouth that could smirk so prettily.

 

Footsteps caused them to spring apart and, by the time Lady Leia re-entered the room, Lord Solo was seated back by the fire and Rey was cradling BB8 on her stool about eight feet away.

 

* * *

 

Only later that night did Rey realise that Lord Solo had never returned her glove. And she also realised that he never would.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My alarm is set for 5.30am tomorrow. Please give me something beautiful to wake up to and leave some comments and kudos. 
> 
> EDIT: The drawing is on my tumblr page of https://thepoetdraws.tumblr.com/post/156984303955/gave-a-go-at-colouring-this-rey-of-the-lovely. The artist deserves so much love!
> 
> Pretty please??


	5. Carriage of Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> You guys are the light of my life right now. Whenever I have a break at work I check my phone and beam like an idiot at the comments. They make every day better. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience with me. We are still crazy busy but I try to update as much as I can. And for all those wondering, I am literally working on 'The Descendants' as we speak. It will hopefully be up by Monday at the latest.
> 
> Anyway enjoy.

Rey found herself staring at the livid purple mark on her wrist when she was alone in her bed at night. She also found she had a tendency to apply pressure to the area through her gloves using her fingers when she was in the company of others. No-one had seen the bruise as she wore gloves and had sleeves long enough to hide the bite even without them. The thrill of reliving the moment around others, along with the hint of returning pain applying pressure often inspired, gave her a thrill she didn't quite understand but couldn't leave alone.

 

Rey worked herself almost to exhaustion in an attempt to keep her mind occupied. Scrubbing night shirts until her hands were raw, running constant errands for Maz and Lady Leia and cleaning anything with so much as a water spot on it became a regular occurrence for her. Even Maz, who was known to only sleep five hours a night and claimed not to even need that, was commenting on Rey's inability to keep still. There was an air of fruitlessness to her actions too. There was only so much polishing she could do before she was in danger of damaging the silver. Maz tended to like to spread the jobs out evenly if help was needed. And washing nightwear only meant she inevitably ended up with Lord Solo's shirt in her hands. Images of him asleep wearing this and little else assaulted her imagination. The broadness of his shoulders displayed by the shape. The scent of him, strong, potent and male, wafting up to her nose. In her weakness, she had buried her nose in the white cotton and inhaled…

 

She finished the batch of washing and vowed to leave that particular job to Jessika in the future.

 

* * *

 

 

On the Friday of that week, it was market day and Maz needed supplies. She selected Rey for the job to travel and collect them without any cajoling. Rey's experience in the factory had taught her the art of haggling. She often got the best price for things and, even with a Mistress as generous and rather contrary about money as Lady Leia, Rey would rather lose a shilling than a crown.

 

Mr Chewbacca offered in his low growling but affectionate tone to give Rey a lift on his mule Artoo Deetoo. The mule had seen better days and was getting on in years but still strong enough to support them both. Rey declined all the same. Part of the reason she loved the location of Ileenium Manor was because of the landscape.

 

The manor was home to the lake which she circulated each Sunday and little pathways shielded by trees and various forestry as well as the neighbouring village. Go a little beyond that though and you were surrounded and almost assaulted with the sights of D'Qar. The area was mountainous with winds that would whip your hair and valleys that went on for miles. If Rey had her way, and also if she had more than two old gowns which she was forced to maintain, she would roll down the sloping greenery like a child. Alas, she was not an heiress and dresses weren't cheap.

 

The market was a good five miles from the house but Rey was healthy and enjoyed a walk. She strolled through the landscape humming and followed the beaten track to town.

 

D'Qar market was often noisy and bustling. It lacked the hardness of London though which she was grateful for. In this popular but rural town, everyone knew each other and there was a community spirit.

 

Rey purchased eggs, flour and sugar for Maz at a respectable price and smiled in greeting at the fisherman, Admiral Ackbar. An old sea-dog if ever there was one, he'd spent most of his life by the water. If Rey was being honest, he was even beginning to look like a fish as well.

 

With a weighted down basket, Rey began the journey back to the manor. She took note of the clouds above. They were a little darker than the overcast sky that she had been gifted as she had walked to market. Rey trotted a little faster to get home in good time.

 

Eventually, Rey heard hoof-beats behind her. Rey did not look back and simply moved to the side of the wide path. Carriages and horses often passed here.

 

Oddly though, the carriage seemed to slow down.

 

Glancing behind her, Rey looked at the carriage. Two black stallions. Gleaming wood. More hearse than vehicle. And a man half demon, half God, looking down from the window.

 

“Miss Rey. May I offer you a ride?”

 

Rey could only stare at Lord Solo. Her eyes flicked to the driver of the carriage. A young man also adorned in black, he was the same one who arrived with Lord Solo that day when he became her Master. She thought his name was Mitaka or something. He stayed in the Manor but often kept to the stables and, according to Finn, never spoke.

 

He seemed to be staring determinedly ahead. He must be very professional. Or he was terrified of what his boss would do if he saw him looking at Rey with interest.

 

“Thank you, Sir.” Rey replied, dropping into a curtsey, “but I am happy to walk.”

 

“The Manor is two miles away. This will save you time.”

 

“It is not that far. And I like walking. I like the views.”

 

The view of the mountains was now looking a little daunting. The clouds had grown aggressive and dark.

 

A rumble went over their heads.

 

Lord Solo's head shot up at the sound. His expression, which was presumptuous and almost haughty, turned tense. His eyes narrowed at the sky. Like it was an old enemy he had hoped to be rid of only to find it thriving.

 

“Get in. That's not a request.”

 

Something about the tone, one that brokered no argument, made Rey want to pick up her skirts and run home just to spite him. But fat droplets of rain started to hit the ground.

 

Once again, Rey was forced into a confined space with him thanks to nature's whims.

 

The inside of the carriage was dark with fine seats. Rey took the seat facing Lord Solo. The alternative was sitting next to him.

 

There was a snap of the whip and the carriage rumbled on along the path.

 

Why must it always be like this? Rey could only quietly rage. Why must I be backed into a corner at every turn? Why must he seek me out? Why must it feel so dangerous? Why does it feel so thrilling? Why do I want to be caught?

 

Taking a steady breath, Rey kept her eyes down but not to the floor. That was too submissive.

 

“You took my glove.” It sounded like an accusation.

 

“I did.” Lord Solo replied.

 

“I don't have many gloves. I can't afford to lose them.”

 

“I will keep them safe until you come to retrieve it.” The answer was heavy with intent. It made Rey colour. “Those gloves seem to be sufficient.” Lord Solo gestured to the gloves hiding Rey's hands.

 

“Thankfully. You left a mark. No-one must see it.”

 

Lord Solo was quiet. His eyes were intent on her face. The darkness of his eyes were hypnotic. They held such power, uncontrollable energy, sensuality and, most surprisingly, a gentleness. A vulnerability.

 

“I'm sorry that I bruised you.”

 

“Are you?”

 

Lord Solo's lips quirked. “No.” He leaned forward. The lack of room in the carriage meant Rey could only sit silently as her Master closed in. “I can't say I am. I want people to see. I want them to know I left that mark. I want to mark you in other places. And not with physical bruises. Just with the brand of my hands. Of my lips. My tongue. I want to utterly lay claim to you. And, in payment, I will let you lay claim to me.”

 

Rey was nearly gasping for breath. He was close enough for it to tickle his face. He closed his eyes and looked euphoric. Like the tickling of her breath was actually breathing life into him. His eyes reopened.

 

“You know I can take whatever I want.”

 

Rey's breath stilled and her eyes narrowed.

 

“You would take me without my consent?”

 

Lord Solo sat back. He looked more guarded. “No. I would not do that. To you or anyone. It holds no appeal to me.” Rey must have looked sceptical. He elaborated. “I may be ruthless but I like my bedmates willing and eager. The idea of a woman grimacing and wincing beneath me leaves me cold.”

 

“So you have done this before.” Rey was feeling less friendly by the moment.

 

He smiled as though it was a silly question. “I've had lovers. As most men of my station and position do.”

 

“So I am one of many.”

 

“I mainly bed baronesses or ladies. All happy with my attentions until the time comes to part. I have never…”

 

“… never thought to lie down with the help?” Rey finished sounding petulant but not caring.

 

The rain was beating above their heads. The world was a storm outside and they were facing one another as equals. If only for a moment, if only for a second, Rey sat before a man of enormous power and talked to him like she would a friend. But he wasn't a friend. He was her Master. He had designs on her. He could be her ruin.

 

“Would you rather I lie to you? Claim you were the only one? I'm not a liar. I won't lie to you.”

 

“My virtue isn't a prize.” Rey proclaimed.

 

“Then why must you make this a game?” Lord Solo asked.

 

“It's a game I have no wish to play. I won't just make it easy for you. I'm worth more. Even if I am just a servant. Even if I am nobody. I'm still a nobody that matters.”

 

Her voice cracked and her eyes stung. Something about the turn of the conversation struck a cord within her. All through her wretched childhood, she had been nothing, no-one, nobody. Now… she may still be a nobody to the likes of Lord Solo's and Lady Leia's society friends but she had the closest she had ever been to contentment. She wanted the chatter of the dinner table. She wanted to discuss what Lady Leia would like to do with her hair that day. She wanted to help Finn in the stables and help groom the horses. She wanted the toil of servant life. She wanted to belong.

 

She didn't want to choose between the life she loved and the man she craved. Especially if she was the latest in a long line.

 

Lord Solo sat back. He looked chastened. Almost compassionate. Silently, he took a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. She took it quietly and quickly cleaned her eyes and tried to right herself.

 

“Forgive me. I do not want to cause you distress.”

 

Rey could only nod.

 

Lord Solo opened his mouth to say something else but the carriage suddenly came to a jolt. It had stopped. Rey looked out the window. They were home.

 

Mitaka could be heard jumping from the carriage and the door opened. It was still raining quite insistently. As Mitaka was sat atop the carriage to drive the horses, he was soaked to the bone.

 

Lord Solo exited the carriage and held out a hand for Rey. Not wanting to appear rude, for Mitaka could only ignore so much, she placed her hand in his.

 

Lord Solo was wearing leather gloves and she was wearing her own so their skin did not touch as it had done in the past. The feeling of longing, to see her hand encased in his, hit her with just as much force as the shock of his lips on her wrist had done.

 

He looked at her as she stepped down from the carriage. His whispered words in his mother's rooms returned to her.

 

“ _Don't be afraid; I feel it too.”_

 

_Do you? Do you really feel this? This fear? This inability to understand? To forget?_

 

Rey had both feet on the muddy ground and they relinquished their hold. All three of them went straight for the entrance of the Manor.

 

Mr Dameron was waiting for them.

 

“Master Solo.” He bowed in greeting. He looked a little bemused to see Rey with him but looked like he would come back to it later. “This has arrived for you.”

 

Lord Solo took the offered letter from Mr Dameron's hand. He looked at the signature. And paled.

 

Ripping open the letter, his eyes frantically scanned the words the letter held. Rey could only looked at Poe in confusion. He looked as lost as her.

 

Coming to the end, Lord Solo balled the letter up in his fist.

 

“Gather all of the servants in the parlour.”

 

Mr Dameron could only stare.

 

“Did I stutter? Move!” Lord Solo barked. It was enough to send Mr Dameron running.

 

Rey could only watch as this darker version of her Master took off up the stairs towards his mother's room. He didn't look back. So he didn't see her stare.

 

His handkerchief was still in her grasp. She looked down. Most of the gentry had their initials sown into them. It was with surprised she saw the monogram was not B.S. It was K.R.

 

Rey looked at it. Had this not belonged to him?

 

She would return it. Unlike her Master, she did not keep what didn't belong to her.

 

* * *

 

The parlour was crammed with the staff who were all looking around nervously at what was happening. Rey joined Maz and handed her the basket of goods from the market.

 

“How come you are so dry? It is raining the heavens outside.”

 

Rey went to answer but was interrupted by the heavy footfalls of Lord Solo. Everyone stood to attention.

 

“Evening. I suppose you are wondering what is going on.” His voice was commanding. It brokered no reply. “I have received correspondence from London. It appears some of my associates are passing through D'Qar in a week and will be coming to stay with us.”

 

There was a ripple through the crowd.

 

Associates?

 

Rey remembered all the letters that had been sent back and forth since Lord Solo had arrived. Political connections.

 

Lord Solo's political connections. The First Order.

 

The First Order were coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are a writer's reward.


	6. Visits of Trouble Untold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> Firstly, forgive the wait. Work has been a bit crazy. My job goes through busy periods and I tend to put in as much hours as I can as I need the money. Hence longer time between updates.
> 
> Secondly, thank you so much for the lovely feedback. It does so much for my self-esteem to think people like my writing style.
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, enjoy...

In the days following Lord Solo's announcement of the First Order's impending visit, the servants were in a flurry of activity. There were corners of the house that had to be aired out, the floors were mopped to an inch of their life and Maz sent out orders for more food to be delivered for the dinners that would need to be prepared. Rey mused as she watched the provisions be delivered that it was more than they normally prepared for Christmas.

 

Lord Solo had become even more of a challenge for Mr Dameron. He worked himself to exhaustion penning dozens of letters to Parliament, his associates and the members of the First Order that would be visiting. Not much was known about them. All that was known was they were two married couples. One had only been joined in matrimony for three months. Lord Solo inspected every part of the house, the stables and the kitchens whenever work was done. If it was not to his liking, it had to be rectified immediately. That was fine as he was the Master after all. Except when it was done as he had instructed, he barely noticed as he had spotted another problem that needed fixing.

 

The only upside to this was, in his need to prepare, his pursuit of Rey cooled. There was no more cornering her in the library, his mother's rooms and his carriage. Indeed, he seemed to be almost unable to move towards her.

 

Rey couldn't help the feeling of dejection that coursed through her. The wiser, worldly part of Rey that was hard won in the factory of Jakku consoled her that this was for the very best. Rey had clearly been right. He had seen her only as a bit of sport. Something to pass the time while he was shut away from the decadence and glamour of Coruscant. Look back and learn from it.

 

Yet somehow Rey couldn't help but feel maybe he was chastened. For despite his lack of approach to her in the following week, she would suddenly feel a prickling on her skin, turn and find him staring at her. The lust was still there, maybe would always be there, but there was something else: a hesitation.

 

For a while, Rey thought he had maybe had second thoughts about pursuing her after all. But then she looked at the handkerchief he had given her and had second thoughts of her own. Maybe he was keeping distance out of… respect. His words in the carriage had been provocative, enticing but rather course. Her distress had maybe subdued him a little. A part of her couldn't help but hope that was the answer. It was dangerous but hope was all she had ever had.

 

* * *

 

 

The arrival of the two guilded coaches on the drive of the courtyard gave Rey flashbacks to the emotions and trepidation she had felt that first day she had lain eyes upon Lord Solo. Yet there was the very real difference that was there were four individuals to be greeted this time, not one, it was Lord Solo who led the greeting party this time with Lady Leia a few steps behind him, looking on rather coolly and with the knowledge that things could always get worse when the poison of Lord Solo's life rose to the surface.

 

The only comfort that gave Rey a sense of warmth and almost self-satisfaction was that Lord Solo looked more tense than she had ever seen him.

 

The first couple to emerge from the carriage were something of a surprise to Rey. A gentleman stepped out of the carriage first. Dressed in black as Lord Solo had always been prone to wear, his red hair was something of a surprise or maybe what some would consider a cosmic joke. The set of his jaw and the shrewdness of his eyes reminded Rey what she had heard about red hair: the owners had terrible tempers. He was, like Solo, not classically handsome but was tall and slim with skin that looked marble smooth. He might be quite becoming if he smiled or looked a little less hostile. As it stood, his mouth was twisted like he was suffering a tooth abscess.

 

The woman who got out of the carriage was so startling that Rey couldn't keep her eyes from widening. The woman was a towering height, taller even than Lord Solo, and had hair so short that for the first few seconds, Rey thought she was a man. She wasn't wearing a bonnet, like most women of Victorian society were known to do, and she soon saw that she was wearing breaches underneath her long black cloak. This woman was everything that modern society would baulk at yet she held herself proudly and with no shame. Her hair was white blonde and her eyes were large and blue. Like her husband, she was more striking than conventionally lovely. Yet Rey found her lips quirk. The sheer power of will this woman clearly had to the point of being able to gain the respect of her clearly equally powerful husband made Rey like her despite herself.

 

The second carriage was less fascinating and more apprehensive.

 

The lady, for she was a lady, emerged from the carriage first. Donned in the true First Order colour of black and white, her dress was elegant and beautifully made. Her black bonnet covered her hair and made her more acceptable to societies rules. Yet while the statuesque blonde woman prompted reluctant admiration in Rey, there was something about this woman that put Rey on the defensive. Her face was beautiful but her eyes were cruel. Her lips were marred by a smirk rather than a smile.

 

Society may prefer this lady to the first but Rey certainly didn't.

 

The man who climbed out after her was so large and broad than for a moment, Rey wondered if they would have to cut him out of the carriage. Bald and with skin that looked almost brittle like rock, he was staggeringly different from his petite, pretty companion. Either he kept his charm and kindness well concealed or their union had been one purely of convenience.

 

Lord Solo stepped forward. The red-headed gentleman came face to face with him.

 

“General Hux.” Lord Solo greeted.

 

“Master Ren.” Hux intoned.

 

Rey furrowed her eyes. _Master Ren?_ Lord Solo did not so much as flinch at the title. It was clearly a title he was used to.

 

“I trust your journey was comfortable?”

 

“Comfortable is a bit too strong a word.” Hux sniffed. “It was sufficient. We arrived in one peace. Next time, we shall take the train as far as possible. Much quicker.”

 

“Hmmm.” Lord Solo didn't sound like he was going to lose too much sleep over his acquaintance's lack of a comfort. “I trust you were a little more comfortable Phasma?”

 

“A journey is a journey.” Phasma intoned. “Comfort is a mere luxury.”

 

Lord Solo nodded and turned his attention to the other couple. Although not exactly radiating happiness at seeing Hux and Phasma, his expression turned almost stony when he faced the next couple.

 

The lady dipped into a curtsy, showcasing her gown's volume, and held out her gloved hand for Lord Solo.

 

“Master Ren, it's been too long.” Her voice was like velvet.

 

“Mrs Grummgar.” He took her hand and dropped it just as quickly.

 

“Bazine, please. We've known each other too long for such formalities.” Rey knew she wasn't being paranoid that there was a hint of knowing more in Bazine's face. “We have missed you in Coruscant… Kylo.”

 

Lady Leia turned her face away. The first show of emotion that had broke through since the arrival of the carriages. Did… did she known of this pseudonym that Lord Solo went by?

 

“I hear congratulations are in order,” Lord Solo proclaimed, bring the conversation back around to his control and looking at the huge, bulky, vacant looking man who had climbed from the carriage with Bazine. “I hear your wedding was a great event.”

 

“Master Snoke showered us with every comfort.” Bazine agreed. The look she flickered back to her husband showed distaste and even contempt.

 

“I'm sure you remember my mother, Lady Leia Organa-Solo.” Lord Solo stepped aside for his mother to step forward.

 

Lady Leia didn't make any move to come closer but nodded her head and sank into a curtsy so slight that it could almost be considered a shrug.

 

“Master Hux. You are looking well.”

 

General Hux nodded slowly. Leia and Hux had clearly met and found each other lacking. Never a good sign.

 

“Come in. The servants will show you to your rooms. We have much to discuss. I trust… Master Snoke has messages for me.” Lord Solo looked almost anxious.

 

“Of course.” Hux replied briskly. “The work doesn't stop because you have disappeared into the hills.”

 

Rey followed the gentry inside with practised deference and dread.

 

* * *

 

One thing that Rey very quickly became grateful of was that the hostility between Leia and the First Order members meant she was in no way inclined to sacrifice her own comforts to enable theirs. So when Lord Solo had requested that Rey be a lady to both Miss Phasma and Lady Leia, the response had been swift and cutting.

 

“If ever I need you, it's now Rey.” Lady Leia had mused when Rey had stated, grudgingly and only in private, that she would tend to them both if needs be. “Those people are in my home. Eating at my table. Poisoning my world. I can't stop… I can't stop my son from being in their company but they won't take you.”

 

It had been a moment that both moved and winded Rey. Lady Leia had been kind to her from the moment she had been brought before her wearing rags and with dirt on her face. Had been patient with her as she learnt all there was to know about being a lady's maid. But to actually hear from her mouth that she feared losing Rey like she had her son, like she would her own daughter, was stunning.

 

Rey had taken her hands and squeezed. She had stayed at her side whenever necessary after that.

 

Jess stepped up to the challenge of assisting both of the visiting women. It was something of a shock when Phasma made it clear that she neither needed nor desired any help with her day-to-day tasks such as dressing and being entertained. She had been a woman of her own means for a long time and it was said that Hux and his wife had only a cook, a housekeeper and a groundsman at their own stately home in Coruscant.

 

It was just as well as Jess quickly discovered that Bazine was a tasking mistress to even someone as generally cheery and eager to work as herself.

 

She was hard to please and quick to anger in a way that made Poe's complaints about Lord Solo seem tame.

 

“The sooner that harridan is out of this house the better!” Jess growled to Rey.

 

* * *

 

Lady Leia tried to avoid spending any more time with her unwelcome guests than was absolutely necessary. She feigned tiredness, urgent business or weakly acted headaches. Rey would have found it all quite amusing if it hadn't been quite so dangerous. Lady Leia's contempt for the First Order and all their followers was well-known as was her unwavering allegiance to the Resistance moving that refused to die throughout the country.

 

Sadly, Lord Solo was not willing to let his mother wriggle out of her duties quite so easily.

 

“You are the lady of this house. You have a duty to it. Until I find myself a wife, you must maintain the role you always have.” He warned in a low voice after calling upon Lady Leia's apartments. It was the first time he had not visited the rooms for the pure intention of seeking out Rey. Indeed, he barely glanced at her on this occasion.

 

It shouldn't have made her feel disappointed. It really shouldn't have.

 

Lady Leia remained seated and stared at her son with unwavering calm. She might, to the outside observer, look genuinely puzzled. To Rey and Lord Solo, who knew her better, it was an obvious façade.

 

“I have done nothing to make our guests uncomfortable. I was reluctant to spare Rey as I have needs of my own and I cannot help the other duties and illnesses that plague me in my older years.” Lady Leia explained.

 

“You've never had so much as a tooth ache in years.” Lord Solo snarled. “And I fail to see how hiding in your rooms is making them welcome. Hux has asked in the last few days if you are even still in the Manor. It is becoming an embarrassment.”

 

“I have little care what that man thinks.” Lady Leia's tone was hard.

 

“You said that if I came home, you would do whatever I asked. I didn't want to come back here. I never wanted to. I would have happily have seen this place fall to ruin if I had had things my way. But I did my duty. Now do yours.”

 

“I am-”

 

“You are not!” Lord Solo shouted with such force that Rey almost staggered back. “Once again, the wishes of your son, your only child, is disregarded in favour of your ambitions.”

 

Lady Leia seemed to have paled.

 

“Ben-”

 

“Don't call me that name.”

 

Her nose wrinkled. “You want me to call you by that other moniker? That abomination? I won't!”

 

Lord Solo stood to his full height. “Call me nothing then. I shall be a person of no name. But understand me: you said that you wanted me to be your son once again. If you continue, that will be the one thing I will never allow you to call me again.”

 

The urge to pick something expensive up and throw it at Lord Solo's head was almost making Rey shake. Lady Leia must have noticed as she held up a hand. It may have look like she was calling to stop to Lord Solo's fury but Rey understood: it was a signal to stay calm.

 

“You know I don't want that. Tell your guests I will meet them in the drawing room after dinner tonight. I will be a host.”

 

Lord Solo seemed to be satisfied with this as he left shortly after. His eyes did fall on Rey as he turned to leave. He must have not liked what he saw as he closed the door to the chambers with a force that made the vases on display rattle.

 

* * *

 

Rey worked hard that night on styling Lady Leia to a style that radiated elegance. She wove her hair into a style that made her fingers ache with the care and detail needed. The best defence a woman of power had was to wear it with a calm indifference. If her face was to appear stony then her dress was to look nothing short of perfect.

 

Lady Leia dismissed Rey earlier than needed and claimed she needed to spend an hour or two by herself. To compose and mentally prepare.

 

Rey curtseyed and bid her good luck.

 

Feeling restless and imprisoned in the grand house, Rey grabbed her bonnet and shawl and headed out of the house for a brisk walk that would hopefully wear away some of her agitation. The sky was pink with a setting sun and the air crisp with freshness that almost bit at her cheeks.

 

She didn't know where she was going until she came to the entrance of the old chapel that she had taken shelter in during the storm that day.

 

Walking inside, she breathed in the smell of incense, the echo of her boots on the cobbled floor, the darkness of the little building and the overwhelming sense of calm that came from silence.

 

At the alter, Lor San Tekka was lighting candles around the alter with a long stick. He was the only occupant.

 

He looked up at her approaching footsteps and smiled kindly.

 

“I had thought that you only visited my humble abode when the elements were against you Rey.”

 

“No Sir. Only when I have a need to rest and take solace.”

 

“Well, His flock will always be welcome in His home.” He comforted wisely. “It has reached my ears that your great Manor has guests.”

 

“You would be right, Sir. Did Lord Solo tell you?”

 

“I cannot discuss what is discuss in the privacy of His home. But I was first informed by members of my clergy.” He looked at Rey closely. “How does Lady Leia fare?”

 

“My mistress is a strong woman. She will survive this as she has survived so much.” Of that Rey would make sure.

 

“Not a doubt about that.” San Tekka agreed. “Sit a while. Find some peace. Some rest. I will leave you to contemplate your troubles.”

 

Rey nodded. She was grateful that he didn't offer to sit with her and hear a confessional. To voice her fears, her temptations and her desires for her Master would be suicidal yet the wish to talk to someone, anyone, about this secret element to her life would probably be too great.

 

Rey closed her eyes and lost track of her thoughts for an indeterminable amount of time. It must have been quite a while because when she opened her eyes again the sun had disappear altogether. And someone was sitting beside her.

 

Lord Solo was hunched over with his elbows resting on his thighs in a way that indicated his exhaustion.

 

Rey did not feel too much sympathy. She was still furious about his treatment of Leia earlier that day.

 

“I would have thought you were preparing for dinner, Sir.”

 

“It is not for another hour. I wanted time alone.” His voice was low.

 

“I will leave you to be just that then.” She went to stand but he caught her wrist.

 

“Stop running away. Sit with me. Just for a moment. I won't say anything if you don't wish me to.”

 

Rey could only sit back down.

 

“You are angry with me. Again.” Lord Solo didn't look at her as he spoke.

 

“I've told you before that I care for your mother. You can't be surprised that I am not happy to see her upset.” Rey replied, trying to keep her voice level.

 

“I have not pursued you in over a week. I have kept a distance. And what you witnessed needed to be said.” He didn't sound sorry.

 

“Threatening her with leaving? That's not necessary. That's cruel!”

 

“You think me cruel no matter what I do.” He snapped.

 

Rey paused. “No I don't.”

 

Lord Solo turned to look at her. His eyes were guarded.

 

“I don't believe you have only darkness in you. You have shown me that you can be kind. You wanted to comfort me when I was upset. You wouldn't do that if you didn't care.”

 

“I was the one to upset you in the first place.” He sounded almost dejected. To see this side to him, so different from the arrogant Lord she had come to know, was startling yet in an odd, tender sort of way helped Rey's anger to simmer less.

 

“You didn't mean to.”

 

“No I didn't.” He looked at her. For the first time, Rey didn't see such a raw hunger in his eyes. It was there but there was a softness. A remorse. “I never meant to make you feel like one of many. Or to frighten you. I would like to think myself a better man than that even if no-one else believes so.”

 

Rey didn't know what to say to this. So instead reached into her pocket and took out his handkerchief.

 

“You never took this back.”

 

Lord Solo looked at it as though he had forgotten its existence.

 

“Keep it.”

 

Rey looked from him to the soft material. The thread of the initials sown in sobered her.

 

“What exactly does K.R. stand for?”

 

The tenderness of the moment suddenly felt brittle. The eyes that were almost gentle started to shut down.

 

“Kylo Ren.” He replied. Rey must have looked bemused. “It's the name I am known for in the First Order.”

 

“You use another name?”

 

“Since I was sixteen.”

 

“But,” Rey felt completely confused, “but why?”

 

Lord Solo stood up. He looked ready to leave. “It's not important.”

 

“You have denied your very name. Of course that's important!”

 

Lord Solo fixed her with a glare. “I left that name behind years ago. Just like you left behind that workhouse of yours. No-one judges you for your choice to leave. I never have. So don't you dare judge mine. You have made your mistrust of me perfectly clear. Don't trouble yourself. I will not bother you again.”

 

And with that, he strode out of the church leaving Rey clutching a piece of soft cotton and a feeling of something far too close to heartache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was okay.
> 
> I want to keep this in character to the characters in Star Wars that we love so much and also Victorian society. I hope it blends in a way thats believable. 
> 
> More about Lord Solo's past will come to light soon and why he resents his past so much in time. Until then have patience with him. Also I couldn't make it that easy for Rey and Kylo. Half the fun would be gone otherwise. 
> 
> Oh, it's far from over guys...


	7. A Mere Maid of Great Fortune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone.
> 
> I'm so sorry for the delay. Real Life is sucking the life out of me (ironically) due to work exhausting my energy and my computer throwing a fit yet again. This chapter was meant to be a bit longer but I decided to update with what I had. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your continued patience and support. You are all so kind and I'm not exaggerating when I say your feedback is the best part of my day.

The sky was nearly a deep midnight blue by the time Rey ventured back towards the Manor. The handkerchief was still clutched in her hand. She had been forced to use it to wipe away all signs of distress.

 

A part of Rey, a very dominant independent part, was angry at her suffering. This was surely the best outcome that she could have ever hoped for. If Lord Solo's interest in her was a thing of history, then all danger to her status, her job and her general virtue were diminished significantly. Indeed if he was angry he may never approach her again. And by definition that meant she probably had the best deal of all the servants in the house.

 

So why did the tears still come unbidden to her eyes?

 

Somewhere along this dangerous path she had come to yearn for him as much as he did for her. And it wasn't lust. She could live without that quite happily. Lust was the ruin of many women. No. It was the depth of the man that she had glimpsed. She may desire the aura of the arrogant Lord but her affinity lay with the man beneath.

 

The man who was intrigued by her strength of character.

 

The man who came back to the house that he seemed to despise on the wishes of his mother.

 

The man who seemed unhappy at his lack of tact in the carriage and by the fact he had caused her pain.

 

A man who was so much more than what he would let the world believe.

 

Wiping her eyes again and pinching the bridge of her nose to stave off any more tears, Rey breathed harshly and deeply and straightened herself. This would not be the ruin of her. Flights of fancies come and go to the best of people. And she needed to bare in mind Lord Solo's famous temper. She needed to be there for Lady Leia.

 

Straightening her skirts, she strode across the courtyard. She had a duty and she would do that duty well.

 

* * *

 

Dinner had commenced and was continuing when Rey entered the parlour for her own food. Her friends were all sat at the table and all looked a different breed of exhausted.

 

“How long until dinner is over?” Rey asked, wanting to know when to collect Lady Leia for the hateful company.

 

“Another hour I should think?” Mr Dameron answered. He was stirring his soup with a look of disinterest and like the process of eating was a mammoth challenge.

 

“I'm in no rush.” Jess muttered. Her opinion of Duke Grummgar and his wife had clearly not improved.

 

“Only a few more days.” Finn encouraged in his own comradely way. “Then they can leave and we hopefully never have to see them again.”

 

“Is that really likely?” Mr Dameron pointed out. “Lord Solo has made it clear that he needs their support and allegiance even if he doesn't particularly want their friendship.”

 

It was a sobering prospect that they may have to endure more visits in the future.

 

They ate the rest of their food in miserable silence.

 

Rey got Lady Leia's rooms in order so that the older woman could go straight to bed when she returned. She had a strong suspicion that she would not have the energy or heart for a conversation of any kind.

 

At ten o'clock, Rey made her way down to the drawing room. The house was dark with only a few candles burning to lead the way.

 

Knocking upon the heavy door, she waited for the call to enter.

 

Entering the room, she took in the scene. All the members of gentry were grouped together in what must have meant to be a picture of relaxation.

 

Instead it looked like they were suffering a silent form of torture.

 

Lady Leia was sat with her back straight as though she were on trial (which Rey considered she probably was) and with a look that didn't portray displeasure but certainly wasn't happy to be in this room with these members of her class.

 

The First Order members didn't look much better. Duke Grummgar was sat reclined in an armchair, looking a mix between half asleep and intoxicated. By default, he looked the most relaxed due to the good grace of not seeming to know where he was.

 

Hux and Phasma were sat close together though not touching. There was an air of unity between the two even if it was a unity of discomfort and boredom.

 

Duchess Grummgar, the Lady Bazine, was sat on a coach in a position that gave Rey the impression she was posing for an oil painting.

 

Lord Solo was stood at the fireplace with a drink that looked strong enough to kill plants. He seemed to be gazing into the flames as though they held the secrets of the universe. Or as though he wanted to jump into them himself.

 

Lady Leia smiled at seeing Rey who dropped into a curtsey.

 

“Forgive me for interrupting” Rey thought that sickening humility was probably a good way to survive this scenario “but you said to collect you at ten o'clock, Lady Leia.”

 

“Yes indeed. Do excuse me. It's late and I am tired.” Lady Leia went to stand.

 

“Oh don't be silly.” Bazine smiled, “We haven't finished that reading that you were telling us about yet.”

 

“I was under the impression you were not interested in hearing it.” Lady Leia replied evenly.

 

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Bazine asked with a voice that sounded like it had been dipped in honey.

 

“You said you didn't want to hear it.” Lord Solo's voice gritted out. He was still staring into the fire.

 

“Oh, that was jesting on my part. Please read us a passage before you retire My Lady Organa.”

 

Lady Leia hid her impatience with a practised ease and sat back down in her chair. The book was on a small table. She picked it up and opened onto a page.

 

“But seeing as you are weary...” Bazine chimed in before Lady Leia could begin “why not have your maid read to us?”

 

Rey froze and Lady Leia narrowed her eyes. The dancing gleam in Bazine's eyes indicated amusement. And not of a gentle kind.

 

Rey knew what this was. This was a class in humiliation. Most servants in society had poor literacy skills. Many would be well-graced to be able to write their own name.

 

Fortunately, and unbeknownst to Bazine, Rey wasn't most servants. And Lady Leia wasn't most mistresses.

 

With a head held high, Rey crossed the room and took the little book from the older woman. Her eyes caught movement from Lord Solo. A quick glance revealed that his eyes were on her. They looked apologetic. And nervous. And angry on her behalf.

 

Rey straightened her back and looked down at the page. And began to read.

 

Rey loved to read. She had developed a good grasp on reading when she had lived in Jakku. Mainly from fishing out old newspapers out of bins and any old pieces of writing she had found in old carriages Plutt had made her fix up.

 

It had only been when she came into Lady Leia's service that she came under a genuine tutelage. Finn was keen to help in any way he could and Lady Leia had leant her some old books for her to practise on. Now it wasn't uncommon for Rey to read to Lady Leia if she was tired.

 

Rey read confidently and calmly.

 

She read for about two pages when she came to the end of the reading. Looking up, she took in the room. Lady Leia looked quietly proud. Bazine looked shocked and annoyed. Hux and Phasma looked vaguely amused (whether it was from the novelty of Rey's ability or from Bazine's clear disappointment at a lack of humiliation). Duke Grummgar looked like he didn't know where he was.

 

Lord Solo was staring at her with something teetering on awe.

 

“Thank you Rey.” Lady Leia smiled. “I hope the reading was to your liking, Lady Grummgar.”

 

“Yes, well,” Bazine sniffed, “very enlightening.”

 

“Yes, very interesting. I can tell you enjoyed it Bazine.” Phasma mused. “Your face spoke a thousand words.”

 

Ah. Maybe Phasma could come visit again after all.

 

Bazine clearly understood the barb and shot Phasma a glare. Phasma merely raised an eyebrow and Hux looked the closest Rey had ever seen to amused.

 

“I must say I am surprised. It is not very common for servants to read as well as you just did, um… sorry what is your name?” Bazine asked pointedly.

 

“Rey, my Lady.”

 

“Right.” Rey was confident that Bazine would forget it as something of no importance. “And your family name?”

 

Rey held her gaze and wouldn't let her eyes narrow.

 

“I have no family.”

 

“No family?” Bazine mused as though she found it interesting. “So how does a girl of no family come into the care of Lady and possess such skill with words?”

 

“Pure luck and fortune.” Rey admitted. “I came into the company of a good man who became a good friend. And it set me on a path to a better and more prosperous life.”

 

“A good man? Who became a lover?”

 

Rey tried not to bristle. “No, my Lady. I have never known the love of another. Finn has become like a brother. As has Mr Dameron. And Jessika a sister to me. I found myself a family even if the one granted me by birth is lost to me.”

 

“So where does a girl of no family come from?” Bazine pressed, clearly not giving up until she had gotten a bite of some kind from Rey.

 

“Is any of this really relevant?” Lord Solo hissed from the fireplace. Rey wondered if his anger was his way of defending her.

 

“It is of interest to me to see the characters that will be serving me while we stay in your home, Ren. Surely you would not deny me that?” Bazine's eyes sparkled. Lord Solo downed the rest of his drink and Rey wondered for a split second if he would throw the glass into the grate as he was known to do when he was angry and alone.

 

Okay. She wanted the past? She would get it.

 

“I am an orphan of Jakku. A textile factory. I worked there until I was sixteen. I survived in the only ways I knew how. By cleaning machines and fixing broken things. I came from nothing. My parents are long dead and I doubt I will ever know them. It grieves me but I persevere.”

 

“Jakku? Unkar Plutt owns that.” Bazine pointed out.

 

“Indeed.”

 

“So you were a worker of his property.”

 

“I was.” Rey refused to feel small. She'd been made to feel small all her life.

 

“To be an orphan of that background… to come into such a living. I bet you thank God every day. I'm sure you ask why he blessed you. What made you worthy...”

 

“I do. Every day. But I don't dwell on it. I came from nothing but came to be something.”

 

“Yes. A maid.” Bazine's tone was derisive.

 

Lord Solo slammed down his empty glass on the mantelpiece and looked ready to pounce.

 

Rey got there first.

 

“Quite, my Lady. I became a maid. I would like to think a good maid. I came to a beautiful home to serve amongst good servants. To a most gracious lady and a dearly missed lord. I get to walk the hills when I go to town to run errands. I sit by the lake on my days off and watch the fishes swim beneath the waters. I can smell fresh clean air. I sleep in solid bed. I eat hot meals. I have prospered beyond my dreams. In that, I am rich indeed.”

 

Rey could not help but smile a little. Both at the truth of her statement. And at the flush in Bazine's face.

 

Lady Leia stood before Bazine could open her mouth and launch another poisonous sting.

 

“Well said, Rey. And now you all really must forgive me. I am not as young as the present company and require a decent night's sleep. Come along, Rey.”

 

Lady Leia led Rey out of the room. Rey followed behind and turned to close the door.

 

She caught sight of Lord Solo's gaze still on her.

 

Let Bazine view her as an upstart and a mere chamber maid for the heir of half the county was gazing at her as though she were as regal as a Queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was okay.
> 
> My next chapter will be longer and more detailed. I love using Bazine as an antagonist. She's the one character in Star Wars (aside from Phasma) who I thought had a hell of a lot of potential. Love her or loathe her, she was interesting. 
> 
> Please let me know. Kudos and comments are my life source.


	8. What the Water Gave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> Thank you once again for your patience and support. It's pretty overwhelming and the best part of my day. 
> 
> Enjoy guys.

Rey was dressed and moving about the house before the sun was up. Sleep was beyond her capabilities that night. She had helped Lady Leia into bed and retired to her attic room. She had washed and undressed for bed. She had got under the covers and waited for sleep to come. For rest. For it had been a truly exhausting day.

 

Sleep didn't come. Her mind was racing. Her heart was fit to burst. The mark on her wrist fading to a yellowing brown. The bruise was beginning to fade when it was coming to feel like a part of her.

 

Rey instead walked along the halls of the manor as though she was invisible. It was almost eerie to walk in silence and darkness through halls always so noisy and active. Dressed in her customary dark gown, she may have been a ghost herself.

 

She thought over the events of the previous night. Of the dismissive nature of Lord Solo in the chapel, of the interrogation from Bazine and Lord Solo's reaction to her responses.

 

His eyes had been wide, his mouth a little open and with the tiniest hint of a smile. He'd looked at her as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Like she was the living embodiment of a miracle. And she would be a liar and a hypocrite if she denied that it had felt anything other than wonderful.

 

Rey circled the parlour, the kitchen, the dining hall and passed the heavy wooden doors to the library. The location where this had all began. When Rey had felt something awaken between them. A bond. A force pulling them together. Mainly lust. But also something far more deadly.

 

Seized by a need to experience the atmosphere, she pushed the doors open.

 

The smell of books assaulted her and she breathed it in greedily. The candles were burnt right down to the wicks and fluttering dangerously low. Rey licked her finger and thumb and pinched them out as she went.

 

A golden flickering light came from the fireplace. It was a dying light and the cinders were almost spilling out of the fireplace. She moved forward to see if she could stoke it a little to warm the room. Only then did she see a pair of legs stretched out from the armchair that had its back to her.

 

Tiptoeing in a manner that a thief might tip-toe around a dragon, she circled the chair and stared at the occupant.

 

Lord Solo was asleep sitting up in the chair.

 

Rey looked down at the floor. There was an upturned glass on the floor and the hint of stain around it. The position of his hand, hanging limply over the armrest, indicated he must have passed out and dropped the goblet to the floor. The carpet cushioned the fall and probably prevented it shattering.

 

There was a crystal decanter on the table by the fire and from Rey's memory there had been a lot more of the brown liquid in it previously. Clearly, she had found evidence of his penchant for a drink.

 

Curiously, she sniffed the rim of the decanter. It was strong enough to bring tears to her eyes.

 

A part of her contemplated shaking her Master and rousing him. It was the proper thing to do. No doubt, Mr Dameron may panic if he didn't find the gentleman asleep in his bed. Or perhaps he is used to this.

 

Instead, she sank to her knees before him and gazed at him from her lowered position. Her skirts rustled softly around her as she contemplated him.

 

This was such a rarity. To be able to look at him with no careful concealment or nerves that anyone should notice where her eyes were drawn. She studied him like a scholar would study a forbidden text.

 

He looked a little troubled even in sleep. He didn't make a sound. He breathed deeply through his nose. His forehead was creased with worry lines. Rey wanted to smooth them away.

 

There was a spike of anger at the memory of other people's dismissive view of them. Of their cruel words about his appearance. How they mocked him as ugly.

 

It was scandalous to think that this man could be termed so disparagingly. His ears and nose were a little big, no denying it, but if anything they added character to his face.

 

He was beautiful. Even if she was the only one who appreciated it. She could live with that. It was her truth as she knew it and she'd always relied on her own judgement.

 

His marble skin looked golden in the firelight. His lack of colour in his clothing only highlighting his roguish features.

 

Sighing softly, and deciding that she had indulged enough, she tried to push herself back onto her feet.

 

The rustle of her skirts was louder than they had the right to be and Rey froze when Lord Solo's eyes opened and looked right at her.

 

They were heavily lidded and drowsy, clearly still on the precipice of sleep, but oddly not surprised.

 

“Ah. So you've come to torment me again, have you?”

 

Rey didn't know what to say so said nothing at all.

 

“I wish you would stop this. I would like a night's undisturbed sleep.” Lord Solo closed his eyes and his head lolled to the side.

 

He thought she was an image in a dream. And it sounded as though her presence wasn't cause for concern any longer.

 

She knew she should confess that she was no apparition. Confess that she was as real as himself. But something stayed her mouth.

 

“I do not wish to torment you.” She whispered instead.

 

“You should. I deserve nothing better.” His eyes opened on her again. “So strange to see you so demure. You are not normally so ladylike when I dream of you on your knees before me.”

 

Rey flushed at the insinuation.

 

“This is not that kind of dream.” She stated firmly instead.

 

“I am not deserving of such attentions anyway. I am a coward. A rogue. Everything you believe me to be.”

 

Rey realised that, in his dreams, he was honest and unencumbered by any façade. This made it even worse to exploit this side to him. Yet she had known nothing else but the Lord of the Manor. She wanted to know the man.

 

“Why would you believe the words of a servant?”

 

“Because you don't lie. You never have. I should have done more to help you. I should have stopped that harlot.” His voice was fierce and he was almost spitting the words like they were bile in his mouth.

 

“You tried-”

 

“Tried? Tried?! What use is try?” His voice raised an octave. Rey maintained her voice to a calming hush to keep some semblance of control.

 

“It is every use. I don't need you to protect me.”

 

He seemingly deflated before her. The liquor that he had consumed was pulling him back from the precipice of wakefulness and seemed to be tempting him back to a slumber. Yet he resisted.

 

“I know this. Of course I know this. But it makes me want to even more.”

 

Rey breathed in and decided to push her luck a little.

 

“Why have you sought me out? Why me? And what do you want? Truly? Am I just a girl you wish to compromise?” Rey wondered if she was going to like the answer she got but she needed to know.

 

“In the beginning, maybe. You were beauty itself the first time I saw you. I avoided you. Tried to ignore it. Tried...” His eyes were now permanently closed. “Then you confronted me in the church. Then in this library… your eyes. You wanted me too. You wanted _me.”_ His breath was heavy. “I never wanted to scare you. I never wanted you to be wary of me. Forgive me.”

 

“I do. I can forgive that.” Rey admitted. “What about now? What do you want from me now?”

 

“Now?” Lord Solo's voice sounded like he couldn't see past the previous night. “Anything I can get. Your eyes on me. Your pity. Your glove. Anything.”

 

There was a sincerity to him that she had never seen before. She wanted to reach out, touch his hand, his face, his hair, anything. But that might alert Lord Solo to the fact he could feel her touch and enlighten him to the idea that she was not an illusion.

 

“Enough now.” She whispered. “Close your eyes. Let sleep claim you. You may dwell on this when you wake.”

 

Lord Solo was well on his way back to unconsciousness before Rey had even finished speaking. She stayed kneeling, watching over him, until the dying embers in the fire had gone out altogether.

 

* * *

 

Rey roused Lady Leia at about nine o'clock and helped her dress for the day. They were both quiet with their own thoughts but her mistress did not seem the least bit surprised when Lord Solo arrived at her door.

 

He looked exhausted and like he was experiencing something of a headache (no doubt the brandy he'd swallowed wasn't helping there) yet was quiet in a way that Rey wasn't used to. He bowed to his mother.

 

“I thought I should alert you that we will be taking a walk around the grounds at lunchtime.” His tone was formal yet there was a hint of reluctance in his tone. Like he wasn't particularly thrilled at the day's prospects. “You will be required to accompany us.”

 

Lady Leia nodded sagely like she was expecting it and saw no point in making a fuss.

 

“Any particular reason for the outing?” She queried.

 

“I believe that Duke Grummgar wants to scout out the grounds. He's voiced a desire to go hunting and I can't see any reason why not.”

 

“There is hardly anything to catch around the grounds.” Lady Leia pointed out.

 

“I have informed him of this.” Lord Solo informed her with a hint of impatience. “But...”

 

“He wants to see for himself.” Leia finished for her son. He said nothing. He didn't need to. Rey had taken up a position in a dark corner of the room. Somehow she didn't want to draw attention to herself. As though one look at her would alert Lord Solo that he hadn't been dreaming last night at all. “Very well.” Lady Leia agreed. “They may look. They will be in for a disappointment but… well, that can't be helped.”

 

Lord Solo nodded and departed the room. His eyes managed to catch Rey's figure in the corner of the room as he left but they didn't linger. In front of his mother, who was as shrewd as she was kind, it would be too dangerous.

 

The said lady waited until the door closed and then a smile stretched across her face. She looked satisfied.

 

“Excellent.” She whispered.

 

“What is, Miss?” Rey asked politely.

 

“He's becoming annoyed with them. It's obvious. My son has never had much patience especially for idiots. Granted, I may not like him but that Hux fellow and his wife at least seem intelligent enough to know when to keep quiet. That Duke and his harridan of wife are doing my job for me.”

 

“You think he is likely to defect from that?” Rey couldn't help but sound sceptical.

 

“Oh no, not just that. That's hardly going to be enough but it's a start. He was affected last night by your treatment by that woman.” Leia patted her hand. “Well done for that by the way. You handled it beautifully.”

 

Rey flushed a little. “I doubt that he cared very much about whether I was upset or not.”

 

“Oh but it did affect him. He cares for this house and all its inhabitants whether he likes it or not. It's proof: there is still light in him. I know it.”

 

Leia said this with so much clarity and determination yet maternal softness that Rey could not help but nod. At least Leia didn't seem suspicious as to why her son seemed to be protective towards her.

 

“So what shall we do?” Rey asked, kneeling down at Lady Leia's side.

  
“Do? Nothing. We do nothing. Any action on my part will send him running back to them as it always has. No, we will be calm and placid and let them do the damage themselves. I may be a Lady but when it comes to my family I can fight like a bare-knuckled boxer.”

 

* * *

 

The group of gentry guests and several servants walked around the grounds in the spring afternoon. It was warm but with a hint of wind which was handy for Rey as it kept her cool while she carried the hamper of food with her.

 

Lord Solo, Duke and Duchess Grummgar, General Hux and Captain Phasma were all at the head of the party with Lady Leia taking a leisurely pace behind them and dropping back a pace or two to further distance herself from the group. Rey, Finn, Mr Dameron and Jessika were at the back and taking the opportunity to take in the grounds.

 

Rey had smiled blandly when Duchess Grummgar had levelled a glare at her when she had come out onto the courtyard. Clutching a parasol to stop the sun marring her pale skin, Bazine was the picture of elegance. Her gown and bonnet matched her umbrella and she seemed to wear it in a pointed comparison to Rey's own drab and unimaginative gown and bonnet. Rey didn't mind.

 

If you wrap a goat in a ball-gown, it's still a goat, Finn had mused quietly causing Rey to splutter and fight hard to conceal a laugh.

 

They walked for about half an hour before sitting down on a hill of soft grass overlooking the lake. The servants set out a soft blanket for their guests to sit on and then retreated to sit on the most comfortable patch of grass they could find.

 

Duke Grummgar was looking out over the rather wonderful view (probably to see if there was any animals he could spot so he could plan to hunt them) and therefore not paying much attention to his wife. Bazine didn't seem particularly sad about that. Her eyes were fixed on Lord Solo.

 

Rey knew it may be paranoia but she also trusted the accuracy of her eyes.

 

Bazine was talking to Lord Solo who was stood a small distance away from her. Well, talking _at_ him as he didn't seem to be participating much. Bazine had a demeanour that was coquettish and Rey realised that the two figures looked like they were the couple. Dressed in black with matching complexions and intensities, they would make a handsome marriage. Indeed, it was implied that they had maybe had something of a dalliance or liaison.

 

It shouldn't have made Rey feel so cold but it did.

 

Lady Leia had brought a book with her. It was a favourite of hers from her early years and one she hadn't read it a long time.

 

The pages were so well used that the book fell open at a certain point. The pages were loose too.

 

Rey turned when she heard Lady Leia give a gasp.

 

“What is it?” Lord Solo asked. His tone was neutral but his eyes narrowed.

 

Lady Leia just shook her head for once lost for words. Rey stepped by her side and looked down at the pages.

 

They were filled with notes scribbled in pen. Odd notes that seemed to give a running commentary throughout like ' _Everyone knows you never go down a dark corridor alone'_ or ' _Is this heroine meant to be stupid?'._ One in bold at a particular plot turn said ' _I've got a bad feeling about this'._

 

Rey let out a gasp. Han. He'd left messages in Leia's book. This book hadn't been read for years so this was probably his idea of a joke. Yet the ghost of his playful character filled Leia with shocked joy.

 

“Lord Han.” Rey breathed.

 

Leia closed her eyes and grimaced. She looked like she was using every bit of energy not to cry with emotion. Rey looked at Lord Solo. His face was pale. He looked like he'd been hit with a thunderbolt.

 

Hux looked uncomfortable. Phasma looked something resembling sympathetic if mutedly. Bazine looked at the pages (for she was close enough to look) and sniffed.

 

“Seems a rather odd thing to do. Didn't you say it was your favourite?”

 

“It was his way.” Leia breathed. “He lived to annoy me.”

 

“Most men give flowers.” Bazine said waspishly. Lady Leia rounded on her and gave a look that would have curdled milk.

 

Any chance to exchange words was sadly cut short.

 

The wind that had been gentle suddenly picked up intensity. The pages were so worn and turned from years ago that they were loose. It was enough of a gust for about four of the pages to blow clean out of the book and down the hill.

 

Lady Leia gave a cry and tried to catch one but it was just out of reach. Lord Solo stepped forward instinctively before stopping.

 

Rey had no such reservations.

 

Grabbing her skirts and breaking into a sprint, she dashed down the hill after them. She grabbed the closest easily enough but the others carried with the wind. She heard Finn call to her to be careful but she ignored him.

 

After about two minutes, she caught two more pages before catching sight of the last one. It blew into the lake and sat on the water floating like a boat.

 

Rey dashed onto a piece of decking that had been used on the days when boats had been rowed along the surface. Getting on her hands and knees, she held onto the decking and stretched her hand out. It was close but just out of reach.

 

The thought of Lady Leia's disappointment at losing her last connection to her late husband stopped her from giving in.

 

Her fingertips were just reaching the paper. Almost. Almost…

 

It happened suddenly and yet almost in slow motion. One minute her hand was tight on the decking and then next it wasn't. And she was falling. And then she was in darkness.

 

Rey flayed her arms and legs in an attempt to break the surface of the water. It was dark beneath the waters and, while not very deep, Rey was weighed down by petticoats and boats that were not light even above the pull of the current around her. And Rey couldn't swim.

 

The fighter in Rey continued to thrash her legs and arms to get up a little higher. Just enough for a gasp of air. She didn't have time to do much more than gasp before hitting the water and was already struggling to hold what little breath was left in her lungs.

 

She kicked harder. Flailed her arms. Damn this dress. Damn these boots. Damn etiquette. What use was it when you were in risk of drowning to death!

 

Rey tried not to panic. She really did. But images were flashing in front of her eyes. Of furnaces in the Jakku factory. Of BB8 in her netting that she had cut her free from. Of the journey to the Manor. Of laughing with Finn in the stables. Of helping Mr Dameron with the cutlery polishing. Of brushing Lady Leia's hair. Of Lord Solo.

 

Her arms were getting tired. Her lungs burned. She was starting to lose focus. Lose consciousness.

 

_I don't want to die._

 

That was the overwhelming thought when she finally broke and gasped under the water. Water filled her body. She was losing this battle. Maybe she had already lost.

 

The last moment before it all went dark was filled with a sense of acceptance. It was so darkly ironic. To be born by the fire and claimed by the water. She'd always seen fire as the enemy and water as peaceful. As a life source. As sustenance.

 

Rey conceded that anything that can sustain life could also take it away again.

 

_I wish I had let him kiss me. If only once. I wish…_

 

And then it all went dark.

 

* * *

 

Rey could hear voices. They sounded far away yet oddly close. There was a pressure on her chest. And on her mouth.

 

Death is very odd, Rey mused. She had been promised a chorus of angels singing and a pair of gates opening. Or fire if she hadn't been as well behaved as promised. Then again, Reverend Tekka didn't like to talk too much about the fire aspect.

 

Light blazed before her eyes and Rey coughed up something bitter. Coiling blindly onto her side, she coughed and retched up something cold. Water. She was coughing up water. Rey blinked.

 

Her eyes were fuzzy but she could see the wood that she was lying on. She was back on the decking. She could breathe. She was alive.

 

And there was someone calling to her.

 

Rolling over onto her back, she blinked. Her eyes were focussing. Darkness was looking back at her. Or she was looking into darkness. Dark eyes. Worried eyes. Eyes that had always sought her out.

 

“Rey!” Lord Solo was above her. “It's okay. Just breathe.”

 

“Ben! _Let_ her breathe!” Lady Leia's voice chided from somewhere close. Lord Solo backed away but not much.

 

He was soaking wet, Rey realised. As soaking as she was. His hair was hanging around his face and his coat and waistcoat were missing. His white shirt clung to him. It suited him.

 

Rey's instinct was to sit up. To hush the noise. To tell everyone to stop fussing and that she was fine. But her body was weak and breathing felt so wonderful that she lay still and took in huge beautiful gasps.

 

“Let's get her back to the house.” Lady Leia entreated.

 

She felt her body being lifted into the air as though she weighed nothing. Which was odd as she had never felt so heavy in her life. Her cheek rested against a hard collarbone and a damp shirt. She was being carried home by Lord Solo.

 

It was her last bemused thought before falling unconscious again.

 

* * *

 

Rey's eyes flickered open slowly and looked around slowly. She was in an old guest room and lying in a bed far more comfortable than her own. A glance downwards showed that she was dressed her nightgown and was dry.

 

Any other chance of getting her bearings was snatched away by Jess appearing at her side.

 

“Rey! Oh thank the Lord.” The brunette threw her arms around Rey and nearly knocked her flat again. She shot out of Rey's grasp just as quickly to clutch her shoulders and scrutinize her. “Are you okay?”

 

“I think so.” Rey rasped. “Why am I in here?”

 

“Lady Leia wanted you to be comfortable and, well, your bed is anything but. Seriously, how do you sleep on that thing? It's like sleeping on rocks.”

 

Rey contemplated pointing out that she had in fact slept on rocks once. But it was too much effort.

 

“What happened?”

 

“You fell in the lake.”

 

“Yes, I gathered that bit. Why aren't I dead?”

 

“Because Lord Solo dived in and got you out.”

 

Rey's head spun a little. “What?”

 

“He went looking for you. I think he wanted to see those papers too personally. Anyway, he heard a splash and must have guessed what happened. Next thing we know he's in the lake and diving under water to get you. Good thing he's a strong swimmer. Rey, you were so pale… we thought you were gone.”

 

Jess looked like she might cry and Rey patted her awkwardly. “I'm well. Everything has turned out well.”

 

Jess scrunched up her nose and then swatted Rey. “What were you thinking? You can't swim! Why take such a risk!?”

 

“I didn't do it on purpose!” Rey argued. “I did it for Lady Leia. Oh no, the papers-”

 

“The papers don't matter. Lady Leia found more notes in the book. They weren't the only ones. And she's not willing to risk your life for a few sarcastic notes Lord Han left.”

 

Ah. Well, that was a little embarrassing.

 

“How am I still alive?”

 

“Lord Solo's put his mouth to yours and breathed into you. He also pushed your chest to get the water out.” Jess mused looking thoughtful. “It was so odd. He wouldn't let anyone else near you and looked crazed. He wouldn't let anyone else take you back either.”

 

“It probably scared him.” Rey whispered.

 

“It scared us all. You are to stay here until the doctor looks over you tomorrow.”

 

Rey nodded and lay back on the pillows.

 

Jess spent most of the evening with her until she retired to her room. Rey stayed prone on the bed. She had a lot to think on.

 

Lord Solo had saved her. Had breathed life back into her. Had carried her back to the Manor.

 

She was alive. _Alive_.

 

Sleep did not come to Rey despite her exhausted state. Her mind was racing so fast her head hurt.

 

A creak of a floorboard outside her door caught her attention and the door creaked open. A figure holding a candlestick to light their way stepped in.

 

Lord Solo was at her door.

 

For a while, they simply stared at one another. Not knowing what to do or say. Rey became conscious of her state of undress. Of her loose hair. Of what people would say if they knew he was in here.

 

She didn't care. Damn it all, she didn't care.

 

“I needed to see you. I needed to see you for myself.” It fell from Lord Solo's lips almost involuntary. He was wearing black trousers and boots and a white shirt. His familiar waistcoat and coat was missing. He looked like he had just risen from bed.

 

“I'm well. I hear that I have you to give thanks to.” Rey tried to sit up a little more. Even if she was bedridden, it felt odd for him to be standing and her laying down.

 

“I require no thanks.” He placed the candlestick down on a table and approached her slowly. Almost shyly.

 

“But you shall have mine.” Rey insisted. “I hear you breathed life back into me.”

 

Lord Solo nodded mutely.

 

Rey could not help but smile.

 

“You did say you would claim a kiss from my lips somehow.”

 

Slowly, he sat down on the bed. His proximity made her head swim. “It was not the kind I had envisioned.”

 

“Indeed. Seeing as it was stolen rather than gifted.”

 

Lord Solo was staring at her lips as though he could remember it vividly.

 

“I would have rather it be gifted. And that the circumstances weren't quite so dire.”

 

“And if I gifted it to you now?” Rey asked.

 

His eyes blazed. He looked hungry. Feral. Yet wary.

 

“I would not take it out of obligation. Or as payment of a debt.”

 

“I owe you a life debt. I doubt a kiss would suffice to cover that.”

 

“Do you want me to kiss you, Rey?” He asked. She felt the question rather than heard it. Felt it against her lips where he had leant in precariously close. Felt it in her bones. Her heart. Her loins.

 

“I do.”

 

Rey was half expecting him to pin her down and attack her mouth from that moment. Yet nothing of the sort happened.

 

“Close your eyes Rey.”

 

Even after her invitation, she felt the coiling of nerves. She let her eyes flutter shut and tried to calm her breathing. She had never been kissed before. What must she do?

 

The first touch to her lips was so soft that she wondered if she had imagined it. Just a gentle press tinged with a taste of something that she didn't recognise yet delighted in.

 

She felt Lord Solo's mouth pull away ever so slightly and his lips part. She parted her own to breathe in some much needed air. Her parted lips brushed his own and they both gasped into each others mouths. The taste was stronger and she reached for it again.

 

Lord Solo angled his head and let her taste with her lips.

 

Her lips moved against his in a sort of dance. A dance that she didn't know all the steps to but was eager to learn. There was a soft prodding sensation against her lips which took her by surprise. His tongue. It was asking for entrance. Entreating her. She admitted it.

 

Rey moaned as the taste that had only been hinted at bloomed into full flavour. Her own tongue was hesitant and a little nervous but Lord Solo's hand winding into her unbound hair and the vibration of his groan of approval stopped any doubts that she was getting it wrong.

 

It was a dizzying, wanting feeling as Lord Solo bore down on her and lay her down on the pillows without leaving her lips. Rey knew she should feel nervous. Outraged even. But no. She instead sighed at the sensation of his strong body dwarfing hers and bearing down into so many new interesting places. He had not tried to take any more liberties instead focussing only on getting his fill of her.

 

Rey wasn't sure how long passed between them when they heard the sounds of footsteps. They froze and listened while still clinging to one another. The footsteps were from another passageway and soon retreated into nothing.

 

Lord Solo looked down at her.

 

“I must go. I cannot be caught here.”

 

“I know.” Rey agreed. Yet she did not stop him when he passionately kissed her again.

 

They pulled away gasping, feeling indecent yet glorious.

 

“I cannot give you up now. I can't be satisfied with only a taste. Promise me you will not deny me this.”

 

Rey remembered her struggle up to this point. Remembered her refusal to give in. Remembered her last thoughts before the water took her. Remembered the taste of him.

 

“I promise. But we must keep this a secret. No one can know.”

 

Lord Solo nodded. He looked like he would agree to anything. He sated his thirst for her one more time and then left her bedside. Picking the candle up, he looked back on her. She was sure she looked debauched. His eyes made her feel that way.

 

“Go.” She whispered.

 

He nodded, went to the door, looked back once more and then disappeared as silently as he had arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that makes up for the delay.
> 
> Work is pretty crazy at the moment. I don't have much time to myself but I have some holidays coming up next month which I really need. I used some rumours of the next film as inspiration for this chapter. I hope it works. 
> 
> I always love kudos and comments but I would super appreciate any feedback today as I feel a bit self-conscious about my writing lately. Thank you so much again.


	9. Wash Away The Pretences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evening guys.
> 
> I can't believe the response this story and also The Descendants has gotten. It's overwhelming and I'm so grateful. Thank you all of you. You don't know how much it means. I read every comment with joy. 
> 
> A massive thank you to EyreBones for yet another gorgeous artwork for this story. Give her love. Lots of beautiful love.
> 
> http://eyre-bones.tumblr.com/post/150612861038/another-bridal-carry
> 
> Enjoy!

The doctor stopped by the next morning and gave Rey a once over and checked her vitals. The doctor, an elderly but genial chap, concluded that it had clearly been a close shave but she was clearly young so her constitution was better than most. Therefore she should be perfectly well and up and about in no time at all. Rey nodded quietly and thanked him. She had every intention to be 'up and about' that very day. She wasn't suited to bedrest. She'd never had a day of sickness in her life and didn't intend to start now.

 

Lady Leia didn't seem too pleased when Rey came down an hour later, fully dressed and clearly with every intention of resuming her duties but no amount of protests that Rey needed to recover from the shock would make Rey go back to bed. She had a duty and a job to do and she intended to do it.

 

Lady Leia conceded this but made a point of not asking anything strenuous of her. Rey's duties for the day consisted of making tea, reading to her and a lot of sitting.

 

Most prominent though was the art of listening as Lady Leia had a lot to discuss.

 

“They are leaving tomorrow. General Hux received correspondence from Coruscant. There are duties to perform. It is said that he will come back for Ben in one month. He is needed for urgent matters apparently.”

 

Rey could only nod. The news of the First Order leaving was a blessed relief but it was a barbed victory. Lady Leia was going to lose him again. And, as selfish as it was, she couldn't help but wonder… where did that leave her?

 

“How long will he be gone when he does go?” She asked.

 

“I've no idea. There is too much to maintain here for him to be away indefinitely. So at least there is reason for him to actually come back...”

 

Rey could only nod. She couldn't exactly show her fear of him leaving to her mistress as it would rouse suspicion but she could show empathy for the older lady's nervousness.

 

The morning progressed quietly until after lunch when it was made know that the members of the First Order wanted to go for a hunt. Their excursion out into the lands which produced almost no animals clearly wasn't enough to deter them.

 

Rey helped Lady Leia in her riding habit but was stopped in the courtyard by the lady herself when she came out in her bonnet and cloak.

 

“No, Rey.” Lady Leia looked stern. “I may be unable to confine you to your bed but I will insist upon you staying behind for this.”

 

“Lady Leia, I promise you-”

 

“No.” Lady Leia may be kind but she was also stern when the occasion called for it. “I say this as your mistress: stay here.”

 

Rey could hardly argue with that and nodded dejectedly. Her eyes glanced at the other members of the riding party. The members of the First Order were getting ready to mount the horses. Finn looked like he was having difficulty hoisting Duke Grummgar up onto the horse.

 

“Will you be alright without me?” She asked tentatively. Indicating more to the company than whether she would be okay without a maid.

 

“Perfectly. Jessika will accompany me.”

 

“Then I will wave you off.” Rey promised and stood aside.

 

Lord Solo was missing and his horse was ready. Rey felt an odd desire to see him upon his mighty steed. The members of the party waited only a few moments, albeit impatiently, when Mr Dameron came down looking solemn.

 

“Forgive me, Lady Leia.” He bowed to his mistress atop her horse, “but Lord Solo is indisposed.”

 

“Business?” The older lady asked.

 

“No, milady. He seems to have caught something of a chill. Possibly from swimming in the waters yesterday. He pleads absence for a day of respite.”

 

“A chill? Not a fever?” Lady Leia looked panicked. Her late husband's fate clearly in her mind.

 

“Oh no, Milady. Hardly even a cold.” Mr Dameron promised. “This is simply a precaution. He bid me to attend you in his absence.”

 

“Well, if he will be so silly as to put himself in ridiculous situations...” Bazine sniffed, her eyes darting distastefully at Rey who was listening to all of this with interest.

 

“Very well. We shall proceed without him.” Hux proclaimed.

 

Lady Leia looked a little nervous but Mr Dameron mounted his own horse and whispered reassurances as they all trotted away. Finn, Jessika and Mr Chewbacca rode not far behind. Rey watched as they became smaller figures on the horizon.

 

Maz and herself were the only members of the staff left in the house then.

 

And Lord Solo.

 

He was ill. From saving her. Rey knew she should go about her business and make herself useful. Try and find something to occupy her time. Yet her feet led her to a destination that still scared her a little but enticed her all the more.

 

* * *

 

The galleries she walked in her journey to Lord Solo's apartments were as eerily quiet as they had been the night she had ventured about in the dark. Somehow it was even more disconcerting that she could only hear her own footsteps in the polished wood floors in a house normally so alive with noise. It made her feel all the more as though she was in a dream. A vision of long corridors which she ran down but never took her anywhere. She had experienced those dreams before and they often morphed into something else entirely.

 

The hallways leading into the wing where Lord Solo dwelled were different to Lady Leia's. Her mistress was fond of light and ornaments. Vases of untold wealth and vast prettiness often lined the way. It had taken Rey a long time to walk past them without wincing in fear she might knock one off its perch. There were nothing of the sort the closer she came to Lord Solo's rooms. Heavy tapestries blocked most of the light from having been moved out of the way from years ago. Mr Dameron had expressed a desire to tear them down and put them in a chest. Yet here they remained. Apparently Lord Solo was fond of the dark.

 

Some of her famed courage started to desert her the closer to the room she came. Maybe this was impertinent. Yes, they had indulged themselves last night and yes, it had been glorious. But that didn't mean he would want her presence right now.

 

Rey straightened her back and pushed back her shoulders. This wasn't a call of indulgence. She was simply checking if he needed anything. He had called on her last night, had he not?

 

With this weak excuse and with burning cheeks at the flimsiness of it even to her own ears, she rapped her knuckles upon the door to his apartments.

 

No response. He was probably asleep.

 

Rey considered going away and leaving him but imagines assaulted her mind of him. In bed, forehead plastered with sweat, in the grip of illness.

 

Lord Han had died of a fever. If he were to succumb to a similar fate due to her own idiocy…

 

She pushed open the door before she had time to think.

 

The rooms were of the same layout as the ones she occupied every day down the other side of the Manor, what with its lovely furniture, a fireplace directly opposite it, and a desk by the window, but that was the end of similarities.

 

Lady Leia liked her rooms to be a little cluttered and Rey often had a job cleaning up papers, books, dishes and various other items. Not that her mistress was messy but there was always something to be done. In here, there was hardly any signs of life. Were not the fire burning and papers not strewn all over the desk by the window, Rey would have believed it abandoned.

 

Her footsteps were loud in the quiet. And clearly audible.

 

“Dameron! I told you to leave me today!”

 

It was Lord Solo's voice. And there was not a hint of croaking in his voice.

 

Rey approached the doorway that led to his bedroom. It was open and she could see his bed was not occupied. The air felt warm and somewhat steamy. She looked around the door so she could see the other end of the room.

 

And immediately saw why the room felt so warm.

 

A changing screen was mounted but not positioned to block Rey's view. Indeed she could see him clearly. A copper bath was sat upon the floor with the insides lined with linen. Lord Solo's head was rested against the rim, his black hair wet and his arms rested along the sides.

 

“I assume my mother sent you? Well, I'll send you back until she can follow my orders.” His voice declared. Rey said nothing. She felt incapable of speech.

 

The silence was almost louder than a shriek would have been.

 

Lord Solo's head lifted a little. “Dameron?” His tone suddenly unsure.

 

“Not Dameron, Sir.”

 

He turned so quickly that water sloshed out of the bath and onto the floor. The muscles of his back more prominent thanks to the water and his face looked shocked.

 

Rey knew she must look ridiculous but she was incapable of apologising or running out of the room. Or of anything else sensible.

 

“Rey.” It wasn't an admonishment or even hinted at displeasure. Far from it. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Forgive me, Sir.” She managed a curtsey. “I heard you were ill and wished to enquire...” Rey wished she could look away in some capacity but it felt like looking away would be almost as absurd as the situation itself. “Forgive me. I will leave you.”

 

“Don't!” The words were more a plea than a command and Rey might have found it funny if she were not on the other end of the entreaty. “Please. I am grateful for your concern.”

 

“You seem to be quite well.”

 

“I am well.”

 

“Then why-”

 

“I have had enough outdoor excursions for one week. Or indeed a lifetime.”

 

Rey felt a complete fool. Of course, Lord Solo wasn't suffering a cold. He probably would crush any virus like a bug.

 

“Still, seeing as you are here-” Rey could only watch as Lord Solo rose from the water. Could only gape as the droplets and rivulets of soap and water cascaded down his rising body, “-pass me a towel, will you?”

 

Rey was sure any other woman would have fainted by now.

 

He was pale all over. The muscles of his back as impressive as though he had done at least ten years active service in Her Majesty's army. His shoulders were as powerful as the rest of him with proud and strong arms. Powerful thighs. And a well cushioned, well toned-

 

Jesus help her, she was only human.

 

Lord Solo looked over his shoulder. He looked amused. “Towel?”

 

Damn him to the fires! He knew what he was doing. He was teasing her!

 

Cooling her ardour through her irritation, Rey ground her teeth and strode to the side of changing screen and retrieved a towel. Holding it spread out for him, she looked right at him with a cocked eyebrow. She was no swooning heroine and would be damned if he made her one.

 

He was clearly surprised at her show of defiance but seemed to like it. He turned so his chest was on view for her. It was as sculptured as his back and scattered with moles and a few nasty scars. She was far enough away that she could see lower but she kept her eyes trained on his face. No matter how much it made her fingers itch.

 

He stepped out of the bath and into the towel, knotting it around his waist without breaking their gaze. The smell of soap and his own potent smell was heavy in the air and his wet hair was about level with her nose. The temptation to just breathe in it all manifested and she turned away.

 

“I will give you some privacy.” She declared.

 

“Stay here.” His voice was soft. Entreating. She turned her back to him but didn't move further. She still felt a little angry but was mainly battling feelings of repressed lust and longing.

 

There was movement behind her and the rustle of clothes before she could feel him looming over her. His hands came to her shoulders.

 

“Do you enjoy teasing me?” She whispered.

 

“I feel a little payback is necessary. You have teased me since I arrived.”

 

Rey frowned but did not fight when he turned her around. He was still shirtless but was wearing black britches.

 

“I do not wish to upset you. I am not used to this.” His tone was contrite. “I have always been the hardened seducer rather than a respectful suitor.”

 

“Am I to assume that I will have to deal with your old ways?” Rey asked.

 

“No. For you would not stand for it and I would not expect anything less.” His tone was fond. He crooked an eyebrow. “Did you really want to check on my health?”

 

“You checked on mine last night.”

 

“Indeed. Quite a thorough examination as I recall.”

 

She couldn't hold back the blush.

 

“Will I be gifted with the same?” He asked with a low timbre to his already deep voice.

 

“I see no reason seeing as you are clearly not ill.” Rey replied.

 

“Really? For I am feeling a little light-headed.”

 

Rey tried not to roll her eyes. “Probably due to your lack of clothing.” She picked up a fresh towel that lay close by. “I shall have to dry you and dress you myself.”

 

Ren's eyes darkened. “By all means.”

 

And so Rey began the process of making Lord Solo respectable again. Slowly, she rubbed any bits of moisture remaining on his skin away. She circled him as she finished his chest and moved onto his back. She indulged herself to lay one hand on his skin to steady him as the other moved the towel in circles. His skin was warm and soft though it looked like it could be carved from ice.

 

Nothing was said aside from Rey's “Bend down, please” so she could towel dry his hair or “Lift your arm, Sir” when she was making sure he was dry beneath the armpits. She was methodical in her attentions yet their eyes rarely left each other. She moved on, once he was dry to the bone, to help him into his shirt, slowly buttoning his cuff-links and hiding away that wonderful torso one button at a time. She helped him into his waistcoat and boots. Soon he looked a gentleman once more.

 

Rey was proud of her composure considering it was oddly the most erotic thing she had ever done in her life. The knowledge that she had that power over him as heady. She was not deaf to the occasion intake of breath or how his heart pounded hard and fast beneath her fingers as she had done up the buttons by his chest and wrist.

 

She stood back and inspected him.

 

“Will there be anything else, Sir?”

 

He moved quicker than she could blink. One minute he was two feet away then next she was in his arms. This time she didn't try to resist as she knew this was what she had really wanted when she came here. Threading her fingers through his still damp hair, she feasted on his mouth.

 

It was not a quiet or gentle kiss like their first. This one was all passion and broken restraint. They were both proving a point. That this was a game and there could only be one winner. Yet there could hardly be a loser either.

 

Their moans and grunts as they plundered each other, all teeth, lips and tongues, was obscene and Rey knew with certainty that Lord Solo was now not the only one who was a little damp.

 

Pulling away with bruised lips and gasping breaths, they rested their foreheads together. Rey's fingers with clinging to his waistcoat as though he would dare pull away and his grip on her slight waist was tight enough to bruise.

 

“God preserve me, how did I come to find you?” He breathed sounding dazed.

 

Rey could only stroke his hair. There was an awe in his eyes which she was sure her own matched.

 

The knock on the door to the chambers was an unwelcome interruption.

 

They both looked at the door. Rey turned to him wide-eyed.   
  
“I cannot be found here!” She whispered.

 

Lord Solo looked around then nodded to the changing screen. Rey dashed behind it and sank down. There was a gap in the middle that she could see out of if she put her eye to it but no-one would see her.

 

Lord Solo straightened his waistcoat and walked out of the room. She listened.

 

“Bazine.” His tone was formal. “I thought you were out riding.”

 

Rey's heart sped up.

 

“I was.” She heard footsteps approaching and shrank back as she saw Bazine entered her vision, still in her riding habit. “I feigned a headache. I wished to see you. I heard word you were unwell.”

 

“It is a headache. It shall pass.” Lord Solo's tone was neutral and formal.

 

“Indeed. Well, I hope it passes soon.”

 

“What, pray tell, did you want to see me for?” He asked.

 

“Word has undoubtedly reached you about our leaving tomorrow. I have heard you plan to follow in a month. I was just wondering if you can not be persuaded to come a little earlier.”

 

Rey felt her hatred for this woman go up about ten notches. Lord Solo's face did not change.

 

“Unfortunately not. I still have duties here. And Supreme Leader seems to have no immediate need for me. I am giving him my attentions from this distance and he seems content. I'm sure you will understand.” Rey was sure that he didn't care if she understood either way.

 

“Oh for pity's sake, Kylo.” Bazine laughed. “What possible need have you to stay here? And it is not political matters I entreat you about.”

 

Bazine sat down upon his bed. Her lack of invitation clearly didn't bother her.

 

“Personal?”

 

“I miss your presence. I miss your company. Your attentions. Come on now, don't be coy. I know you have felt something far beyond friendship for me for a long time.”

 

Rey could only gape at her brazenness.

 

Astonishingly, Lord Solo chuckled.

 

“Forgive me,” he said, trying to gain a grip on himself, “but I believe you mistaken. Truthfully, when we were both seventeen, I had something of an … infatuation for you. But you made it clear it was not returned. And indeed any remnants of that were dealt with when we met again at the age of twenty-two. And that hardly lasted the summer. And you are a married woman now.”

 

“You know my allegiance is to the First Order. I had to marry a supporter of wealth. My father petitioned Snoke himself for your wife but he was disinclined to marry you off.”

 

“Yes, I am sure he was.”

 

“Kylo, of course you were my first choice. But I am only a woman in a man's world.”

 

“Didn't seem to bother Phasma.” Lord Solo pointed out.

 

“Oh, she is hardly a woman. She even dresses like a man.” Bazine dismissed. “I am very much a woman. And a woman has needs.”

 

The invitation was as clear as writing on parchment.

 

“Bazine, it will never be. Do not trouble yourself. I am not interested.”

 

Rey would have sighed with relief but she might have been heard.

 

Bazine's countenance changed from sweet longing to hardened anger.

 

“So you would rather roll around with a servant?”

 

Rey felt like a bucket of cold water had been chucked down her back. Lord Solo stiffened.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Oh, don't treat me like I'm blind. I've seen the way you look at her. Seen that pathetic longing. Really, Ren? Your mother's maid? That's unoriginal even for you!”

 

“I've no idea what you are implying.” His tone no longer civil, his famous temper was coming out to play.

 

Bazine smiled nastily. “I wonder if the Supreme Leader would be quite so understanding that his precious ward was making eyes at the servants. I'm sure he would summon you back to the Finalizer government within the week.”

 

“And I'm sure you will be a bit short of pretty gowns when I write to him and explain his mistress is offering to lift her skirts for anyone who so much as nods at her.”

 

Bazine looked as though she had been slapped. “What-”

 

“Oh please. Do you think me so out of touch with matters of state that I don't know? I have messengers all over the Order. So I know just how important your allegiance to the Order is.” He moved close to Bazine, his hands on each side of the coverlet she was sitting on, caging her in. This was not intimate though; this was far from it. This was a warning. “So before you make threats, remember that I have enough arsenal on you to completely destroy your standing. The worst I would get from Snoke would be a reprimand. But you? What with your husband learning of your indiscretions as well? Well, you would be a complete ruin.”

 

He stepped away and straightened his waistcoat. Bazine had clearly not expected that.

 

“Your husband will be back shortly. I suggest you make your way back to your chambers. You probably have some packing to do.”

 

Bazine leapt to her feet and launched her hand at him to slap him but he caught it easily. She wrenched it out of his grip and hissed “I will not forget this, Ren.”

 

“No. Neither will I.” Lord Solo replied.

 

And with that, Bazine stormed out of the rooms. Leaving Lord Solo looking stonily determined. And Rey feeling like she had seen hell and come out the other side.

 

* * *

 

The coaches left the next morning to take the members of the First Order back to Coruscant in London. Hux and Lord Solo shook hands and Phasma wished him well. Duke Grummgar looked like he had been indulging in drink already and didn't care where they were going so long as there was brandy. Bazine threw Lord Solo one last glare before stepping into her carriage.

 

The servants stood united in relief as the coaches pulled away and became smaller in the distance. Lady Leia turned to go back to her rooms and Rey went to follow.

 

“Miss Rey, you have dropped something.” Lord Solo mentioned.

 

Rey looked down and saw a piece of parchment. Picking it up, she unwrapped it.

 

It had one question: _May I come to you tonight?_

 

“Everything alright, Rey?” Lady Leia asked from the entrance where she waited for her maid.

 

“Yes, Milady.” She turned back to Lord Solo, nodded once in answer and turned to follow Lady Leia.

 

Until tonight then, Rey mused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Let me know. I love comments so much you have no idea. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are my joy!


	10. A Revelation by Candlelight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Well, aren't I on a roll. Being ill has some benefits (not many but some).
> 
> I wrote this while being confined to bed with a streaming cold. If you got a notification for The Descendants just now, that's my fault. I posted this chapter on the wrong story. My bad! 
> 
> This is quite short for me but I like to think its sweet *blushes*
> 
> Enjoy!

Rey studied her reflection in the little mirror she had propped against her chest of drawers. Took in the reflection that she saw everyday with little to no interest other than whether or not she looked washed and presentable. To study it now and inspect it for any flaws seemed a little futile but she stared nonetheless.

 

She had been dismissed an hour ago by Lady Leia after helping the older lady to bed. Her mistress had been in fine spirits that night. She had returned from, what she described as, a very quiet yet very agreeable dinner with Lord Solo and was looking forward to a future with no more unwanted guests. Her spirits were shared with the staff with Maz actually singing a tune while making the stew. Normally they would have begged her to stop as soon as she started. Tonight they were in such good cheer that they let her to continue hollering tunelessly until Mr. Chewbacca (being her favourite) finally spoke up for once and asked, in a manner only he could, for her to please stop.

 

Rey had been the most quiet of them all. As she felt that if she started talking she might never stop and blurt out exactly what she had planned on this excellent night.

 

Rey threaded her fingers through her hair. She rarely had it loose and was surprised that it was growing so long. She was wearing her night dress. It was long, white and billowing and always seemed to make her look a little fragile. Mainly as she wore nothing beneath it as many women did when going to bed.

 

She looked younger like this. More pure. Almost like a bride on her wedding night.

 

The comparisons made her cheeks flame.

 

The Manor had slowly become more and more quiet as the night had worn on. She could imagine it was about midnight by now.

 

Rey sat on her bed and pulled her shawl around her. She didn't know what to expect. She didn't know what exactly she had agreed to by agreeing to Lord Solo visiting her. She imagined he would want to kiss her again and she was not at all opposed to that. But Lord Solo was clearly more worldly-wise than herself. She wasn't naive to what a man and woman could do together and indeed what some girls from Jakku had left the factory to earn a living doing. It all seemed a rather unpleasant business.

 

She knew already that she was not willing to lose her innocence to Lord Solo completely. She knew that she was unlikely to marry at all and therefore her maidenhead wasn't of much importance. Yet she had enough of her senses to know that it would open up an even bigger Pandora's Box if she were to allow Lord Solo to take her virtue completely.

 

So why did she want Lord Solo to come to her?

 

She couldn't explain it but she knew she could not deny it either.

 

The candle was burning close to the wick when there was a gentle tap upon the door. Rey could not help but pull her shawl all the more tightly around her when she walked to unlatch the door.

 

He was in much the same state as he had been the night he had visited her after her near drowning. Dressed in a white shirt with black breaches and messy hair whilst grasping a candlestick that burned as his only source of light in a house bathed in night.

 

Lord Solo had come to call.

 

Rey knew that to keep him standing outside her door for too long was a folly they could not afford. Stepping aside, she let him slip into her room and closed the door as quickly yet as quietly as she could.

 

Turning so she was back against the door, she took in Lord Solo. His general size seemed to fill the entire room. He also had to bend his head a little so not to smack it on the ceiling. She felt a little self-conscious and defensive at the way he took in her little cramped room. She didn't possess much to call her own and the room wasn't exactly furnished. Just her little bed, a table with a china bowl and jug of water for her to wash in, her chest of drawers with all the clothes she owned and her rather old mirror. She had very little but it was hers and she wasn't ashamed of it.

 

“I have never been in this room before.” Lord Solo commented. His eyes was taking everything in. Rey couldn't see if there was pity or not in his eyes. Somehow the not knowing annoyed her more.

 

“Yes, well, I doubt you ever had any need to come up here.” She tried not to sound flippant.

 

Lord Solo set the candlestick upon her washing table. It lit her room better than her candles ever did. Probably has better wax than I could ever afford, Rey mused. His eyes were now on her. Only her.

 

“I have need now.” Lord Solo stated coming with a foot of her. He lifted a hand and touched her unbound hair, threading the strands through his fingers. Lifting his hand up to cup her cheek, he ran his thumb over her cheekbone. “It is so strange. I have spent the day in contemplation, in prayer, at work. Doing all that centres me. All that brings me focus and reminds me of who I am. I was prepared to see you. Thought I had experienced all the surprises you could give.”

 

He was talking as though to himself. Rey could only stare at him. Relishing his touch on her cheek.

 

“I did not set out to give you any cause for surprise.” She argued tentatively.

 

“No. You never do. And yet you _always_ do. I think that I have got my head around you. About all that you possess and all you do to me. And then...”

 

“Does it offend you? That you cannot predict me?” She asked.

 

“Offend me? Never. It's much worse Rey. You _terrify_ me.”

 

Before Rey can argue that she has never nor will ever be scary enough to terrify anyone, her lips are stolen in a kiss. It is not as gentle nor as wild as the other two they have shared. The only way to describe this one was beseechingly passionate.

 

Her shawl was pushed off her shoulders as though it offended him and she was guided to her bed. His body sank down onto it and she sank on top of him.

 

Clearly deciding that he was not meant for submission, Lord Solo wrapped an arm around her and reversed their position. She hit the mattress with a little gasp of surprise. Surprise that the rough action had not offended her. It had… aroused her further.

 

The feel of Lord Solo's arousal poking into her body in a delicious way bought Rey back to the reality of what she was doing. And that she needed to keep her head.

 

“What is it you want from me?” She asked.

 

Lord Solo raised his head to look down at her. His body dwarfed her own and it felt safe in a way it truly should not have done.

 

“I thought we established what it is I want.” Rey reddened and he smiled. It was a gentle smile and made him look quite young. “Don't be frightened. I know you are innocent to the ways of men. I intend to help you there.”

 

Rey knew she should feel vulnerable in the way he loomed over her. Yet she felt emboldened enough to touch his hair. It was soft and Rey lost several seconds letting her fingers card through it.

 

“It's so odd. This thing I feel. Like a pull to you. Like a force.” It sounded ridiculous to her ears.

 

Yet Lord Solo nodded as though he knew perfectly.

 

“You need a teacher.” He coaxed. His hand cupped her face again and this time his thumb stroked over her lip. “I can show you the ways of the force between us.”

 

Rey could only stare up into his eyes as she felt him tug at the strings of her nightgown. The strings gave way to show more exposed skin on her chest yet it wasn't pulled aside quite enough to expose her breasts entirely.

 

Lord Solo looked at her in a way that indicated “May I?”. She nodded.

 

As he began to pull down the white material passed her shoulders and down her body, she felt a moment of panic. She was thin and her breasts were not very big by most standards. Would he find her lacking?

 

The look on his face did not register disappointment or a sense of being cheated. His exhalation of breath and the darkening of his already black eyes indicated that he seemed to like what he saw. Her nipples pebbled under the feel of his breath ghosting over them and from the eyes that were taking them in.

 

The kiss that he lay upon her sternum was gentle and almost coaxing. His hands slid up her sides and Rey couldn't contain a gasp of surprise as his hand cupped her left breast and ran his thumb over her nipple.

 

Rey found her mouth was making noises beyond her control. They were loud in the silent room despite her certainty that she wasn't being excessively noisy. Lord Solo did not seem to mind this and growled against her breast in response. Rey were certain that she had it under control until Lord Solo moved from her sternum to take a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and then lapping at it. Rey had to bite her lip to keep from embarrassing herself or, worse still, waking up half the house.

 

Rey had never known that sensations like these could be inspired by her breasts. She had always believed they were there simply for the purpose of a mother feeding her babe. She had never known it was capable of providing such pleasure.

 

She was aware that the bottom of her nightgown was being lifted and she felt the sensation of Lord Solo sliding his hand along her leg. It was rising higher and higher until it was resting on her thigh. He lifted his head from her breast to look at her. His eyes were the same imploring look. Rey did not nod as she didn't know what it was he wanted to do.

 

“May I touch you?” His fingers splayed across her thigh so they were close to her centre. A pleasant sensation ran through her at his touch.

 

His touch against her breasts had brought pleasure to her. And, beyond it all, she trusted him to not hurt her in this moment.

 

Nodding at last, she waited.

 

He was not swift to go to her core. He was handling her in a way that reminded Rey of when she would have to handle a skittish horse. His fingers drew patterns on her inner thighs that in equal measures tickled and awoke something within her. He kissed her neck as a means of distracting her and Rey shut her eyes at the sensation. She did love the feel of his kisses. His lips… oh Lord, his lips were a thing of beauty. She gripped the back of his hair and pulled him into a kiss that seemed to please him greatly.

 

Rey felt him catch her wrist in his hand. It was guided down between them and she felt her palm pressed against the hardness that she had felt previously. It felt as strong as steel beneath her hand and Rey briefly wondered if it was causing him pain.

 

Lord Solo let go of her hand and undid the laces of his breaches.

 

“Together. We will explore together.” As a means of explanation.

 

Her palm met with silky flesh and a dampness that felt almost sticky. She wrapped her fingers around it and squeezed the flesh that was so strong in its arousal. Lord Solo gave a choked moan at the movement and Rey felt a moment of terror that she had hurt him. She was distracted from this thought when his fingers met her core and ran along the seam of lower lips causing Rey to make a sound that barely sounded like her own voice.

 

The wetness that has been growing since their first kiss is apparent by the ease in which Lord Solo slid his fingers with little resistance and the lewd noises that emanated from her core. Rey knows that she should feel shame, disgust, regret that this has gone this far. To do this outside of marriage was an abomination. So why did it feel so good?

 

Rey began to move her hand up and down Lord Solo's manhood. His breath came out in pants and was moist against her neck. His fingers moved to the front of her womanhood and began to circle the tip of his finger over a raised bump of flesh. The pleasure was instantaneous and throbbing for Rey and her barely stifled moans were now high-pitched and sounded like they were punched from her. She felt her body tightening and felt almost scared at the pressure that felt like it was bubbling to boiling point in her body.

 

Rey moved her hand a little faster and Lord Solo broke away from her neck to throw back his head and moan deeply. The sound was delicious to Rey and he looked so beautiful to her in that moment. It was interrupted by the feel of wetness exploding over her finger and onto her exposed thigh. It was surprising but not unpleasant.

 

No more than five seconds had passed when Lord Solo's fingers moved faster and more deliberately against Rey. The boiling point in her reached fever pitch and then she felt like red hot electric shocks rolled down her body like a wave. She couldn't speak, couldn't even cry out, as it overtook her and could only shudder gracelessly beneath its power.

 

Lord Solo kissed her exposed breast and rested his head on her shoulder. The moment of exhausting ecstasy had now been replaced with a bone-weary calm that left them incapable of movement.

 

Rey lay still beneath her master. She knew they would have to clean up and hide the evidence soon. She knew he would have to steal away downstairs as soon as possible. She knew tomorrow they would have to pretend this had never happened.

 

But for now, she wanted to play pretend. Pretend they were just a man and a woman who had become lovers with nothing to lose and without a world of class and position separating them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blushes uncontrollably* yeah... so I just wrote that. I'm not used to writing smutty stuff so I hope it was okay. 
> 
> Let me know. I love feedback and I love you guys.


	11. The Story of Seclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> The support of this fic is so amazing I am practically giddy. Thank you all so so much. 
> 
> I wrote Leia's story to "Constantine" by Thomas Newman and yes I used some of the original characters for Han and Leia's family life for this fic. I hope it works.

It was as though a dragon had been woken and was rampaging through Rey's life. Gone was her calm, safe, yet ultimately quite repetitive life that she had enjoyed at Ileenium Manor. (For she had truly enjoyed it after the misery and poverty of the Jakku factory) She was now leading a lifestyle and daily routine that you would see in the most scandalous books that you could only procure by venturing into a part of London that catered to those kind of tastes.

 

Every moment they were together but in company was filled with breathless want. When they were alone together it was filled with primal need. Any time she was alone or otherwise separated from him, it was with anticipation that made her itch.

 

Lord Solo was hardly helping either. Rey could not be accused of trying to procure him for herself as he was doing a rather fantastic job all alone. He could not visit her room every night (even if he did own the Manor and was Master of all he surveyed) so their time together felt all the more desperate and heightened from the nights where Rey had only her own memories for company. The nights of exploring one another’s bodies with wandering hands and loose lips seemed to pass by in only half a heartbeat while the nights where they had to remain apart would drag on into what felt like almost a month.

 

It didn't stop him from waiting for her in alcoves when she was on her way to her duties and pulling her behind a tapestry to kiss her senseless. It didn't stop him crowding her into a corner in the library and running his hands over her body as though to memorise every crevice.

 

Rey couldn't call herself an innocent nonetheless. Something had been awoken within her that had slept all her life and now could not be nursed back into being quiet again. While she had recognised her feelings of attraction to Lord Solo from quite early on, she was now incapable of stopping herself growing wet at just the thought of him. And all he could do.

 

She loved stripping him of his shirt and feeling his body pressed against hers. Feeling his fingers tease her breasts and his lips suck on a spot just behind her ear. Feeling his fingers brush her lower lips and rubbing her to the point of ecstasy. Taking him in her hand and moving her hand in a way that both tantalized his completion and threatened to withhold it until she was ready. Sometimes, when she was alone, she slipped her own hand under her nightdress and rubbed herself in the way he was known to do so she could feel some relief. It felt good but not good enough.

 

She had been warned all her life about the follies and perils of sin. No one had thought to warn her that the sinning itself could feel so wonderfully addictive.

 

* * *

 

A week after Lord Solo had began his nightly visits to her room, Rey was arranging some of Lady Leia's clothing for the week in preparation of what her mistress would like to wear. Her mistress was quiet. When a question regarding what gown she would like to wear tomorrow went unanswered, Rey turned to see the older lady looking out of her bedroom window and out at the view of the land as though in a trance.

 

It took two attempts of calling her name before she got a response.

 

“Oh! Yes, well,” Lady Leia straightened herself and tried to look attentive, “I think black for tomorrow.”

 

Rey felt confused. Lady Leia had hung up her mourning clothes a few weeks ago and, while she hadn't worn a bright colour since, she hadn't worn so dark a colour either.

 

“As you wish.” Rey nodded and set about doing her duty of readying the clothes.

 

“I shan’t be needing you tomorrow Rey. You may have the day to yourself if you like.”

 

Rey looked up from her job again. She had every Sunday off as did most servants but tomorrow was a Tuesday.

 

“Why not, my Lady? If you don't mind my asking?”

 

Lady Leia sighed and looked just as distant as before. “It is a day of remembrance for me tomorrow. I wish to spend it alone. I do not normally do such a thing but this year…”

 

Rey said nothing else. She was certain any more prodding would be unwelcome and may even cause Lady Leia to lose her temper with her for once.

 

Instead she went about her business like a good servant did.

 

* * *

 

Rey had to take a detour to the stables to let Mr Chewbacca know of some jobs that Lady Leia needed paying attention to about the grounds. The business was completed in a moment and Mr Chewbacca responded in his usual gruff yet inoffensive manner. Rey was becoming suspicious that his vocabulary only stretched so far as a series of grunts.

 

Rey thought it a good opportunity to check in on Finn and see how he bid. In all the drama of the last month, she had began to feel as though she were neglecting him. He was her oldest and most dear friend. In fact, her very first friend. She did not forget her friends no matter what came in her way.

 

The stables were free of her friend much to her disappointment.

 

Ileenium Manor's stables were some of the best in the entire kingdom. Han's love of horses had encouraged him to build the very best for his fine steeds. It was maintained to still be great even now Han would no longer walk amongst it.

 

It had been quite a while since Rey was seized with grief at the remembrance of Lord Han but it was never more potent than in here. The smell of the stable hay and soft neighing of the horses brought back memories of his gruff yet attentive affection and respect for her knowledge. She walked over to one of the horses poking their head out of a stable box and stroked its head lovingly.

 

_Do you feel it? This ache? This wish to know what I could have had? To have Lady Leia as a mother figure and maybe even Han as a paternal one?_

 

There was the sound of footsteps on the gravel near the stable that came to a halt behind her. Rey turned around to greet Finn and think of happier things.

 

She was greeted with Lord Solo's eyes upon her.

 

Rey felt startled which was ridiculous as his eyes on her was rather chaste for the two of them nowadays. Yet to see Lord Solo, the living embodiment of Han and Leia's union, their natural son standing before her… he who had abandoned them for so many years and turned his back on the love that Rey yearned for…

 

It did not inspire a faster heartbeat or a flash of warmth but rather a feeling of irritation and almost contempt.

 

“My Lord.” She curtseyed.

 

“Rather formal for us, is it not?” Lord Solo commented.

 

“We are in public.”

 

“No-one is around.” He countered.

 

“Still.” She turned back to stroke the horse.

 

“Why are you in here?” He asked.

 

“I had to deliver a message to Mr Chewbacca. I thought I would see Finn on my way back.” Rey explained still petting the horse affectionately.

 

“Finn? The stable-hand?”

 

“Yes. I have not seen him much lately. I wanted to see how he bid.”

 

There was a moment's silence before Lord Solo's voice snapped like a whip.

 

“Do you normally pay such close attention to his activities?”

 

Rey looked round at him. His face, previously impassive with a slight hint of teasing, now looked tense and his mouth quite cruel.

 

“Of course I do. He's my best friend.”

 

“Indeed. And that's all he is? A friend?”

 

Rey would have burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all if she wasn't so insulted.

 

“Of course that's all! Finn is like a brother and very dear to me.”

 

“And are you _dear_ to him?” He said it like a swear word.

 

“I should think so, yes!” Lord Solo now looked like he was grinding his teeth to dust. “He was the first person in my life to show me the slightest hint of kindness. He got me a job here. He helped me settle. He is more dear to me than I can possibly say. Or explain. And I have not the time nor the inclination to explain.”

 

“If I am being made a fool of,” Lord Solo growled, “then I have every inclination to know.”

 

“Are you insane? You claimed my first kiss. You are the only man I have ever known in such a way. There has never been anyone else. I've never wanted there to be. Just because he is male does not mean that it isn't innocent. Finn is my friend. And he will stay one. Whether it is unpleasant to you or not!”

 

Rey moved to storm off but Lord Solo caught her forearm and he was sadly stronger than her. His hold didn't hurt but it didn't yield.

 

He stared at her in the eye as though to see if he could read the truth in her face. Rey made a point of refusing to blink.

 

Eventually he let her go.

 

“Forgive me. That was unjust.”

 

“Yes, it was.”

 

Lord Solo sighed. “I am not used to women of your candour. I don't expect to receive the truth in all things.”

 

“I'm not most women.”

 

“No, you are not.” He stepped a little closer. His voice was low. “May I come to you tonight?”

 

Rey shock her head. “Not tonight. It won't be possible.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Your mother has dismissed me for tomorrow. I need to get things prepared for her if I am not there to do it for her.” Rey suddenly looked at him earnestly. “Do you know why she wants to be alone?”

 

“My mother? No. I've not a clue.”

 

“Is today the marking of something? Something special?” Rey persisted.

 

Lord Solo furrowed his eyes as though thinking. Then his expression cleared with understanding. “Ah. I see.”

 

“See what?”

 

Lord Solo looked at her. “Do you like the horses?”

 

Rey wasn't pleased with the change of subject but nodded.

 

“Can you ride one?” He asked. Another nod from Rey. “Tomorrow… come out with me.”

 

Rey looked at him as though he had taken leave of his senses. “What?”

 

“Me and you. Tomorrow. Let us leave this place.”

 

“Are you not in your right mind?! We can't-”

 

“We will leave the Manor separately obviously. And go where no-one will see us. I am sure a disguise will suffice if you are feeling nervous of being spotted but there will be no need.”

 

Rey could only gape. “Your mother may need you. If it is a special day-”

 

“Believe me,” he cut her off, “my presence will be of as little comfort tomorrow as it ever has been. Less so tomorrow than ever.”

 

There was a look in the eye of Lord Solo that even Rey couldn't fight.

 

“But where-”

 

“The side of the road where I passed you in the carriage that time.” He said immediately.

 

Rey tried to think of an excuse or a further fight which undoubtedly any sane woman would use. And yet… a day alone with him…

 

“Very well. But please,” she entreated, “take care to cover your tracks.”

 

“I shall. I have a great many excuses. I can stretch one.”

 

“Very well, my Lord.”

 

Lord Solo took a step closer to her. “Why do you still call me that? I am more than your Lord and Master now surely?”

 

“What am I supposed to call you?” She asked. There was a hint of excitement in the air. This force that united them both.

 

“Call me Kylo. It is my name.”

 

Rey furrowed her eyebrows. Kylo? Then remembered the monogram on the handkerchief and the name that Bazine had called him.

 

“That's not your name! Your Christian name is Benjamin.”

 

A look passed over Lord Solo's face. Like a curtain that had been pulled down on a play.

 

“I do not use that name anymore. I cannot stop my mother using it. I can tolerate 'Lord Solo' while I reside here. But my name is Kylo Ren.”

 

“Then you can tolerate Lord Solo a bit longer.” Rey replied tartly. “I am not called you that name.”

 

Lord Solo gave half a smirk, half a sneer. “Call me what you wish. But meet me on the road. I will come for you.”

 

He strode out of the stables and away from her before she could argue any more.

 

* * *

 

Rey set out as soon as morning broke. There was no-one about and no-one saw her leave. She was glad of it. Being seen would arise too many questions.

 

She had made her excuses to Maz that she intended to spend the day in town for a change of scenery and to acquire some new linen on the market stalls. There was nothing pressing in the Manor that needed doing and Maz bid her to have a good time.

 

The lack of suspicion somehow made her feel worse.

 

She had gone to retrieve Lady Leia from her dinner with Lord Solo as she always done and was following her out the door when Lord Solo quickly pressed a piece of paper into her hand. She slipped it into her dress without looking at it and followed her mistress.

 

She was sat on her little bed in the attic when it was finally safe to read it.

 

_Meet me at the passing at 7 in the morning._

 

A time was settled. Now how would she wait by the road without looking suspicious?

 

A young lady's maid walking to town was not unusual especially if she was armed with a basket. But an unaccompanied girl standing still and waiting on a road side did not look good in any society.

 

She needed to make sure she wasn't recognised.

 

Rey thought for a time before an idea came into her head. It was daring but it could work.

 

Now she was setting off at a quick speed with her plan in action.

 

The walk was quick and soon she was at the spot where she was permitted to wait. The sun was rising and promised a cloudy yet mild day. She sat down on the side of the road and waited.

 

No-one came along the road as it was early until there was a thunder of horses hooves.

 

A black stallion with a gleaming coat held a man of similar dress and imposing grace. Lord Solo looked about.

 

“Boy, have you seen anyone go past today?”

 

Rey looked up and Lord Solo looked back. And realised who he had addressed.

 

Rey wasn't offended. It proved her disguise was wise.

 

Rey had arrived at the Manor in what could be only described as rags. And rags that were a pair of boy's breeches, an old shirt and a battered coat along with a cap that she shoved her hair into. It was a safe bet to masquerade as a boy when working in Jakku. It was more practical in terms of work.

 

Lord Solo looked astounded and then did something quite uncharacteristic: he laughed out loud.

 

“God preserve me, you really are cautious. Quite clever.”

 

“It is best to be prepared.” Rey replied. She looked at the horse. Stupidly, she thought he would bring the carriage. She hadn't actually thought about what they would do once she had arrived.

 

Lord Solo swung down off his horse and picked up Rey. She let out a little start of surprise before realising she was being placed on the horse. Sat side-saddle, she felt awkward and unsafe. She swung her leg over to ride astride. Lord Solo mounted the horse and sat himself behind her. His body was flush against hers as a result. That familiar warmth and need rose up in Rey rapidly.

 

“Rather unusual to ride like a man.” Lord Solo commented.

 

“What part of any of this is actually usual?” Rey replied. Lord Solo chuckled and snapped the reins. The horse started and they rode, not along the road, but off it. Across the greenery and the mountains of D'Qar.

 

* * *

 

Rey lost track of how long they rode along the mountains. She didn't care for she felt glorious. The wind on her face and the speed of which the countryside whipped past them was something she had missed with an ache that she only realised now it was no longer there. The feeling of freedom it inspired in her made her feel like she was a caged bird allowed to fly.

 

Lord Solo was a good horseman, keeping a control of his horse while his arm stayed wrapped around Rey's waist to secure her on the saddle. Her back was moulded into his and she knew she was safe from falling from the horse. She trusted her own skills to save her even if the horseman were not so attentive but it gave her a feeling of sparks in her lower abdomen.

 

They passed numerous mountains, streams and animals before they came to a stop outside a rather dilapidated and abandoned barn. The area had a slight incline but was more or less clear. The view of the valley took her breath away. She could see for miles and the smells of mountain air made her want to close her eyes and never shut them again.

 

“It is a modest place.” Lord Solo whispered as though gifting her a secret. “I used to come here as a boy when I wanted to hide away. I have only come here once or twice since I have returned yet...”

 

“It is lovely.” Rey whispered. “So green. So peaceful.”

 

Lord Solo dismounted and, despite her ability to get down unaided, helped Rey down. His hands lingered on her waist a moment and their eyes even longer on one another.

 

Save her, she could not deny he really was the most handsome of men. She would fight bare-knuckled anyone who would criticize his looks.

 

The horse snorted and drew Rey's attention to it. It looked irritable and took her a while to soothe it. Probably tired from the journey over such uneven ground. Eventually he went quiet.

 

The horse reminded her of its owner: stubborn and surly yet agreeable when petted.

 

“You are good with horses.” Lord Solo mused.

 

“They are beautiful creatures.” Rey replied.

 

“Would you like to ride him? Alone?”

 

Rey looked at Lord Solo. This was a _great_ horse. “May I?” She sounded childlike but she cared not.

 

Lord Solo nodded.

 

Rey climbed up onto the horse easily and then took the reins. She felt a giddiness.

 

She started slowly riding the stallion around in a circle to gage her abilities as she had not rode a horse for a long while. That did not last long as she soon rode the horse in large circles and quite fast. With a laugh, she ripped off her cap and tossed it into the air. Her hair was not tightly bound and came loose not long after. Her hair was whipping wildly in the air and she felt like a warrior Queen.

 

After about twenty minutes, she slowed to stop.

 

Lord Solo had watched the entire show. He looked torn between pleasure, amusement, awe and astonishment. Rey smiled shyly.

 

There was suddenly a rumble above them. They looked up. A storm was coming. The overcast clouds had been replaced with darkness. Spots of water started to hit their heads.

 

Lord Solo looked startled and spoke urgently.

 

“In the barn. Quickly!”

 

Rey led the horse to the side of the barn and then ducked out of the rain. Lord Solo was looking up at the sky.

 

Rey watched him with interest as he stared at the rain. He always reacted quite strongly when it began to rain and could never tolerate her being out in it. It seemed a rather passionate hatred. Almost ruthless.

 

Lord Solo looked away and took in the image of Rey. She mused how she must look. Her hair was wild, her eyes dark and cheeks flushed. Dressed in the tight clothing of a boy. She was everything society would despise.

 

It didn't stop him taking her in his arms and kissing her with a passion that had nothing decent about it.

 

The thrill of being alone, away from the house, from the outside world, caused them to feel bolder. Rey shed his coat and waistcoat with such force that she worried it might be ripped. He tossed it to the ground without a second glance.

 

Hands in his hair, down his back, palming his buttocks, she was not easily sated. The night of being alone with only her own guilty explorations took their toll on her. And she needed release.

 

She was led to a haystack and lain down on top of it. Lord Solo licked at her throat and she moaned her joy. They had no need to be quiet. No-one was around for miles. The sounds roused his own moans and he ground himself into her against the apex of her legs. It made the eyes roll back in her head and her voice to let out an exclamation that was half laugh, half sob.

 

Rey was a little perplexed and shy when he removed her breeches altogether. He had kissed her ankles and touched her underneath her nightdress. Yet he had never seen her fully.

 

Rey closed her eyes and waited for his fingers to touch her where she needed to be touched.

 

What she got instead was something softer, and wetter and so incredible her eyes shot back open.

 

Lord Solo hadn't put his hand there but his mouth. And was licking her like he was a man dying of thirst.

 

Rey thanked whoever was listening for the fact they were secluded as she was unable to be quiet. Her cries were frantic and ecstatic. She never knew that people could do this. She'd heard stories but… well, she thought they were just that: stories.

 

The movements of his mouth and the vibrations of his moans were causing her to feel the boiling over feeling starting to build. The sheer salaciousness of the action he was performing made her feel dirty and yet heightened her pleasure. Maybe there was something wrong with her… or maybe the world had got it so very wrong.

 

The moment he took her raised flesh between his lips and sucked upon it, Rey was lost to the pleasure. She trembled and her legs jerked and twitched yet his hands rubbed her inner thighs in a soothing motion. He continued to gently lap at her until she was so sensitive it nearly bordered on pain.

 

The desire to sleep was intense but she resisted to open Lord Solo's breeches. She was no longer nervous in this action. Her movements were sure and strong. His member was positioned not far from her exposed womanhood. Rey coaxed him forward and rubbed the shaft of his manhood along her lower lips without entering her. It was enough to have them both panting.

 

Her hand sped up and she continued to grind against him. She was too sensitive to feel a climax again but it was definitely pleasant and enough to get her sweating. He eventually ground against her a little harder and spilled his seed upon her exposed belly. His face was flushed red and his hair was sticking to his face. His face contorted in pleasure and relief.

 

He gasped against her shoulder as Rey encouraged him to rest his weight upon her.

 

Eventually he spoke.

 

“Very well. You may call me Ben.”

 

* * *

 

They were late arriving back to the Manor. The rain poured most of the day meaning they were forced to remain sheltered within the barn for a good deal of time. Rey was perfectly content with this. Lord Solo had had the foresight of bringing a little food in his saddle bag. They ate bread, cheese and a flask of beer. They found themselves talking about silly things. She had asked him about the games he had played here in this secret place as a boy. He had asked of her experiences as a girl. They had lain together in the hay, dozed a while, talked a great deal and explored their passion twice more. The last time she had been brave enough to try her hand at taking his member in her mouth to pleasure him as he had done. She had been nervous and resorted to little kitten licks but he had seemed very receptive. He had spilled onto the hay not long after and gasped like he had run a hundred miles.

 

It had been a day of just them. Ben and her.

 

Ben.

 

Her lover was called Ben.

 

Somehow that meant more to her than being the lover of a Lord ever could.

 

They had rode back to the manor under cover of darkness. Rey had stored away a dress in the stables to change into and Lord Solo was obliged to leave her alone to enter first. He seemed reluctant but eventually relented.

 

She went to bed that night exhausted and sure she still had hay in her hair yet with the ache of a hard won victory in her bones.

 

* * *

 

She roused Lady Leia the next day. The older woman behaved as normal but there was still an answer Rey had never got to a question.

 

“Lady Leia, if you don't find it imprudent, what did you do yesterday?”

 

“I spent the day in chapel.”

 

Rey blinked. Lady Leia was a church goer but not overly devout.

 

“Was yesterday special?” She felt embarrassingly ignorant.

 

“In a sense. Though special is a painful word for it. I never normally mark the day in church but this year, what with Han's death, I felt I needed...”

 

Lady Leia trailed off and looked at Rey. Leia sat down in her seat by the fireplace. She looked resigned yet she gestured Rey to sit down in the opposite seat. Rey slowly sank into the chair and waited for her mistress to speak.

 

“As you know, Ben – Lord Solo is my only heir. My son.” Rey nodded. Of course she knew this. “What you may not know Rey is that he is not my only child. He is my only _surviving_ child. I actually gave birth to four children in total.”

 

Rey went still and paled a little. “You… had four children?”

 

Lady Leia nodded.

 

Rey was lost for words. It seemed that Lady Leia took that as her cue to continue.

 

“When Han and myself first married, I fell pregnant almost immediately. It was a surprise but a happy one. At the time however my marriage to Han, a man of such low station and wealth, was still quite a controversial event. I was ostracised for my choice and decided to keep my pregnancy a secret. Something to cherish, to bask in, alone with my husband in our home.

 

“It was probably the most peaceful and normal time for myself and Han during our whole marriage. It was the honeymoon stage and we were excited. It was a shock when I discovered I was due to have not one but two children. Twins. They _did_ run in the family though so it shouldn't have been. Nonetheless we felt ready.

 

“The pregnancy was relatively straightforward but my labour was hard. Indeed, there was a point when the doctor was worried I might not survive. But I rallied. And gave birth to two children. A boy and a girl.

 

“The children were small. They were strong but small. I wasn't worried. We had made it through the worst I believed. We could rally against anything. Han was besotted with them. We both were. I don't think either of us had ever felt love like it. I called the girl Jaina and the boy Jacen.

 

“We lost Jaina first. It was so sudden. We lay the children down to sleep one night when they were about three months old. When I went to bed, I had two children. When I woke, I had one. The doctor said it was part of God's plan. There was no reason he could find. It was just the way of the world.

 

“I held her one more time before she was taken away. She was so beautiful. So peaceful. Her little tuft of brown hair sticking up and her eyelashes so pretty. My baby girl. It took Reverend Tekka about an hour to convince me to hand her over to rest.

 

“Han's grief was terrible. It was one of the only times I saw him drop the roguish gentleman act. He was lost. She had been his jewel. And she had been mine.

 

“It took us many weeks but then we decided to try and recover ourselves. We still had a son who needed us.

 

“Jacen made it to his first birthday. The consumption came quickly and was merciless. He fought hard, God is my witness, he fought so hard. But he was a child. And a child only has so much fight against the inevitable.

 

“Han went away to serve the Navy. It was his way of coping. I threw myself into politics. The scandal that rose in London was nothing compared to the pain of memories.

 

“A year passed. I fell pregnant often but lost the child before I could even start to show. It became the most ludicrous cycle of hope and despair. Han tried to be optimistic. We both did. But it became harder not to face each pregnancy with almost tired anger.

 

“Then, in our fifth year of marriage, I carried a child to term. The labour was easier and the boy was strong. We were so happy Rey I can't explain. The doctor was beaming with pleasure; he was such a bonny child. We called him Anakin.

 

“Han stayed home and we both watched him grow. He just seemed to thrive. He adored Han and would follow him around the house as soon as he could toddle.

 

“Everything was set. Our futures looked brighter. We even considered trying for more children. We weren't scared anymore.

 

“That's the truly evil thing about loss: it steals up on you in the dark. When you aren't prepared.

 

“It was only meant to be a cold. A small fever. Nothing too serious that he hadn't survived before. We didn't realise it was Diphtheria until it was much too late. He slipped away before my eyes. He was only four years old.

 

“The pain it inspired! I felt cheated. Anakin was strong and he was meant to live to a good age. We had suffered enough. It was supposed to be our time to enjoy the rewards of the dues we had paid.

 

“So when I discovered a year later, that I was pregnant once more, I didn't feel joy; I felt dread. Because by then I was so sure that I would lose this child as well. Han was much the same. He barely reacted. We were stealing ourselves for the inevitable.

 

“I carried the child to term and gave birth after a relatively short labour. The baby was born. Another boy. The doctor examined him. A good weight and good constitution, he'd said. All present and correct. As happy and healthy a child as he had ever seen.

 

“He was placed in my arms. He had a head of black hair. He was such a pretty baby. I cried. Everyone thought it was joy. It wasn't. It was because I loved him already and I couldn't bare the idea of losing him. I christened him Ben. And I waited.

 

“Han left for the war soon after. I think he was glad of the excuse. He had looked into the cradle at his son but I couldn't make him hold him. He was too frightened to form a bond. Because all our bonds had been broken. When we bid each other farewell, he asked me to write to him if… anything happened.

 

“Except… the baby didn't die. He grew up. Grew stronger. Learned to walk. Learned to talk. He caught illnesses. A fever once and the chicken pox another time. I waited through the night for the end but morning would break and he would still be breathing.

 

“He was a quiet boy. Serious and thoughtful. He would look at me as though trying to figure me out. When he would trip over and hurt himself, he would cry but wouldn't come to me. Wouldn't ask for a hug. He would go and hug the family dog instead. I asked him once, when he cut his arm open after falling off a horse, why he didn't come straight to me.

 

“He shrugged and said that I was busy. I said I wasn't too busy to take care of him. He shook his head and said, “It's alright, Mother. I know you don't like hugs.” I was shocked. I admit I was always very stiff and unnatural giving him affection but I hadn't thought he would notice. Foolish of me! It must have been like hugging a brick wall.

 

“I tried to hug him then. Tried to reach out. He ducked away and played with his stitches. “I don't like hugs either now” was all he said.

 

“He was ten years old.

 

“Han had been away most of his childhood. Only popping back every now and then to check in on things. He was always amazed to see Ben thriving. I'm sure he thought it was a cruel trick. Then when his duty was over, he came home. He was confronted with a twelve-year-old boy who didn't know how to respond to him. Han and Ben… they were so different. Han was loud and could be abrasive and arrogant. Ben was almost silent at times. But his eyes could see into your soul.

 

“If Ben had grown weary of chasing my maternal affection, it was impossible for Han. Han was into duelling, horseback riding and being a man about the town. Ben was very skilled at swordsmanship and good on a horse but he was good at other things too. He was clever. He could read at five years old and spent a great deal of time in the library. Han didn't know what to do with that. He tried to talk to Ben but if often ended in arguments. Tried to involve Ben in activities like hunting. That was almost always a disaster.

 

“In the end, I thought that the kindest and most sensible thing to do would be to send him to my brother Luke to continue his education. Luke was a scholar and had always seemed fond of Ben. I thought that it might do Ben some good.

 

“When I told him, I saw Ben's anger for the first time. He thought that I was dismissing him as a problem. Choosing the love of my husband over him. He seemed under the impression that Han wanted him gone. Complete nonsense of course. Han had nothing to do with it. I tried to explain this. Explain that he was heir to a great estate and fortune. His education had to be the best.

 

“He stared at me for a long time and then left the room. The next day, he had packed his things. If he was to go, he wanted to go right that moment, he had explained. I entreated him that things weren't prepared and Luke wasn't expecting him for another month. Han watched the entire thing and in the end told me to let him go. I'd never seen Han look so defeated. Like he knew that he'd failed. Ben didn't take it that way. He saw it as confirmation that his father wanted him gone.

 

“I tried to hug him. But he turned his back on me. He was gone within the hour.

 

“I'd been so afraid of losing my son that my fear had manifested into reality. But it wasn't illness that took him. It had been our neglect.

 

“Bizarrely, now that he was gone, I tried to write to him as often as I could. Entreating him to write back. Give me updates on his education. How he was faring. Anything.

 

“He gave me replies but they were like harvest reports: facts, dates, completely impersonal. I fell to Luke to tell me how he did. About his progress, about his refusal to talk to him about anything personal, about his isolation.

 

“I visited as often as I could. He grew taller and more broad. More striking and more like his father in looks. I was proud of him but hardly knew him. He didn't surrender any information and I decided not to pry.

 

“I soon got letters from Luke regarding an acquaintance that Ben had made. At a ball when he was sixteen, he apparently struck up a friendship with a boy visiting from Coruscant: a one Armitage Hux.”

 

Rey who had been silent throughout the story telling could only nod. She had a fair idea of the outcome.

 

“Luke didn't like the boy. Said he was capricious and arrogant. And he had dangerous ideas. But he was the first boy to not tease Ben. To compliment his intelligence and see potential. And Ben was taken in. As would anyone who had felt nothing from anyone but apathy and nonchalance all his life.

 

“They exchanged letters. Hux introduced him to people. And before his seventeenth birthday, he ran away to Coruscant. He had been enrolled into the First Order government and had a new mentor: Leader Snoke.

 

“Han and myself went down there as soon as we found out. We were horrified and worried for him. Not only was Snoke a political rival, he was also known to be a master manipulator and as cruel a man as ever there was. The thought of Ben being caught up in that…

 

“We arrived at the mansion where Snoke lived and housed his protégées. We could barely get through the gates but, after about an hour of refusing to move, Snoke called for Ben.

 

“That vile snake! He sat there in his chair as though it were a throne. As though he had all the power. He sat there as Ben was called.

 

“I hardly recognised him. He had grown so tall. He looked so much like a man. He was a man. Snoke asked Ben if he would like to speak to his parents? As though we were not right there in front of him!

 

“Do you know what he said?

 

“'Why would I, Sir? I barely know them.'

 

“I understood then. That he was lost to me. Lost to us. He looked at me with barely concealed disdain and anger. He hated us. And it was all my own doing. Han pulled me away. He was too proud to beg.

 

“For fourteen long years, we could only snatch at news of him. The last time Han was here he seemed older. A little more mellow. Sadder. We both were. And I asked then: bring him home.

 

“He left for London. And I never saw him again. I do not know what transpired before the fever took him. Whether Ben saw him or would even hear him. But he _did_ come home.

 

“I just wish… I wish above all things that I had not had to trade one for the other.”

 

Rey who had tears in her eyes could only murmur: “So yesterday...”

 

“It was the anniversary of the day I sent Ben away. It's the day I remember all my children. The ones I lost to illness and the one I lost to folly.”

 

The two women sat there lamenting the story. They could only stare into the fire as though it gave them the answers to their own impossible questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard one to write but I hope I did it justice. 
> 
> Please give me feedback. They are my happiness!


	12. Gifts Both Wanted and Unregarded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys.
> 
> I can only apologise for the long wait. I'm never normally that bad. I suffer from depression and have my whole life. The last two weeks saw a particularly nasty flare of it overcome my ability to write. They luckily are helped with medication and I'm back to a functioning state. But you don't know how much I appreciate your patience and continued support. Sometimes reading the comments was the only thing that could raise a smile. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Rey found herself thinking about Lord Solo's past for the entirety of the following night. He had not come to her room that night which, for once, she was extremely grateful of. Curling up in her threadbare and rather small blanket, she lay thinking continuously over what Lady Leia had told her.

 

The whole history of the Solo family left her feeling shattered, angry and bemused. The grief of Lady Leia was palpable and like a shawl that weighed heavy and unyielding upon her shoulders. In many respects, she could understand Leia's actions. They were motivated by fear, love and a sense of self-preservation that had always guided her through life. To have your dream crushed again and again and again… it had been remarkable that she could rise every morning and face the world.

 

Yet Rey found herself grateful to Lady Leia for shedding light on her poor decisions. Because it opened her eyes to a little known truth: that Ben was more like his parents than he would ever admit.

 

He had abandoned them. And Rey wasn't so foolish as to believe that she wasn't biased against him for that one cardinal sin. And yet… he had simply removed himself from a situation he found too painful to survive within. And, although nowhere near as brutal and desolate as her own childhood had been, had he not done what she had done – seek a better life elsewhere?

 

Rey bunched her blanket up around her for both warmth and additional comfort. Such a sad childhood filled with uncertainty and stilted conversation and unnatural affection.

 

For all her lingering ability to still find his actions to his parents' cruel and needlessly painful, a side of Rey (the side that had cut BB8 from the tangled netting in the dirty factory of Jakku all those years ago and try to set him free) still survived. It survived and burned to do more for him. Lord Solo needed power. Ben Solo needed affection.

 

Rey wasn't sure how but there could be a way to endeavour to give him both.

 

* * *

 

Rey was walking through the gallery, on her way to send a message to Maz regarding the supper that night, when a large familiar hand caught her forearm and pulled her into a hidden alcove. Rey didn't even gasp. She knew the owner from his aura alone.

 

Lord Solo didn't waste any time with pleasantries and proceeded to pin Rey up against the wall where he could kiss her as thoroughly as he could. Rey knew that this should not be encouraged and was dangerous to them both. It didn't stop her closing her eyes and threading her fingers through his silken hair. Somehow, as soon as they were together after any absence of any length, it was like she couldn't have him close enough. His height, strength, smell, touch and overall physical being was enough to make her temporarily insane with the allure of him and all he could do to her.

 

They spent a few moments of tasting one another when they finally pulled apart with gasping breaths that they tried and failed to silence.

 

“It's been _days_.” He breathed as a means of explanation. Rey simply nodded.

 

“You have duties. And I have mine.” She reasoned. Always the voice of reason between the two of them.

 

“I think of you when I work.” His hands travelled down her body, resting on her tiny waist. “I think of you riding my horse with your hair blowing. Of you draped across the hay with flushed cheeks. Of parting your legs and tasting you.”

 

The words made Rey flush with their depravity and she nervously glanced back to make sure no-one was around to hear them. And yet she wanted to hear them. That familiar warmth had settled between her legs and she pushed them together tightly for some semblance of relief. None came.

 

Lord Solo tilted her chin up with his finger in the way he often did when he wanted to see her face.

 

“I could make your life better. We could be like this without secrecy.”

 

Rey felt frozen at his words. He continued.

 

“I could dress you in the finest clothes. Give you the best apartments. Ensure you never have to work again. You would be given everything you have ever wanted.”

 

Rey stared at him and then voiced what he was suggesting.

 

“You wish me to be your mistress?”

 

“My acknowledged and only mistress.” He corrected. “I have not the power to give you the things you deserve when you are my mother's chambermaid. If you were to come forward with me, I would have the whole of Coruscant bow to you.”

 

Rey looked into his dark eyes. He was earnest, no doubt, and would do all this and more for her. She had the sudden comprehension that he would drape her in more jewels than she could wear if she had any inclination.

 

They could be together in the open.

 

But…

 

She would be of ruined character. She would be a scarlet woman. Draped in finery she got from what all good society would call 'whore's tricks'.

 

Rey didn't have much taste for society's views but she did have morals. It was all well and good that her and Lord Solo were conducting this in secret. They were both unattached and not hurting anyone really. But if she were a mistress, she would have to stand by when the time came for him to marry. He may even keep her as his most loved. Rey didn't know if that was better or worse. Although she probably wouldn't like the woman he would marry much (images of Bazine sprung unwelcome to mind) she didn't want to actively cause pain.

 

“No.” She whispered. “I can't.”

 

Lord Solo looked grave and took half a step back.

 

“You will not let me make your life better for you?”

 

“I'm perfectly happy. I don't need fancy dresses or parties to make me content. Why can't we continue as we are? We enjoy one another and it gives us pleasure.”

 

The words of her apparent happiness with him seemed to soothe him a little as he let her brush his hair out of his face.

 

“I would still make life easier for you.” He reasoned.

 

“It would not take a ridiculous diamond to make that happen.” Rey reasoned. Footsteps could be heard approaching and Rey quickly kissed him. “Think reasonably. And remember who you are gifting.” And she dashed off down the gallery before he could catch her again.

 

* * *

 

Two nights later, she returned to her attic room to find her old threadbare blanket gone.

 

A large red blanket made of rich wool was lying in its place. There was a note on top.

 

_To keep you warm when I cannot._

 

The chill that night was strong and bitter. Rey did not feel an inch of it. She was asleep within minutes.

 

* * *

 

It was the following Sunday when Rey managed to be alone with Lord Solo again but his influence was felt throughout the entire week.

 

The red wool blanket had been the beginning of his little gifts. Every night she would return to her room to find another treasure on her bed.

 

Tuesday: a fine lace petticoat that was like silk to touch and yet sufficient in protecting her body from chills. It fit her to perfection and was invisible beneath her dark grey gown.

 

Wednesday: a large pot of honey. Rey's favourite. She remembered her defending his father's actions by her tale of the honey he had gifted her when living. Lord Solo's was much bigger. Probably another slight to his father's gesture but not one she could chastise without delight at her own fortune.

 

Thursday: New gloves. To replace the one he stole.

 

Friday: A book that had caught her eye in the library. It was a new copy from town. All her own and never to be missed.

 

Saturday: A new bonnet. One that covered her hair but didn't make her head look quite so misshapen.

 

She was wearing her new bonnet and gloves when she went for her usual walk on her day off. It was a rather miserable overcast day but not too cold for her usual exercise.

 

Rey found herself lost in her own musings when she came across the old church where Lord Solo spent hours on his knees in Mass. His devotion to religion was fascinating to Rey. It was clearly not something he did for merely show. He lived and breathed it. Sought strength in a God he did not always understand and yet loved and obeyed him all the same in his pursuit for understanding and strength.

 

She had resolved to leave him in peace when he appeared in the doorway. He looked as though he was taking his leave and that her appearance was a surprise. She dipped into a curtsey (just encase Reverend Tekka was close by) and made all the proper solicitation.

 

He merely looked at her and then motioned for her to come inside. He was lost inside the dark chamber before Rey could argue.

 

She followed him inside after a moment.

 

The smell of incense was intense and Reverend Tekka must have left for the nearby parish not long before Rey had arrived. For it was simply her and Lord Solo within the church. It had been the scene of many confrontations between the two and a sense of dread stole over her at the idea. For despite appearances she did not always seek out an argument with her lover.

 

Lord Solo was sat upon a pew and Rey silently took a seat beside him.

 

“Thank you for the gifts.” She whispered. “They are precious to me. But not necessary.”

 

“If I cannot improve your standing then I will at least endeavour to make your current situation a little more kinder.” He reasoned.

 

“You do understand that I do not require gifts to maintain my attention?” She asked after a moment.

 

A pause sat between them.

 

“I am coming to, yes.” He replied eventually. “Though I find it a very strange turn of events.”

 

Remembering his past of stunted affection, Rey reached forward and took his hand in her own. Her own was tiny in his huge palm. His fingers were long and his thumb could easily touch his forefinger if they wrapped around Rey's wrist. The leather of the glove he was wearing was smooth beneath her own silk glove. She wished suddenly that their hands were bare and their skins allowed to touch.

 

It was a simple gesture and the tamest they had ever shared. Yet he looked at her hand in his with wide and bemused eyes. That such a show of gentle affection should shock him so much was heartbreaking.

 

“Rey-”

 

“Shhhhh.” Rey hushed. “Let's just sit here a while. Just a man and a woman. Rey and Ben. The world will wait. We are in God's house.”

 

Lord Solo worked his mouth as though he would talk still. And then closed it and silence reigned gently over both.

 

* * *

 

The pair walked back together as far as when the Manor came back into view. Rey maintained she could walk alone and it was safer to not be seen together. Lord Solo would have had her walk with him to front steps if he had his way. So in the end a compromise was found.

 

They did not touch on the way back, keeping a respectful distance, just encase they did happen to come upon someone on the way. They did however talk lowly together in the intimate tone of two people who were circling one another. Just waiting for the inevitable.

 

By the time they had walked through the majority of the gardens, it was agreed that Ben should visit her room that night.

 

All should be settled and well in the world if they had not caught sight of a new and ornate coach in the stables as they passed.

 

“We are not expecting visitors?” Rey asked, confused.

 

“Not that I am aware.” Lord Solo replied clearly mirroring her feelings.

 

Lord Solo quickly dismissed the idea of the First Order. They were of the habit of sending notice before visits as they expected a level of comforts and grandeur to their surroundings that a haphazard and unexpected arrival wouldn't provide.

 

It was upon parting ways and Rey entering the kitchen that the visitor’s identity was burst upon her.

 

“Rey! Have you seen him?” Finn asked immediately.

 

“Seen who?” She asked.

 

“Lord Luke Skywalker. He's here. Arrived this very hour!”

 

Rey knew then that Lord Solo would indeed not be visiting her room that night.

 

* * *

 

Lord Skywalker's visit had the effect of a storm. The servants had to work in double time and on a night off to prepare him some rooms that were fit for his station. Maz worked hard to get a dinner fine enough and big enough to accommodate him.

 

Jess and Rey aired out the linen and set about candles with fine wax for his use in the room.

 

It was apparent that even Lady Leia herself had not foreseen or expected his visit. She had greeted her brother with warm affection but with obvious amazement. He had been ushered away into the drawing room to discuss how he bid and what brought him to the Manor. Lord Solo, upon hearing of his uncle's arrival, was endeavoured to join them. According to Mr Dameron, he had not met the news with an air of grace or happiness.

 

Rather like she was about to engage in a duel.

  
They had not left the study since.

 

Rey went to bed that night and undressed with a feeling of complex emotions. She was still feeling calmed and warmed by the remembrance of their small connection in the church. But the arrival of a long spoken of figure, whom she had never seen, was a new cog in the valve that she did not anticipate.

 

There was a portrait of Lord Skywalker which hung in the dining room which she had spent some time observing in the past. He seemed to be of average height by standing taller than his twin sister who was a small woman and only over five foot by a mere inch. At the time of the painting, he had short blond hair, a clean shaven face and bright blue eyes. He seemed quite handsome and gallant. There was an edge of vibrancy to him even in the painting.

 

A part of her was intrigued to meet another member of the family that was so dear to her and Luke Skywalker had been talked about so much that she felt that she already knew him. To see the man himself was an exciting prospect but a daunting one. She did not forget that Lord Solo's abandonment of his family extended to him as well. He had fled his uncle's home without a backward glance and, while Rey doubted he had met any unkindness by his guardian, the question still hung over her what their relationship, if any, was now.

 

She wrapped herself in the wool blanket and burrowed under the covers. A question for the morning. And morning always approached much quicker than Rey liked.

 

* * *

 

Rey was brought face-to-face with Lord Skywalker when she was required to serve him in Lady Leia's apartments. The twin siblings were clearly trying to catch up on some of the old times they had lost over the years.

 

Rey had to battle hard to hide her astonishment at the sight of the man in front of her. She had not been blind to what time did to a person. Lady Leia, with a tiny figure and long brown hair in the portrait with her brother, was now softened with years and had many silver hairs. There was still the undeniable charisma and regal quality that she still held however.

 

Lord Skywalker was as different to his portrait as was possible to be. Gone was his blond hair and shaven appearance. His hair was darkened in places and grey in others. A large beard covered his entire face and his lithe figure was more padded. His blue eyes were the only thing unchanged. The exuberance that seemed to burst from the oil-painting was muted now. He seemed perpetually tired and as though the world had made him wise with many hard felt blows.

 

Still, he seemed polite and acknowledged Rey which was more than most noblemen were like to do.

 

The siblings chattered together over everything and nothing as Rey busied herself with making tea, fetching anything they needed and playing with BB8 in the meantime. Rey saw with some amusement that the cat seemed quite fond of the new arrival and walked among his legs looking for attention once or twice.

 

Rey tried to turn off her ears to their conversation as she was like to do in the past but so many things resonated with her that she could not help but listen covertly. They spoke of his home, of his life now (which sounded terribly lonely), of Mara (a name spoke affectionately but with evident pain), of Han and of their advancing years. Lord Solo seemed to be a point of conversation avoided as best as they could for the time.

 

Lady Leia showed her brother the book with Han's rather witty notes in the margin. The man went quiet at the sight of it and seemed to be lamenting his lost friend. Rey turned her face away to hide her glistening eyes.

 

The day passed by and soon it was time for supper. Lady Leia asked Rey while she prepared her for dinner if she would prepare the study for them as they would retire there after they dined together. She nodded her agreement.

 

* * *

 

She had just finished preparing the room about two hours later when the door opened. Lady Leia, Lord Skywalker and Lord Solo all entered. There was a sudden feeling of gravity in the air and Rey suddenly felt as though she may choke upon it.

 

Lord Solo started a little when he caught sight of her but regained his composure.

 

Lord Skywalker and Lady Leia sat down in the chairs while Rey asked if they would require any tea.

 

“No, thank you Rey.” Lady Leia replied.

 

“Will you sit down Ben?” Lord Skywalker enquired.

 

“I prefer to stand.” Lord Solo replied tightly. Rey furrowed her eyebrows. It seemed that he was determined to be obstinate.

 

Lord Skywalker sighed. “Very well. Maybe the young lady should leave to let us discuss...”

 

Rey dipped a curtsey and went to leave but Lord Solo stopped her.

 

“What difference will it make? Servants know better than to talk amongst themselves.” Rey coloured a little. He was talking in his usual dismissive and slightly sarcastic tone. It was a good cover. It shouldn't sting her so.

 

“I wish to discuss a matter of some delicacy with you-”

 

“Then for the love of God man, speak.” Lord Solo snapped.

 

Lord Skywalker exchanged a look with his sister. She merely nodded. Sighing, he spoke. Rey's presence seemed to be a rather mute point now.

 

“As you know, you are the sole proprietor of this estate and the only male heir. Therefore, when your mother passes, the rest of her fortune shall pass to you and by extension, when I pass away, mine will come to you too.”

 

Lord Solo nodded. Of course he knew that. Even Rey knew that.

 

“As I have no children and nor am I likely to, the legacy of the Skywalker family rests entirely with you. And as such you have a duty to continue it.”

 

Lord Solo looked at his mother and his uncle. Rey felt the air starting to seep from her lungs. She could see the object of the talk coming but…. Oh! Must she be a witness?

 

“What are you saying, Uncle?”

 

Lord Skywalker sighed. “The time has come Ben… the time has come for you to marry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dum dum dum... ain't I a stinker? 
> 
> Please leave feedback and know that I love you all.


	13. Escape and Submission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween guys.
> 
> I was so touched by people's messages of support from last time that I was overwhelmed. On one hand, it's so sad that so many people are affected by this ugly illness. On the other, in a world that depresses me so much these days, it gives me a sense of wonder that there are still kind people among us. It shouldn't surprise me so much as this fandom is never anything but supportive but I thank you all nonetheless. 
> 
> 1000 kudos.... my giddy aunt! Thank you all.

The room was utterly silent. Rey was incredibly grateful that she was not carrying the tea tray. For it would have come crashing down upon the floor.

 

Her eyes darted to take in all the members of the room. Lord Skywalker looked solemn but resolute. Lady Leia appeared stiff and bracing herself. Lord Solo was completely still and had gone a shade paler.

 

“Marriage?” He asked as though clearly believing, and even hoping, he had misheard.

 

“You are in your thirtieth year. You have seen… much of the world,” Lord Skywalker looked at him sharply as though admonishing him for such a fact, “and there is the fact that our line may come to an end prematurely should you not produce a child in wedlock.”

 

“It's time Ben.” Leia said softly. “You are already ten years older than I was when married.”

 

“You cannot be serious?” His voice was soft. Dangerously so.

 

“There are a number of eligible women in the county that would make you a fine match.” Lord Skywalker reasoned.

 

“Am I to have any say in this?” Lord Solo demanded, his indignation suddenly as evident as his bulk, “Or am I to be auctioned off like cattle?”

 

“Ben, you have more choice than anyone.” Leia reasoned. “You may take your time choosing a match. We will not marry you to someone you do not like.”

 

“But I am to marry. Regardless of whether I know that lady that's to be marched to the alter. Regardless as to whether I love her or not. God preserve me! She may even despise me as we say our vows so long as she's able to let a son or two pass her hips!”

 

Rey flushed at his language. She couldn't help but feel pity for her mistress and her brother. They did not look like they were enjoying this at all. And yet, selfishly, she could not help but feel gratification about the fact that he was as against the idea as she could not help being.

 

Rey was assaulted suddenly with images. Of Lord Solo dancing at a ball with some comely, faceless blonde haired girl. Vapid and rich if not sweet enough to draw a smile from his stern face.

 

She saw him take her hand, acknowledge her as his love.

 

Saw them in the church, the very church Ben and herself had spent the day sat together in, exchanging vows before Reverend Tekka.

 

Of the faceless woman presenting him with a healthy son. Of his joy and pleasure at her.

 

Rey had to breath very steadily to compose the sickening jealousy and grief that was rising like bile.

 

“Ben, be reasonable!” Lord Skywalker proclaimed. It was the most affected his voice had been to Rey's ears. “You surely knew this day would come.”

 

“Why? You never married! Indeed, it's not too late for you to have an heir.”

 

Lord Skywalker was silent. Lady Leia glared at her son for such words as though he should know better.

 

“You know I have no desire for that. The only woman I ever did love is long dead and I have neither hope nor inclination to have anyone take her place.”

 

Lord Solo looked more subdued as though realising his words. But there also passed a calm determination across his face.

 

“I respect that Uncle. So respect this: I have neither hope nor inclination to marry either. This conversation is over.”

 

And, before another word could be uttered, Lord Solo turned and exited the room. The door closing loudly in his wake was all the noise that filled the study for a long time.

 

* * *

 

Rey moved about her chores that night as though in a trance. She cleared away the study and then helped Lady Leia get ready for bed. She was just about to put out the candles and leave her mistress to rest when she spoke.

 

“You must think me a wretch.”

 

Rey turned to look at the older woman. It always struck her how much older and vulnerable Lady Leia looked before she retired to sleep. She wore her hair down with the silver hairs shining in the candlelight and in a simple nightdress she looked so very small.

 

“'A wretch', Milady?” Rey asked.

 

Lady Leia sighed. “Status and privilege has a lot of expectations. And responsibilities. I have been loathe to bring this forward because I knew… he was never going to like it. But the alternative… I couldn't bare that.”

 

“But… what alternative?”

 

Lady Leia looked at Rey and then gestured her closer.

 

“Snoke has influence over my son. Even as he stays within this house, my son reports to him any findings he can. If it were not for the fact that this estate would bring Ben a small fortune and therefore help line Snoke's pockets, I don't believe that he would have ever been allowed back.”

 

Rey could only nod. The shadow of the aforementioned Snoke had loomed over them before Lord Solo had even come to the Manor. He was the enemy of Lady Leia's political movement. The darkness to Ben's light.

 

“He has spoken of plans to return to London soon. There is business there he must finish. People to intimidate. Jobs that he believes must be done. In that time, Snoke will see him. And I know, in my heart I know, that he will find Ben softened. I don't know whether it's me or this place or just time and age but he has softened. There's a vulnerability that is more evident now. He's not so agitated. He even seems content at times. Snoke will not like that. Not to mention whatever lies that godforsaken woman Netal has been dripping in his ear. He will see Ben is getting older. And he might...”

 

Rey finished for her.

 

“…he might marry him off first. To someone worse. Someone within the Order.”

 

Lady Leia could only nod.

 

“He has such love in him Rey but not a clue what to do with it. I am as much to blame for that as anyone. If I could introduce him to a young girl. Someone sweet and uncomplicated. Not involved in politics at all… well, that love could maybe find a source. He could learn to love a wife. Could even learn to accept such love in return. He could have a child of his own. I believe beyond all things that even if he, God forbid, never loved his wife, he could love a child.

 

“If he marries a member of the First Order that child will be plucked away from him before it can even toddle. It will moulded under Snoke's protection. And that will be the end of all our hopes. For if he lost his own child… I know full well, he would never be the same.”

 

Rey could give no argument to this.

 

* * *

 

Rey walked the halls and galleries for a long while that night. She would not be able to sleep so should not try and attempt it. She made herself useful with various dusting and cleaning as and when she could find it.

 

She was beating a tapestries to relieve it of dust (causing her to splutter and cough a great deal) when Mr Dameron came down the hall. His waistcoat was wrinkled and he looked drained.

 

“Poe? Are you alright?” She asked gently.

 

“I'm at my wits end!” He burst out. Rey could only blink in a sort of stunned silence. Mr Dameron ran his hands through his curly hair. “Forgive me. I'm truly vexed.”

 

“What's happened?”

 

“Lord Solo.” As though the very name would explain everything. “He was… he's been in quite decent spirits the past few days. God is my witness, he even smiled at me the other day when I made an attempt at a joke. I nearly fell over. But now…” Rey could imagine that his meeting with his mother and uncle would have had an adverse effect on Mr Dameron. “I came to his rooms to find a vase smashed to pieces and he's demanded that I packed his belongings. Apparently the trip to London, to Coruscant, will happen first thing tomorrow morning.”

 

Rey staggered back. “Tomorrow?! But… he's not meant to go until…”

 

“I know this. Of course I do. But there's no reasoning with him. He will leave tomorrow and no later. I have to alert the coachman before I go to bed. In fact, I better not delay. Have a pleasant night Rey.” And with that he trudged down the stairs.

 

Rey stood in the gallery for a long moment. He was leaving… he was…

 

Anger. Unspeakable anger coursed through Rey.

 

How dare he? How dare he! Was he even going to tell her or was she so insignificant that…

 

Gripping the cane she had used to beat the old heavy material of the curtains, she charged down the hall towards his room.

 

She didn't even knock upon the door of his room like she had done so timidly that first time. When she had seen him in all his naked glory, soaking wet from a bath. She knew that he was alone. She knew they would not be disturbed.

 

The room she entered was a place of destruction. There was a large wooden chest open in his living space that was overflowing with clothes. Papers were strewn everywhere on his desk by the window.

 

Rey strode passed it all into the bedroom.

 

Lord Solo was standing looking over some papers with his back to the door and to her. Slamming his bedroom door shut soon put an end to that. No sooner had he spun around than she had slammed her hands into his chest, nearly sending him toppling over.

 

“Going somewhere?” She demanded.

 

His confusion soon gave way to a look of determination.

 

“Would you rather I stay here to be auctioned off? Or have you had a little flutter as to who the winner will be?”

 

“Were you going to tell me at least?”

 

“I was going to come to you tonight. I thought you would understand-”

 

“-that you are running away from your problems? Again.”

 

“What in the name of God would you have me do Rey?!” He exclaimed. “Would you have me married? Would you like to be made to serve my wife?”

 

“Going back to Snoke won't make it better! He might have the same plans as your mother!”

 

Lord Solo looked coldly at her and then away from her. “Doubtful. He does not approve of relationships. It's doubtful he would want me corrupted by love.”

 

“What is to become of us?” Rey demanded.

 

“I will not be gone for too long. I shall write-”

 

“Is there any point?” Rey whispered harshly. “If affection is so distasteful to you, I release you of it. Lord help me, we should not have let it get this-”

 

Her words were cut off. Lord Solo, upon hearing her angry words and her threats for it to end, had sprang forward, caught her forearms and kissed her. It was a passionate almost bruising kiss. It matched Rey's mood perfectly.

 

Ripping away from him and gasping, she pushed him away from her again.

 

“You think so little of me.” Lord Solo spat.

 

“As you do of me.” Rey threw back at him. “For what am I but a servant?”

 

“You resent me for my position? Or for yours?” Lord Solo demanded. She glared at him. Suddenly Lord Solo raised his arms. “Very well. Take my position and I shall take yours. You feel yourself used. Return the favour. Use me as you wish. As of this moment I am your servant.”

 

There was a sense of challenge, devotion and need in his eyes. She knew she should not be so angry for him as she knew this was not his fault. Knew he was as unhappy as she was. Yet in that moment, her jealousy of his unchosen bride, her exasperation at the society that demanded so much of both of them and her inability to even show anyone but him how much it hurt her took hold.

 

Surging forward, she grabbed his waistcoat and ripped it open. His shirt had been caught in in and gave way to her tearing grasp as well. His ivory chest was exposed to her and the buttons sprayed across the wooden floor.

 

Lord Solo, clearly not expecting such an aggressive claiming, looked at her almost aghast. And yet he submitted so eagerly beneath her mouth on his that Rey couldn't believe that he was truly offended. On the contrary, as he reached out to grasp her hips and unbutton her dress frantically, she believed maybe her aggression was somewhat pleasing to him.

 

Rey found that the cane she had used to beat the dust from the tapestries was still in her hand and without thinking she swatted it against his thigh to stop him.

 

“Did I say you could touch me?” She whispered.

 

Lord Solo's cheeks flushed so prettily and his full mouth was dropping open in a way that indicated he was now not her servant but her slave.

 

Another swat of the cane had him on his back on the mattress, lying prone and breathless.

 

Climbing astride him, Rey mused that power was intoxicating.

 

With her gown and petticoats bunched up around her, she took a great deal of time kissing him with everything she had. Her fingers buried themselves in his hair, alternatively threading and stroking his locks and then pulling them hard. Lord Solo gasped and growled at the feeling, his eyes closed in apparent ecstasy and his manhood straining so much in his breaches that Rey feared they may rip.

 

Grabbing his hand, she brought his fingers to her mouth and sucked them until they were good and wet. Shoving them under her gown, she growled as she tore her petticoats out of the way.

 

“I don't care what part of you. But I need you inside me.”

 

The words and the subsequent feeling of two of Lord Solo's fingers stretching and filling her left them both incoherent with lust.

 

For a time, Rey closed her eyes and just let her body experience all she could get. Rocking back and forth, the feeling of his fingers prone at first and then scissoring and crooking within her was enough to make her actually growl with wonder.

 

They were the image of debauchery in that moment. Rey riding her Master's hands with her petticoats bunched up around her and her stockings on show for all to see. Lord Solo with his shirt and waistcoat in pieces, his chest glistening with sweat and red with scratches from Rey's nails and with matted and tangled hair.

 

The movement of her hips became more desperate and aggressive. This provided him some relief as she was now directly above his erection and her undulating gave him bursts of glorious relief on his straining cock.

 

“You will return to me.” She gasped. “You will think only of me at night when you give yourself release. No other. Not _any_ other. Do you understand?” She demanded and cracked the cane against his upper thigh for good measure.

 

“Yes! Yes! Only you. Only ever you.” Lord Solo gasped.

 

His submission to her was complete. “Rub me harder. Make me cum.”

 

So eager to comply, it took her under thirty seconds to crest and fall under his machinations. She was so preoccupied with riding out her pleasure that when he exclaimed and grabbed her waist it took her a moment to realise her relentless grinding had tipped him over the edge.

 

She hadn't even had to actually touch him and he was shaking with relief nonetheless.

 

She collapsed beside him and they gasped together trying to regain their breaths.

 

The fog had lifted. Rey couldn't help colouring under the remembrance of how she'd reacted and acted to him. She was debauched and Rey felt the feelings of guilt attack her.

 

“I'm sorry. I don't know what came over-”

 

“Don't.” Lord Solo stopped and she cringed. He would reject her now no doubt.

 

So it was with surprise that she felt him roll onto his side and bring his hand to her cheek. His kiss was so gentle she wanted to sob.

 

“I am your slave. Now and always.” He vowed and lay his head upon her collarbone.

 

Rey clung to him. The rage had left her heart and yet the sorrow remained.

 

Stroking his hair, she could only whisper.

 

“Go if you must. But come back. Come back to me.”

 

* * *

 

Lord Solo departed the very next day. She watched from the upper gallery window as his carriage departed. She knew she should go to his mother and break the news that her worst fears had come to pass. Yet she watched until the carriage was out of sight and then gazed out at the path he had taken.

 

He had given her his word. He said he would come back. And yet Rey couldn't contain the fear that Snoke's influence would stretch farther than she could reach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blushes* I can't believe I just wrote that. There's something just so appealing about a submissive kylo ren. I bet he would be into some kinky shit...
> 
> Note to self: don't drink wine and write.


	14. Distance Crossed and Conquered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. On a bit of a roll today. Been writing like a mad woman. 
> 
> I'm so grateful for the response of this fic and all my other fics. I love writing and all the feedback and love makes it so wonderful. I also found this fab little fanart for this fic. I don't know how tumblr works (total techniphobe sadly) but whoever did this thank you so much and everyone else give them some love.
> 
> http://lilithsaur.tumblr.com/post/150524453198/a-couple-of-doodles-for-a-fic-i-absolutely-love
> 
> I'm also writing some other Reylo drabbles. I want to do at least one One-shot so if you like my fics keep your eyes peeled. This ship is ruining my life.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was as though the house had fallen under a sleeping spell.

 

The staff mused among themselves over their dinner how it was remarkable how, even though Lord Solo hadn't been a welcome master and still wasn't overly friendly, life seemed inexplicably dull now he was gone. Even Mr. Dameron who had been cursing his name the very night he was packing to leave found that his duties were much calmer with Lord Skywalker and by extension a little boring.

 

“It's odd but sometimes I'm almost hoping Lord Skywalker will flip over his papers not being stacked correctly or his book not being to his liking. Just so he might chuck a glass at the wall. At least it kept me on my toes.” He chuckled as he tore up his bread.

 

“Careful Poe.” Finn teased. “Anyone would think you had grown fond of him.”

 

“'Fond?' Oh please, lets not lose our heads.” Mr. Dameron dismissed. “But you can't deny: life was rather interesting.”

 

The servants nodded wryly appreciating the irony. Rey just kept her head bowed and stirred her broth.

 

She missed him. Heaven help her she missed him more than she had imagined or been prepared for. She missed the anticipation of waking and knowing he was in the same Manor as herself. She missed the dance they partook in each and every day. One step forward and the other taking one back and vice versa as the mood took them. Rey hated herself but she adored his ability to corner her and worship her like a man crazed and starved of touch.

 

But more than anything she missed him and all he was. She missed Ben.

 

His mother had taken the news of his departure back to Snoke quietly but with evident despair. She had closed herself away in conference with her brother over the turn of events. Rey had too much pity and love for her mistress to judge her harshly even if her approaches to get him to marry was what sent him running in the first place.

 

Rey went back to what she knew best: work. She scrubbed, and polished, and washed until her knuckles were cracked and her skin red raw. The sheer ache in her body helped her to sleep and forget his missing embraces.

 

She also tried to reconnect with her friends. She made a point of helping Finn with the horses one day. She tried not to lament too much about the last time she was in the stables or spend too much time on the proud stallion she had rode in front of Ben on the mountains.

 

“You've been pretty quiet lately. A bit… different.” Finn mused.

 

“Have I?” Rey replied, trying to sound unaffected.

 

“Not in a bad way. Just… different.”

 

“That's clear then.” Rey chuckled, lifting a pile of hay with a pitch fork and tossing it in the corner. “Well, we have had a lot to deal with. A new Master, unexpected guests, and my idiotic fall in the pond.”

 

“Oh yes. Forgive me.” Finn looked a bit embarrassed.

 

“Oh don't apologise.” Rey dismissed. “If nothing else, it will encourage me to learn how to swim.”

 

The pair laughed together. They worked together for a while.

 

“I reckon that Lord Solo could be a good master. If he would just allow himself to be.”

 

Rey looked up from her work. “I was under the impression you didn't like him.”

 

“I don't. Not at all. But… he could be good. A good man. A good Master. He just doesn't seem to want to. But he could be.”

 

“I don't think it's a case of not wanting to.” Rey tried to keep her tone casual. “I think he just has no idea how. He's awkward but not naturally cruel. He wants to be cruel but he can't.”

 

“You've changed your views then.” Finn laughed. “You used to hate him.”

 

“Well, he did save me.” The remembrance of being lifted into his arms from that lake still evoked feelings within her the likes of which made her feel faint.

 

“Hmmm. Maybe there is hope for him yet.” Finn replied. His tone seemed like he was in on a big secret. Rey mused that he had no idea of the secret she held right under his nose. It gave her a sense of guilt and she stabbed another pile of hay to stay the feeling of being duplicitous.

 

One day when we are old and frail, I shall sit him down and tell him my story, she promised. Until then, let us live the best we could.

 

* * *

 

Rey spent her time off the following Sunday walking along the countryside. She did not stay in the grounds or go to the town of D'Qar. Instead she went off the beaten track and went to the green grass of the mountains.

 

Sitting down amongst the reeds and corn, she looked over the valley and took off her bonnet. Her hair came loose in tendrils from her three buns.

 

Ben loved her hair, she mused. He was always trying to tug off her bonnet when they were alone and in public and he was constantly pulling it free from her plaits when they were together in her little room. He loved to run his fingers through it as he kissed her neck, her collarbones and breasts. He had such lovely hair. Much better than hers in her opinion. It was thick and soft to touch. She had learnt that he had grown his hair so long because he hated his ears and chose to cover them. She had been quite surprised to see his naked ears but found them endearing and really quite adorable. She also found that he was quite susceptible to her nibbling and licking them but that was another matter.

 

Lying back and using the grass to shade her from the world, she looked up at the passing clouds. She wondered what he was doing at that moment. If he was in Parliament, in his own rooms or dining with Hux. If he was planning to speak to Snoke about his mother's plans. Whether or not he had seen Bazine.

 

Rey tried not to feel too worried about this. She was not a jealous person and believed him when he promised to be faithful to her. There was something undeniably sincere about him when he made a promise and he had never let her down so far. Yet to know that Bazine, damn her to hell, was in the same city… It made Rey cold.

 

Rey longed more than anything to understand what hold Snoke had over Ben. Was it mental manipulation or something more substantial? A warped sense of loyalty in Ben for the only father figure he believed himself to have truly had?

 

She closed her eyes and let the wind whip over her. She remembered riding his horse over the mountains, of his all seeing, all knowing eyes on her the entire time and the subsequent storm that brought them together in a frenzy of ecstasy.

 

She could wait for him. She would wait for him as long as it took.

 

* * *

 

Rey was building up Lady Leia's fire in her rooms the next day when Mr. Dameron delivered some letters to her mistress. One of them was a letter from Lord Solo.

 

Leia read the letter intently and seemed perturbed. Rey did not ask to see the letter as that was not her place. She understood though that the words were impersonal and rather lacking in information about what he was really doing and when he would return.

 

Lady Leia sat down heavily on her chair beside the fire with Rey still kneeling at her feet.

 

“I'm losing him again.” She mused with undeniable grief.

 

“He's probably busy, milady.”

 

“No. I'm destined to push him away no matter what I do. God help me, I just want him to be happy.” For a terrible moment, Rey feared she may see her mistress cry.

 

With a strong sniff, Lady Leia regained her composure.

 

“I will write to him. I won't berate him. I shan’t push him away further.”

 

Lord Skywalker soon joined his sister for their afternoon tea. Rey busied herself sorting Lady Leia's wardrobe. She had decided that she had had enough of listening to their conversations.

 

Rey found herself musing over her own concerns.

 

Why had he not written to her? He had promised to write. Was he indeed too busy? Or had nothing to say to her?

 

Either thought left her feeling dejected.

 

* * *

 

Rey spent her day working herself to sheer exhaustion. By the time she was done, Lady Leia's rooms sparkled and she had even sorted Luke Skywalker's room.

 

She had not had her dinner with the rest of the servants so she went down to the kitchen to have some food. Only Maz was in the kitchen.

 

“About time, child.” The tiny old woman mused. She brought forward some meat and bread for her. “I was wondering where you had gone. You need to give yourself a rest.”

 

“I like to be busy.” She dismissed, stuffing the crusty bread into her mouth.

 

“There is busy and there is run-off-your-feet.” Maz corrected.

 

Rey shrugged and continued to eat. Maz wiped her hands and walked to the table.

 

“I am glad you are here alone. I have something for you.”

 

Rey looked up as Maz slipped a letter from out of her apron. It had Rey's name upon it.

 

Rey blinked at the letter and then at Maz.

 

“It came from town today. Mr. Dameron didn't see it. I thought it might be best if he was unaware.”

 

“Why unaware?” Rey whispered.

 

“Because it may raise some questions as to why the Master is writing to you.” Rey looked at her with wide eyes. “I've not read the contents but I recognise the handwriting. He made a good attempt of disguising it but I know his pen.”

 

Rey was frozen. She didn't know what to say or do.

 

“Maz-”

 

“Dear child, it is of no business of mine. These affairs are between yourself and the master but I confess I had my suspicions.”

 

“How?”

 

“I have lived a long time and you soon see the same eyes in different people. He has the eyes of a man in love.”

 

Rey gaped. “He doesn't love me.” She breathed.

 

“Don't deceive yourself. It does you no good.”

 

“You won't tell?” Rey sounded young even to her own ears in that moment.

 

“It's not my secret to tell.”

 

Rey looked at Maz and realised that her friend would not betray her. Indeed she seemed eager to lend her support to Rey.

 

“But… I believe that the belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.”

 

And with that Maz handed Rey her letter and left her to her supper and her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Rey stared at the letter on her bed for a great deal of time. She had not opened it. She found now that the letter was here, she was weary of what it contained. She was sitting in her nightdress with her hair down and feeling oddly scared.

 

Eventually she grabbed the letter and tore it open.

 

_Dear R_

 

_Forgive me this long wait. It has been a week of great duties and challenges. But enough of that. It is not my concern this moment._

 

_I was naive to leave you and think it would not affect me so badly. From the first night, it has been torturous. Every chambermaid I see reminds me of you. And at the same time they don't remind me enough. All women are shadows to your light. They do not have your grace, your beauty and your goodness. Oh how I miss your light._

 

_I want to ask you what you require of me to bring back to you but I am well aware that you are not good at receiving gifts. It is something I find difficult to reconcile with you for it is my nature to want to lay down every gift mankind has to offer you. It would still not be enough but I would do it anyway._

 

_I dream of you every night. Sometimes I think I am experiencing the beginnings of madness. It is a sweet madness. Dinner is not the same without your eyes coaxing me with your sensual intrigue. My bed is too large without your limbs wrapped around my own. When I dress, I remember your hands buttoning my clothing. Baths are now the worst kind of torture. I will have you join me in the bath the next time we are together. And we shall see how you like to be dried and dressed by another's coaxing hands._

 

_You are my servant and yet I am the one that is a slave. I live to serve you. Give me but one order and I am yours._

 

_Yours_

_B_

 

Rey flushed from his passionate words and felt a sense of calm pass over her. He had not forgotten her. Indeed he seemed unlikely to ever forget her. But the longing that she had calmed with relentless work now roared within her. Curse the Maker, but she needed him back at the Manor. The lack of talk about Snoke and the First Order was more disturbing than if he had given her a detailed and unrelenting report in his letter. It hung as ominous to Rey.

 

She read it and re-read it until her eyes burned and the candle went out altogether.

 

* * *

 

Rey picked up her pen at least three times to write him a reply. To tell him that he was not alone in his loneliness and despair. That she longed to see him and act like a heathen with him in only the way they could. Yet her ink always dried on the nib of the quill before she could think of anything that didn't sound pathetically girlish and ridiculous.

 

The address to send her reply also gave her pause. It was in Coruscant within the First Order headquarters. Bazine had promised vengeance on Lord Solo and somehow the idea of delivering a physical letter to a place where she knew that damn woman dwelled… she couldn't risk it. It was just too great a gamble and the odds did not look good.

 

Rey was right it turned out to be cautious.

 

Two days later, she found Lady Leia in such a state of agitation that Rey could not reason with her. She was pacing her rooms frantically as though standing still would be a special kind of torture. Rey tried to offer her tea and pleaded with his mistress to tell her what was wrong. Eventually she ran for Lord Skywalker.

 

The older gentleman caught hold of his sister and implored her to tell at once what was wrong. It was only then that Leia thrust out a letter that had been crushed in her hand.

 

“Admiral Akbar! He has heard… Oh Luke!” She hid her face in her hands.

 

Lord Skywalker took the crumpled paper and spread it out, reading carefully. His face was as honest as his nephew's so the look of dismay was instantly evident to Rey.

 

“Then it is as we feared.” He exhaled.

 

Rey felt faint.

 

“He is apparently in talks with multiple women within the First Order. Snoke is bound to chose the bride but the result will all be the same.” The older woman exclaimed before bending double as though receiving a fatal blow.

 

“He is not married yet Leia. There is still time-”

 

“Snoke will not let us have that influence. He will be married by the end of the month whether he wills it or not.”

 

Rey was dismissed as the two siblings attempted to find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. It was pointless Rey knew. For all she could see now was darkness.

 

* * *

 

 

She stifled the tears as best she could as she went about her duties but by the time she had helped Lady Leia into bed, she had all but run from the house. The night was dark and quite cold but she needed to leave the place of her humiliation if only for a moment.

 

She walked alone to a bench in the grounds and sat upon it. A few treacherous tears escaped her but she couldn't begrudge herself for them too much.

 

This could be for the best, Rey mused. He would marry one day regardless and then I would have been cast off. And it would have hurt all the more. Better to break away now while I am still young.

 

She did not start deluding herself to the idea that she would meet another man. A worthy man who could give her all she craved. Her prospects had never been good. She was a maid and would die one, old and alone. There were worse ways to live as she had experienced and she must make the best of it all. Who knew, maybe she could one day marry Finn. She did love him in her own way and he loved her. There were worse ways to marry and they would keep each other until the end of their days. His devotion had never strayed.

 

She could live a pleasant life. It was not the end of her. It would take much more than that.;

 

Yet the tears wouldn't cease and, fishing a hanky out of her apron, she looked at the monogram of K.R.

 

She would be forever reminded and it would slowly kill her.

 

There were footsteps on the gravel approaching her and Rey wiped her face, thinking she would see Finn or maybe Maz.

 

She did not expect to be greeted with the dark figure of her Master.

 

Rey staggered to her feet. Ben looked at her with something like dazed amazement. He looked rumpled and windswept. Like he had rode on horseback for a long distance.

 

“You're back.” She could only blurt out.

 

“I had to. It was vital that I see you.”

 

Rey swallowed. “You needn't have bothered. I'm aware of Snoke's plans. I suppose this means congratulations are in order?”

 

Ben looked winded but then shock his head. “I should have known. My mother always has her spies.”

 

“Don't blame your mother. Believe it or not, she had good intentions in all this.”

 

“Yes, well, my mother's good intentions are fast becoming the burden of my life!” He snarled.

 

“It is clearly irrelevant now.”

 

Ben took a deep breath as though to calm himself. “I am not engaged to be married. I left London as soon as Snoke informed me of his intentions.”

 

Rey blinked but tried not to let hope take hold of her.

 

“But you will be. Eventually.”

 

“Yes, I will be.” Ben agreed. “Which is why I had to come back.”

 

“So,” Rey tried to remain calm, “this is it then. The end of it all.”

 

“No.” Ben declared. “It is not the end. I won't give you up.”

 

Rey sighed with exasperation. “We've already discussed this Ben. I won't be your mistress. I refuse.”

 

“I will have no mistress. I will have a wife. One wife.” Ben stepped forward. “That's why I had to come back. Before anything else was planned for me. I am so tired of people planning my life out for me.”

 

“So you came back. To say goodbye?” Rey could only breathe and tried to be ready for the moment that would without doubt haunt her.

 

“No. I came back to plan my own life.” He caught hold of her suddenly by the upper arms and pulled her to him. “I won't give you up and therefore I won't. Rey, save me from misery. Consent to be my wife.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe. Ain't I crafty? Ben was never gonna give her up. No way. Nobody in their right mind would! But it won't be easy. Oh no, Sir!
> 
> Feedback is love and makes me update quicker. Try it and see.


	15. A Betrothal of Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> I hope everyone is okay. It's been one hell of a week and I'm only just getting my head around a lot. Seriously, what the hell happened? 
> 
> I've done another one-shot for our two fave spacebirds called 'The Tenant of Theed Cottage' which is set in Jane Austen style universe. If you like this story, give it a look. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Rey felt like she was falling down a dark hole with no end in sight. Like she was reading someone else's tale. Inside the dream of another woman.

 

There was no accounting for this. This couldn't be real.

 

And yet here he stood. And he looked as serious as any man living even as he said the most impossible thing.

 

“You cannot be earnest.” She said dazed.

 

“Oh I am. Completely. Marry me Rey.”

 

Rey took a step back. “Have you lost your mind? You are a Lord. Heir to half the county and no doubt to the position that Snoke intends to raise you to. I am a lady's maid who happened upon her position due to an attachment to a cat!”

 

“You could be a milkmaid and myself a King. I would still be stood here and beg you to be mine.”

 

Rey was sure she looked almost ridiculous with her look of complete amazement.

 

She finally shook her head.

 

“I can't. We can't. It's not possible.”

 

Ben looked like he would grind his back teeth to nothing at all.

 

“I was mistaken then. You do not love me?”

 

Rey shook her head harder and more emphatically. “No it's not that. I… I do love you.” Rey sighed as though utterly defeated. Because she was. Why lie any longer? “I love you.”

 

“And I love you. I'm certain you are the only person I have ever truly loved in my life.” He took her hand in his. To feel his touch again and have him close was like the balm to a burn. “We love each other and it is a real and all-consuming love. Why should we not be true to each other?”

 

“Because the world will not allow us to! It will be a scandal should anyone learn of us being together as lovers. But to actually step forward and marry… me so below you and yourself so above, we will never know peace.”

 

“Me and you could never have peace anyway. The world will not allow it of us.” Ben argued but Rey would not be deterred. For a man of such power and charisma, he could be blind to the truth and Rey was not suffering from impaired vision about their situation.

 

“Your mother will be so hurt. Not only that you married such a girl but also that it was to someone she trusted. She trusts me Ben and I cannot betray her like that. I have been her confidante when she had no one.”

 

“She will forgive. It will take time-”

 

“Then what of Snoke? And the First Order? What of them?”

 

“What of them?” He asked but it was clear from his face that he was not ignorant of the shadow they cast over the pair.

 

“He wants you married. He will possibly have a bride ready for you when you get back to Coruscant. He will never accept me.”

 

“Then we shall marry in secret. No-one shall know until the deed is done and by then it will be official.”

 

Rey felt like she was the only sane woman left in England.

 

“There will be no proof of a marriage if no-one is present. And there is nothing Snoke can't do. Even dissolve a marriage.”

 

“There can be no impediment. I am not betrothed and neither are you. We are not divorced from any other and we both consent. And once a marriage is consummated...”

 

Rey trembled.

 

“It can't be. It can never be.”

 

“Rey, we can. It will not be easy and we will meet opposition but they will bend to my will and they cannot fight what is legal and true before God. We will be together at last. In the open and I can take care of you at last.”

 

“I don't need looking after.”

 

“And yet I do. And one day you may let me return the favour. As your husband, I can try.”

 

Rey listened to his words and felt intoxicated by them. It sounded so possible, almost touchable and so very beautiful. The two of them married…

 

From a purely ambitious point of view, it was almost like she had achieved the purpose of her life. Rey had been born to a life of penury and now was being offered the hand of the most powerful man in the county and the heir to half an Empire should Snoke see fit to ever let anyone but himself have such power. She would be a powerful woman. No! A lady. She would be a fine lady. She would be clothed in the best linen and surrounded by beautiful objects.

 

She would wake up to him and fall asleep in his arms.

 

She would be the Lady of Ileenium Manor.

 

She would take the title from Lady Leia. And she would steal her son while she was at it.

 

No. No, no, no.

 

“I can't. This is wrong. A secret wedding… we would hurt so many people. Your mother...”

 

“You would reject me for my mother's sake?” He demanded harshly.

 

“I owe everything to her kindness. Any normal mistress would have sent me away the moment I arrived with Finn and claimed a connection to her cat. Instead she has cared for me, taught me, fed me and clothed me for the best part of three years. I can't spit on that in return. We would have to tell her.”

 

“And we would. As soon as the marriage is completed and cannot be annulled easily.”

 

“Why not ask for her blessing then? It would help soothe any troubles that come later.”

 

“No.” Ben's tone was determined and wouldn't waver. “I won't run the risk and she was the first to try and marry me to a great society lady of sizeable fortune. She may act different but she will follow all the rules when it means a smooth transition of power and getting what she wants.”

 

Rey's head was beginning to pound.

 

“I understand this is probably a shock. For I have thought of nothing else the entire ride to the Manor.” Ben said in a tone of forced conciliatory.

 

Rey moved back and pulled her hand away. “Please then be generous. Give me at least time to think it over too. You are asking me to give up the life as I know and love.”

 

There was silence in the dark gardens and Rey felt it ringing in her ears.

 

“I will give you until midnight tomorrow. I will come to your room and then I will have an answer.”

 

Rey could only nod and then backed away. She ran back to the Manor without looking back.

 

* * *

 

The next morning was torturous. Rey had got next to no sleep and it showed upon her face. She found herself struggling with the simplest tasks and she was sure Lady Leia noticed it.

 

She set to work reorganising her mistress' wardrobe for something to focus on and yet her mind kept screaming over old arguments for and against a secret marriage.

 

Of course the obvious one and the one that sent her reeling was the fact it was insane. Utterly without sense. Marriage was rarely for love within decent society and indeed it was often dictated by which offer gave you a better chance of eating a decent meal in a year's time. Lord Solo could marry any beauty he chose and a very rich one at that. To throw an opportunity like that aside for Rey and his love for her… It was unheard of.

 

She would have to cease being a maid also. Many would look at her most peculiarly for this qualm but scrubbing and cleaning was Rey's survival tool. Her knowledge on fixing things and making them better was part of who she was. If that was taken away from her would she still be Rey?

 

Rey was also too wise to the ways of the world to believe that Lord Solo really thought through the implications. Would he feel the same way in a year? The danger and passion of their affair right now was one of the appeals of it and it made everything more heightened. Rey was certain her feelings were genuine and she baulked at the idea of ever looking at anyone like she did him. But she had heard of couples who had married in a flurry of passion only to rue the day when the excitement was gone. Most couples found themselves struggling to find a common ground.

 

And most of all, there was Lady Leia. And that was enough to bring tears to Rey's eyes.

 

She'd been like a mother to Rey even with the class barrier. A kinder or more compassionate mistress Rey could never have wished for. All she wanted was her son back. So how could she repay such kindness by stealing away her mistress' last pride and joy?

 

Then there was the part of Rey that tormented her most: the hope.

 

For Rey did feel hope and also temptation.

 

To marry him and be his wife… it was more than Rey could have dreamt of. To be loved and love in return.

 

She could have the family she had always dreamt of and the man whom she could no longer deny a crushing adoration for. He was flawed, impatient, prone to fits of temper, kind, compassionate and beautiful. She could keep him at Ileenium Manor and maybe her own influence will supplant Snoke's own. She could be the kind and loving woman who could make Lord Solo happy that Leia dreamt of.

 

And then she would remember Lady Leia and it would start all over again.

 

She did not see Ben that day and for that she was grateful. She couldn't bare to see the wounded look in his eyes. She hated hurting him and she knew without doubt that her hesitation last night must have stung him to the core but she had to be realistic. And what he was asking for could not be undone when done.

 

Lady Leia had been joyous at her son's return and even Lord Skywalker seemed pleased. They spent all the morning locked in conference once again leaving Rey alone for that time. Lady Leia returned to her rooms looking both relieved and baffled. Relief that her son came back and seemed almost solicitous and baffled as to why.

 

Ben retired to his rooms and did not venture out again until dinner time.

 

It was actually after dinner that Rey sat down with Lady Leia beside the fire that her mistress addressed her.

 

“You look distracted Rey. A little ill. Is all well with you?”

 

“I'm quite well, Milady.” Rey replied with practised calm and keeping her eyes on the seam she was sewing.

 

“I can say with some confidence that isn't true. You have been so quiet as of late. So closed off.” Lady Leia leant forward in her chair. “Rey, I know you are my servant but if you are in trouble… I am willing to listen.”

 

The lump in Rey's throat nearly stole the breath from her altogether. BB8 chooses that moment to curl around her feet and she puts aside the sewing happily to pick up her favourite orange and white ball of fuzz. If Leia notices the shining eyes of her maid, she says nothing and just lets Rey play with her pet for a moment.

 

Rey eventually speaks.

 

“Do you ever think about what you could have done differently? If you had your time again?”

 

Leia looks taken aback but nods.

 

“So much. As you probably know.”

 

Rey grimaced. Of course. Her children and the outcome it had for Ben.

 

“I mean big decisions. Like when you were at a crossroads. One you knew could change your life.”

 

Leia thought for a moment and Rey could see she was thinking over a lot of her life.

 

“I wish I had chosen to spend less time in Parliament. People may have been disapproving of a woman in power but that simply spurred me on. I wish I had not let it influence me. I wish my son had instead.”

 

Rey could only stroke the soft fur of BB8. No matter what, Ben's upbringing would always be the mistake of her life.

 

“I think no matter what you would have been scandalous.” Rey interjected fondly.

 

“Oh yes.” Leia said almost a little proudly. “My marriage to a common soldier and horseman ensured that.”

 

“How did you and the late Lord Solo meet?” Rey asked. She was suddenly struck by the opportunity in front of her. Of all people, Lady Leia knew the decision she faced. She had been in Ben's position but still the circumstances were similar.

 

“I was once the leader of an opposition government. It wasn't called the Resistance then though; it was the Rebel Alliance. I got put in jail for a disruption and was held in a cell. Luke hired a man with a fast horse and carriage to get us there and away quickly and who could pick a lock. He hired Han.”

 

“Was it love at first sight?” Rey asked.

 

To her surprise, Leia barked a laugh. “No. Not at all! We spent the first night of our meeting insulting each other.”

 

Rey blinked a bit stunned but Lady Leia carried on regardless. “Believe it or not, it was that aspect of him that made me attracted to him. He was handsome of course. Devilishly so and I was a nineteen year old girl at the time so I appreciated that. But it was his manner that shocked me. He didn't treat me like a princess or a great lady. He treated me like a woman. He wasn't afraid to mock me when I got above myself and would tell me under no uncertain terms that it was his own rules he followed, not mine. He made a point of addressing me as “Your Worshipfulness'. I wasn't used to being told 'No' and I liked it.”

 

Rey could only splutter a laugh at this. This sounded so bizarre but quite familiar.

 

“So you never regretted the scandal it caused?” She asked.

 

“Never.” Lady Leia said with conviction. “Our marriage wasn't easy. Far from it. He was impossible at times and grief nearly tore us to pieces but there could only be him. The one love. And that's what counts. Because right until the last day: he still drove me crazy.”

 

There was such a wry affection in Leia's eyes at this remembrance. Despite the heartache, the fights, the children living and dead and the inevitable parting that always beckoned, there was the one love. The one that counted.

 

* * *

 

Rey did not undress for bed that night. She sat on her little bed as still as stone. Her ears pricked for any sound. Yet when she heard the slow yet heavy footsteps coming to her door she did not move an inch.

 

Ben opened the door and stepped into her room. He didn't knock any longer. There was no need anymore.

 

He held a candle much like he did the first time he visited her attic room. He was not undressed for bed either. He was still in his waistcoat and boots. He looked as bone-tired as Rey felt.

 

Setting down the candle, he approached the bed and sat down. His sitting position was a little awkward. He tended to not know what to do with his too-long limbs. It was an endearing trait of an otherwise powerful man.

 

“Are you well?” He asked in a stunted tone.

 

“Quite well, thank you.” Rey answered formally. It made him wince.

 

“Have you… thought on what I said?” He asked.

 

“I have. I've thought of little else.”

 

“Very well. What is your decision?”

 

Rey sighed.

 

“We will have to do it quickly. The longer we delay it, the more obstacles will come in our way. Snoke will want you back soon.”

 

Ben looked almost blank for a moment then the colour rose in his cheeks.

 

“You mean-”

 

“And we have to find somewhere to go to after the ceremony. Just for a day or two.”

 

“-you consent-”

 

“And we need to find at least two witnesses or the marriage won't be legal.”

 

“-to marry me?”

 

Rey looked at him and took a deep breath.

 

“Yes.”

 

He was completely still for a second and then he smiled. It was a smile that showed his slightly uneven teeth and lit up his eyes. Suddenly he wasn't the stern and dour landowner that had the Parliamentary power to turn the country on its head. He was a young man who knew joy and the tenderness it inspired in Rey was the confirmation she needed that this was the right choice. He caught hold of her and drew her into a kiss that she let him pour everything into. It tasted like devotion and relief.

 

“Oh Mercy! I spent the entire day in prayer but… you truly wish it?”

 

“I do. I want to be your wife.” To say the words Rey could not help but let out a breathless laugh.

 

“What changed your mind?”

 

Rey caught hold of his hand and let her forehead rest against his. “Because it is better to live your life with passion, anger and possible regret than risk a life without love.”

 

Love was all Rey had ever wanted. And now she had it, she would keep it. And keep it at all costs.

 

* * *

 

They would marry in two days at midnight. It was decided. Ben knew a tenant who had a cottage just outside of the village where they could stay as man and wife. Reverend Tekka was alerted to the fact his services would be required in his little church for a wedding. Ben did admit he had failed to mention who he would be marrying and the fact he was the intended groom.

 

Rey spent the first day almost in a dream. By the time the second came, the night the wedding was to happen, she was so nervous she felt constantly sick and for the first time in her life couldn't eat dinner.

 

It was a day of mixed emotions. She felt so wretched while tending to Lady Leia who suspected nothing at all that she twice nearly ran to his chambers and declare that the whole thing was off. For she was sure she would be loathed and hated for such a deception. She already hated herself a little for it.

 

Then she would remember Ben's happiness and their shared excitement in her little room at the prospect of marital devotion and she would calm. She must do this. She couldn't lose him.

 

Mitaka, Lord Solo's coachman would be the first witness. He did not speak to the servants and did exactly as his master bid him do. And if Rey was correct would keep his mouth shut until the end for fear of what his master would do if he was discovered to speak of it. Rey frowned at this but could not argue.

 

They needed one more witness. Rey knew who to turn to.

 

Maz looked at her as though sceptical but oddly not aghast when she told her of the plan. She seemed almost resigned to something like this happening. She agreed to come and pressed Rey's hand in a gesture of solidarity.

 

Oddly, many stupid inconsequential things came to Rey when it came close to the time. What should she pack? Should she pack at all? Should she leave a note for Lady Leia? Should she leave a note of Finn? Had she scrubbed the floor in the kitchen clean enough that it won't be an inconvenience for whoever takes on her duties? Would Jess be willing to take on Lady Leia's duties when she was gone?

 

She resolve to leave a note under Jess's door asking her to go to Lady Leia so she was not lacking a servant for too long. She did not explain why.

 

Rey had made Ben promise that as soon as they return they would be honest. Would sit Lady Leia down and tell her everything. Rey would be present and beg her forgiveness on her knees if needs be. But they couldn't leave a note explaining something so important.

 

Rey paced her room until half past eleven. With trembling hands, she laced up her cloak with a hood and cast one last glance around her little attic room. Took a long look at the only life she knew.

 

Then opened the door and stepped out towards a new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you think? Feedback is love.
> 
> P.S. The Descendants will be updated soon. I'm just working on a few things for the chapter.


	16. In Status and In Wealth

Rey crept through the house and avoided the floorboards that creaked. They had never truly bothered her before when walking about in the quiet household when the candles were snuffed out but now she had an objective to leave the house as quietly as possible, she was determined that she would wander like a ghost: noiseless and transparent.

 

The courtyard was silent and dark as night. Her boots on the gravel seemed obscenely loud to her ears and she winced at the sound of every crunch beneath her feet. She had a small bag that contained her most precious possessions such as all her money saved over the past three years, a bundle of clothes and the treasures that Ben had bestowed upon her.

 

There was no time to delay and yet Rey could not help looking up at the Manor. It would soon be her home and she may be mistress of it. Providing Lady Leia ever accepted her. It was enough to make her gulp a choked breath.

 

Rey looked out at the darkened courtyard and the gardens. Enough now. It was time.

 

The pathways that Rey walked everyday looked almost sinister in the dark but she kept her pace quick and threw a look over her shoulder every few minutes to be sure she wasn't being followed or had been spotted. Only the rustle of the wind in the trees and hooting of an owl would be her orchestra this night.

 

It felt like an eternity before she reached the church but stopped and hid herself behind some trees when it came into view. She examined the place. Lights were lit inside and there was activity at the entrance. It was hard to see but Rey could just make out the dark clad figure of Mitaka, Lord Solo's horseman. He seemed to be pacing and looked nervous. Although Rey had never seen the poor creature relaxed in all the time she had seen him.

 

Taking a deep breath, she step forward and towards the church entrance.

 

Mitaka whipped around at the sight of her.

 

“Miss Rey.” He hastened a bow which left her bemused. Why was he bowing to her for? She was no-one.

 

Except this marriage would make her someone and Mitaka knew it.

 

“Is Lord Solo...”

 

“Inside Miss. He's been hear since ten. At mass. He says it calms him. And I think Reverend Tekka needed some confirmation that he is serious.”

 

“So he's told him? That he intends to be the groom?” Rey asked.

 

“Yes Miss. I don't think he's mentioned his choice of bride yet though.” Mitaka started rubbing his hands in a sort of self-comforting motion. Like he didn't know whether to pity Reverend Tekka or his Master.

 

Rey could only bask in the relief. He was here. He hadn't abandoned her.

 

Mitaka stepped forward. “I'm to take your bag to the carriage. Master Ren wants to depart as soon as the marriage is official.”

 

“Depart?”  
  
“To the cottage. It is not far but he believes time is of the essence.”

 

Rey could only nod a little dumbly and handed her possessions to him silently.

 

A cottage. To stay within. To live as man and wife. And to consummate the marriage.

 

Rey flushed and looked to the church door. She went to step forward and then stopped.

 

This was her wedding day. A day she never thought to have. Suddenly, almost blindly, she looked around her.

 

There were a patch of flowers nearby. White daisies and carnations.

 

Walking with purpose, she scooped up a handful of both. And turned back to the church.

 

Rey entered to the sight of Maz in the front entrance. She was still wearing her old apron and cap.

 

As though reading Rey's mind, she spoke.

 

“If I'm gonna witness this, I'm gonna be comfortable.”

 

Rey snorted a laugh. She then got to work and took off her bonnet. Carefully she threaded the daisies into her hair. Her three buns were still in place but she had to make some kind of effort. Maz stepped forward.

 

“Kneel down child. Let me.”

 

Wordlessly, she sank onto her knees for Maz to be able to reach her head and handed her the daisies.

 

The tiny old woman worked silently, fluffing a strand of hair here and tucking a strand away there. Eventually she nodded.

 

“Very good. You're ready.”

 

Rey clutched her carnations that would be her bouquet and stood. She was ready.

 

On cue, heavy footsteps approached. Ben appeared before her.

 

All of a sudden, Rey's efforts looked paltry. Ben was dressed in a handsome morning suit with his hair smooth without looking too tame. He looked more handsome than Rey had ever seen him and for a moment she felt her mouth go dry.

 

Rey was conscious now of her best dress which she had chosen to wear. It was a rich red colour and not too threadbare and darned but old nonetheless. It was the sort of gown that society women would dismiss as rags. And yet here she stood, not a few minutes ago, feeling almost delighted about sticking some flowers she'd plucked from the ground in her hair.

 

This was the very definition of the barrier of class that stood between them.

 

Ben looked at her for a long moment but not with disgust. He looked almost like he had received a benediction at the sight of her.

 

“You came.” He whispered.

 

“Of course. I said I would.” Rey said feeling oddly shy.

 

He stepped forward as though to embrace her but the rapid footsteps of Mitaka dashing back into the church made him remember himself. Clearing his throat, he became a Lord once more.

 

“Is everything ready?” He demanded of the young man who was unfortunate enough to be his servant.

 

“The carriage is packed, Sir.”

 

“And we are able to leave quickly?”

 

“At a moment's notice, Milord.”

 

Ben nodded. Looked to Rey. Rey clutched the bouquet almost to the point of crushing it.

 

“Then we can begin.”

 

Silently, he held out his hand to Rey. She placed her small hand in his. Into his protection.

 

Then she was being led into the church.

 

The usually dark and imposing church looked entirely different when lit up by candlelight. The atmosphere was warm and welcome. The smell of incense potent.

 

Reverend Tekka was stood at the head of the alter. He looked preoccupied and almost anxious. When he saw Ben come forward with Rey at his side, his confusion was heightened to the extreme.

 

“Sir, may I enquire as to when your bride shall be present? You did specify that it was to be held at midnight.”

 

“My bride is present. She is here.” Ben stated, holding Rey's hand in a prominent manner. Signifying their unity and his regard for her. At least that was what it felt like to Rey.

 

Reverend Tekka blinked at the sight of Rey and it took every sense of self-worth Rey had to not sink beneath his gaze.

 

It did not help when his expression turned from bemused to almost incensed.

 

“You plan a secret marriage? To your mother's maid?”

 

“That is correct.” Ben replied with a calm assurance that Rey could not help but be impressed by.

 

“This is madness!” Reverend Tekka spat. “Why are you doing this? Is she with child?”

 

Rey flushed but Ben kept remarkably calm.

 

“I can assure you that she is as pure as any other maiden.” Rey tried not to flush further as that was not quite true but didn't want to argue with Ben while he was defending her honour.

 

“You are lying to your mother and potentially destroying your name for-”

 

“-for love.” Ben finished. “I love her. I intend to marry her so I can love her in the open.”

 

Reverend Tekka looked from Rey to Ben and then back again several times.

 

“All this… for love?”

 

“Indeed.” Ben replied.

 

Reverend Tekka turned his eyes on Rey. “And do you love him, child?”

 

“I do.” Rey answered easily. For it was easy. The easiest thing in the world to admit to.

 

Reverend Tekka looked like he was struggling a great deal with all this new information but eventually nodded in a tired way.

 

“Very well. It is your life and you must live it as you see fit.” And he opened his book to begin.

 

Having never attended a wedding before this one, Rey was a little taken aback to find that the first part of the service was quite dull. A great deal of time was spent talking of the sanctity of marriage and how the bonding of two souls was a glorious thing. Of course, from a purely romantic level, Rey could appreciate that but after nearly ten minutes of the same thing it can become tedious.

 

There was a moment of pause when Reverend Tekka asked her full name. Rey had to stop and think. She had never known her true surname as her parents had taken it to their graves. Yet she remembered the name given her by some of the old matrons in the workhouse. A name for the far corner of the workhouse she had been delivered into with her mother's final strength.

 

“Rey Niima.” She supplied. Reverend Tekka nodded and then began to read the vows.

 

Rey said all the right things on cue but it was when it was Ben’s turn to reply that she was most nervous. A feeling of almost resignation trickled over her as she waited for him to change his mind. Yet his response was: “I do.”

 

It suddenly became real for Rey when Mitaka handed Ben something. She watched curiously and then almost gaped as he took her hand and slipped a gold band on his wedding thing. The shining gold caught the candlelight and it was suddenly true.

 

She didn’t hear Reverend Tekka pronounce them husband and wife. But she felt his lips against hers and the soft caress was more beautiful than a wedding in a cathedral could ever be.

 

* * *

 

They left the church. There was no throwing of confetti and the rain had started to come down so they headed straight for the carriage. Rey was helped inside by Ben who climbed in after her. Mitaka dashed to the door.

 

“A gentleman on horseback arrived while we were in church. A letter for you Sir.”

 

Ben took the letter and held it to the lit lamp in the carriage. His face darkened at the penmanship. He stuffed it in his waistcoat without opening it.

 

Looking out at the window, he addressed Reverend Tekka and Maz.

 

“Remember your promise. Not a word until we return.”

 

Maz inclined her head. Reverend Tekka said nothing. Rey felt quite sorry for the old man. He was clearly not comfortable with duplicity.

 

The carriage pulled away and they made the short journey to the cottage.

 

* * *

 

Rey could not help but doze a little on the journey in the carriage. The swaying of the vehicle and the fact she had been up since six in the morning all contributed to her resting upon Ben’s shoulder in a tired state.

 

The carriage came to a halt in what felt like no time and Rey blinked rapidly at where they had been brought. The cottage was secluded with trees all around it but clearly well kept and quite an expensive lodging.

 

Mitaka opened the door for them and handed Ben a key once they were at the door.

 

“Any reply to be sent to London, sir?” Mitaka asked.

 

“None.” Ben said tersely. “Bring the carriage back in two days. We shall return home then.”

 

Mitaka bowed and dip another bow to Rey before going to unload the carriage of their possessions. The cottage door had been opened by Ben before he went to instruct Mitaka on some other arrangements. Rey used the opportunity to step inside.

 

It was a warm little house and very snug. Had Ileenium Manor not been the place where she had first found acceptance and love, she may well have preferred this little house to the grand ancient Manor.

 

The walls were white washed and the parlour was clean. There were rushes on the floor to keep the place smelling fresh. The kitchen was small but well stocked and the furniture more comfortable than fashionable. The tenant of the house was clearly comfortable but not rich.

 

Rey climbed the stairs and walked with soft feet to what she assumed was the main bedroom as it was the largest room in the house. Again it was more homely than elegant and grand. Again, Rey preferred that aspect to it. The bed was large and threadbare with a red velvet canopy on the four posters. There was a fire roaring in the fireplace with a decanter of wine and some cold meats, bread and small cakes placed upon a chest at the foot of the bed.

 

This was where she would become Ben’s wife. In deed as well as name.

 

She desired it above all things. Longed to know him in everyway a woman can know a man… but she was afraid. The anticipation was strongly marred by nerves. She had been taught that sex was a tool for copullation. It was accepted that a man and a woman simply pull their shifts to the side and grimace through it.

 

Her touches with Ben had been of no such nature and she wondered if he would teach her the knowledge she lacked to do her duty.

 

She stepped forward and poured herself a cup of wine. Take a steady gulp, she sat beside the fire and waited for her husband to arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are like water on Jakku.


	17. A Bond Forged and Sealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. 
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for your lovely support. I love writing (it's my one joy in life) so to get any kind of praise is so good for my psyche even if these characters aren't my own. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter than usual but I think you lot will like it *wink*
> 
> I've also written another little Reylo piece which is basically Reylo at Hogwarts called 'Nocturnal Studies and Other Peculiar Studies'. If you like Harry Potter or just my writing, go check it out.

Rey tensed at the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs but took another drink of wine to calm herself.

 

Ben came over the threshold of the room. He closed the door behind him.

 

“I’m sorry I left you alone. It’s best to get as much sorted as I can early.”

 

“That’s quite alright.” Rey reassured. She’d appreciated the time alone it had gifted her.

 

The firelight cast shadows across the room and Rey looked down at her hands. The gold of her wedding band was almost blindingly bright before the fire.

 

“Who wrote to you?” Rey asked. “You didn’t open the letter.”

 

Ben’s face clouded instantly. “It’s of no importance. A mere nuisance.”

 

Rey looked at him shrewdly. “A nuisance wouldn’t have you looking so stern. Do you know who wrote it?”

 

“I recognise the hand.” He said in a blaise manner. Rey continued to stare at him and he sighed. Pulling the offending letter out of his waistcoat, he looked at it like it was offense to his eyes and opened it with an impatient air.

 

Rey watched him as he read the contents. His face turned from put-upon to shocked and pale and then like he was resolute.

 

“Ben, what-”

 

But she didn’t get much further when Ben tore the paper clean in half and cast the pieces into the open fire. Rey jumped to her feet as she saw the paper curled up and turn to ash.

 

“What-”

 

“This is my wedding night.” Ben proclaimed as though telling the whole world lest anyone else dare think otherwise, “I do not intend to spend my time on… pointless issues.”

 

“But who was it?” Rey persisted, “Is something the matter?”

 

“Nothing to concern yourself with.”

 

Rey wouldn’t let him look away from her and he sighed, taking her hands.

 

“It is of no importance. Just someone looking to cause me trouble.”

 

“That does not make me feel assured.” Rey whispered.

 

“Rey, my business in Coruscant is of no danger or importance to us. We are alone, we are together and the only concerns I want to be occupied with lie within this room with you.”

 

Rey wanted to keep arguing and demand to know who wished him ill and what kind of hardship clearly was playing on his mind but was silenced. By her husband’s mouth upon hers.

 

This kiss, clearly meant to silence succeeded in doing so, but eventually turned almost gentle. Like the demon on Ben’s shoulder was exorcised by their kiss. It was enough for Rey. For now.

 

She kissed Ben’s lush mouth and let her hands caress his biceps in a soothing and quietly amorous motion. He pulled his mouth from hers eventually but rested his forehead against hers so he did not leave her proximity.

 

“Please.” He breathed. She wasn’t sure if he meant to ask that she drop the subject or that she never leave him. Maybe both. “I will tell you everything about my life in time. But please, just tonight let us be the union I have longed for.”

 

Rey could only nod.

 

Ben’s hand slid up her neck and to the back of her bound hair. He slowly undid one bun at a time causing her hair to tumble down. Some of the daisies she had placed in her hair fall out of place and hung loosely in her locks. She went to pick them out but her hand was caught.

 

“Leave them.” He whispered. The last of her hair came loose.

 

“It was a silly idea.” Rey admitted feeling foolish.

 

“You look perfect. My bride. My wife.” And heaven help Rey if that didn’t make her want to take him in her arms and never let him go.

 

They had known ruthless passion. It was what had brought them to each others attention. She’d been crowded into alcoves, cornered in libraries and accosted in her bed by his almost animal prowess. Memories of fingers dancing up her thighs, of stockings being rolled down and waistcoats being pulled at desperately came back to her. Rey had enjoyed that passion. Adored it even. The secrecy of it had been exciting and had at times heightened her arousal.

 

To be together now in a room where no-one would disturb them and bond in a union that no one could take away, the adrenaline of illicitness was gone and replaced with a feeling much more potent. She felt safe.

 

Ben was clearly not in the mood to rip apart her gown. Instead he walked around her to her face her back and slowly, meticulously, began to unbutton the back of her dress.

 

His breath dusted over her neck and made her tip her head back a little. Exposing more skin for his breath to caress. He went one better and placed his lips to the skin there making her eyes flutter closed.

 

Her red gown sank to the floor by the stroke of his hands, leaving her in her petticoats. The one he had gifted her. It was still clean and a dazzling white (Rey had made sure to take good care of it) and hugged her body well. There was a rustle behind her of clothing and when Ben turned her to face him his coat and waistcoat was cast aside.

 

The undressing was at an almost leisurely pace and didn’t help ease Rey’s nerves. Every uncovering of flesh a step closer to where she wanted to be yet dared not look towards lest she lose her nerve.

 

She concentrated on his huge hands smoothing along her exposed arms and then her naked chest when the last of her underclothes finally gave way beneath his hands. Oddly she didn’t feel scared to be seen nude. He had seen it all before in precise detail. His proximity made her feel covered and clothed in his arms.

 

It was when his breeches were pushed down that Rey realised that although having witnessed his form wet and clean in the bath that once and been privy to the rest of him in bits and pieces over the weeks, she had never seen him altogether unclothed. She’d refused to look when she had been forced to hand him a towel that time in his chambers and had kept her eyes on his smug face.

 

Now she stepped out of his arms and looked with greedy eyes.

 

He was a pale man yet the fire light made him golden. So strong. Powerful muscles in his arms and chest with a taper waist and strong thighs. The implement between those thighs did not frighten her as she had feared. She had been in possession of it a few times and knew its silky yet strong texture and touch. The size and girth did daunt her a little as it was now stood proudly and with no shame and she was a virgin after all.

 

She could handle pain. She just wanted him.

 

“Do I meet your approval?” Ben asked calmly. Rey didn’t pull her eyes from their exploration. She was enjoying it too much. She did eventually look away and turned her lowered lids up at him coyly.

 

“Depends. Do I meet yours?”

Rey gave a gasp when Ben picked her up without ceremony, prompting her to wrap her legs around him for fear of falling. It bought her sex to the point of touching his and that alone made her gasp. To be eye level with him and so close that their open mouths were passing the same breath back and forth made her core dampen even more which he must have surely felt.

 

He deposited her onto the bed and came down with her bracing his weight on his arms lest he crush her.

 

Their kisses were anything but chaste now. The main purpose was to taste all they could of one another. Rey whimpered everything his member brushed against her body and closed her eyes to his skin pressing against so much of hers. This intimacy, this closeness, this must be what was so addicting about sex. Because in that moment all she could think was, closer, closer, not close enough!

 

He left a damp sensation where his member was as he slid down her body to take his breasts into his mouth. Licking and mouthing at the undersides before swirling his tongue around her areola and taking her nipple into his hot mouth had her moaning and making frankly pathetic noises.

 

“So beautiful, so perfect.” He mumbled in tandem with his mouth. His fingers grazed against her core and in her worked up state it nearly had her coming off the bed.

 

His large finger ran up and down her lower lips before dipping not along it but inside her. Rey let out a choked breath at the odd intrusion.

 

“I need to prepare you.” He whispered in a tone of explanation. “I want this to be pleasant for us both.”

 

Rey didn’t understand what there was to prepare but opened her legs a little further to help him along a little.

 

His finger was long and it was a rather perplexing sensation to feel it moving in and out of her sex like a sword in a sheath. It was not painful but gave her a feeling of fullness that was altogether quite addicting. Her body felt like it was warming up slowly from the inside and spreading through her.

 

The inclusion of another finger was a bit harder. There was a stretching sensation that pinched a little but passed with time and the stoking of the fire resumed itself.

 

Rey could have lain on the bed, with Ben pressed as tightly to her as she could clutch him, kissing his sinful mouth and letting his fingers explore more of herself than even she had thought to examine.

 

Ben pulled his fingers away from her body making her groan with a loss she couldn’t understand.

 

The tip of his cock was now pressed to where his fingers had been.

 

“I will be as swift as I can. It will not be too prolonged then.”

 

Rey put her hands on his shoulders and held on as he rearranged himself. Then dug her nails in as he pushed home.

 

The need to prepare her now made sense. If she had found his fingers an odd sensation, the implement that was inside her body now would have rendered her in considerable pain. That wasn’t to say there wasn’t pain. The pinch was back in earnest and seemed to reverberate around her lower belly. She took several deep breaths and looked down where they were joined. The sight flushed her cheeks to see the hair of Ben’s groin touching her own.

 

Ben’s back was hunched over as he was braised above her. He was red in the face and looked like he was uncomfortable.

 

“Are you well?” Rey couldn’t help but whisper.

 

“I should be asking you that.” He replied looking like he was struggling to speak.

 

“It’s passing.” Rey assured and it was. It seemed to be soothing a little. Rey felt the need to soothe Ben. “Is it painful for you too?”

 

“Painful?” He whispered. “No.”

 

“Then why-”

 

“If I move, I will be an embarrassment to both your first time and as your husband.”

 

Rey didn’t understand how that could be but his closed eyes and set jaw along with a whisper of ‘So tight...’ alerted her to the difficulty.

 

Eventually Ben caught control of himself. And Rey was ready.

 

The first withdrawal of his hips and then piston back inside had Rey gasping. If having him inside her and stationary had been a filling experience, movement was a little like rubbing two pieces of wood together: a fire will spark eventually.

 

He moved his hand between them and played with the pink flesh outside her body. Rey couldn’t be quiet if she tried now as that wonderful feeling that only he could inspire was burning brightly. The relief that had been promised from the moment he entered the room was gifted and Rey let her body clenched around the feeling and his cock.

 

“Oh fuck!” He cursed and suddenly the speed of his thrusts accelerated. Rey clung to the headboard for purchase. It seemed to be helping her climax spread further and Rey rejoiced in anything that could prolong this.

 

The sound of him cursing such coarse and ungentlemanly words should have appalled her. It didn’t. She found herself wanting to make him curse again and again until his voice was gone.

 

It suddenly came to a stop when he let out a groan that turned into a shout and grind his pelvis into her so he could go as deeply as he could. A further wetness that wasn’t there before flooded Rey’s womanhood and the slightly warm feeling left her panting.

 

“I’m…” Ben was struggling to talk and take in the deep breathes he clearly needed. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It’s been so-”

 

Rey kissed his bruised and full mouth to silence him. What he was apologising for exactly she didn’t know.

 

Ben withdrew from her body slowly causing Rey to hiss quietly. She caught sight of his member. The shaft was stained with her blood.

 

They were now man and wife in every sense of the word.

 

His skin tasted of sweat as Rey kissed his chest and rested her head against his heart. It was beating a fast and vibrant tune. The threadbare blanket was surprisingly comfortable and she wrapped it around herself. Ben didn’t take his share, lying in his nudity unashamed.

 

“Did I perform my duties as a wife well?” Rey asked.

 

“’Well?’ Good God Rey, you carry on performing like that and I’ll be lucky to see my fiftieth year!”

 

Rey would quite count that as praiseworthy but the kiss he placed to her head assured her that it was meant in jest and he was happy.

 

“I never thought we’d be here.” Rey confessed. “I thought you would change your mind. Realise how much better you could do.”

 

“I assume by better you don’t mean happy. As I would have known no happiness.”

 

“Well no need to worry now. I’m not going anywhere, Husband.”

 

Ben groaned and suddenly manoeuvred them so his head was resting on her breast. Rey was taken aback when she heard him utter:

 

“Say it again. Please.”

 

Stroking his soft hair, she kissed his forehead.

 

“Hush, Husband. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

Rey slept well and woke to an empty bed. Looking around the room, she brought the blanket up around her feeling exposed to the silence.

 

Where was he?

 

Hearing a noise outside, she walked to the window, bringing the blanket with her.

 

Ben was down in the garden of the cottage and seemed to be collecting firewood. He had an axe in his hand and was cutting some of the larger logs down to size.

 

It was an oddly rustic scene. Dressed in his shirt, breaches and black boots, he looked like a country gentleman rather than an aristocratic heir. Rey found that she liked this look for him. Passionate and busy yet oddly at peace.

 

Rey dressed herself in her nightgown and moved about the room to stoke the fire which had gone down in the night.

 

Looking down at the grate, she saw the ashes of what must have been the letter. And a corner piece that had not been burnt.

 

Picking it up, she examined the piece. It only had a letter on it, the rest of the word charred away from the flames, but the penmanship was elegant. Loopy handwriting. This was the handwriting of a woman.

 

Rey rubbed the piece of paper together in her fingers until it fell to pieces. She had two days with Ben. She would enjoy them.

 

But there was something he wasn’t telling her. And she would find it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm. What's Ben not telling Rey? Who wrote the letter?
> 
> Kudos and comments are my joy.


	18. Peace Interrupted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> Forgive the wait. I lost my mojo a bit lately and also working has been a bit insane. I'm looking forward to January. As are most people. 2016 - it has not been a pleasure.

The air was crisp and electric when Rey went out into the tiny garden for a little air. She was dressed in her old servants dress and her hair was pinned back. She looked as far removed from the wife of a great man as it was likely to be. Not that she cared. The fashions that Lady Leia wore were considered out of date yet very fine. Indeed, this old grey dress had been one of her mistress’ old gowns when she had been younger. The sort of dresses women in society wore looked desperately uncomfortable. The re-introduction of corsets were monstrous in Rey’s eyes. Why would women want to look so tiny in the waist when there was simply no need? She had seen people with waists that small. In the Jakku factory and it had not been fashion but malnourishment that had done the devil’s work.

 

Her grey gown would stay firmly in her wardrobe.

 

Ben was oblivious to her presence at first, too preoccupied with sorting the logs into bags to bring into the house. It would have amused many but Rey found herself flushed and almost excited to see Ben take on a servant’s task. It proved that, for all his gentlemanly airs and education, he could still roll up his sleeves and provide for his home. It was an attractive quality in any man.

 

Besides, Rey was not opposed to find him looking hot and sweaty. It rather suited him.

 

He did look around eventually.

 

“You don’t have a shawl.” He chastised. “Go back inside. You will catch a cold.”

 

“A little hypocritical.” Rey pointed out with a jesting tone. “As you are only in your southern necessities and shirt sleeves.”

 

“My labour keeps me warm.” He dismissed yet did not object when Rey was within arms length of him now. He merely caught hold of her and pulled her into a kiss.

 

It was odd to be able to kiss him in the outdoors. Yet no-one knew they were here and they were hardly doing anything wrong anymore. What was more natural than a husband and wife exchanging affection?

 

“We are to expect a visitor tomorrow morning.” Ben announced, picking up a bag of wood and lugging it over his shoulder.

 

Rey froze. Was this the mysterious woman?

 

“Who?”

 

“Maz. She wishes to see us. Or more to the point see you. Probably to make sure I am behaving as a good husband.”

 

“Oh.” Rey’s body relaxed. “Well, that should be fine. I shall have to bake something for her visit.”

 

“This is Maz we are speaking of.” Ben reminded her. “She is more likely to bring food to us than to expect it.”

 

“All the same,” Rey followed Ben up the path back into the house, “I should bake some bread or something. We can’t survive off cakes forever.”

 

“True,” Ben dropped the bag of wood beside the fire and then turned to Rey, promptly pinning her against the wooden table in the kitchen, “it probably is a good idea to keep your strength up.”

 

The insinuation in those words made Rey’s cheeks flush. A hunger rose in her that had nothing to do with food.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben got his wish and proceeded to confine her to their bed chamber for the rest of the day.

 

Rey delighted in his attention and passion. He seemed to be on a mission to prove himself a man to her. Rey rolled her eyes inwardly that he was still clearly annoyed with himself for the shortness of their sex the night before. No amount of assurances from Rey that it had been wonderful regardless seemed to be heeded.

 

He took her again in the fashion they had indulged in the night before (him on top and her below). He seemed more comfortable with the outcome afterwards. Rey who was exhausted and sweaty thanked God for it. She was in desperate need of a nap.

 

The sun was still high in the sky when they woke up. Ben woke her to kisses along her shoulder and proceeded to tease her sex with his fingers. Rey whimpered and parted her legs further for him. She had a moment of confusion when he lifted her leg over his thigh but was enlightened when his member pressed into her from behind while still lying on their sides. The angle was delicious and he seemed to touch every part of her inside.

 

She tried to stifle her cries but that seemed to spur Ben on. In the end, there was no point and Rey let her moans of delight fill the bed chamber as Ben’s gasps tickled her ear.

 

They lay together talking about everything and nothing afterwards. With Rey’s head on his chest and his heart beating steadily in her ear, they talked softly. Ben recounted odd little memories from his childhood as Rey listened. None of them struck her as particularly happy but he didn’t speak of it with bitterness. He seemed almost indifferent. Rey didn’t speak of her childhood. The mood was calm between them; she didn’t want tales of her lonely childhood to spoil that.

 

She talked instead of her numerous adventures in the Manor. About walks with Jess, tales told in front of the fire with all the staff in the kitchens and dashing around the grounds playing chase with Finn. Silly and odd little games and stories that were part of her life.

 

Rey soon came up against a little snag in their newly found arrangement: she was feeling a little tender and sore. Ben had slipped his hand between her legs as the sun had began to sink in the sky and despite herself she couldn’t contain a hiss of pain. He withdrew at once, looking chastened and a little scared.

 

“It’s nothing.” Rey insisted.

 

“You are uncomfortable.” He insisted. He climbed out of bed and threw on a shirt. “Stay here. I will be back shortly.”

 

Rey lay in bed wondering what he was up to.

 

She sighed and looked down at her hand. The gold of her wedding ring glinted from the firelight. It still amazed her that she possessed an item of jewellery that was made of real gold. It undoubtedly cost more than all her possessions put together.

 

It could have been made of tin for Rey would have cared though. It was her wedding ring. Therefore it was priceless.

 

Yet the flickering flames in the grate across the bedroom brought her attention back to the ashes of the letter she had read that morning.

 

A woman was writing to Ben. Phasma maybe? No, not Phasma. Although she hadn’t known the woman a long time, she didn’t seem the type who could be bothered to cause trouble for someone not her enemy. And Ben was an alley of her husband’s. So there would have been no need to toss the letter into the fire.

 

Bazine? Likely. She had promised trouble after all.

 

Or maybe someone else? An ex love? An infatuated woman? Had he… while he was in London…

 

Rey shock herself. No, his actions in his absence proved to her that he was earnest and loyal to her. You don’t ride through the night and the elements to propose to someone when you had another in your bed not a day earlier.

 

Maybe an old mistress needed his help? Money? Or…

 

Could Ben have a secret child?

 

The idea caught hold of her and wouldn’t let go.

 

An illegitimate child would explain his reaction? Had he not been aware of it beforehand? Or was he eager to tell her himself?

 

A flush of shock went through Rey at the thought. And, she couldn’t help it, jealousy bloomed at the idea of another woman bearing him a child when she had not had one yet. Even if it was a long time before Rey even set eyes on him.

 

Then she thought rationally. The child could be destitute. Impoverished. He had said that his love affairs had been with baroness’ and high society women. Some or maybe most had been married. Would the child be sent away from its mother?

 

Rey had images of an innocent being handed over to the workhouse where she had been born. It made her feel cold.

 

A little boy with Ben’s sad eyes or a little girl with his tuft of curly black hair. No. No, that cannot be.

 

Was he frightened of her reaction to such a revelation? Possibly. Who wouldn’t really?

 

Well, she would be a good wife. An indiscretion from his past could be forgiven so long as it didn’t overlap their own love. And she would forgive it. She had always known he wasn’t a saint.

 

The child could live with them. She could take them in as a ward. Maybe even be like a mother to the babe. If they were part of Ben, she could look past another woman’s resemblance. It would be hard but she could do it.

 

Children were innocents. And she didn’t like persecution of innocents.

 

Feeling oddly satisfied with her conclusion, she pulled on her nightgown and went down the stairs.

 

She found him in the kitchen pouring water into a copper tub. It took her a moment to realise: he had heated her water for a bath.

 

Ben put down the bucket and looked round. At her wide eyes, he looked a bit bashful.

 

“I don’t know how you like the water so...” He tailed off.

 

Rey looked in at the water and bizarrely felt nervous.

 

“Don’t you like it?” He asked looking anxious.

 

Rey swallowed. “I’ve never had a bath before.”

 

Ben’s eyes widened. “What? But then how-”

 

“My basin bowl and a jug of water.” Rey answered. “You take your clothes off and wash yourself standing up.”

 

“But the water is always cold.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Ben looked amazed. “You must have been freezing.”

 

Again Rey nodded. That was just how life was for her and the other servants.

 

Ben gestured to her gown. “Take that off and get in. You can start getting used to it.”

 

Rey looked down at her gown and slowly inched it up. She felt oddly shy and vulnerable when exposing her nude form when they were not caught up in the heat of making love. Yet the steam from the water was enticing.

 

Dropping the gown, she gently dipped her toe into the water. It was a hot temperature.

 

Slowly she set both feet into the tub and eased herself down.

 

At first, the heat took some getting used to and she had to sit slowly. But then her body adapted and she saw why Ben had done such a thing: the aches in her muscles began to loosen and melt. The stinging sensation in her womanhood was soothed. Rey leant her head back and gasped at the lovely feeling.

 

If this was high society living, she might not mind it after all!

 

Picking up a piece of soap, Ben handed it to her silently. She smiled her thanks and got to work lathering it between her hands.

 

It smelt like roses and Rey was tempted to push her nose into it.

 

She scrubbed with the enthusiasm of a child. To see her flesh pinker with her efforts was oddly rewarding. The basin and jug routine had never felt particularly cleansing.

 

Ben observed her as she went about her business and she nearly jumped when he lay a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Your hair can be washed with the soap.” He pointed out.

 

“Oh.” Rey often neglected her hair. The three bun trick made sure it was out of the way.

 

Ben dipped a jug into the water and loosened the ties on her hair.

 

“Tip your head back.” He said softly. Rey complied and closed her eyes to the water running over her head.

 

For a man with such huge hands, he was always surprising Rey with how gentle he could be. The slow lathering of soap in her hair made Rey feel safe and cared for. He worked in silence.

 

When the suds were rinsed from her hair, Ben’s hands moved down to her shoulders. And then further down again.

 

Rey smirked a little and then let her head loll back as he softly washed (or more accurately fondled) her breasts.

 

“Is this revenge for the time I made you dress after your bath?” Rey asked breathlessly.

 

“I’m rather inclined to think it is.” Ben murmured, mouthing at her wet neck.

 

“Then I accept my punishment.”

 

Rey feasted on his mouth as though she was starving. His shirt got wet quite quickly but she soon had it off and dragged him into the bath.

 

Rey was forced to sit on his lap for them both to fit and the water level rose so much that some spilled over the rim of the copper bath. Neither noticed.

 

Rey was conscious that she was still feeling tender and needed a bit of time but took Ben in her hand. The water served as lubrication and Ben growled at the feeling.

 

Rey tensed a little when he touched her sex but relaxed into it when his fingers stayed at the front of flesh and rubbed that area that always made her toes curl.

 

A soaking wet and insatiable Ben was the stuff of dreams. Yet she was awake and sat astride him in a copper tub.

 

His hands travelled all over her, rubbing and massaging her back, her bottom, her breasts and her sex until she was a panting mess.

 

“Let me see you,” he coaxed as she got closer to perfect bliss, “let me see your pretty face as you achieve release.”

 

Rey opened her eyes and forced herself not to look away. He always looked so powerful and yet it was like the night she had dominated him all over again. To see him so helpless, so desperate to do her bidding, made her lose what little control she had.

 

She quaked and shuddered under the coil snapping within her and moaned at the feeling as it coursed through her.

 

She sped up her movements and worked her hand up and down faster on Ben.

 

“You will find release. Now!” She growled.

 

He let out a cry as his manhood spent itself over her hand.

 

The water was getting cold. Rey wouldn’t notice for a long time.

 

* * *

 

Maz came to call the next morning. Rey greeted her happily. Ben was right in his assumption that she would bring provisions. She came with a bag filled with bread, cheese, ale and sweetmeats.

 

Rey settled her down in the kitchen while Ben lingered by the door. He clearly wasn’t sure how to treat the old cook: as a servant or as a guest? Fortunately Maz was too worldly wise to notice or care.

 

“How are you child?” She asked, focussing instead on Rey.

 

“I’m well. Very well. How is the Manor?” Rey was suddenly desperate to hear.

 

“Rather disorientated.” Maz said. She was never one for half truths.

 

“Is Lady Leia...” Rey’s eyes flicked to Ben.

 

“She’s well but concerned. She had the letter you left her,” Maz addressed Ben who looked a little sheepish, “so she believes you have left for London again. She was shocked you left again so quickly but doesn’t seem suspicious. To be truthful, she is more concerned about Rey.”

 

“Me?” Rey asked.

 

“You left no note as to where you were going. She’s worried for your safety.”

 

Rey felt utterly foolish. She had slipped a note for Jess to attend to Lady Leia but didn’t think to excuse her absence in the note.

 

“What did you say?” Rey asked, shamed and guilty.

 

“I said that you had mentioned a need to go to town for a few days to get me provisions. It’s bought you a few days but the boys are suspicious that you didn’t mention it.”

 

Rey could only nod. “Well, thank you all the same. You have always been a good friend to me.”

 

“And I hope I shall endeavour to. Even at a distance.”

 

Rey nodded and then stopped. “At a distance?”

 

Maz looked to both Ben and Rey. “That was actually another reason I wished to call. I’m planning to leave your service.”

 

Rey was stunned and even Ben looked a little taken aback.

 

“May I ask why?” He asked.

 

“It is time for new places and people. And I wish to return to Takodana in Cornwell. I have an establishment there. They call it Maz’s Palace, bless them, and I have left it in trusted hands since I have worked at the Manor. It has netted me a tidy profit and now I wish to return.”

 

Rey remembered the stories Maz had told them around the fire so many nights ago. Maz had not led a quiet life. In her youth, she had been a smuggler and, for all intents and purposes, a pirate. It had only been her friendship to Han Solo that had brought her up North and into a respectable business. But she had spoken of her watering hole and of the high seas, the sandy beaches and the green cliffs that Takodana could gift to her travelling friends.

 

“Oh Maz.” Rey breathed suddenly feeling bereft. She let the tiny old woman take her hand.

 

“Now, now. No need for the shining eyes. You will see me. You will visit. I will even give you a drink. At a reasonable price.”

 

Rey couldn’t help but laugh. Ben rolled his eyes.

 

Maz and Rey talked for a long time about everything. Eventually Maz went to leave.

 

“I suppose we shall be seeing you soon… Lady Rey.”

 

Rey winced. “Please don’t. I’m still the same.”

 

“To me, you will always be Little Rey. Who came to us with soot on her face and a clingy cat.”

 

Rey hugged Maz and watched her go.

 

* * *

 

Rey was quiet that night and fixed a simple meal of toasted bread and cheese for Ben and herself. They sat together in the kitchen.

 

“Are you well?” He asked.

 

Rey nodded but knew she still looked grieved. “I will miss her. That is all.”

 

Ben took her hand. “Maz keeps her promises. I’m sure we can visit soon.”

 

Rey smiled and then her attention was jerked away.

 

There was a knock at the door.

 

Ben and Rey looked at one another.

 

“Were we expecting anyone?” Rey asked. Ben shook his head and got up.

 

Rey sat in the kitchen and listened to the door being opened. There was quiet.

 

Getting up, she got to the doorway of the kitchen in time to see a flurry of skirts cross the threshold of the cottage with purpose.

 

Bazine Grummgar was stood in her view.

 

Rey was speechless. Ben wasn’t.

 

“What in the name of our Lord are you doing here?” He hissed at the elegant woman.

 

“I send letters and get no reply. What did you think I was going to do? Just shrug my shoulders and give in?” She demanded.

 

“How did you even find us?” Ben demanded just as hotly.

 

“If you gift enough money, you often get results.” She smiled nastily.

 

“What’s going on?” Rey spoke for the first time. Bazine looked at her.

 

“Ah. So I see he finally broke your iron clad will. I’m almost surprised. You struck me as obstinate enough to withstand his promises.”

 

“What. Is. Going. On?” Rey repeated slowly.

 

“I’m not here to talk to Ren’s whore-”

 

“You will speak to my wife with respect!” Ben barked so loudly even Rey felt a little taken aback.

 

Bazine looked at him and then back at Rey. Then at the gold band that glinted on her finger.

 

Bazine suddenly looked quite pale.

 

“You… you actually...”

 

“You’re too late. We married two days ago.” Ben said with an air of triumph.

 

Bazine looked like she was torn between scream and clawing his face. Rey then saw how much Bazine had changed. She looked thinner, almost gaunt, with a waxy sheen to her pale face and with bloodshot eyes.

 

“You married a kitchen whore?” Bazine whispered in disbelief.

 

“I married a good woman.” Ben replied. “Not that this has anything to do with you. Just because Snoke has cast you out and your husband is planning a divorce.”

 

Bazine looked at him almost desperately. “I wrote to you-

 

“You wrote to me hoping my ‘little infatuation’ had died out and you could slip back into my life. I bet when Snoke mentioned a future bride for me, you were rubbing your hands together. Only you made your desire for my hand a bit too obvious. Snoke doesn’t like sharing. Nor does Grummgar by the sound of it. Or is it the opium that has finally got him to wake up?”

 

Rey looked at this exchange with amazement. If that was true… then no wonder Bazine wrote to Ben. She was desperate. She was ruined.

 

“You loved me once.” Bazine pointed out. “You did. I know you did.”

 

Ben sighed. “I didn’t know what love was. You were beautiful and I was feckless. You turned me away and I moved on to a happier life. I’m sorry if you can’t do the same.”

 

Bazine looked shattered and for the first time Rey felt real pity for her. Maybe she had loved Ben after all. Or maybe she was no out of options.

 

Bazine looked then at Rey with real hatred. “For someone so loyal to his parents, I’m amazed you can make such a choice. After all he’s done.”

 

Rey straightened. “He’s not perfect. I accept that. But he was a boy and he’s different now.”

 

“Is that the sob story you told her? To excuse what you did-”

 

“Bazine!” Ben cried. There was a hint of desperation in his face now.

 

“Oh. Oh I see. Oh Ben, you really haven’t been very honest, have you?” That malevolent quality Rey had always hated was back. Bazine had it in spades.

 

“Bazine, enough.” Ben didn’t sound quite so confident.

 

“She doesn’t know, does she?”

 

“Know what?” Rey asked.

 

“Why don’t you tell her? Tell her exactly what you did.”

 

“I want you out. Get out!” Ben advanced as though to drag Bazine back out the door.

 

“Tell her!” She demanded.

 

“Tell me what?!” Rey cried.

 

“Stop!” Ben cried.

 

“ _Tell her how you killed your father!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *tiptoes away* I did say Ben was hiding something...
> 
> Kudos and comments are sixty portions and lightsabers flying to you through the Force.


	19. Storm of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys.
> 
> I can only apologise for the delay. I got a bit sucked into other works that I was writing (all Reylo of course) and have suffered with a horrific case of writers block with this one. Even with the plot all ready in my head, the words just wouldn't flow and it caused me stress. Not to mention I was devastated by the death of Carrie Fisher. 
> 
> I can only thank you for your continued support as it means the world to me.
> 
> This chapter is shorter than others but its an important one so...
> 
> Enjoy!

Rey wondered if it was natural to feel completely removed from your own body.

 

It felt like she was looking down from above at a doll’s house. Watching people move and act and speak but not actually participating. She saw herself, stock still, grey in the face and dead behind the eyes yet she was as out of control as if she really was a china doll about to be played with.

 

When she finally found her senses return to her, she was sat at the kitchen table with her hands lying useless in her lap. Bazine was gone and Ben was kneeling before her.

 

“Rey. Rey, can you hear me? Rey?!”

 

She looked at him. At this man she had loved, the man she had married and been prepared to risk everything for. It was still him but a shadow stood over them both now.

 

It was called truth.

 

“Is it true?” She whispered looking him in the face as though trying to focus on something real. “What she said… is it true?”

 

Ben’s mouth was hanging open like it was in danger of dropping off entirely. It told her everything that she needed to know.

 

She ripped her hands away from him as though he was poison.

 

“Rey, let me explain!”

 

Rey felt herself shaking with rage. A cold almost inhuman feeling overcame her.

 

“Explain then. Explain to me what happened. Now!”

 

This was not a request and Ben knew it. He dropped his head and groaned.

 

“I’ll tell you. I’ve wanted to for so long. You have no idea Rey.”

 

He sounded so tired and broken that Rey felt pity beginning to threaten her fury. But no more. She had only had half the facts all along. Now she would be the recipient of the truth if it killed her.

 

Ben sat down in the chair that was facing her. He held his knees as though propping himself up.

 

“What do you want to know?” He whispered.

 

“Everything. And be quick. Because my patience is exhausted.” She sounded harder. Less forgiving. Because she was.

 

“You know about my childhood. About my brothers and sister. And my leaving of my family.” Ben ran his hands through my hair. “What you don’t know… was that Han… tried one last time.”

 

Rey screwed up her hands but forced herself to stay quiet.

 

“It started about a year ago. I had been under Snoke’s tutelage for so long and had never wavered in my loyalty. So the security around what letters I received was not so strict. I received a letter from up north. I didn’t even think about it when I opened it. It actually came as a shock to me to read a letter from… He’d never written to me. Not when I was a boy. Not after. Never.

 

“I was insulted. Furious. I threw the letter into the fire without fully reading it. I vowed to never give him the time of day. He never had the stamina to continue a lost cause. I believed he would leave me in peace if he realised I would provide no response.

 

“He was meant to give up. I was meant to hear no more. One letter was an anomaly. To carry on receiving letters… it couldn’t happen.

 

“I received another letter. And another. And another. Every one burnt without looking at them. I gave strict instructions to my servants to filter all letters from the north. It only went quiet for a little while. Then I started getting letters sent in secret to me. In packages. Under my door. In my bed. I couldn’t turn one way or another without receiving a letter from Solo.

 

“I resolved not long after to write back to tell him to leave me in peace. I sent it to him. And just got more letters back. I was furious and confused and in a moment of weakness, I didn’t burn one. I read it.

 

“It… it was not the man I knew. His writing was not reminiscent of the man I remembered from my youth. This man sounded tired, pleading, almost sad. I thought it was a trick. That someone else had written it for him. But he mentioned things. Things only he would know.

 

“More letters came to me and I couldn’t bring myself to burn them. I kept them. I read them. I hid them away in a chest that I kept locked.

 

“I kept trying to make him go away. I grew desperate. Did he want money? For me to sign away my birthright? What would get me peace?

 

“I got a reply: he wanted to see me. My mother had sent him to London to try and reconcile with me. She wasn’t aware of the letters. She didn’t realise that Han had been laying the groundwork for a long time.

 

“I knew it was disloyal. But… I was intrigued. And he hadn’t given up. He always gave up before but not now. I agreed to meet him in secret.”

 

Ben let his head drop into his hands and pulled at his hair.

 

“I should have burnt the letters. To keep evidence… I don’t know what I was thinking.”

 

Rey swallowed the burning lump in his voice box. “Someone found the letters.”

 

Ben nodded as though he couldn’t put a voice to the memory. “I always had enemies. I should have known that they would search for any opening. And half of them started as fingersmiths in London anyway. Picking the lock was child’s play.”

 

Rey took a shaky breath. “What happened?”

 

“Snoke was told. I was brought before him. Ridiculed for my sentiment. Made to see how pathetic my desire to see my father was. Reminded me of all that he had done for me. And all that Solo had failed to do.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I didn’t show up for the meeting. I knew I was being observed by Snoke now. I couldn’t risk showing any further weakness. I thought that if I didn’t show up then that would be the end of it.”

 

Ben moaned as though in pain.

 

“He was just supposed to give it up! That’s what he did! He’d done it for over thirty years. Why the hell couldn’t he have just given up now?”

 

His cheeks were damp and Rey could feel ice line her stomach.

 

“He… he came to Coruscant. I don’t know how he found out but he heard that Snoke had learnt of our contact. I believed that he would see that he had caused me enough trouble and stay away. I was wrong.

 

“He came to the mansion where I resided. Where Snoke resided. He was refused entry but waited outside. He wasn’t leaving until he saw me.

 

“I was forced to face him in front of a crowd. In front of Snoke. And I needed to prove my loyalty.

 

“I was… amazed. He looked so old. So beaten down. But so determined. He kept saying ‘Leave with me. Come home. We miss you’. It tormented me. Made my eyes burn like fire.

 

“I hated him for it. For this weakness that he had forced upon me.

 

“Snoke was there. And I told Han. I told him that he was old, weak and pathetic. An excuse for a man. And my mother was no better. I told him that he was a joke. That I would finish what Vader started. And that he was dead to me.

 

“It was like… the colour and the strength washed out of him. He looked so… hurt. Like I’d stabbed him in the heart.

 

“He just nodded and turned to leave. But I wasn’t done.”

 

Ben was taking large gulps of breath like the words were suffocating him and cutting off his airwaves.

 

“He had arrived in a coach with a fine horse. I looked at it and looked at Snoke. He … wasn’t satisfied. I could tell. It wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough. He needed more.

 

“So when he went to get into the carriage… I stopped him.

 

“I claimed that I still had a birthright. That his property was now mine. So I had the carriage and horse taken away.”

 

Rey was shaking and her nails were digging into her palm. But she knew there was more to come. She was right.

 

“I...” Ben swallowed as though disgusted. “I left him without a horse. A horseman without a horse. He didn’t fight. Didn’t argue. Just stared at me. Like I was truly lost.

 

“I proclaimed that I was a generous man. So I called for another horse. A particular horse. They presented it to him with a flourish. A donkey. A donkey for an ass. I made him ride away on a donkey in front of a laughing crowd.”

 

He said it all in a hurry like it tasted disgusting and he needed to spit the acid from his mouth. Rey let out something close to a moan of pain. Yet when he reached to comfort her, she jerked away violently.

 

“What next?” She hissed. “What happened next?!”

 

“He rode away. I watched him go. And I went back into the mansion. The Supreme Leader… was pleased. Satisfied. I think he found it a satisfactory show. I said nothing. I went to my room and drank myself to sleep.

 

“That was meant to be the end. I was to me anyway. He was meant to go home and never bother me again. But he never made it home.

 

“That night… there was a storm. A bad one. Filthy. The rain on the window woke me up. The wind was howling. Anyone caught in it would be frozen.

 

“I knew straight away that he wouldn’t have got home.

 

“I knew where he was staying. I didn’t even think. I got into a carriage and made them drive to his lodgings. The carriage got stuck halfway through in the mud. I broke a horse free and rode like a mad man.

 

“I got to the home he was staying in. It belonged to an old friend. Lando Calrissian. The man looked old when I came through the door. And grave.

 

“He’d taken the worst of it. The rain had soaked him and the wind chilled his bones. Solo was old and a fever took him hard. By the time I got to his bedside, he couldn’t even speak. He was sweating. Boiling hot. I don’t even know if he knew I was there. His eyes looked right at me but he did not see.”

 

Ben choked and sobbed out a desperate breath.

 

“I begged him… I begged him to understand. To hear me. To know I was there. Then at the last possible moment, he saw me, reached up a hand and touched my face. Gasped something I couldn’t understand. And lost his fight.

 

“He died because of me. I broke his heart and broke his body. I killed him.”

 

Rey doubled over with the pain of his words. She hated crying and avoided it when she could but nothing in the world could stop her tears now.

 

She vaulted from her seat and began to pace. Anything but sit in front of the man who had just told her he was the reason she had never got to say goodbye to the man she’d loved like a father.

 

“Rey. Rey, please. I didn’t plan it! It wasn’t intentional. I meant to humiliate him. I never meant to kill him!”

 

Rey could barely hear him. His coming home after so long, his obsession with keeping her out of the rain and the cold, his desire to marry in secret… it all began to make sense now.

 

“Rey. Rey please!” He reached out to her. Maybe to take her hand. Hold her.

 

She threw her weight into her arms to push him away from her.

 

“Don’t touch me! You are a liar!” Rey screamed. “Lies! Lies! You know nothing but them! You have lied to me from the beginning. You knew what he meant to me and you still…” Her sobs overwhelmed her and she bent double as though she may be sick.

 

“No! No, not all lies!” Ben pleaded. “I’ve never lied about my love for you. Never! Never!”

 

He tried harder to take her hands again but she backed away fast.

 

“I love you!” He cried in anguish.

 

“ENOUGH!” She screamed. There was nothing but quiet that hung between them. Her words became a whisper. “ _Who are you? Who is it that I’m looking at?”_

 

“I’m still Ben. I’m still your husband.”

 

“No.” She breathed. “You’re not Ben. You’re Kylo Ren. I didn’t think I knew him but you were him all along. I don’t know where Ben’s gone. I don’t know if he was ever really here.”

 

Rey ran from the room and flew up the stairs. She heard her husband’s footfalls and calls to her but she just moved quicker. Slamming the bedroom door, she desperately turned the key to lock it. Lock her in. Lock him out.

 

Rey was known to be good in a crisis. To plan ahead and know how she would survive the morning.

 

Not that night. That night she was just a woman with a broken heart who cried until there was nothing left in her to come out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not completely happy with this one but I re-wrote it about twenty times and I thought 'What the hell?' 
> 
> Kudos and comments are my everything.


	20. A Choice Not Easily Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. 
> 
> On a bit of a writing spree at the moment, which is always good, and updating a bit more quickly. Thank you to everyone who continues to comment and support me. It makes my heart swell. 
> 
> Massive thank you to Lilthsaur who did some fanart for my fic. It's so cute - check it out and give her love.  
> http://lilithsaur.tumblr.com/post/150524453198/a-couple-of-doodles-for-a-fic-i-absolutely-love
> 
> I've also started another Reylo fic called 'Respite' (because I can't just write one at a time) so if you like my writing, check it out.
> 
> Enjoy this chapter guys.

The sun bled through the window slowly and as though unsure of its welcome. It had every right to be concerned. Rey would have preferred perpetual night.

 

She had not slept a wink that night and had curled herself up into a ball upon her bed. Her voluminous skirts provided all the blanket she could handle and, even though the fire had gone out and she was shivering, she could not force herself up off the bed to tend to herself.

 

Ben had hammered at the door desperately for the first hour before realising she was as disinclined to allow him entrance as she had ever been. He had knocked again in intervals. His voice soft and pleading in the morning hours. It only succeeded in Rey burying her face in her pillow and breaking her heart all over again. He had finally ceased but no footsteps could be heard of him walking away. Rey wondered if he was still outside her door, sat on the floor or slumped in a corner, determined to finish his vigil.

 

Rey wondered if the pain that seemed to have permanently settled in her ribs was grief for the man she’d loved in a paternal sense or grief for the man she would have happily ended her days with just a day ago.

 

Rey closed her eyes to the sun streaming through and tried to settle into the darkness. She had heard of this type of thing before. Women succumbing to grief and never leaving their bed again, withering away into nothing for they had nothing left to go on for. It had always disgusted her to hear of people just giving up. It had been engrained into her to fight and claw and push and survive at any cost. Yet now that she was faced with the possibility that she could rise again and face another morning, she crawled up even smaller.

 

For the first time, she understood such pain and was faced with the possibility of having no good future to walk towards.

 

She could stay and remain Ben’s wife. Could come forward as the new lady of Ileenium Manor and live in the only place she had ever thought of as her home. Many women did so. She could accept her lot and do her duty. Remaining faithful and bearing children on demand. But she would know. She would look at his face and know what he had done. She would become a cold indifferent woman just to survive. And Lady Leia… she could never keep this from her. Another betrayal to her mistress. Rey curled into herself even more as more tears threatened her. Would that poor woman ever know peace and trust?

 

So there was another choice: she could ask for an annulment. Denounce her vows and leave him. It had been consummated but there was no actual proof. She could find the sheets that displayed her virgin blood and burn it to ash. She would be ruined. Have no job to return to and no reference. But she would be free of any obligation.

 

Yet it was not the thought of a label of a ruined woman that haunted her: it was the thought of leaving Ben. For even now, even after all he had done and the hatred she felt in her breast for his actions, she found she did not hate the man himself. How could she? He who had been so kind, so loving, so steadfast in his affections towards her? His actions were rotten to the core but him… no, he was redeemable if only just.

 

But that gave her no answers and only led her in circles.

 

Rey closed her eyes tighter and let the tiredness in her bones finally claim her.

 

* * *

 

Rey was not sure how long she had slept when her eyes were prompted open by a knocking at her door. The sun was higher in the sky now and it was certainly past early morning. The weariness in Rey’s bones was still ever present and she flushed with anger at having the tiny amount of peace she had earned disturbed.

 

“For the love of God, leave me in peace Ben!” She cried out.

 

“It’s not Ben.”

 

Rey vaulted upright so quickly, her muscles protested. But it didn’t stop her scrambling off the bed and towards the door. Using what was left of her strength, she turned the key slowly before stopping.

 

“You are alone?” She called out.

 

“Quite alone child.” Maz assured. “I bid him stay downstairs.”

 

Believing her friend, she turned the key the rest of the way and opened the door enough to let the tiny cook slip through.

 

The sight of Maz, windswept and a little puzzled but still with her level of assured calm, was enough to send Rey to her knees as she slammed the bedroom door shut behind her.

 

Maz lifted Rey’s face, as she was now level with her, and inspected her complexion.

 

“You must eat.” She fished out some bread and cheese from her basket that she brought with her everywhere.

 

Rey shook her head. Her stomach recoiled at the idea of food. And wasn’t that a sign of how bad things were?

 

“You are gaunt and pale as death. I will do all I can to help you and hear you but first you must eat.” Maz insisted, thrusting the block of cheese beneath Rey’s nose.

 

Knowing she would get nothing until she had subsided to the older woman’s demands, she took the bread and cheese and slowly, with tiny bites, began to eat. There were times she raised her head to talk, to explain, but Maz would shake her head.

  
“No talking until that is all gone.” She’d state with no room for argument.

 

Rey chewed miserably until there was finally no more than crumbs in her hands.

 

“Now. What has happened?” Maz demanded.

 

“He hasn’t told you?” Rey whispered.

 

“All I know was that when I saw you yesterday, you were both in the throes of love. And now this morning, I received a desperate letter from a man who seems to be going out of his mind and you locked up in your bedroom with the intention of depriving yourself of all that’s good for you.”

 

So Rey told her.

 

It was a miserable gut-wrenching task and there were times when she had to stop to gulp as much air as she could or simply to grimace through the pain it inflicted on her chest. But through it all, she got the story out to Maz as the reason behind her turn of despair.

 

Maz listened and, at the end, shook her head.

 

“This is very grave indeed.” Maz looked like she had heard worse (which she probably had) but did not anticipate hearing it here.

 

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do!” Rey cried.

 

Maz took her hands as though to ground Rey and not let her run away with her sorrow.

 

“You must be practical. Do you still love him? Not the actions but him?”

 

Rey was forced to swallow and then nodded.

 

“I wish I didn’t. But yes, I still do.”

 

“Then that is something. Now ask yourself honestly: do you see repentance? Do you see genuine grief? Do you believe he is sorry for what he has done?”

 

Again, Rey could only nod.

 

“Then if he is repentant, can you begin to forgive? Not forget; but forgive?”

 

“I don’t know.” Rey whispered. “How can we come back from this?”

 

“What bothers you most? The fact he did that? Or the fact that he lied about his role in it all?”

 

A hard question that she didn’t want to think of but had to. Because yes, his actions made her cringe in pain but the shock and the realisation that he had lied to her about his part in it all had made the burn sting all the worse. If he had been honest from the beginning, would she have allowed herself to love him? Who knows? Maybe his honesty would have moved her and they could have built a relationship on more even foundations.

 

The sorrow of having something so tangible and that made her so happy ripped from her was worse than never having any joy at all.

 

“I don’t know.” Rey admitted. “They both hurt.”

 

“You must think this through Rey. It is not easy to make a life for yourself once you abandon a marriage.”

 

Rey grasped Maz’s hands all the tighter.

 

“What do I do? Should I try and repair what’s left of us? Or do I walk away?”

 

Maz thought about it hard. She was quiet for a moment and then nodded.

 

“Try and repair what can be mended. Search your heart and see if you can find a way. But be prepared.” Maz touched Rey’s shoulder. “There is room at Takodana for us both if you choose it.”

 

Rey blinked. Takodana? It was in Cornwell by the coast. Rey had never been so far south.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“If you can forgive and you wish to remain then stay here tonight. If you try and find yourself unable to move forward, Mr Chewbacca is taking some of my possessions to Cornwell by coach and horse at eleven o’clock tonight. He will stop by the old chapel where you were married and I will wait there for a time. If you wish to depart, this may be your opportunity.”

 

Rey’s head was spinning. She now had a choice. And still no idea which to choose. All she could do is nod.

 

Maz touched her cheek. “Have strength. No matter what happens, you will survive this.”

 

And with that, the little old woman turned the key and left the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

Rey sat upon her bed for a long time before forcing herself to restart the fire in the grate. With some food inside her and Maz’s words in her ear, she felt calmer and more in control. Her earlier hysterics were now a memory and one she didn’t wish to dwell on.

 

As the flames warmed her, she watched the wood crackle and smoulder. She searched her heart and, then with resolution, stood up and walked to the bedroom door. A part of her wanted to remain hidden away. But this needed to be attempted. If there was ever a chance to make it right, she had to take it now.

 

Turning the key, she opened the door.

 

The sight that greeted her shocked but didn’t surprise her.

 

Ben was curled up on the floor by her door. His back was to the wall and he was slumped as though he had passed out from exhaustion. His skin was waxy pale and there were dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked ill and weak. Rey felt the all too familiar rush of concern return to her.

 

Ben stirred by the movement looked upwards to see Rey standing before him. For half a second, he stared as though unable to believe his eyes then vaulted clumsily to his feet.

 

“R-Rey?”

 

Rey was incapable of speech but did take a step back from him when he reached out to touch her. It was still too soon for that.

 

“Let’s go to the kitchen. We need to talk.” She said with a firmness that she didn’t feel.

 

Ben just nodded empathetically. It seemed like he would agree to anything in that moment.

 

The descent down the stairs was quiet save for their footfalls and Rey was a little amazed how ordinary everything looked. When your world is pulled out from under you, the sight of coal still burning, rain threatening the sky and the sun setting is almost an insult. And yet the world goes on unconcerned.

 

Rey boiled some water on the stove and began to set out implements for tea. She could feel Ben sat behind her. Careful not to move too much lest she spook and run back upstairs but clearly hanging on to his chair encase he jumped from it and take hold of her. A part of her, a vindictive and nasty part she didn’t much like, enjoyed feeling his suffering. But when she turned to set the teacups on the table, the look of despondency and insecurity, that made him look so young, facing her ruined any satisfaction she may have had.

 

They sat staring at the teacups for a while. Almost like the leafs would tell their future.

 

“I have thought about it.” Rey began. “All night. Over and over.”

 

“And?” He croaked.

 

Rey looked up at him. “I would like to try and forgive.”

 

Ben looked at her as though she was Queen and Rey had to fight not to let it soothe her anger.

 

“Rey-”

 

“However, you must understand it will take time.”

 

“Of course! Of course!”

 

“We must tell your mother. It is not right to lie to her anymore than we already have.”

 

Ben swallowed but nodded gravely. “I understand. I will.”

 

“It will take time for all of us but, seeing as we will be confined to the Manor, it will help us heal.”

 

“Confined to the Manor?” Ben asked as though not understanding.

 

“When you move back permanently from London.” Rey supplied. “Once you leave Snoke.”

 

Ben stared at her and began to pale. Rey felt as though she had explained something obvious only to be met with ignorance.

 

“You-” And suddenly her own ignorance was apparent. “You do intend to leave Snoke’s patronage, don’t you?” She asked. Except it sounded like a beg.

 

Ben bent his head as though weighed down.

 

“Rey-”

 

“Don’t!” Rey spat. Because, even in her worst despair, never had she anticipated that Ben would still be under Snoke’s power. “You can’t be earnest.”

 

“Snoke… he made me who I am.”

 

“He made you do terrible things.” Rey insisted.

 

“My entire identity, my inheritance, my future, my worth, he is responsible for all of it. To turn my back on him, to walk away, it would ruin me. Ruin my family.”

  
“He’s already done that.” Rey hissed. “He destroyed everything that was good. Everything that was pure.”

 

“No. No, he only nurtured what my family started.” Ben’s face was more determined. More certain. It made Rey want to scream.

 

“After all he inspired… your father would still be alive… he is just as responsible-”

 

“The fault is mine and mine alone. He didn’t make me say the words-”

 

“You know _damn_ well that’s not true.” Rey spat.

 

Ben got up from his chair and faced the fire, his back to her and looked into the flames.

 

“Don’t you see? My actions means that I can never walk away from Snoke now.”

 

Rey shook her head, not caring that Ben couldn’t see it.

 

“My actions… I must live with them. By turning my father away, forsaking him, telling him that I didn’t want him and that he was a fool, I nailed my colours to the mast. I must now live with that. If I turn away from Snoke, after… after my father tried to get me away, then that means I sent him away for nothing. That he died for nothing. And he can’t have. He can’t have died for...”

 

Ben stopped talking and looked incapable through his grief.

 

Rey could only look at the figure of her husband. Beaten down and ruined by ambition and poor choices. He couldn’t see the holes in his argument. Couldn’t see that by staying with Snoke, Han really would have died for nothing. That he was living through his own worst fear. But Rey also knew that if she explained that, he would close his ears to it. So much poison had been dripped into his ear by Snoke that he couldn’t see the wood for the trees anymore. And if he was so blinded and unable to see clearly… was he even capable of loving her? Or was that all an illusion too?

 

Ben had turned back to Rey and approached the kitchen table.

 

“Rey, I will do everything I can to be a good husband to you. I will never love anyone but you. I will die for you. And one day, hopefully, you will be able to forgive me. But our future is linked with Snoke.”

 

Rey sat back and looked him right in the eye. “My future is not.”

  
“You’re my wife. I will have to present you as such soon enough. It is likely you may have to meet him.”

 

“No. No. I will never curtsey to that parasite!”

 

Ben’s face seemed to be prepared for the fight. “I will still have to work beneath him. He is an old man Rey. He has not got long left and I am his heir. Soon it will all be ours and we can run things the way we want them to be.”

 

“At the expense of my morals? And your father’s memory?”

 

“I told you-”

 

“No. Enough. I can’t hear anymore.” Rey felt like all the hope she had left had died in her breast.

 

“We are strong, Rey. We will make it through this.” Ben vowed. If he took her silence for acquiescence, Rey didn’t care.

 

Rey was forced to drink her tea and take a little bit of stew at Ben’s pleading. But by nine o’clock, she stood up.

 

“I am weary. I think I will retire to bed.” She said quietly.

 

“I will come with you.” Ben offered.

 

“No!” Rey burst out. “No, please I will sleep better if… you join me a little later.”

 

Ben looked wounded but nodded. “I understand.”

 

Rey stood and went to the kitchen door only for Ben to catch her arm.

 

“I love you Rey.”

 

Rey looked into his eyes. “I know.”

 

Ben leant forward and gently kissed her lips. She could feel his surprise when she caught hold of his face and deepened the kiss. His touch was gentle like she may break.

 

Pulling away, he smiled down at her. He clearly believed her kiss was affirmation that they would be okay.

 

Rey walked away before he could see her shining eyes and trembling hands.

 

It had been a kiss goodbye.

 

* * *

 

Rey quietly closed the bedroom door and began to change. Taking off her formal gown, she kicked it off and began to rifle around the trunk at the bottom of the bed. All of Ben’s clothes were far too big for her but she could belt a shirt around herself with some manoeuvring. She had also never thrown away the boys clothing that she had worn on the day they had rode out onto the mountain.

 

Changing herself, she grabbed her most precious possessions and threw them into a burlap sack. She tried to force down the tears that threatened to break free any moment. The time for girlish weakness was done. Now she had to revert back to Rey, the workhouse scavenger who had escaped the worst factory in London.

 

Rey caught sight of her hand and contemplated removing her wedding ring. But it felt wrong on too many levels and would cause her more pain than she was already feeling.

 

With the money she had saved and her few possessions, she opened the window to the cottage and looked down. The cottage was small but the drop was still quite high.

 

Taking a deep breath and clambering out of the window, she shimmied herself down slowly. She couldn’t afford to be caught. If Ben suspected… she’d never get another chance.

 

Gripping hold of stonework, she managed to get about six feet from the ground when her foot slipped and she tumbled down hard onto the grass. It cushioned her fall but it still stung her arm. She held her breath and listened.

 

There was no sudden noises.

 

Grabbing her bag, she tiptoed away from the garden and then cast one last look at the cottage. At her hopes and dreams. At the residence of the man she loved.

 

Choking on a sob that finally broke free, she turned and ran down the gravel path as fast as she could.

 

* * *

 

The journey from the cottage back to the church was harder and arduous. Rey had believed it a relatively short journey when she had travelled as a newly-wed by carriage but it was quite a different thing altogether when you were alone, in the dark and the wind was biting at your shoulders.

 

She passed no-one on the way and kept her cap pulled down over her face just encase.

 

The sight of the church finally coming into view before her came as both a relief and a stab to the ribs. It was the destination of her escape and also the scene of where she had believed her bright new life would begin. She’d said her vows in good faith and had never believed she would forsake them.

 

She rounded the corner to see a large carriage with numerous furniture piled in the open back. Mr Chewbacca was sat at the front as though waiting to snap the whip to set off the horses. Maz was stood beside the horses who easily towered over her.

 

She dashed forward into their view.

  
“Rey? Is that you?” Maz called.

 

Rey threw her arms around her in response.

 

“Oh child. Don’t be afraid. It will be okay now.”

 

Mr Chewbacca made a growling grunting sound that sounded like it was meant to be comforting.

 

Rey was promptly helped into the seat beside him and offered a blanket to keep her warm in the midnight wind.

 

“I will be with you in two weeks. Set yourself up at the Inn. I have written to the current occupant to alert them of your arrival.”

 

Rey could only nod. The whip snapped and she was being pulled away from Maz. From the church. From the North. From her home.

 

Burying herself into her blanket, she sat close to Mr Chewbacca and tried to focus on the journey ahead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are my Death Star plans.


	21. Kindling from the Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.  
> Thank you so much for the support. The response on the last chapter was fabulous and loved reading them all. I'm pleased I managed to convey that Rey had to make a choice and I'm also please many believed it was in-keeping with her character. I've also broken and got Tumblr so you can see me posting random things at https://waterlilyrose.tumblr.com/ if you like. 
> 
> Please enjoy.

Rey woke up to the sound of an odd noise. A high pitch shrieking of some sort. Seagulls.

 

Rey, who had been lying in the back of the cart under her bundle of blankets, looked up at a sky that was finally showing a colour besides navy and ominous grey. It was blue with streaks of pink and yellow.

 

It had been a hard journey from the North. The first few hours of her departure had been wrapped up in her own miseries. For try as she might, she could not help throwing desperate glances over her shoulder in the fear that they were being pursued. The rain had pelted her head and the wind had been biting which caused her to almost swaddle herself in her blankets. If Mr Chewbacca heard her trying to stifle her occasional sobs, he said nothing at all.

 

They had slept at an Inn after many hours on the road and Rey had finally been sore and exhausted enough to succumb to sleep. Mr Chewbacca had retreated to a chair by the fire downstairs, leaving the room upstairs for only herself.

 

Once they were in London, Rey had finally been convinced that no-one had followed them and she was free to a certain extent. The sight of the smoggy and impoverished view of London that she had once called her home had been a shock to her. She had never viewed the place in a particularly favourable light but even she hadn’t been prepared for the stark contrast it was to the fresh air and beauty of Ileenium Manor and D’Qar town.

 

She had caught sight of the factory of Jakku. She had gripped her possessions and ground her teeth together. She would never go back. Just because she couldn’t stay in a marriage that was reliant on a monster didn’t mean she was going to let anyone drag her back to the furnaces and dangers of machinery.

 

Mr Chewbacca had gathered more supplies for them and then they were off again.

 

Rey had tried to make the best of the journey further south. She tried to take in as many sights as she could and spot some landmarks to revisit later but soon it became harder to stay awake. That prompted her to take a little rest in the back of the wagon with the furniture. Well, as much rest as the bumpy journey on gravel roads could provide her.

 

Sitting up, she look around at her surroundings. And was assaulted by visions of green. The sun was setting but enough light shone down from the pinking sky to highlight the landscape. There were mountains all around her and she seemed to be travelling on the top of one. And where there wasn’t green, there was ocean. Miles and miles of vast blue, salt-smelling ocean. Rey could only blink for several minutes before closing her eyes and just inhaling. Even in comparison to Ileenium Manor, it was truly tantalizing for the senses. For a moment, she forgot that she was essentially a fugitive. No prisoner could have chosen a more beautiful prison.

 

Mr Chewbacca continued to navigate the cart down the sloping hills and winding forests until the sun was completely gone. By the time it came to a stop, Rey was ready to leap from it in order to test she hadn’t lost the use of her legs.

 

Their destination was a huge stone built building with flags hanging up from countries that Rey did not even recognise. There was lights from inside the tavern. And noise. Lots of noise.

 

Mr Chewbacca did not say anything to her but simply strode ahead like he had seen this sort of thing every day since he was a child. He probably had at some point. But his lack of fear inspired Rey to follow close behind. This would be her home for the foreseeable future. Best get used to it.

 

The noise was even more assaulting on the eardrums when she went inside. The interior also left a lot to be desired. The theme of this ‘palace’ was dim and dank and hard to see who you were talking to. But then when Rey passed the clientele that occupied this place, that probably was part of the appeal.

 

Rey did find herself averting her eyes from anyone in particular. Though she did feel the eyes of the smugglers and pirates as she followed her enormous hairy friend. Possibly because she was the only woman there. Possibly because she was an outsider. Or maybe both.

 

The bartender that seemed to be the only worker within the establishment looked up from the glasses he was cleaning and glanced up at Chewbacca.

 

“Ah, I wondered when you would arrive Chewie. Who’s the girl?”

 

Chewbacca communicated to the barman through a series of growls and grunts though Rey was sure that she heard the gentleman’s name was Wuher.

 

“But what can Maz mean by sending a-” More grunts from Chewbacca. “Huh? So she’s a helper?” Wuher’s eyes darted back to Rey as though sceptical of the recommendation. “Oh, very well, but she’d better be tough. This is no place for a gentle soul.” The barman turned and actually addressed Rey at last. “Can you work girl?”

 

“Of course. I’ve done nothing but work since I was able to toddle.” Rey replied maybe a touch waspishly.

 

“Not like this you ain’t.” Wuher dismissed. “These ain’t your standard lords and ladies here, girl. These are cut-throats, pirates and thieves.”

 

Rey glanced around at the punters. “I understand that full well.”

 

“Very well. There is an old bedroom upstairs that hasn’t been used for a while. Feel free to make that liveable if you wish.”

 

It was as warm a welcome as Mr Chewbacca was clearly expecting. He walked around the bar to a back-door without any other words being exchanged. Rey followed.

 

The back of the tavern was just as bleak as the rest of the place but much more ram-shackled. It was clear that Wuher didn’t reside at the establishment and if he had any sense wouldn’t come back here at all. It was thick with dust with no fire in the grate and an appalling excuse for a stove in the corner which masqueraded as a kitchen.

 

Mr Chewbacca grunted something about getting some rest and then went back outside to presumably start loading the furniture that Maz had sent into the place. Leaving Rey alone surrounded by darkness and stone.

 

Deciding that the back room/kitchen was too big a cause for this late at night, Rey ventured up the stone stairs. The dust was even thicker leaving footprints where she had walked. There was oddly enough only one room up the stairs but opening it up, Rey saw it was quite a substantial room. It was long with a large bed with a brass headboard at the centre and a fireplace in the opposite wall. There was a boarded up window at the opposite side of the room. Curiously she walked over to the shoddy excuse for a window and peaked through one of the gaps between the boards. The view looked over the beach and, though too dark now, must have been a handsome sight when allowed its full potential.

 

Wrapping her shawl tighter around her, she got to work trying to build up a fire. It was arduous work as there was no good quality wood and the kindling that had been left had been seeping with damp for far too long to be much use. It took numerous attempts and a lot of collected rubbish to get anything resembling a fire burning in the dust grate.

 

She beat the cobwebs from the bedspread but the sight of the huge bed, clearly made for two, was too much for her. It was just a reminder that she was alone. Alone in a place that was completely alien and new to her. Alone from Maz for a full two weeks. Alone with only the growling Mr Chewbacca for company who, despite being kind and gentle to her, was not good at conversation. Alone and miles away from her only home. From her husband who she’d abandoned. From Ben.

 

Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes once again. Her absence would have been noticed by now. He would have realised that she was a little too quiet. Would have gone to investigate. Would have knocked the door repeatedly. Would have felt rising panic and threatened to break it down. Would have kicked it off its hinges. And realised that his wife, whom he believed had accepted his path, had grabbed her possessions and fled out of the open window.

 

Would he be scared for her? Distraught? Angry? Would he feel this hollow feeling in his chest that Rey felt? Like hunger but like it was starving her of breath as well as energy? Was this heartbreak?

 

Crawling in front of the fire grate, she bundled the blankets around her and let the heat of the fire dry her tears before they had chance to fall.

 

Her face would be sooty by morning but that was not a concern.

 

She was no great lady in this place. She was a servant who had left her mistress and must start again.

 

Sleep tonight. Survive tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

Rey woke aching but with an air of energy that she had been missing for too long the next morning. It was purpose and she had missed it like an old friend.

 

She rolled up the sleeves of her dress and got to work. The first job was ripping the boards from the window. If she was to survive her, she needed sunlight and she doubted Maz would want to live in the shadows either. Her hands ached and the muscles that had long since dormant in her arms screamed but she kept pulling. Once they were off the window, the sunrise streamed through the room. Rey had been right – it was truly staggering and suddenly the dusty long-abandoned room looked better than she had ever foreseen. She could see the view of the trees, hills slopping down towards the water, the golden sands and the water.

 

Rey beat the rugs on the bed, swept and polished everything she could find until satisfied that it was now liveable if not famed for its beauty.

 

The trip back downstairs was rather more of a challenge. Mr Chewbacca was asleep and snoring loudly in a chair by the kitchen fire (which he hadn’t bothered to light) and the room was stuffed with Maz’s old possessions from the Ileenium Manor. Rey poked her head back around to have a look out into the bar. It was completely deserted and almost eerie. It seemed their clientele were not keen on drinking in the day.

 

Deciding to explore, Rey grabbed her shawl and went out into the grounds surrounding the establishment. The air was fresher and she couldn’t fight the desire to just breathe it in.

 

She could make this work. She would make it work.

 

And if this pressure around her ribs never eased, well, she would one day become so accustomed to it, she may not even notice it.

 

* * *

 

The two weeks that followed her arrival were a constant mix of polished, scrubbing, sweeping and planning. Rey hardly let herself rest as she got to work fixing the place up.

 

The kitchen was riddled of vermin and scrubbed within an inch of her life. She carried so many pales of water back and forth from a nearby troth her back was screaming with pain every night. Wuher watched her as though she was partaking in a fool’s errand but his eyebrows unknitted and looked almost mildly impressed as the place began to transform from a dilapidated, filthy and shady place to a shady and moderately clean one.

 

Rey learnt more about the customers that Maz’s Palace had been surviving as she worked. None of them were particularly keen on following the laws of the land. The majority of them were known mercenaries and pirates who favoured the tavern due to its close distance to the harbour and provided them a place to dock their ships. The rules of the house were simple: don’t ask too many questions, drink your drink and don’t punch anyone. There were a variety of different gangs. There were the Kanjiklub which seemed to hold a silent gentleman called Tasu Leech as their leader. The gang often argued and drank loudly in a mother-tongue Rey did not understand very well. She could get the general idea of their conversations though; they mainly consisted around missions and what was the best way to get as much loot as possible. They often went silent when Rey came to collect their glasses and none of them attempted to speak any English. They generally eyed her with suspicion. It was not a known thing for a young girl to inhabit their parts.

 

There was also a large amount of a Guavian Death Gang (a comforting name if ever she heard one). Their leader was a pale boy with the strongest Scottish accent that Rey had ever heard. He tended to bark as a general tone and was clearly a harsh commander. They had a ship called _Eravana_ and generally were in competition with Kanjiklub. Unless they wanted to achieve the same goal. Namely money.

 

The leader, Bala-Tik, was more vocal that Tasu Leech about Rey’s arrival.

 

“Where you come from?” He demanded every time she collected glasses off their table. “What business do you have with the likes of us?” The rest of his gang who wore red outfits and masks all seemed to nod agreement.

 

“Maz is my friend.” Rey replied in much the same tone. “And I have as much right to be here as anyone.”

 

Even Wuher shook his head.

 

“Ain’t no place for a girl.” Bala-Tik growled. “We are men of the world. Don’t wanna be checking my language for your gentle ears.”

 

“I’m no flower,” Rey snapped, “so don’t trouble yourself. I’ve heard better and worse over the years.”

 

Tasu Leech grumbled to his crew. Rey picked it up well enough. “Too soft. Won’t last long.”

 

Rey stomped off with the glasses and practically threw them at Wuher to clean.

 

Mr Chewbacca’s presence was oddly comforting and Rey wasn’t ignorant that he was something of a protector at times. When she worked the tavern floor, he sat in the corner drinking. He seemed to know some of the patrons. There were two men at the bar whom Chewbacca sometimes conversed with. Ponda Baba and Dr. Cornelius Evazan were apparently acquaintances from his past. Dr Evazan had such a scarred face that he was blind in one eye and Ponda Baba was missing an arm. Apparently, Dr Evazan lost his mind many years prior but generally kept to himself now and the incident that lost Baba’s arm meant that his friend was almost mute. Yet they gave Chewbacca a sort of grovelling respect and by extension the same to Rey.

 

Mr Chewbacca seemed to have a past that Rey had never been privy to. He knew that he had been a friend of Lord Solo’s well before he married Lady Leia but clearly they had been something of a partnership. Oddly it did not upset Rey to hear her father figure to be viewed as something of a legendary swindler. It made her feel almost a bit proud. Maybe because it was the exact opposite of polite society. To know that her role model had truly prospered from nothing made her feel comforted that she could do the same. And it strengthened her resolve to never waiver in her pursuit to defy Snoke. Even if it meant losing Ben.

 

Evazan sometimes spoke of Han to Rey in the few times he spoke. He told her of the stand-off he’d witnessed between Han and a bounty hunter named Greedo at another tavern.

 

“Greedo wanted him dead. He was in the pay of Jabba the Hut but Han shot him. Some say Greedo shot first but… I don’t think so.”

 

Rey only nodded and gave him a top-up in thanks. Though Mr Chewbacca advised her against letting them get drunk. Apparently starting a drunken fight with the wrong person was how one of them lost his arm in the first place.

 

Bala-Tik also sometimes talked to Mr Chewbacca. It was how he learnt that Han was dead.

 

“Dead you say? What a shame. He owed me money.”

 

The growl that Mr Chewbacca answered with made him shut up very quickly.

 

Rey noticed in the corner of the tavern a portrait that was a little covered with dust. It was an odd painting of a gang that was, even more oddly, fronted by a woman. The woman was petite but clearly strong with brown hair and a scarf covered her head in a sort of attempt to remain inconspicuous. Yet her eyes smiled at Rey. The men surrounding her seemed like quite a rag-tag band of mercenaries but there was an air of family about them all. There was a signature in the corner identifying them as ‘ _Rogue One’._ Rey wanted to ask about them but a job always crept up and distracted her. Maybe when Maz arrived she would be able to ask.

 

The fixing up of the tavern, both at the front and in the back kept her occupied in the day but the nights were perilously long. She still slept beside the fire and avoided the bed. Tried to ignore the way the fire caught the shining gold on her finger and made it shine.

 

She slept and yet she dreamt of nothing but him. His eyes. His hair. His soft mouth and clever tongue. His huge hands and beautiful body. She’d wake panting and shaking and nearly on the edge of her sanity. She’d tried to take off her wedding ring but felt bereft without it. Instead she’d kissed the cold metal and just let herself long for him.

 

“Ben. Ben. Oh Ben!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was enjoyable. Kudos and comments are the only payment I seek.


	22. A Grief Observed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys.
> 
> Thank you so much for your lovely praise. I love reading your comments and everyone is truly magic to me. You are all fantastic.

The days seemed both to pass too quickly and far too slowly all at once but soon the day came when Maz was due to arrive at Takodana. Rey had done all that she could to make the tavern truly worthy of the name ‘Maz’s Palace’. The interior was still quite dim and it was still a dwelling that was ideal for people who would rather not be seen or noticed but it now was not matted with dust and dirt and there was no vermin to speak of. Rey put down new rushes on the floor everyday, made sure the glasses were washed and shined every night and had the kitchen in a state that, luck permitting, she may even be able to serve some food that did not threaten to poison the clientele soon. The skin on her hands were chaffed and red raw but it was worth it. As long as Maz approved.

 

Maz arrived via a carriage when it was nearly dusk that very day and she carried only a little bag of possessions (having sent the majority of her belongings down with Mr Chewbacca and Rey). Rey had been sat on the stone steps waiting and did not hesitate to run from her seat to hug her tiny friend. It was such a relief to see the one person in her life that truly knew of her situation that she nearly lost her hold on herself. Maz’s gentle hand stroked Rey’s back and said only: “Later, child. Have heart and we will speak later.”

 

There was a rustle behind her and looked up to see another guest had joined Maz.

 

“BB8!” She cried.

 

The orange and white cat jumped off the cart and curled itself around Rey’s legs.

 

“He stowed away in my bag, would you believe?” Maz giggled. “I wondered why it was so heavy. Imagine my surprise when I went in for some cheese and found two eyes staring back.”

 

Rey could only cradle her furry friend and nuzzle her nose in his fur. She had missed him so and his presence would comfort her greatly.

 

Maz’s presence was something that had always impressed Rey. It was as though Maz saw her tiny stature and laughed at it for she knew herself to be as important as she was small. Never was it more true than when she entered her establishment.

 

The clientele all stopped what they were doing to turn around and look. Some seemed shock which made Rey want to roll her eyes as they had known for weeks that she was coming.

 

“My, my, you have been hard at work Rey.” She said as she scanned her newly scrubbed tavern. Wuher, who had stepped forward to greet her, piped up.

 

“How do you know it was her?” He demanded in an almost accusatory air.

 

“Because you are bone-idle and wouldn’t know a broom from a bar mat.” Maz replied without missing a beat.

 

Rey thought that Wuher would bristle or snarl but instead he did something even more strange: he threw back his head and laughed.

 

Maz put her stuff away and sat down in the little kitchen in the back to a supper of stew that Rey had made and re-made twice to make sure it tasted of something other than sludge.

 

Mr Chewbacca, Maz and Rey sat down together to eat and talked about inconsequential things. The wind from the sea, the rising cost of hops and whether or not the beer was more watered down than usual. All the time Rey had to concentrate on putting her spoon into her food and bring it to her lips. For all she wanted to do was throw the spoon aside and scream: “What about Ben?”

 

Mr Chewbacca started bidding farewell to her after dinner and tears sprung to her eyes as Rey buried herself into his chest. She had not really thought about how the arrival of one friend meant the departure of another and now that it was a forced truth she was winded.

 

“You will come back. I want to see you take more holidays.” Maz warned in what may have meant to be an invitation but came out as more of a threat. Mr Chewbacca merely grunted and made no promises that Rey could hear anyway.

 

Once Mr Chewbacca had disappeared back over the mountains with the old wagon he had brought Rey on, Maz and herself retired upstairs. Maz stoked the fire and Rey sat upon the bed. She would not be able to sleep before the fire tonight. Hopefully, sharing the bed with a friend would make her feel less alone.

 

Maz went to Rey’s side and sat upon the bed. It required her to actually climb the bed to get onto it but Maz managed.

 

“Alright, my dear. You have questions, no doubt. Ask.”

 

Rey found herself with too many to ask all at once. All of them wanted equal attention but one got out first.

 

“What’s happening back home?” She asked.

 

“To the outside world, nothing at all. On the inside, only chaos.”

 

Rey swallowed.

 

“Tell me everything that has happened there.”

 

Maz nodded. “I went to bed after you departed. I managed a few hours sleep until he came.” Rey nodded. She didn’t need to ask who ‘he’ was. “He didn’t write this time. He just came barrelling through the front door. He was soaked to the skin and looked quite mad. Almost scared your poor mother to death but wouldn’t stop howling until I came down the stairs.

 

“He asked me if I’d seen you. I denied it. I think my rumpled and tired state helped in the convincing but I’m a good actress when questioned. I wouldn’t have been a pirate and smuggler until old age if I wasn’t. I asked him what on Earth he’d been doing. He managed to gasp out that he’d gone to your room and found it locked. He’d knocked to no reply and the silence had haunted him. He’d put his foot through the door in desperation and found you gone with the window open. He’d mounted his horse and rode the mountains searching but to no avail. When he discovered you were not there either, he roared like a dying animal.

 

“He would speak to no-one but me. His mother, although relieved that he was back, was beside herself at the state of him. He refused food and sleep and would ride far and wide for hours at a time. She questioned me about why he would speak only to you but I would not tell. I stated that I had sworn an oath on the Bible. All I would assure her was that there was no dark activity in his bizarre behaviour and her son was in no trouble with the law.

 

“He is beside himself with grief. Mr Dameron does not dare even enter his rooms any longer. I don’t think there are anything left of the furniture. He has destroyed them all. Towards the end, his howls of grief echoed the manor like a ghost’s spirit that is trapped.”

 

Rey found herself shaking. She’d always known in her heart that she was the more resilient of the two but she had never foreseen him to break apart so utterly.

 

“So no-one knows of our marriage? Even now?”

 

“He is not in his right mind to make such an announcement and refuses to see anyone as he hunts. With the state of affairs such as they are between you, I could not make such an announcement. It would have been too cruel.” Maz sighed and suddenly looked older than ever. “I won’t deny it child: I was happy to leave that place.”

 

“He didn’t treat you cruelly?”

 

“No. He is either out desperately riding the countryside in search of you or locked away in his room. But… oh.” Maz grimaced. “I struggled, my dear. Even knowing what I know, even understanding why this has happened and the part he played in his father’s untimely demise, I could not help but pity him. I could hear him at times, weeping like a small child, and crying out your name.”

 

Rey could not withstand this information and not let out a gasp of grief of her own. Maz took her hands and rubbed them in a soothing gesture.

 

“Lady Leia… what must she think?”

 

“She spoke of him losing his mind. I managed to convince her not to call for a doctor. It would do him no good. Besides, in the last few days, he has been talking more calmly. He is making plans and speaks of having friends about the country. Maybe that means he is to ask for their support but...” Maz clearly didn’t have enough words to express just how doubtful that was.

 

Rey could not help but let her tears fall upon their joined hands.

 

“He will want revenge.” She whispered.

 

“Yes, but he already has attained it. With Miss Netal.”

 

“Bazine?” In her torture, Rey had to confess she had not much thought of the scheming woman. “Why?”

 

“I believe he holds her culpable for all the pain that has befallen him. He is convinced that, had he told you his story on his own terms, things may have been better. But she forced his hand. And now she must reap the rewards.”

 

“How?” Rey breathed.

 

“He wrote to Lord Grummgar. He is apparently looking for his wife. And he found her. I have not heard since then what has become of her. Rumour has it that Grummgar has imprisoned her in one of his country estates. It is not an asylum but not much better than one. Apparently he has hired nurses to ‘care for her’.”

 

Rey swallowed. It was a grim fate indeed. Some would even say worse than death or prison.

 

“I don’t think she was mad. I think jealousy and bitterness turned her into a vicious person.” Rey stated.

 

“No doubt. But Grummgar isn’t likely to ask for reasons. No doubt, we will not be troubled by her again.”

 

Rey could only nod. She did hate Bazine and knew her capable of dangerous and terrible things. Yet that hatred was under scored by pity. Any woman who could have that much hatred within her must suffer always.

 

“Enough now of that. You must rest. You look drawn and tired. No doubt, they are making you a beast of burden around here already.” Maz scolded.

 

Rey’s bones ached with exhaustion and the surprisingly soft mattress invited her into the realms of sleep very quickly. She half expected to dream of cries echoing down polished wood hallways. Luckily, she dreamt of nothing whatsoever.

 

* * *

 

Maz’s return grounded the smugglers, scavengers and pirates more so than ever before. Bala-Tik and Tasu Leech were almost respectful to Maz (in their own brusque manner and way).

 

Rey found herself experimenting with some old recipes that she could remember from the Manor. Maz kept commenting on her peaky complexion and urged her to do something that did not strain her so. Cooking seemed as good a choice as any.

 

Rey had managed to bake a loaf of steamy crusty bread and a bowl of vegetable stew when she heard a scuffle in the bar. Wiping her hands on her apron, she went to investigate.

 

What met her eyes was best described as madness. Bala-Tik and his red uniformed gang had come storming in and were demanding to know where Kanjiklub had hidden the stash of silks and fine clothes they had managed to loot from a wrecked ship. Apparently it had been left in a place for safe keeping while they sailed their ship.

 

Clearly not that safe as it was now nowhere to be found.

 

Tasu Leech never spoke English at the best of times so merely spat insults in his mother tongue at the Scottish rogue. Bala-Tik did not understand his emissary but he could read a tone like a manuscript. Soon pistols were being drawn and threats made.

 

Wuher and Maz both bellowed out warnings for the fighting to cease but neither seemed to hear. They were both outraged and ready for a scrap.

 

“OI! SHUT UP!”

 

It took Rey a moment to realise it was her voice that had cried out.

 

Bala-Tik looked at her and sniffed. “Keep out of it girl.”

 

“You should have kept it out of this tavern then.” She quipped.

 

Tasu Leech started to snipe in his mother tongue when Rey found herself speaking back in his own language. “And don’t you start.”

 

Tasu Leech seemed startled and even Bala-Tik looked from one to the other and back again. Rey’s time in London had educated her on many languages for all walks of life passed her in the grim and dark factory. She recognised the language of Nar Kanji and was a little rusty but her time listening to Kanjiklub talk was picking her back up to speed.

 

Rey turned to Bala-Tik. “First rule of scavenging: protect your find. Don’t let anyone else lay claim to it. You should have sold that loot while it was still warm in your hands.”

 

“Pirates code-”

 

“-is no good now that it’s gone, is it?” Rey finished flippantly. “There is no honour amongst thieves. If the pistol was in the other hand, you wouldn’t have even thought it over.”

 

Bala-Tik looked furious but unable to argue. She turned to Tasu Leech. “And you.” She said, again in his dialect, “you should not have encroached on another man’s prize. Don’t deny it, I’m not an idiot.”

 

Tasu Leech pursed his lips.

 

Spinning on her heel, she went to the kitchen and grabbed the food. She sighed. It was meant to be for dinner as well.

 

Oh well…

 

Stomping back into the tavern, she dumped the bread and two bowls in front of them. “Now sit down, shut up and eat. And if I hear so much as a raised voice, I will make you wear that stew.”

 

Rey went back to the kitchen. She could hear them grumbling.

 

“Girl doesn’t understand.” Tasu Leech moaned.

 

“Ain’t no place for a girl.” Bala-Tik grumbled into his food.

 

There was silence.

 

“Still,” Bala-Tik said after a few bites, “at least the bread isn’t stuffed with sawdust like the bakers do.”

 

* * *

 

Rey still worked as hard as she ever did by cooking meals for the tavern. Her food was going down a treat and the men were too busy eating to fight, Maz claimed.

 

Bala-Tik and Tasu Leech didn’t go out of their way to be obstructive to her any longer. Not that they welcomed her with open arms either. But a victory was a victory.

 

It was four days since Maz arrived when, late one night, Rey was sat with BB8 on the front steps. She was making him chase a thread of string when she heard approaching hoof-beats. It was dark so she couldn’t see very well but could just make out their gentleman’s attire and uniform.

 

Grabbing her pet, she dashed inside.

 

Bala-Tik and Tasu Leech had already heard the sound and were looking out. Their faces were grim.

 

“Who is it?” Rey demanded.

 

“No-one good. Snoke’s men.” Bala-Tik replied.

 

Rey blanched. She didn’t question how Bala-Tik knew this. She knew in her gut he was right.

 

Had they found her? Were they coming for her? Oh Lord, would she be imprisoned like Bazine?

 

Maz had arrived quickly and seemed to know Rey’s train of thought.

 

“Quick!” Maz gestured. Wuher was pushing a table aside to reveal a trapped door. “Down into the cellar. Don’t come out until I give the word!” Maz warned.

 

Rey could only gather her skirts and drop down into the darkness beneath.

 

“How come you are hiding her?” Bala-Tik demanded.

 

“A good question. For another time” was all the answer Maz gave. The cellar door shut above Rey’s head and she was pitched into darkness. There were streaks of light that showed the illuminated room up above her through gaps in the wood and she could hear everything pretty well. With a pounding heart, she waited and the door to the tavern opened with almost a crash.

 

There were numerous footfalls up above her to indicate the entrance of men. Maz’s voice sounded incredibly steady when she greeted one.

 

“General Hux. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

 

Rey blanched. Hux? Hux was here? She backed away uselessly.

 

“Hardly a pleasure.” Hux quipped dismissively. “More a chore.”

 

“What do you want?” Bala-Tik demanded.

 

“We’re looking for a woman. Young woman. Average height, slim with brunette hair.”

 

“I assume you are talking about Rey?” Maz answered. “I’ve already told him Hux. I haven’t seen her since the afternoon before she left.”

 

Rey tiptoed around the various barrels, looking for an empty one. She was slim and not too tall. She could maybe fold herself into one if they meant to search the place.

 

“He has sent all his men out around the country. Which sadly means me too.”

 

“I would have thought Snoke would have lent a hand there.” Maz said dryly.

 

Hux was silent a moment. Rey had found an empty barrel.

 

“He is not as obedient to Snoke as before. He has been called back to London more times than can be counted. He has duties to perform yet he insists this girl is found. Snoke has offered to help the search if it means he comes to London.”

 

Rey nearly vomited. So he was still in Snoke’s power? Even if he wasn’t quite behaving himself? Grinding her teeth, she climbed into the barrel and placed the lid down gently on her again. It stunk of old beer and made her want to gag but she held still.

 

Not long after the door to the cellar opened and heavy footfalls paced the steps. Rey held her breath. She must be as silent as the grave if she was going to escape this.

 

The soldiers seemed to take forever and she nearly lost her breath in terror when they passed her barrel. Eventually one sighed.

 

“Nothing down here. Let’s get back to the lodgings.” The footsteps retreated and Rey was left in the quiet.

 

When the trapdoor opened again, it was Maz calling to her.

 

“They’re gone. It’s safe.”

 

Rey crawled out.

 

Maz helped her out of the cellar and urged her to go into the little kitchen. Rey could hear Bala-Tik and Tasu Leech cornering Maz over what the hell had just happened. Rey heard none of it.

 

Searching for her with Snoke’s help? Was he blind or just desperate for help and not thinking?

 

The terror finally caught up with her because the smell of the stew on the stove made her vomit up the contents of her stomach onto the stone floor.

 

* * *

 

Rey was put to bed by Maz yet woke up no more rested and unable to keep anything down. Her stomach churned with nerves. Would they come back? Did Ben suspect?

 

Maz sat beside her on the bed that morning and talked to her gently.

 

“He is desperate to find you. He thinks of only that. I don’t believe he cares who helps him in trying to obtain you again.”

 

Rey knew the wisdom of Maz’s words but they still made her want to cry. And she was sick of crying.

 

She was given the day off to rest. She slept for hours yet still did not feel rested. And took no food for she still felt rather ill.

 

When she refused supper, Maz came to her again.

 

“It is probably stress.” Rey whispered, not opening her eyes from her foetal position.

 

“Perhaps.” Maz murmured. “And you cook most of the food so you must be sick of it. And yet...”

 

“Yet what?” Rey murmured.

 

“Rey, when was the last time you bled?”

 

“Ummm…” Rey thought about it idly. And then not so idly. For she could not remember.

 

Rey’s eyes popped open and suddenly a terrifying realisation came over her. Of what Maz was asking her. And of the belief even now that the suspicion was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yeah. I went there. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are my joy. Find me on tumblr at https://waterlilyrose.tumblr.com/


	23. Cathedral Where You Cannot Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> Once again, I thank you humbly and from the bottom of my heart. You are all so so kind. 
> 
> I wrote this to many songs but mainly "Never Let Me Go" by Florence and the Machine.
> 
> My tumblr is: https://waterlilyrose.tumblr.com/

Rey felt out of body and disconnected with the rowdy and bustling world around her. For the first day or so, despite Maz and her own suspicions, she pushed it aside. No, it could not be. A woman’s course could sometimes be late due to fatigue and stress. And surely she’d had enough of that these days? Any day now, it would come.

 

And yet, the stew’s lovely smell was enough to send her running for the privy, her moods swung wildly as she ricocheted between tears and throwing plates at people and her chest was beginning to feel very sore. Breasts that seemed to have increased in size and whom she could no longer bare binding so tightly. And, despite her hopes, the bleeding never came.

 

After the third week of being sick after dinner, she forced herself to look at herself in the mirror. Her face was drawn from not being able to hold a meal down and yet her stomach, which had always been completely flat, seemed fuller and had the slightest curve forming. No one but her could see it but she could and in that moment she knew without doubt.

 

She was with child. She was carrying the baby of a great Lord. She was carrying her husband’s baby. It was enough to send her to her knees.

 

Now she was faced with an even more pressing question: what did she do?

 

The obvious one was to write a letter to Ben and throw herself upon his mercy. He was her husband and the child’s father. He seemed desperate to have her back and was going to extreme lengths to find her. She could pack her things and go home to him. With her tail between her legs and a babe in the belly but she would be home. But then what? Would Ben accept her back so easily? Would he punish her for her desertion? He may lock her away like Grummgar had done to Bazine. No-one would question it for some would claim it was the husband’s right to do with his wife as he wished. And when the child was born, would he let her keep it? Or would it be whisked away to be educated? To be crafted by Snoke.

 

Rey clutched her still rather flat belly. No. No! If she was determined not to let herself be a puppet of Snoke’s, then that went tenfold for her child. Lady Leia’s words rang in her ears about the fate of a baby that Ben had begotten if Snoke was let near:

 

“ _That child will be plucked away from him before it can even toddle. It will moulded under Snoke's protection. And that will be the end of all our hopes. For if he lost his own child… I know full well, he would never be the same.”_

 

Ben would not be the same and that counted double for Rey. It would be the end of her to see a child of their blood as Snoke’s puppet.

 

But what other options were available to her?

 

There were potions. Wise women sold them to girl’s in trouble to get rid of their… problem.

 

Rey shuddered. She couldn’t. She didn’t have that within her. For even though she felt nothing but fear and panic, she couldn’t make herself take those herbs and destroy the life in her. It felt wrong to think of and she knew that she would never be free of such a decision. It would haunt forever.

 

The same went for giving the child up. Her parents’ had been stolen from her and never had the chance to be there for her as death had bigger plans for both. To give the child up, possibly into a workhouse again, was unthinkable. She’d survived but she’d been desperately lucky.

 

That sort of luck didn’t have a habit of repeating itself.

 

There was another part of Rey, a greedy part, that couldn’t help but feel desperate to hang on to this link. This last chain that was part of Ben. For the babe was as much his as it was hers. It had been born of love and devotion. Had it been conceived on her wedding night or the day after? She knew it didn’t matter much but a part of her held the belief that the first time, in that rickety and old fashioned bed, had been the time. Where her body had opened up to an onslaught of sensations and the feeling of Ben pressing onto her, into her, had stolen her breath.

 

Ben shuddering at the feeling, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment at the union being in his mind too short, hair tousled over his eyes.

 

If only he could have known how wonderful that moment had truly been for her. It had made her his and that had meant something.

 

She did not lose her head to romantic allusions though. If she must do this, she must do it alone. And to be a single mother in such a society, even one that liked to bend the rules with smugglers and pirates, was a dangerous task indeed. She knew that her child was born in wedlock and therefore neither she or the child could be damned. The gold of her wedding band was proof enough for anyone who would want to question further. But then more questions would arise. Where was her husband? Was he alive? Was he a man of much money? And then she would have to run the risk of someone informing on her to authorities. Maybe sending her to a workhouse anyway. She was lucky to have Maz and a means of living but a woman with a child and no husband in sight would be seen as scandalous.

 

Maz urged her to eat, bringing her bread and cheese to tempt her and not upset her delicate stomach. At first Rey tried to resist but Maz would not be thwarted.

 

“You must eat for not just yourself now. That baby needs food even if you don’t wish it.” Maz chastised gently.

 

Rey nibbled the cheese without argument.

 

Rey knew herself to be the subject of gossip in the tavern and therefore stayed in the back. She could not bear to feel their eyes on her. Knowing of her state. Judging her for it. Maybe even laughing behind their hands…

 

The mere thought was enough to make her want to start crying and that was so unlike Rey’s steadfast nature that she mused that the other proof that she was pregnant would have been redundant if she’d only had that.

 

Without a chore to do and lacking in ideas, Rey found herself walking aimlessly about. The scenery around the tavern was rather lovely in the summer sun and it seemed a waste to ignore it.

 

Rey let her hand dance across the corn that nearly reached her waist. She passed through the cornfields and down onto the golden sand of the beach. Taking off her shoes and letting her toes wriggle in the coarse yet oddly soft sand, she walked down to where the water dampened the sand.

 

Men were tending to their ships in the harbour but paid her no mind. She was left to enjoy the wind pushing back strands of hair and the smell of the salt in the breeze. The water began to lap closer and the hem of her dress began to dampen but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about any of that anymore.

 

A cluster of laughter caught her attention and she looked across the beach towards the noise. A gaggle of children were running together and making a game of chasing the water as the tide moved in and out. The water would draw away and they would chase it. The water moved back up the shore and the children would run away again. It seemed an odd game to play and how a winner could be decided seemed impossible. Still the children chortled and seemed too busy chasing an impossible wave to care that it was pointless. Their clothes were sandy and wet. Their mothers would be furious when they caught sight of them. And yet Rey could not help but laugh a little. Their innocence seemed like a gap of light in a dark room. The crack in the floorboards that Rey could look up into and see another scene unfold.

 

Rey looked at the children and then down her body. Her belly showed no signs with her voluminous skirts and tight bodices but when she pressed her hand to her belly, she could feel the tiny signs. The bump that would soon swell. Her baby.

 

She stroked the swelling flesh and allowed herself a smile. Allowed herself to think of a future for her tiny child.

 

She could bring the baby here. Show them the ships. Play with them in the sand. Chase waves. Teach them how to live off the land. Nurse them when they fell ill. Fuss over their hair. Scold them for letting themselves get messy.

 

For the first time since she left the Manor, she felt like she had an ally. Someone in the same boat as herself. Soon she would not know loneliness.

 

She would have something that she never dreamed herself capable of having: a family.

 

“You’ll have to learn to swim. And so will I. I’m not having any more near drownings in my life and your… your father won’t be here to rescue us anymore.”

 

Rey wondered on her way back to Maz’s Palace when she had made her decision. Then she reflected that when it came to the prospect of a family of her very own, there was never really a decision for her to make.

 

* * *

 

Maz’s Palace was woefully quiet. The smugglers and pirates had started to set sail for new lands and rumours of good loot. Only two groups remained: Kanjiklub and Guavian Death Gang.

 

“They like to keep it cool. Pretend to be uninterested to throw the others off. They will be setting sail using a shortcut tomorrow, mark my words.” Maz informed her.

 

Rey nodded, not caring one way or the other.

 

Rey swept the floors and kept her eyes down.

 

“Heard you’re expecting a bairn?”

 

Rey closed her eyes and nearly growled. That answered that then.

 

She turned to face Bala-Tik. The Scottish smuggler was swigging a pint of ale while Tasu Leech idly ate an apple. Their attention was on her yet the rest of their gang sat behind them. Clearly this wasn’t a taunt; merely a statement of fact.

 

“I am.” She squared her shoulders.

 

“A bastard?” Again there was oddly no reprove in Bala-Tik’s tone. Merely curious.

 

“No.” Rey ground out. “I am married. It is my husband’s child.”

 

“How come you turned up here then? Alone? In this lovely establishment?”

 

At that, Rey felt her strength wilt. For how could she explain this to an outsider?

 

“He… he is lost to me.”

 

“Dead?” Tasu Leech asked in his mother tongue.

 

“No.” Rey replied back then realised that Bala-Tik didn’t understand and switched to English. “No, not dead.”

 

“Deserted then?” Bala-Tik asked. “You won’t be the first lass to be abandoned for some blonde piece.”

 

“I left him actually!” Rey snapped then took a deep breath.

 

“He know about the bairn?” Bala-Tik asked. She merely shook her head. “You gonna tell him?” Another shake. “Why not? He might behave himself if he knows he’s got a wee one on the way.”

 

“Or he might use it as an excuse to behave worse than ever.” Rey grumbled.

 

“What you gonna do then? Raise it alone?”

 

“Seems to be my only option.” Rey set the broom aside and sat down on a stool suddenly feeling more tired than she could say. She looked at her feet and up at the wall. At the painting that had captured her attention from what felt like so long ago. “Who are they? The group that’s painted?”

 

“Them? You don’t know who they are?” Bala-Tik gasped showing horror for the first time.

 

Rey shrugged. Of course she didn’t. She wasn’t a pirate. Never claimed to be.

 

Tasu Leech shook his head as though disapproving her ignorance. Bala-Tik sighed.

 

“Rogue One. That’s the ship they sailed. That there is the greatest gang of mercenaries to sail the high seas.” Bala-Tik sat down on a stool before Rey as though about to tell a tale. “They were headed by Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor.” Bala-Tik pointed to the woman at the forefront and a man to her right. His features looked Spanish, maybe Mexican, and he was a little taller than the woman. He was standing a little closer than any other man and, even from the faded watercolour, Rey could see he was very handsome.

 

“Who are the others?”

 

“That’s Chirrut Imwe.” He pointed to a man dressed in Asian garb holding a long staff and a pleasant smile. Rey couldn’t help smile back. “Best fighter there ever was. Even more impressive considering he was blind.” Rey blinked. Blind? But then she looked closer and noticed the milky colour of his retinas to show his impaired vision. “That’s Bodhi Rook. He defected to our side from the Royal Navy. Was a wanted man for the rest of his life.” He pointed to a slim man with long dark hair and olive skin with honest eyes. “That’s Baze Malbus. Chirrut’s best friend and protector. If he hadn’t already killed the enemy with his staff. A brilliant shot.” The man Bala-Tik pointed to was the most heavily armoured and held a gun that looked like it weighed more than Rey. “And that,” he pointed with a hint of a laugh, “is K-2SO. Never gave his real name. And never seemed pleased to be there.” The man he pointed to was easily the tallest of all of them. His expression was pinched and looked as though he resented the existence of everyone he met.

 

“They were pirates?”

 

“They were more than that though no-one will give them any more credit.” Bala-Tik grumbled. “There was due to be an invasion on British soil. Flagships, battleships, cannons, you name it, it would have destroyed Takodana if nowhere else. They went on a mission. They got back the plans to fight the Imperial Empire’s naval attack. They saved thousands of lives. And died nameless.”

 

Rey looked up at the portrait.

 

“All of them?”

 

“Every one.” Bala-Tik sighed. For the first time, he sounded genuinely sad. Like he had lost friends. Or role models.

 

“What happened to them?”

 

“No-one knows for certain. But their bodies were never recovered. A portrait felt like the least we could do. Probably wasn’t their intention for it to collect dust in a tavern of questionable virtue. Then again, Jyn may have liked that. It was her kind of humour.”

 

Rey looked at the woman in the portrait. “Was she the leader then?”

 

“Oh yeah. Whipped them into shape. Though Cassian would have sworn blind that he was in charge but… well, she governed him just as well.”

 

“They were lovers?” She looked at the two. Yes, a handsome pair indeed.

 

“Lord alone knows what they were to one another. But they died together and surely that’s the greatest show of commitment a person can make?”

 

Rey nodded. A show indeed.

 

“Was that ginger fella who came storming in your husband?”

 

Rey couldn’t help but splutter a laugh. “No. Hux certainly isn’t.”

 

“But your husband knows him. Comrades?”

 

“If you like.”

 

Bala-Tik sighed heavily. “Well, you have two options: keep the baby and raise it alone. Pretend you're a widow. Borrow a last name.”

 

Rey’s head snapped to the side. “A widow?”

 

“It’ll be easier. Raise less questions.”

 

“And the second?” Rey asked.

 

“Write to him and ask for help.”

 

Rey turned away. “I’m not doing that-”

 

“But you love him.” Bala-Tik finished sounding as certain as if he’d declared the sun was hot.

 

“How would you know?” Rey snapped.

 

“Easy. You’re wearing your wedding ring.”

 

Rey looked down at her hand and the band of gold that Ben had placed there stared accusingly back.

 

“Now that tells me two things: first, I don’t know much but I know gold. And that ain’t gonna turn your finger green. Hell, amount of carrots in that… I’d hand over my old wet-nurse for it.” Tasu Leech said nothing but did give his comrade/enemy a look as if to say ‘Really?’ “What?” Bala-Tik snapped back at him. “You never met her. You didn’t know what she was like(!)”

 

“And the second?!” Rey demanded.

 

“Second,” Bala-Tik said as though no interruption had taken place, “no woman who is truly done with a man would wear her wedding ring. For one, you could have sold it and bought a home of your own. But you look at your hand and it reminds you. And it will continue to, Lass. Mark my words.”

 

With that Bala-Tik and Tasu Leech stood up and sauntered off.

 

Leaving Rey with a lot to think over. She looked back up at Jyn Erso's face. A delicate looking woman who could command a ship of men. She wondered if they would have understood each other. 

 

Rey looked at Jyn's garb (all male clothing with a sword at her hip) and decided they would have got along very well. 

 

* * *

 

Rey soldiered through her morning sickness and mood swings with a gusto that spurred her on. She was no quitter. And this baby needed a strong mother.

 

There had been no more night raids and Rey could only assume that Ben wasn’t searching the coast anymore.

 

That didn’t stop her from sneaking the newspaper from off the table in the kitchen and creeping upstairs to search every article for a word about Ben. Either he had gone to ground or was disguising himself, because there was none.

 

She watched as one week led into another and slowly her midriff began to expand. She had been to a wise woman in the village, one who seemed a little more sympathetic at the sight of Rey’s wedding band, who had explained that she estimated she was now seven weeks along. Rey took to stroking her hand over her stomach in times of stress and the sensation that she was not alone, that she carried her future companion within her, made her calm every time.

 

The smugglers and pirates that passed through made no comment on her state. In the grand scheme of things, it made no difference to them. So long as they were fed and watered. People who stole for a living didn’t have much room for moral indignation. All the better for Rey had no time for it.

 

Yet she couldn’t ignore her growing fears for Ben. And the wish, the desperate wish, that he could know of this. There were times when the worry about how she would manage and her own fears that she would fail at the task of being a good mother had her reaching for a quill and parchment, ready to write desperately to him. Beg his help. Beg him to understand. Beg him to leave Snoke if he had any love left for her and the life that bloomed within her.

 

Maz found her in tears at the kitchen table.

 

“I just wish I could speak to him. Oh, Maz, I wish...” Rey lost herself in choked sobs.

 

Maz rubbed her back and then picked up the quill. “Then write to him.”

  
Rey sniffed. “What?”

 

“Write to him. Write down exactly what you want to say. Never post it if you don’t wish. But write it down. Even if it’s only for you to burn it.”

 

Maz handed her the quill and left her alone.

 

Looking at the paper and sniffing, she dipped her quill in the ink. Slowly she wrote down some words.

 

_Ben,_

 

_I’m scared. I’m with child. I’m with your child. I’m to be a mother. And you a father._

 

_I’m scared. I miss you. I’m angry with you. I love you._

 

_Don’t torment me anymore. But find me. Please my love. Find me and love us enough for us to be enough._

 

_Rey._

 

Rey dropped the pen and let out a sigh. To see the words before her felt like a hot brand to her skin. But it also felt good.

 

She re-read the words.

 

_I love you. Find me. My love. Find me._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My spacebabies... did I mention I like angst? 
> 
> Kudos and comments give me life.


	24. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm experiencing a bit of an obsession with Victorian literature at the moment so that explains the constant updates. 
> 
> A discussion with Jess444 made me realise how much I wanted to write Kylo's side and so I created a chapter for him. I wrote it to 'Hellfire' from The Hunchback of Notre Damn (my absolute fave song from the film and a great song to showcase Kylo's torment).
> 
> Also fellow reviewer and artist has drawn me a beautiful sketch of Rey and BB8 at https://68.media.tumblr.com/11f8c20585012c84729aff16c4f708e5/tumblr_okpw6xR9rI1w4fqqdo1_1280.jpg
> 
> It's due to be coloured but I've put it in chapter 4 for anyone who hasn't got tumblr. Go check it out and give her loads of love!

“ _Ave María, grátia plena, Dóminus tecum. Benedícta tu in muliéribus, et benedíctus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. Sancta María, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatóribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrć. Amen_.”

 

Ben grasped his rosary beads and repeated the Latin prayer for Hail Mary again. The words soothed him somewhat but not as well as they once did. Nothing soothed him for long anymore.

 

He was aware that the Anglican religion was more practised than his Catholic tendencies but it had never bothered him. He’d found the act of confession and the sanctity of Mass to have given him comfort in dark times. He prayed more now than he had ever done as a young man. But then again, he had so much more to forgive…

 

He remembered praying as a little boy. With bony knees and hair that was always messy and too long, he had prayed for the souls of his siblings. For his brothers and sister.

 

He used to dream they were still alive and thriving as a child. Used to imagine being the youngest of four and never knowing loneliness. Jacen teaching him to ride a horse as oldest brothers were want to do. Jaina, with her hair so dark even as a baby, brushing it out in front of a vanity glass. She would have grown it to her waist, he decided, and would then have fussed over her baby brother’s hair.

 

“ _Oh Ben, you are a mess!” She would chide looking oddly affectionate. “Don’t run off! I’m getting the brush...”_

 

Anakin was Han’s favourite so maybe they wouldn’t have got along. A rivalry maybe between brothers. They’d fight and kick one another but team up if they both wanted the same thing.

 

All allusions of people, children, that he never met a day in his life. Jacen and Jaina would be thirty-eight now. Anakin would be thirty-five. They may have had their own children. Noisy little things that demanded sweets and always wanted their Uncle Ben to pick them up. A world where he had less to inherit and therefore less appeal.

 

Would she still have come to him? Would he still have done it all the same?

 

In every lifetime, he would. He always would.

 

Five months. It had been five months.

 

Ben clasped the rosary beads until his knuckles whitened and he feared they may come apart in his hands.

 

_Where is she? Please God, help me…_

 

There were footsteps behind him and for a wild moment he thought his prayers answered.

 

_Rey?_

 

Not Rey. Of course it wasn’t Rey. Lor San Tekka was approaching up the aisle. He looked tired. What right had he to be tired?

 

“I shall have to close this place soon, My Lord. I must retire back to my parsonage.”

 

Ben considered yelling at him in the most crude and vulgar words but decided against it. What good would that do? What good would anything do him?

 

He turned back to the alter and finished his prayer.

 

" _In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti_. _Amen.”_

_Help me. Please help me._

_Xxx_

 

The night sky was dark and the wind was biting through his thin shirt and waistcoat. He had refused company back from the concerned Reverend and walked alone. He was often alone now. Company branded him like a hot iron.

 

She walked this path to come to the church. She dashed in disguise to him to swear herself. To be his wife.

 

How happy he had been. How in love. She had stood before him that night, surrounded by candlelight in a red darned gown with daisies in her hair and a look of such shyness and hope. If he had not loved her before, he would have fallen on his sword for her in that moment.

 

The grounds to the Manor were completely encompassed by darkness. Only a solitary candlelit window was visible: his mother’s apartments. He kept his eyes on the door. He passed over the threshold into his childhood abode. There were no servants there to greet him. They had all gone to bed. It was nearly midnight. He did not light a candle to guide his way. He could walk these halls in complete darkness and not so much as bump into a table.

 

Yet he allowed himself to sink upon the stairs and slump to his knees. Heartbreak was a most peculiar thing. One minute you can walk amongst others in perfect health and complexion before you are brought back to your knees. Weakness left him immobile. He rested his forehead against the banister and brought a fist to her ribs. There was an old wound there that sometimes troubled him. He found himself punching the spot to give himself focus.

 

If his body bled and bruised, maybe his soul would not trouble him so.

 

When had he become so broken? When had his sanity rested upon her being present?

 

It was not meant to be this way! This was never part of the plan.

 

He had come back to Ileenium Manor because it was his duty. After his actions that led to his father’s death, he had not the spirit or the wherewithal to fight his mother’s demands. He had still been in a state of shock as to the events that had spiralled so completely out of control. He still closed his eyes and saw his father’s pallid complexion. So much smaller in death.

 

He’d knocked five of Lando Calrissian’s attendants to the ground when they had come for his body. It had taken a blow to the ribs by the gentleman himself to subdue him. Han Solo… gone… by his own actions if not his own hand.

 

He had prayed, he had begged whoever was listening to forgive him, he had destroyed his apartments so many times that Hux had ceased trying to fix them but still the same ending.

 

He was a murderer. A monster.

 

So when he had been asked by his mother, at his father’s burial at sea, to come home he found he could not refuse any longer.

 

Snoke had let him go. He seemed quite content to let Ben collect his birthright. He had proved his loyalty. Now he would be allowed his trust.

 

He had travelled to the North in a complete daze and like a prisoner being escorted to his jail.

 

He had stepped out of that carriage and looked up at his old home with nothing marring his brow other than trepidation.

 

He hadn’t been expecting any form of welcome. He hadn’t expected her.

 

There was nothing about her dress that made her any more noticeable than the other servants. Wearing an old dress in a drab colour and her hands clasped almost piously at her front, she had been the very image of a respectable servant.

 

And yet, something about her demanded his notice.

 

She was tall for a girl, coming up to about his collarbone, and very slender. He could fit his hands around her waist and his fingers would touch. Her hair was bound back in the most perplexing three buns he had ever witnessed and she had skin that was golden even in the drab hills. Her features were delicate with a little rose mouth and nose that was speckled with freckles. Yet her eyes seemed huge. Hazel and the windows to her person. And that person was blazing.

 

She had curtsied before him (a little shallowly if he were truthful) and kept her mouth shut. Yet her thoughts seemed to vibrate from her. Her eyes seemed to keep flicking back to him. In disapproval and… confusion. Like she could not quite believe that he was who he claimed. Like she expected something, anything, else.

 

He’d left her behind and stepped into the Manor.

 

Ben was so caught up in his thoughts that he tried not to think of the pretty servant girl. For she was pretty. Very pretty. Even beautiful. But she was a servant and her companion Jessika was also attractive. So why did the sight of Rey with his mother cause him to struggle to look away?

 

Rey. That was her name. It rolled around his mouth and tasted sweet.

 

He would have ignored it of course. For he had much more dark and despairing thoughts had she not come to the church for shelter. And made her feelings abundantly clear.

 

He could admit that he had been provoking in the church. Especially in terms of his father. For it did grate him, even then, how she held the deceased man in such high steed. How disgusted she would be if she knew, he lamented feeling hatred for himself boil.

 

To be shoved back and yelled at had not outraged him as he had thought. It had impressed him.

 

So she wasn’t just pretty but had spirit. Courage. Morals.

 

To see such a small girl have such principles and loyalties seemed to flare the candle into a fire.

 

He had not meant to corner her in the library but he had not complained either. In the candlelight, she had been so tantalizing that a part of him he thought long dead had wanted to push up her skirts and take her there and then.

 

He’d let her go with only a chaste touch of her hair and chin and had been decided: he would have her.

 

It had started as a distraction. An amusement. He admitted that now. For while he made him feel young and reckless; he did not see her as anything more than a potential lover.

 

She soon rebuffed that idea though. Her will was unbreakable. Her desire to remain chaste clear. To other women it might be a game to be played. With her, there was nothing of the sort.

 

His feelings had began to turn more serious when he had made her accompany him in the carriage. When he had stepped up his seduction. And scared her as a result.

 

Ben winced and curled in on himself at the memory now. He hadn’t meant to. And the idea that she believed he would take her by force had wounded him. For, despite his cool reasoning, he would never do that. To her or any other woman. That was not love or even sex; that was violence and for all his faults, he had never even raised a hand to a woman. He had always hidden behind bravado when making love to a woman and made himself seem more confident, less doubting and scared. She did not want bravado.

 

Her speech to him about how her worth was just as important as any high born lady had touched him and suddenly his attempts at hardened seduction began to fall away.

 

Then that God-forsaken woman Natal and all her cavalry had arrived and it had really began to turn.

 

Natal seemed to have set her sights on Rey as something of a plaything. To be mocked and taunted. Ben had never hated the wretched woman more. And yet, Rey had risen like a phoenix and held herself with such grace and calm that Ben had found himself feeling unworthy to even be in the same room as her.

 

He had dreamt of her nearly every night. Dreamt of her in compromising positions. With her petticoats pulled up and her stockings on show. With her soft lips kissing him and whispering amorous promises. Then the dreams had began to chasten. They melted into soft imaginings. Of hours spent merely holding her, playing with stray wisps of hair and kissing her.

 

That night, he dreamt of her crouched before him, looking at him and entreating him to be kind. It had felt so real. Yet once again, when he woke up she was gone.

 

When he nearly lost her, when the water nearly stole her from him, he had dived in without a second thought. Dragged her back up to the surface and breathed life back into her lungs. He tried not to dwell on how soft his lips were beneath his and focused on bring her back to him. For she couldn’t die. He wouldn’t allow it!

 

She’d survived. She recovered. And she gifted him a true kiss.

 

He’d delighted in her affection. Had teased her and enjoyed her body as much as she allowed. Oh, how perfect she’d been! Her kisses so timid, her breasts small and fitting in his palms perfectly and her core always so wet for him. Only him.

 

He’d wanted to overwhelm her with gifts, to dress her in finery and show her off. It was what he was used to. What he believed women expected of him.

 

She would not hear of it and wanted only to treasure his embrace. For she cared for him. She truly did and it felt so very wonderful.

 

He had wanted to tell her. So many times he concluded that he must sit her down and tell her all. Tell her what he’d done. Allow her to pass judgement. But every time he would look at her face and be lost. Would see her eyes light up in delight at the sight of him and would feel desperation. No-one ever looked at him like that. Not once and if he told her… the light in her eyes may go away. He had never anticipated how much he had needed that light until it was threatened to be taken away.

 

No the light was beautiful and all for him and he had always been greedy.

 

_It could wait. It wasn’t the right time. Not tonight. Not today. Not now. Let me have this moment, please!_

 

The problem with wanting a moment of happiness was that inevitably you wanted another minute more.

 

Then the marriage plans came about. He would be married off, either by his mother or Snoke. And suddenly he had no time for either. He wanted to make his own decision. He wanted to choose his own wife. And only one woman would ever do.

 

She’d been reluctant and he had tried and failed not to let that hurt. She loved him so why was marrying him such a difficult decision? He would live in penury if it meant he could keep her at his side. He knew in his heart that she was being more sensible than him but he’d prayed hard through the day that she would agree.

 

She did agree. And he had never felt such happiness.

 

Their wedding was the opposite of what many would consider fitting for a Lord and heir of such a fortune. He couldn’t care less. It had been a time of such happiness for him. He’d held his bride’s hand in his throughout. So beautiful and pure he would never deserve her. But he could try.

 

The letter from Bazine had been a bucket of cold water over him. She had threatened to reveal everything: his past deeds and his role in his father’s death. She would tell all of it.

 

Clinging to Rey that night, he decided that he had waited long enough. In truth he should have told her from the first moment but they could start their marriage on honesty. If he told her, maybe he could explain…

 

He lost himself in touch and body that night. It had been beyond anything he ever felt and was over much too quickly. She may not have noticed but that didn’t matter. He wanted to bask within her forever. Make her writhe. Make her shudder, make her moan, plead, beg, sweat and scratch as he taunted her to feel things beyond her dreams. His perfect wife.

 

He shouldn’t have delayed. He should have told her the very next day. Oh why, did he wait?

 

Collecting himself, he pulled himself back to his feet and dragged his heavy and useless limbs up the stairs. The boards creaked beneath his feet.

 

His rooms were bathed in darkness and ruin. He had allowed no-one near him in many weeks.

 

The tables were overturned, the tapestries around his bed ripped and tiny shards of glass speckled the floor from smashed vases and ornaments. He had sent Mr Dameron away some days ago. It worked for the best. Ms Pava was now his mother’s maid for the time and Mr Dameron was taking on meal duties. He made enough for two but it was rarely eaten. For Ben was not constant in his meals.

 

He glanced at his reflection in a ruined mirror. Even through the cracks on the glass (the result of him ramming his fist into it), he could see his appearance was atrocious. His hair had grown longer and his cheekbones stuck out almost accusingly. He’d lost weight, his clothes hung from him and he was so pale, he looked the colour of old porridge. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

Lighting a solitary candle, he moved to his bed. Beneath his pillow was tucked an old petticoat. It was Rey’s. She had left it behind. He buried his nose in the cotton and inhaled what was left of her scent. Soon it would be gone altogether and he would have absolutely nothing left. Only memories that would weaken. Would there come a day where he forgot what she looked like? He clutched the material and it threatened to tear in his hands.

 

When he had discovered her gone, he had suspected her of being taken. They had talked, even reconciled in a sense, so where had she gone? He suspected Bazine of being guilty of snatching her and vowed that if she had, he would confine her to Bedlam.

 

Bazine was found but it was clear she had no hand in any of it. Grummgar had reclaimed his wife and would now do with her what he would. Ben may have even pitied her had he not loathed her with such passion.

 

He had hunted. All over the country for days at a time he had rode his horse in search of her. When Hux had written to him asking when he would be coming back to court (for Snoke grew impatient) he had charged his comrade to use every force at his disposal to hunt the entire country for her. The red-haired gentleman had been reluctant so Ben had convinced him. By explaining in explicit detail what he would do to him if he didn’t do as he was bid.

 

That had been weeks ago and he was awaiting some word. For there must be something soon!

 

There was the sound of the door opening. Someone was in his bedroom.

 

“I told you already Dameron,” Ben growled, “get out before I drag you by your hair.”

 

“Hardly appropriate for a society gentleman.”

 

Ben whirled round. It was not Dameron but his mother.

 

Lady Leia was still fully dressed and holding a candle of her own. She looked about the room, at the complete destruction of her son’s life, and pursed her lips.

 

“What do you want?” He demanded, stuffing the petticoat out of view again.

 

“I want to know that you are well. For you aren’t well, Ben.”

 

“Don’t call me that name. I’ve told you-”

 

“-yes, you’ve told me. I’m just not listening any longer.” Leia dismissed, setting the candle down on a chest and moving closer to him. A little like one would approach a snake who’s venom was unknown. “You are ill. You’re too thin and San Tekka tells me that you have done nothing this last week but pray.”

 

Ben went rigid. That better be all San Tekka said.

 

“Does this conversation have a moral? Or a point?”

 

Leia curled her lip but did not take the bait. “I know we have not been close. I know we have never had the sort of relationship that would count as maternal but, please Ben, tell me what taunts you. Tell me what happened.”

 

Ben sprung to his feet and strode across the room. To put distance between them. To let his armour strengthen.

 

“I don’t know what you speak of. And it is hardly relevant.”

 

“It is all relevant!” Leia snapped. “I want to know where you went in those days. Where you disappeared to… and where Rey is.”

 

Ben’s skin was always pale now but he was sure the last of the blood drained away at her words.

 

“What would a servant girl have to do with me?”

 

“Because I am not a cretin!” Leia snapped. “Do you believe me blind? I saw the way you looked at her. I know you desired her. And I want to know what you’ve done. You would not act so wildly if something did not tear at your soul. What have you done to her Ben?”

 

Ben laughed. It sounded almost mad.

 

“What do you suspect me of, Mother?” He approached her so he was now closer to her.

 

“If you have hurt her-” Leia snarled.

 

“How touching that a mere serving girl should be held in such regard-”

 

It was merely meant to be an offhand taunt. Not even one he meant. So he was not prepared when Leia’s palm collided hard with his face. The rings on her finger caught his nose awkwardly and pain radiated across his face. He took his hand away from his nose. It was crimson with blood.

 

He looked back at his mother aghast. She’d never struck him before. Yet there was an iron in her eyes. Like she would strike him again and again if she needed to.

 

“She was more than a servant to me.” Leia snarled. “She was like a daughter.”

 

Ben thumbed the trickle of blood still running from his nose. It wasn’t flowing quite so fast now.

 

“A daughter? As in-”

 

“Don’t say it.” Leia said quietly. “Don’t mock me. You don’t know… you can’t know.”

 

“No, I can’t. Because you refused to speak of it. They are like ghosts...”

 

“They haunt me too. I made mistakes with you but I was trying to save my heart!” Leia insisted. “Three children buried, countless lost in my womb, and then you are born and all of a sudden… I don’t lose you. You live, you thrive, and I have not a clue what to do.” Leia shook her head. “I won’t keep apologising for it Ben. I’ve lost enough. I have been punished enough! Please don’t punish me further!”

 

“You don’t even know what I’ve done!” Ben exploded. “The steps I’ve taken… the wrongs I can never right!” He crumpled forward as though the wound in his ribs had been ripped open. “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault! I… I’m the reason he’s dead.”

 

Leia was silent and he braced himself for her fury, her disbelief, her grief.

 

“I know.”

 

Ben slowly raised his head. What had she just said?

 

“What?” He whispered.

 

Leia reached forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “Silly boy. Silly silly boy. Do you think I’m blind? That I don’t have friends? That I didn’t take one look at you that day I came to London and I knew? You can hide a lot from me and you have done very well. But you can’t hide your emotions at all. And you couldn’t hide that from me.”

 

Ben lost all feeling in his legs and came crashing down on the floor. On his knees, he tried to make his mouth work but would have looked like he was demented.

 

“How long?” He managed at last.

 

“From the beginning.”

 

“ _How long?”_ He cried in despair. From the beginning? No, it couldn’t be…

 

“I had suspicions from the beginning. Your father was older than me but in good health. He goes to London and all of sudden he’s dead? There was more to it. And I searched for answers.”

 

Leia’s skirts bunched in his vision and she sank to his level. His chin was lifted and he was forced to look at his mother.

 

“Lando Calrissian was my friend too, you know. And a witness. He told me what he saw.”

 

Ben squeezed his eyes together.

 

“You embraced me.” He choked out. “When we met in London… you embraced me. Why… why didn’t you-”

 

“Strike you? Damn you? I was going to. You may not have meant for what happened to happen but I still felt such rage… The darkness, they call it. My birth father had it. Luke experienced it at times. You certainly have it. And there were moments I felt it too. But then I saw you, you as you stood, and I saw that I could not hate you. You were half of him. You were half of me. And you were more broken than I could say. How could I hate something I helped create?”

 

The tears were dribbling down Ben’s face and he was sure he looked pathetic.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why?” He rasped out.

 

“As pathetic as it sounds, I wanted you to tell me yourself. I wanted you to trust me. To lay your soul to me. To be honest. Damn it, I despise these lies. Can we not be honest together? It is only us left now.”

 

Ben opened his mouth. To try, to tell her all, to finally be something like she needed.

 

The opening of the door stopped that.

 

Leia looked up abruptly at this interruption. Ben whirled round. Mitaka stood before them. He looked like he was trying not to be sick.

 

“What news!?” Ben demanded at once. He’d instructed Mitaka to come to him at once when he had finally had word from Hux.

 

“Lord Solo… there is no news. Hux was unable to acquire the girl.”

 

Ben turned around slowly. No news… none? He’d expected sightings if nothing else. But...no news?

 

“Ben, what is this? Is it Rey?” Leia demanded. “Why have you sent men out for her?”

 

“What do you mean no news?” Ben asked Mitaka slowly as though his mother had not spoken. Dangerously. He was approaching the young man and the messenger looked terrified.

 

“General Hux says there is no sight of her. And his men have scowered the entire country-”

 

His words were cut off by Ben’s fist smashing into what was left of the mirror. The glass flew in all directions and the frame crashed to his feet.

 

“BEN!” Leia cried, torn clearly between despair and anxiety.

 

“Get out! You idiot!”

 

Mitaka ran from the room so fast he tripped on the debris scattered about the room.

 

“Ben, what is going on? Why are you having soldiers hunt for Rey?”

 

Ben wasn’t listening. He couldn’t bare it a minute longer. Enough!

 

“DAMERON!” He yelled at the top of his lungs. He grabbed his clothing and shoved them into a sack.

 

Dameron came running into the room, looking rumpled and startled. He’d clearly fallen out of bed. Behind him, with a candle, Jessika Pava stood.

 

“Milady, are you alright?” She questioned looking at Leia then at Ben again.

 

“Wake the grooms-man. Saddle my horse.” Ben demanded.

 

“Ben!” Leia cried.

 

“Finn is gone away, Milord. He was given leave to take some leftover items to Maz-”

 

“Wake Mr Chewbacca then! The man has not said a word for nearly a month. GO!”

 

Dameron sprinted off to wake Chewbacca.

 

“Ben, what are you doing?!”

 

“Idiots! The whole lot of them! I should never have… Very well, I shall hunt alone.” He picked up his sack of clothing and threw on his coat.

 

“You can’t be earnest-”

 

“You want her back?” He demanded. “Then you shall. We all shall.” He spoke quieter as though to himself. “I will find her. I’ll find her if I have to burn London to the ground with me still in it!”

 

And with that, he threw himself out the door and down the stairs. Towards a world of shadows. Shadows Rey was hiding in. He would shine light on them and find her.

 

He would find her or die trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this one. I threw myself into it and worked really hard on it.


	25. And I Hope That I Will Do No Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> The response for the last chapter was absolutely fantastic! Thank you so much. It means so much as I've been pouring my heart into this lately. I find it a lovely distraction. I feel like the world we live in is just so ugly at times. Everywhere I look lately, I feel like things are just getting worse. Writing this is an escape and therapy. 
> 
> For your continued support, I truly thank you all.
> 
> I wrote this to Elisa - 'Dancing'
> 
> My tumblr is https://waterlilyrose.tumblr.com/

“And then Mama adds flour to the tin so that the pie doesn’t stick too bad. Butter is also good but we don’t have much of that so I’m not gonna waste it.”

 

Rey grinned to herself and looked down at her swollen tummy. She chuckled now at her idea that she was sporting a bump at only two months. Maz had laughed at the suggestion.

 

“A bump?” She’d chortled, “my child, that’s just the result of eating so much bread and milk. It’s making you bloated. That’s no bump I assure you.”

 

Rey had been rather indignant. There was too a bump and Rey knew her own body well enough to tell. Her abdomen had always been flat, maybe even too thin, so any bump was noticeable.

 

Now she chuckled. Maz was right – that was no bump.

 

She now stood on swollen feet with a bump that had just passed the five month mark. And the baby had truly quickened. It was becoming something of a chore to find dresses that still fit.

 

Pregnancy was an odd thing. She had been warned that some women gained weight every which way and had waited for it. However with her back turned she didn’t look pregnant at all. All the weight was on her breasts that were growing to feed the child and her tummy. Her feet were sore though and her fingers too.

 

Yet she was not unhappy. The larger she grew, the more she felt the connection to her baby grow.

 

She had been advised to start talking to the child while it was still in the womb. It helped mother and child bond before the birth apparently.

 

Rey had been sceptical. It sounded a little bizarre but tried it. Now she couldn’t stop.

 

She talked to her baby all the time. About the clientele of the tavern. About the best place to pick berries that didn’t threaten to poison you. About how to bake pies without burning down the kitchen.

 

And about Ben. She couldn’t help sometimes discussing the baby’s father.

 

She waited until night-time for that, before Maz came to bed, and whispered softly.

 

“Your father is really tall. And very handsome. Some people say he isn’t but what do people know? He has the thickest black hair that curls around his face and huge brown eyes.”

 

She kept to descriptions of him and his traits. She mentioned none of the bad. Even now, it felt wrong to speak ill of the child’s father in their hearing. And she didn’t want them to hate him. It would benefit no-one.

 

She also blew out the candle so she described him in the dark. It was stupid but she felt safer letting her tears fall in the dark where no-one could possibly witness them.

 

She kept writing letters to him. Silly little titbits of news that she did nothing with.

 

_Ben,_

 

_I’m getting bigger. I think the baby will be tall. I don’t know why but I do._

 

_I love you_

_Rey._

 

_Ben,_

 

_I keep wanting to eat cheese. I don’t even really like cheese. Maz says the baby wants it. It doesn’t matter if I don’t really want it._

 

_I love you_

_Rey._

 

_Ben,_

 

_The baby is moving. I can feel it! It’s faint but there. It feels like butterflies in my stomach. Sometimes I’m sure I can feel little kicks._

 

_I love you_

_Rey._

 

_Ben,_

 

_Please open your eyes. Please leave him. Please do this and do it for yourself. Don’t listen to orders; decide for yourself and listen to your heart._

 

_I love you_

_Rey._

 

She never sent the letters. She tied them in ribbon and kept them stashed away in a chest. The temptation to send all of them to Ben was constant though. Because Rey was tempted. He was the father and should know. If she demanded that he leave Snoke or never see her again, she was confident that he would do it now. She’d departed and made her point clear there. Whether he was in his right mind to heed it was another thing altogether. But there was another part, a more stubborn part, that refused to do it.

 

It was glaringly obvious that, while Ben was not blameless in his actions, Snoke was the instigator in it all. He curdled everything that was good. And she wanted Ben to see that on his own. If she forced him, she would always question the man she had married. Question his character and morals.

 

She didn’t want her husband to be a great man. Just a good one.

 

Rey watched the pie cook a while before taking off her dirty apron and going to the back door. Summer was winding down quickly and the leaves on the trees were starting to turn. She liked autumn. She liked the colours of things that were dying. She didn’t know what that said about her but didn’t think too much on it. The world did not have enough beauty in it. The end of something could not be too bad if rebirth was promised.

 

She rung her hands together nervously. He would be here soon.

 

Finn was travelling from Ileenium Manor with some things that Maz had forgotten. She had written to him asking for them but she didn’t want nor need them. It was just a convincing cover to get him away from the house. He had absolutely no idea that he was coming to visit Rey.

 

Rey was exultant to receive her best friend back into her life. In her previous heartbreak, she had sometimes wondered if she would ever feel anything but loss for her husband. It turned out she could but it was the same kind of ache in her bones for the loss of Finn, Lady Leia, Mr Dameron, Chewie and Jess. The loss of friendship had been difficult for her.

 

She had remained mainly confined to the tavern. The few times she had ventured out to town to pick up supplies and run a few errands had been taxing. Not only was it difficult to walk very far without getting winded and tired now but she ran into another problem. That being society.

 

She had been aware that many members of the town looked at her with suspicion or outright hostility. She thought it might be due to the fact she was an outsider and from Maz’s Tavern (which did not hold the most esteemed reputation). Soon she understood it was her pregnant state drawing in the looks.

 

Some members of society were quite kind to her. They spotted her wedding ring and treated her like a normal customer. One man even helped her load some previsions onto her cart. That did not go for all of them though. Her married state made no matter to them. All they saw was a woman unaccompanied and clearly with child. Therefore Rey was considered undesirable and to be shunned.

 

Their good opinion did not much affect Rey as she had long ago reasoned that Lady Leia had been a rare jewel indeed and therefore different for treated her servants as human beings.

 

She did have something of a shock the last time she went out with Maz. An elderly gentleman had told her where to get discounted fish from the fishermen. Rey had thanked him profusely.

 

“No problem, Lass. Sad to hear about your husband. Especially with a little one on the way.”

 

Rey froze under her stare.

 

“Sad to hear...”

 

“Aye, lost at sea Bala-Tik says. Sad outcome.”

 

Rey could only gape and nod. Her shining eyes could only bring more credence to the story.

 

She stormed down like a tiny hurricane to the dock where the Guavian Death Gang were fixing up their ship.

 

“What have you been saying?” Rey demanded of Bala-Tik, who was polishing his gun with a disinterested air. Pointed away from her, thankfully.

 

“Told you what your options were.” He explained, not even looking up from his polishing, “People like to talk and rarely anything good. So I said to some gossips that you’re a widow. Like I said, easier that way.”

 

“My welfare and reputation is not your concern. It doesn’t matter what people say-”

 

“Sadly it does if you’re a lass. And if you want to keep that bairn with you and avoid them trying to put you in a workhouse, it’s best to play the game.”

 

“Maz says I can stay.” Rey argued feebly.

 

“Maz is old and may not be around forever,” Bala-Tik took a puff of his pipe, “though it won’t be for lack of trying. Society doesn’t care about shades of grey so pick black or white and build a life for yourself.”

 

Rey couldn’t argue with that so said nothing.

 

It was odd because she had also heard Tasu Leech warning some travelling sailors in his native language when they made insinuations they thought she couldn’t understand.

 

“Girl’s respectable. Husband lost to her. And she makes good food so shut your hole before I keelhaul you.”

 

Rey smiled and made mince-beef pie that night. Tasu Leech’s favourite.

 

The pirates would deny it until the cows came home but they were growing kinder to her. Not in grand gestures but by doing little things that made her life easier. Like lying about her situation and occasionally threatening to gut anyone who got too cocky in Rey’s presence. Not that it was necessary; she’d learnt a lot in her time in the factories and could still pack a punch.

 

But now Finn was coming. He just wasn’t aware of his impending reunion with his pregnant best friend. They couldn’t include it in the letter unless it was intercepted by Ben.

 

Rey rubbed her tummy.

 

“Not long now, Baby. Give Mama a wriggle for luck.”

 

She got a faint kick and counted that as her four-leaf clover.

 

* * *

 

Rey was sat in the kitchen when Finn arrived. She wanted to run out to him but Maz warned that might not be wise. The poor boy may fall off his horse in shock. So Rey was forced to sit and wait in the back room.

 

Rey had to hold onto her chair as he heard Finn’s footfalls and his happy chatter with Maz.

 

“...Oh Maz, it’s so good to get away. Even if it is for an errand. I must ask though: why exactly do you want a bag of old dresses you’ve never worn-”

 

Finn’s words were cut off by his entrance through the kitchen door where upon he caught sight of Rey, sat at the table. His mouth dropped open almost comically as she smiled a shy smile.

 

“Hello Finn.”

 

For a moment, he stood there gaping at her. Taking in her face and her belly and her general state and presence. And then all illusion of propriety was gone as he crossed the threshold in three strides and took her in his arms. Rey clung to him and the tears that she had finally managed to clamp down on these past few days burst forward as she relished her dear friend’s arrival.

 

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Maz said, retreating back to the bar. Neither noticed her go.

 

Rey softly cried into her friend’s shoulder and noticed her own shoulder was becoming damp with his tears. Eventually they pulled apart and looked at one another with red-eyes and wet cheeks.

 

“It’s really you.” Finn whispered. “I thought you’d… we feared… What happened Rey?”

 

“Oh where to start?” She breathed.

 

“And you’re with child!” He looked down at her obvious bump beneath her dress. He suddenly blanched. “Preserve me Rey! Were you forced upon?”

 

“No!” She rasped desperately. “No, this is a child conceived by love. I’m… I’m married, Finn.”

 

Finn looked like he may fall over.

 

“Married? To who?”

 

Rey took a deep breath. No more lies. “To Lord Solo. This child is his.”

 

This time Finn really did fall over. Luckily it was into a chair.

 

Rey quickly poured him some strong whisky that just smelling made her dizzy. She forced him to take a sip which he grimaced from.

 

“Lord Solo… you are married to...” Finn put his head in his hands. “This explains everything and yet nothing.” He sat back up and took a huge deep breath. “This is why Lord Solo has gone off the boil.”

 

“Quite possibly.” Rey whispered.

 

“But marriage! And a child! Why Rey? Why did you do it? Why did you then leave? Why… why didn’t you tell me?” Finn asked the last question in anguish. As though the question caused him great pain.

 

Rey felt a flush of shame. “I was going to tell you. There were times where I thought I may burst for lack of speaking of it to someone! There was one time I resolved to sit you down and explain my lot. But then, it all happened so quickly. I was overcome. I was selfish.” She hung her head. The first flurry of love had left her blind to others.

 

“I could have helped you.”

 

“Finn, I was risking everything in what I was doing. I would have lost my position if we were discovered. I could not threaten your livelihood too.” Rey reasoned.

 

“I could have kept a secret.”

 

“I know.” She touched his face and felt such tenderness for him.

 

“Lord Solo? I thought you hated him!”

 

“I did once. But something changed.”

 

“He is tempestuous, impatient and at times cruel.”

 

“I know this.” Rey admitted.

 

“Then why does it feel like I am the only one who can see this was insane!?”

 

“You have every reason to be vexed. And what you say is true. But there is another side that I saw: a kinder, loving, more gentle side that longs for affection. I tried to maintain a cool head Finn, I swear. But in the end I could only submit to my heart.”

 

“What happened Rey? You disappeared. No-one would tell us where you had gone. I was so afraid. I asked anyone who knew but no-one...” Finn broke off and looked like he may start to cry again.

 

“I’m so sorry. I wanted to write to you. Explain everything to you. But it was too risky. Oh please don’t hate me Finn. I have lost so much; I can’t bear to lose you too!”

 

Finn took Rey in his arms. He softly shushed her and she fell into his embrace.

 

With a sigh, he asked more gently. “When is the child due?”

 

“After Yuletide. I am in my fifth month.”

 

“Clearly. You have been missing for that time. So it happened the night you...”

 

“Yes. My wedding night. Small comfort but at least no-one can accuse me of bearing a bastard.” Though Rey was certain she would come against the accusation soon enough.

 

“A baby? I’m sure you will make a fine mother, Rey.”

 

“I hope so. I truly do.”

 

They talked about everything that the other had missed in their absence to one another and Rey felt her spirits lift. Not for the first time, she lamented that it had not been Finn whom she had fallen so passionately in love with. A kinder, braver and more honourable man it was impossible to meet. And yet, though she certainly felt love for him, it was a love that was reminiscent of a sibling. Somehow it made it more precious to her.

 

Husbands were a love that can define or destroy you; this love promised only nurturing and comfort.

 

Yet despite it all, she did not explain her reasons for leaving her husband. It was a story that burnt at her soul and she did not trust Finn to not let his disdain give the game away should he return to Ileenium Manor with the knowledge of what his master had done. So they kept to happy talk and let the mood settle over them.

 

* * *

 

Finn set about making himself a bed in front of the kitchen fire, having absolutely refused Maz and Rey’s bed and propriety stopped them from having him come upstairs to sleep by their fire. Rey found this almost ironic in its humour but Finn was insistent.

 

“Things are complicated enough for you Rey. I won’t have any more talk against you if I can help it.”

 

She submitted and proceeded to pile so many blankets beneath him that he may as well have slept on a true mattress.

 

Sitting on her bed in her nightdress, she stroked her belly and contemplated the looming issue that was lack of space. It was cramped enough in these quarters, sharing a bed with Maz. Soon the child would be born and that would decrease even further.

 

She must soon find a place of her own. She still had her savings from her years’ working in the Manor but she did not want to rent a house in town. It was too far from the tavern and too close to the judging looks of the upper classes.

 

Her child must have a home. And she must be the one to provide it.

 

* * *

 

Finn was a blessed relief for company. He accompanied her on her walks and help in the tavern when possible. He was rather taken aback by the manner of people that Maz’s Palace seemed to attract (probably not helped by the fact that one of Kanjiklub tried to start a knife fight with him over some imagined insult) but soon came to understand the ways and means of life there.

 

One point in which Finn was in complete agreement was that she must have a home of her own. And vowed, ever the dutiful friend, to help wherever possible.

 

Rey did not think too much of it for the first week but one day, three nights before he was due to return home, he came striding into the kitchen with a broad grin.

 

“Maz. Rey. Do you fancy a little trip out?”

 

Rey, feeling extremely hot that day, was rather inclined to reject him. Maz however was happy to oblige.

 

They took a cart from the house a little further up into the green hills. Rey felt the wind on her face and the gentle rustling of the leaves on overhanging trees and deemed that maybe a trip out was a nice idea. Until the cart had to pull over for her to be sick from the constant rocking on the unsteady path.

 

Eventually the cart pulled up alongside a glen.

 

“Come and see what I found!” Finn exclaimed and leapt from the cart.

 

Rey and Maz climbed down followed him. Amongst the trees, they began to make out an old, abandoned looking cottage. It was masked by trees and brambles.

 

Following him, Rey and Maz crossed the threshold. The inside was not much better. It was covered with litter, cobwebs and seemed to be housing mice.

 

Finn showed it to them.

 

“I found it. Its rent is reasonable and it will need some work obviously. What do you think?”

 

Rey looked around with new eyes. This cottage… could be hers?

 

“Finn, I can’t afford an entire cottage on my own!”

 

“It’s not just you.” He turned to Maz. “It’s for you too.”

 

Maz and Rey looked at one another in surprise. Though Maz never looked surprised for long.

 

“I’ve been thinking. The back-rooms of the tavern have been well tended to and you’ve done a fine job Rey but it won’t do forever. This is not too far from the tavern. With the two of you residing here, you are not too far from town or work but secluded enough for peace.”

 

Rey looked around the place. The front room was spacious and the place looked like it was built on solid stone.

 

It… had potential.

 

Her quiet contemplating must have sent a different signal to Finn as he began to look despondent.

 

“If it’s not to your taste, I can keep looking. There must be other places around-”

 

Rey cut him off with a hug. Her eyes burned but she was not going to cry. Even if they were happy tears. She was done with crying.

 

“Thank you, my friend.”

 

And so it came to pass that Maz and Rey put their money together and authorised a lease with the land owner. He was happy to be rid of it. Apparently, he could not be rid of it due to pirates in the general vicinity. Maz assured him that this would hardly be an issue for them. Rey had to suppress a giggle.

 

* * *

 

Rey retired early to bed that night, tired and yet oddly awake. Undressing down to her nightdress, she climbed beneath the candles and blew out her candle.

 

She lay there prone for a little while before succumbing. And, with some reluctance, slipped a hand beneath her nightgown.

 

This had come about since she had entered her fifth month of pregnancy: a rush of hormones that made her constantly amorous.

 

She felt flushed and light headed with need at times and had come to find herself staring at Finn just last night. He really did have lovely thighs…

 

She’d barely been able to look him in the eye throughout dinner, frightened that if she so much as looked up, he would know.

 

And yet, her mind always returned to him. The man responsible for awakening this state of her in the first place.

 

Trying to brush her wetness gently, and yet struggling where the bump hinders her, she closes her eyes and didn’t imagine but remembered.

 

Images flicker before her eyes before settling on one: the library. Where it all started.

 

She remembered his touch, his eyes, the promise of unearthly delights in his brown eyes. Yet she imagines that it didn’t stop there. She both imagines and remembers from other experiences the firmness of his grip on her arms as he would push her up against a wall. The books would have dug into her back. She wouldn’t have cared.

 

Her leg would have been picked up and wrapped around his waist. It would have exposed her long boots and her stockings. She may have been forced off her feet a little just to be waist to waist with this giant of a man. Her fingers threading through his silken hair and his lips ravishing her skin. She would have let him suck a purple bruise on her neck. The pain would melt into pleasure and she would have moaned wantonly.

 

Rey’s fingers began to speed up. It was never normally this quick but she couldn’t control it.

 

She sped forward and imagined him inside her body. There would be none of the gentleness that he had employed at times in this reality. He would pound into her deep and hard, punching the breath from her lungs. Every ridge of his manhood would rub her right and he would whisper to her. Scandalous things about how wanton she was, exactly what he wished to do with her and what he would have her do in return. Things that should outrage her virtue but would only have her claw at his back to make him go faster.

 

Rey cried out into her pillow as she forced herself to remember the shuddering breath and gasps that Ben elicited when he found climax. It made the force of her pleasure heighten and she almost closed her legs on her hand from the feeling taking hold of her.

 

Breathing deeply, she tried to ignore that her eyes were wet. The candle was out. It didn’t count.

 

* * *

 

Rey came down to breakfast the next day to find Maz and Finn talking with grave expressions. As soon as she entered the kitchen, they went silent.

 

“What is it?” She asked immediately. She had a good radar for trouble.

 

“Nothing, Peanut.” Finn attempted to sound light hearted. It was not convincing.

 

“Maz?”

 

The old woman sighed. “Tell her Finn; she has the right to know.”

 

Finn grimaced but seemed defeated.

 

“I went to town. I heard… some talk.”

 

“Oh don’t worry about that Finn,” Rey dismissed “I know what they are bound to say.”

 

“Not about you; about Lord Solo.”

 

Rey paled.

 

“Lord Solo?”

 

“There is word that Snoke has issued an immediate order for him to return to Coruscant. Some speculate he wants him to take residence with him again.” Finn’s eyes begged absolution for what he was to say. “Snoke wants to name him his official heir. He says it is time to complete his training.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are all I ask for if deemed good enough. It never gets old to open my profile and see an unread message in my inbox.
> 
> For anyone wondering, I am working on Respite but I'm very picky. If I don't like a chapter, it doesn't go up and I've been unbelievably critical with that story lately. Thank you for the patience, I swear, it won't be too long.


	26. Unwelcome Correspondence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> The response I get for this story is so brilliant and means so much. The feedback means so much to me. 
> 
> I've decided to do Rey's pregnancy via time jumps. If I describe every little thing going on around her, we'll all die of boredom and old age before we get to the end. 
> 
> This chapter feels a bit like a filler chapter and I hope it's okay as I've rewritten it three times.

Rey scrubbed the floorboards of the cottage with a vigour that threatened to dislocate her arms. She had spent the morning sweeping the floor free of other kinds of dirt and even had to chase some stray chickens out of a spare room. Now that this was taken care of, she got to work with the soapy water.

 

Finn and Maz were doing the more heavy lifting aspect of renovation and therefore Rey was left to her own devices and thoughts. Which just made her scrub harder and almost viciously.

 

_He’s going to Snoke. He’s going to be forced to be subservient. It’s over. All hope is gone._

 

Rey was too numb even for tears. The fire in her chest kept pushing her forward. Or it may be heartburn.

 

A part of Rey wanted to rage. Throw things and smash up rooms in a manner that would make the aforementioned Lord Solo proud. She wanted to cry and beat her fists on the floor. She wanted wail and moan and gnash her teeth about how this was unfair.

 

But Rey did none of that. She prided herself on having enough self-regard and self-control to not resort to such lamentations. And therefore rolled up her sleeves on got to work on making a permanent home for herself.

 

For all the pain that Finn’s news bought her (and there was substantial pain) she was now more determined than ever to do a good job at motherhood. She would now evidently be the only figure to raise her child into respectability and cleverness. And that stopped her from giving up right there and then.

 

A part of her could not help, as she knelt down on the wooden floorboards, wondering if she would even know Ben any longer. For in this moment, she didn’t recognise the man described to her.

 

She looked about the room. Maz and herself would be comfortable here; they would reside together and spend nights together until the babe was born. Then she could learn from instinct what motherhood would urge her to do and ask Maz’s advice on the rest.

 

She would raise her child amongst the fields and smugglers and tell it stories about pirate ships. She would knit it jumpers (once she had learnt to knit) and love it so fiercely that lack of money would be nothing more than a trifle.

 

And one day, when the baby was grown and could think for itself, she would relate the news of its father’s origins. The young man or woman could then decide if they wished to seek him out and be acknowledged (providing that marriage had not been dissolved by then on the grounds of Rey’s desertion and lack of status) or go about the life that its mother had built around it. Whatever that outcome, Rey would respect the decision. For by then she would have experienced many happy years with her offspring.

 

Snoke would not take her child. Snoke would never find her. And, if she must sacrifice all chance of a normal life in the progress, that seemed like a fair trade.

 

* * *

 

Finn was bid goodbye to the next day with many tears and promises of repeated visits. And a sworn promise to never repeat what he had come to find at Maz’s Tavern on pain of death.

 

The poor boy looked grieved and like he deeply lamented that he must keep his beloved mistress in the dark to such an incredible outcome but Rey’s pleading eyes swayed him and he made his vow.

 

She stood at the door of the tavern and waved to Finn until he had completely disappeared from sight.

 

And so began the arduous task of transforming the cottage into a home. Rey slaved for well over a week to get the place spotless. It had a functioning well nearby which made life sufficiently easier and the fireplace was capable of producing a roaring fire when coaxed and tended to. She avoided newspapers and any forms of contact with town. She could not bare to hear how ‘Kylo Ren’ had come to power.

 

For he would be Ben no longer. Kylo Ren he would forever be.

 

They had almost too much clutter in the back-rooms of Maz’s Palace but when it was all brought up by wagon it was barely enough to cover the first floor. They only had one bed and Maz would not hear of Rey sleeping on the floor in her condition. Yet it was not a situation that Rey could allow to continue.

 

She still worked in the tavern to help Maz whenever she could, even if she mainly took care to sweep and cook nowadays. If fights broke out in the tavern, she wasn’t quite nimble enough to duck any longer.

 

Yet one day, upon coming home on their wagon, Maz and Rey were astonished to see their cottage door open. Grabbing a knife each for fear of burglars, they rounded the door ready to fight. Only to find Kanjiklub and Guavian Death Gang congregated and apparently bickering.

 

They were surrounded by several wooden pieces of pure oak furniture. Including a huge bed.

 

“What is this?” Rey demanded. The men turned around as though not expecting her. A little ironic considering they had broken in.

 

The men seemed to almost shuffle and mumbled something about ‘needing a proper home’.

 

“Did you steal this?” Maz asked.

 

“No!” Bala-Tik said looking a bit indignant. “Cargo ship got wrecked not far from Devon. We’ve had it a while. But not much market for smuggling antique furniture. Believe me, we tried.”

 

Rey stepped closer to the furniture, one an old chest of drawers, and grazed her fingers over it in wonder.

 

“This is for me?” She whispered.

 

“For baby.” Tasu Leech corrected in his mother tongue. “Every baby needs a good home.”

 

The build up of heartbreak hadn’t been enough to let Rey waiver. But this uncharacteristic show of generosity from men who had somehow become friends was enough to make her burst into tears.

 

The pirates couldn’t leave quick enough after that causing Rey to laugh despite her sobbing state.

 

These men could face down cannon fire, guns and various scrapes with the law. But the moment they see a crying woman, they run for the hills, she mused still giggling and sniffing.

 

* * *

 

The next weeks were preoccupied for Rey in setting up her little home with Maz. She set up her bedroom and had a little cot set up next to her bed. The sight of it made her heart sing. It was a sign of the happiness to come. And her baby would bring her happiness. So much happiness.

 

She waited with a sense of agony for the news to trickle forth to her about the ascension in power of Kylo Ren. About his place being acknowledged as Snoke’s heir. About his power rising to untold heights. For it would be the talk of the town and in all the papers soon enough. She avoided town for this reason for a full week.

 

However there was a distinct lack of news regarding this. Indeed, there was almost a feeling of hollow silence. Rey began to pick up newspapers and peruse them for any news. Yet none was forthcoming and nothing else was ever said. It was as though the news had been swallowed up and nothing left of it was spat back out.

 

She entered the seventh month of her state with absolutely no news to go on. A part of her rejoiced that maybe Ben still survived and Kylo Ren was kept at bay. But the silence was always the loudest before an attack.

 

* * *

 

Rey was sweeping the front steps of Maz’s Palace when finally a horseman delivered a letter on thick parchment and baring Finn’s handwriting. She took it like a child presented with a piece of cake after weeks of no sweets.

 

It was with a feeling of confusion and incomprehension that she saw that the letter was not addressed to her; it was addressed to Maz.

 

Dropping her broom and scampering back inside with BB8 at her heels, she went to the bar where Maz was serving.

 

“Maz, this came for you.”

 

Maz took the letter and looked at it with much the same feelings as Rey. She opened the letter and briefly scanned it. Her eyes seemed to widen and then her face closed down.

 

“Stay here, Rey.” She made for the back-room.

 

“Maz? Maz, what is it?!” She called but the door closed behind the older woman. Barring her from following. Rey would have wrenched the door open had Wuher not seen her intention and put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

 

“Don’t, Girl. It’s clearly for your own good.”

 

Rey waited right beside the bar for the moment the door would reopen to her.

 

After a good fifteen minutes, the kitchen door reopened. Maz looked out and saw Rey immediately.

 

“Come in, child.”

 

She sounded more dejected than Rey had ever heard.

 

Rey scurried into the kitchen.

 

“What is it? Maz, what’s happened? Finn, is he-”

 

“Finn is well, my dear. All at the servants are perfectly fine.” She touched Rey’s hand. “Sit down, dear child.”

 

Rey sat and the feeling of ice was winding its way around every vein in her heart.

 

“Why is he writing to you, Maz? Why not me?”

 

“Because, my dear, some things cannot be broken by letter and without holding a hand. It would be too cruel. He wrote so that I should read the news and then impart it to you.”

 

The baby kicked almost viciously as though trying to match its mother’s heartbeat.

 

“Tell me.”

 

Maz took a deep breath. “While Finn was away, Lord Solo departed the house. He took his horse and rode off into the mountains. Lady Leia said that he had the intention of finding you. Finn writes that Lady Leia is increasingly suspicious of this and believes it is the underlying cause of her son’s maddening behaviour. He is however confident that she does not suspect the extent of it. That being your marriage and state.”

 

Rey could only nod. She suspected as much. For Lady Leia was not a stupid woman. As she was away from the house, it no longer mattered if she believed they were acting in a manner improper. Yet it did hurt her heart a little to think that her old mistress may think less of her as a result.

 

“However Lord Solo made it to London. He believes that he was going to explore the city. Starting with the factory of Jakku.”

 

Rey nodded. “I don’t understand. How is this bad?”

 

“Because Lord Solo did not make it that far.” Rey’s heart beat a tango. “He was intercepted on the road to London. By Hux and his generals. Snoke’s men.”

 

Rey could only nod shakily.

 

“Snoke wanted him back in London for his training. Everyone knows that.”

 

“Yes, but what they don’t know is that Lord Solo has not been following his orders as he should. Instead, he has been ignoring Snoke’s letters for weeks.”

 

Rey sat back in bemusement.

 

“Weeks? So you mean, that, in the time I’ve been gone…”

 

“Not one has been responded to.” Maz finished. “I believed it was purely based upon your initial disappearance and he would resume them once I had left the Manor but… apparently not.”

 

“So what happened?”

 

“He was escorted back to Coruscant with Hux. He was put into a carriage apparently and there was nothing outwardly wrong with the picture. But he didn’t want to go. He tried to bargain and bribe the soldiers to let him go back on the road. To carry on searching. It didn’t cut any ice.

 

“He was taken to his apartments where he was meant to make himself respectable. Apparently, he was sporting a beard and caked in mud. And was escorted to an audience with Snoke.

 

“After this things become hazy for Finn. It is all hearsay but he has managed to gage the gist of it.

 

“Lord Solo had a meeting with Snoke and they were alone for some time. When they came out again, Snoke looked displeased and Lord Solo very pale. Lord Solo was escorted back to his chambers.

 

“It is hazier again after this but…” Maz tailed off.

 

“Maz. Please?” Rey croaked.

 

“It appears he tried to escape.”

 

Rey blinked once, twice, three times. “Escape? But he wasn’t a prisoner?”

 

“You don’t have to be shackled in chains to be a prisoner.”

 

Rey could only ring her hands.

 

“He tried to slip away from the estate where he was housed and get back upon the road. But he was being watched. And was stopped. He didn’t go quietly.

 

“He fought quite violently, taking out many men before he was overpowered. He was hurt. Quite badly.”

 

Rey felt like she may double over from the news but Maz kept a steady hand on her arm and she kept upright with some trouble.

 

“Hurt how?”

 

“It is said...” Maz looked as though she was struggling for words, “It is said that he took a blow to the ribs and arm. And he was slashed across the face with a sword.”

 

Rey gave a cry and threw her hands to her mouth.

 

“Is he alive?!” She burst out.

 

“Alive, yes. But isolated. He is being treated for his injuries but under constant observance. If he wasn’t a prisoner before, he is now.”

 

“I have to go to him! I have to help him!” Rey stood up abruptly to spring into action. Maz caught her hands.

 

“Dear, you are seven months with child. It is not safe for you to travel so far any longer. The stress of it could make something go wrong. It could hurt your child.”

 

Rey looked down at her heavily pregnant abdomen. The baby made her much slower than she once was and it was her duty to protect her little baby until the time came when it was time for the child to be born. Which left her stranded.

 

“Well then, I must write to him! To send him word. To give him hope.”

 

“He is not permitted any more letters.” Maz explained sounding sorry that she had to break the news.

 

“Lady Leia then!” Rey exclaimed becoming desperate. “I can write to her. Explain.”

 

“She’s left for London. As soon as she heard, she was travelling to Coruscant at breakneck speed. Finn did not even get to see her as they must have passed without knowing on their travels.”

 

“But Maz! I must do something! He’s… he’s in there, trapped, because of me! He tried to escape to find me and now Snoke has him and I can’t...” The rest of Rey’s words were lost in desperate sobs.

 

Maz held her as she broke her heart over what had come to pass. For, despite praying that he would come to his senses and come back to her, she never anticipated such a violent reproof from Snoke. She had clearly underestimated him and the sheer force of will it would take to get away from him.

 

“Maz… I can’t leave him there. He needs… he needs help.”

 

“Lady Leia is imposing her will the best she can to get to see her son. This has left the whole of London in an uproar though no publication will print the story in fear of Snoke. It will not take long. And he is alive. The only thing you must do now, my child, is keep yourself as far from Snoke as you can. Do not compromise your child’s safety. Nurture it. Love it. And once the child is born and you are strong, we will do whatever you ask.”

 

Rey could only cry into Maz’s tunic. She felt as helpless as a baby herself.

 

She couldn’t run to him. She couldn’t write. She couldn’t compromise her child’s safety. Yet every moment she didn’t do something, her heart ripped more and more apart.

 

He’d been wounded. Scarred.

 

That scar was her doing. She may not have felled the blade but it was for her he had run into it. And for that, she would never be able to forget.

 

* * *

 

The weeks that followed were of a horrific quality for Rey. She forced herself to eat for the sake of the child and tried to rest as much as possible. Everything else was in confusion and anguish within her however. She frantically sought news of Ben but nothing was leaked or spoken of. Snoke had a tight control over all things.

 

She finally received letters from Finn that were addressed only to her. He apologised for what he did but claimed he could not have her find out by a letter. He had wanted someone with her when she was told and for that she couldn’t feel any resentment towards him.

 

He talked about a large number of things. About how the harvest had gone, about Jess’ new endeavour to make the tough beef that had been the result of the cows grazing poorly to taste good and the games that Poe and himself had invented to keep themselves occupied in the absence of a master or mistress in the house. He asked about the baby and whether there was anything at all that she needed.

 

Rey wrote back and tried to maintain an air of cheerfulness but it was as hollow as her heart. She wrote of her boredom at what felt like an early confinement (for Maz did not permit her to come to the tavern any longer) and how her love for her little home was quickly dying away from the effects of house arrest. That only brought Ben’s current situation to mind and caused her head to pound.

 

In her most recent letter home, she admitted to Finn her grief and loneliness. And also the fear. The fear of the birth. The fear of motherhood. The fear for Ben.

 

The inability to do a single thing was maddening. In the past, if it had only been her neck on the line, she would have galloped off on a horse as soon as she had heard of his predicament. Now though she was not in that position. And she wasn’t so selfish to endanger her child’s safety for her own needs. The seventh month had slipped away like water between her fingers. She was now eight months pregnant and felt enormous.

 

The frost was coming and with it the promise of snow. She sat beside the fire and continued to play with the blanket that Maz had knit for the baby.

 

She clung to the wool like she clung to her ideals and her sanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. Kudos and comments are everything to me. Seriously, everything!


	27. Interlude: A Break of Tradition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evening guys.
> 
> 2000 kudos - GET IN THERE!!! Honestly I'm so happy and humble. I truly appreciate all the feedback and kudos I've gotten over the course of this story and I'm so happy. 
> 
> Also the fabulous Poethrotsvitha has coloured in this gorgeous pic of Victorian Rey playing with kitten BB8. If you have Tumblr, spread the love.  
> https://thepoetdraws.tumblr.com/image/156984303955
> 
> ENJOY!

As far as prisons went, he had quite a lovely one.

 

The rooms that Ben were housed in (or locked in) were more opulent than his rooms at Ileenium Manor. It was more gilded and more golden. More empty and pointless.

 

He had been given a small room that was housed on the same floor as the best rooms. The same floor as Snoke. To ensure his comfort. And ensure he didn’t try running off again. Ben was incapable of running anywhere anymore. The room held a bed, a chest of drawers, several candles and a crucifix for him to pray. He did not pray as fervently as he used to. It made no difference.

 

He picked up a polished plate of silver and glanced at the man reflected back to him. He dropped the plate as quickly as he raised it and the clatter rang out glaringly loud in the silent room.

 

His face had been cut cleanly in half with a red slash diagonal across his nose down to his cheek. He was lucky to have not lost sight in his left eye. Yes, how blessed he was(!)

 

This wasn’t how it was meant to be. He wasn’t even meant to be here. Snoke’s estate had never been his objective. He’d been meant to travel to the factory of Jakku to start his search for Rey. It wasn’t likely that she was there but he had to look. Had to turn over every inch of the place with his own hands to be sure. For even if she vowed never to go back there, what other place of significance did she have? The idea of her back there, in that cold unforgiving place, made her feel cold. She’d been fortunate to not have been killed during her childhood when working for that bastard Plutt. That sort of luck didn’t have a habit of repeating itself.

 

He’d rode into London and was on the path towards the main city when he’d been stopped. Hux and his soldiers were lying in wait for him. He often wondered how Hux had come to know his location. But soon gave up. It didn’t matter; anyone could have been a spy for the First Order on the road and he’d spent nights in numerous taverns of less reputable status on his way down to the city.

 

He’d tried to shake them off. Tried to bargain. Tried to threaten. Tried everything in his artillery. Because of course he was still serving Snoke. He’d go to him as soon as business was completed. But he must attend to more pressing matters first.

 

Hux just shook his head and had the soldiers surround his horse so he couldn’t bolt for his freedom.

 

For in Hux’s mind, nothing was more pressing than Snoke’s business. Ben had looked into his eyes and seen for himself that the man whom he had formed almost a civil relationship with was not going to put himself out any further for him. He was kind enough to offer him the chance to come quietly though; just so he didn’t actually have to tie him up and lead him like cattle to Coruscant. It would lack the required dignity apparently.

 

Ben had come quietly enough and been led into the gleaming city like a man condemned.

 

Hux had deposited him in his normal rooms with the recommendation that he clean himself up. Ben had been cajoled into having a bath that left the bath water filthy and shaving off his facial hair. He dressed himself in a clean attire and looked once again the image of a gentleman.

 

He’d waited with impatience that radiated off of him to meet Snoke. The sooner this was done the better.

 

It was foolhardy looking back how little he had feared the meeting. How he hadn’t been scared at the retribution that would undoubtedly face him in that meeting. For Ben knew even then that he had been remiss in his duties. The letters he had received from Snoke since his wedding had been either ignored or tossed into the fire in impatience. Anything that was not news on the whereabouts of Rey were disgusting to him. He’d ignored his duties and now he must be brought to account. Yet all he could think was that this was time wasted.

 

He finally was brought to Snoke’s rooms. The old man was sat on a dais, eating dinner with practised calm.

 

Ben couldn’t quite recollect what it was but there was something in the old man’s appearance that made him almost recoil. Snoke had never been an attractive specimen of a man. He had been well passed the age of sixty when he had first brought Ben under his protection and didn’t have a single hair on his head. Now though, his deformities seemed heightened and unending. His many scars seemed deeper in his face, his jaw seemed almost to hang off and his skin was loose and like parchment to see and probably touch. His fingernails seemed longer and his depravity seemed to show itself like a portrait with the most decorous sin. Ben blinked at this man. And for the first time did not feel the nurture of a protector and almost a paternal figure but the shadow of a parasite.

 

On legs that were not so steady now, he moved forward and bowed to his overlord.

 

“A long time has passed since I last saw you Kylo. You left in quite a hurry and with a lack of ceremony.”

 

His voice was deep enough to rattle ornaments. Odd that a man so small and old had still possession of such a commanding voice.

 

“Forgive me, Supreme Leader.” Ben managed. “I had some business back home that needed urgent attention.”

 

“All sorted now, I hope?” He intoned picking up his cutlery.

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

Snoke nodded then gestured to the seat beside him. “Take a seat. It is time to eat.”

 

Ben was forced to sit himself down and stare at his plate which was piled with meat. He felt slightly sick at the mere sight of it. Yet he forced himself to take measured bites. The silence that hung in the air throughout the meal was not comfortable and never-ending.

 

Eventually, Snoke deigned to speak once more.

 

“I have been somewhat perplexed by your inability to write back to my letters. I trust you haven’t moved residence.”

 

“No, Supreme Leader.” Ben replied contritely. “I have… I have been somewhat preoccupied of late.”

 

“Evidently. May I ask what about?” There was nothing in his tone that signified anything but a direct answer would be satisfactory.

 

Ben took his time swallowing his latest mouthful. “I have been… duelling with my conscience. Regarding matters of the heart.”

 

“Ah. I assume by this you mean my plans for matrimony.”

 

Ben said nothing allowing Snoke to continue.

 

“It is vital that we ensure a most illustrious marriage for you. Of this, I will not be swayed. There are many fine young women within the First Order that will make you a fine and gratifying match.”

 

“Is there really this need for me to marry immediately? I am only in my thirtieth year.” Ben was almost impressed with himself in how calm his tone was. Considering his heart was beginning to pound.

 

“Exactly. Thirty is not as young as you may think. These days, it is actually rather old.” Snoke peeled an orange with an air of disinterest. His long nails made the job much easier and more disturbing for Ben to witness. “I have made it known that I wish for you to be my heir. Therefore, you will need an heir in turn.”

 

Ben could only nod. “So it is true then: you want me for an official heir.”

 

“Of course.” It was not said with any form of affection and Ben didn’t expect any.

 

“I am not worthy, Supreme Leader.” Ben managed staring at his dinner plate. He hadn’t eaten much.

 

It was a tone of deference and he bowed his head in humbleness. Which was promptly yanked back and pain bloomed in his skull.

 

Snoke’s face was unchanged but the hand that held his hair didn’t waver. Even as an old man, he possessed shocking strength.

 

Ben tried to keep silent but the hand kept tugging at his hair painfully and the long fingernails were digging into his skull. He could feel blood beginning to bloom and release from beneath his hair.

 

“I have reason to be nervous Kylo.” His tone was calm but sharp like a knife. Threatening to cut his throat at any moment. “I have many correspondence in the North and all are whispering secrets to me. That you have become lax in your attentions to the Order. That you have developed an attachment to that dog-hole of a home. That a certain pretty maid has caught your eye.”

 

The pain began to lose its spark against the onslaught of fear that prickled his throat.

 

“Now, I’ve tried to get Mitaka to tell me all but the boy is dancing on his last nerve as it is and would only tell me the basics. About how you’ve become enamoured by your mother’s scullery maid and she has absconded. And this is enough to make you become pathetic. Now I’m not too sure if I believe such a base recollection of events from someone as unreliable as Mitaka. So I’ve come to you.” The nails dug in further and Kylo growled in pain. “What is this girl to you?”

 

Kylo heaved heavy breaths. “She’s just… just a maid that I…” He grimaced as the nails seemed to dig deeper, “lay with a few times.”

 

“You would forget your duties for a woman you experienced a few rolls in the hay with?” Snoke spat in evident disgust.

 

“I am weak and I am foolish.” Kylo managed. And I don’t know where she is so you will never be able to torture me into telling you. And she will remain my wife and safe for a little longer. “I am loyal to the cause. She is gone and will not trouble me any further.”

 

“So where were you going when Hux intercepted you on the road?”

 

Kylo had thought quickly. “My uncle. I wanted to try and reconcile. To secure my inheritance.”

 

Kylo had to grimace through the pain for a few seconds later before Snoke finally let go of his hair. His head fell forward and his hand cradled his skull. When he took it away, his palm was red.

 

“Be careful Ren. That you’re personal interests do not collide with my own.” Snoke warned.

 

He was dismissed soon after and Ben half staggered, half ran to his rooms.

 

His hands had been shaking in his room as he’d contemplated his future with despair. He would be forced to enter into a marriage, one that would not only be bigamous and invalid but to a woman who he did not love. A woman who was not Rey. And the man who had dined with not only scared but repulsed him now. Maybe it was the side effect of spending so many weeks in the company of unfettered goodness and beauty but he couldn’t bare to look at him now. It made him nauseous.

 

He’d sat quietly in his bed until the lights had started to go out in the estate. By the time it was midnight, he had his bag and his overcoat. With as much stealth as he could muster, he had slipped out of his rooms.

 

Ben grimaced now. His stupidity and naivety was staggering. The Supreme Leader would never have let him go or even permitted him an opportunity to escape.

 

He’d made it as far as the stables where his horse was housed before he was cornered. The soldiers, or Stormtroopers as he knew them to be otherwise known, held him at bayonet point. He had tried to fight them off. He had tried anyway. He could still feel the moment that the blade of a sword connected with his face. It had lashed like fire. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel its burn.

 

It had been a constant stream of degradation after this. Nearly seven weeks of hell.

 

He’d been nursed as far as his injuries had required. The doctors had reset his ribs and tended to his arm and face. The stitches had been removed a week ago. It would heal quite nicely apparently but the scar would be a permanent reminder of his folly.

 

He was moved closer to Snoke and all his furniture removed when he had proceeded to smash the more valuable things to pieces. There was nothing for him to do in this place but sleep and pray. He was deprived of books and any other past-times. All writing equipment was denied him. And he could not receive any visitors. His mother was in the city, he’d heard that much, but he would never see her again if Snoke had his way.

 

A part of Ben wondered if he wanted her to see him. If she had been scared for him when he’d been at the Manor, she would be horrified at the state of him now. He was kept on a diet of gruel and weak wine. The food was not enough to starve him to death but it would give him next to no strength. It made him light-headed and sleepy.

 

Once a week, he was taken to Snoke for dinner. He had enough dignity to not shove as much real food into his mouth as possible but only just. Snoke never said anything of his attempt to escape but Ben knew that he was responsible for all his suffering. He talked in a cajoling manner that as long as Ben proves he was trustworthy, then he had nothing to fear.

 

Ben had proved enough. He’d lost his father to Snoke’s need for constant proof of loyalty. And, despite his fear and weak state, he couldn’t bring himself to submit completely again. The little act of rebellion was foolish and just meant he was kept in worse and worse conditions every time but still he would not submit. Hux was not there for him either; he had been stationed abroad. For all their enmity and head-butting, he found he missed the red-haired man. They had never been friends but there had been respect there and that was something.

 

He didn’t sink into misery however. Not like he used to. Instead, he tried to conjure up Rey’s face. It was blurring in places for it had been so long since he’d seen her but he could still see her wide hazel eyes. Her smiling lips. Her graceful frame. She was still out there though where he knew not.

 

As long as she was out there, he couldn’t allow himself to submit. And if he died in the attempt at gallantry… well, that was due payback for his actions to his father.

 

Laying himself down on the bed, whose springs were beginning to hurt his hip, he let himself drift to a place where she still was. He did not have her petticoat to reacquaint himself with the smell but he was sure that he could still smell her.

 

The scent of cotton, soap and innocence.

 

Oh, what he would do to inhale that fragrance again.

 

He must have allowed himself to slip into something of a doze for his eyes shot open at the sound of the guard changing at his door. He did not turn around when the door was opened not two minutes later.

 

“Leave the gruel on the floor. I will eat it later.” He mused. He wasn’t going to be less benefited from the congealed sludge if it went colder than it was already.

 

“You’re not getting any.”

 

Ben turned around in his bed sharply. He knew those voices.

 

Finn and Poe were stood before him. They were fully embossed in the regimental white uniform of the First Order and looked, for all intents and purposes, like the most ardent service men. Except they looked wide-eyed and in no hurry to stop and chat.

 

Yet Ben ended up blurting out the most idiotic words nonetheless. “What are you two-”

 

“No questions!” Poe cut in with a harsh whisper. “No time.”

 

“This is a rescue.” Finn put in all the same. “We’re helping you escape.”

 

“Why?” Ben couldn’t help exclaim.

 

“We’re bored and there’s nothing good in the theatre tonight(!)” Poe quipped.

 

“Put this on!” Finn dug out a long cloak out of a sack. It had a hood low enough to cover his entire head. Ben grasped it and put it on.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Ben demanded, determined to get an answer.

 

“For Lady Leia.” Poe replied, not bothering to look up. “We can’t have any more heartbreak. The poor woman has suffered enough. Why else do you think we agreed to such a mission?”

 

Ben looked to Finn for confirmation. He looked more serious. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

 

Ben decided not to argue any further. If this was an opportunity to escape, he had to take it. And now.

 

Pulling on the robe to cover himself as much as he could, he listened to Poe’s frantic instructions.

 

“Finn and myself will remain stationary outside the door as though guarding it. As though you are still in there. We will stand there for half an hour. No more, no less. After that we will have to get out quickly. It took us weeks to be believed as soldiers and we won’t get a chance to be housed so nicely if we are caught.”

 

“Here’s a bag of gold. From your mother.” Finn shoved it into Ben’s hands. “You are to use it to get yourself to safety. Mr Chewbacca is waiting in the stables. He will give you your destination.” Finn grasped Ben’s arm to get his attention fully. “Go there and only there. Everything you seek will be there.”

 

Ben could only look to the two men who in turn looked like they were trying not to look at his scar. It didn’t matter.

 

“Thank you.” He said quietly and then, as silently and quickly as he could, darted out of the room and down the darkened corridors to the ground floor.

 

The journey was enough to put his heart in his throat. He was more cautious and silent than he was the last time he had attempted this. Every corner was treated with suspicion and such careful manoeuvring that he was as silent as a ghost. He nearly came upon many members of society who could have recognised him but the hood was long and the alcoves were dark. After an eternity, he managed to steal into the darkness of the night and ran like a madman towards the stables.

 

Rounding the corner, he looked in astonishment to see two stable-hands unconscious and bleeding on the floor. Though not so surprised when he saw Mr Chewbacca smoking a pipe and saddling a horse.

 

The enormous hairy man wordlessly threw him a sword and a pistol, which Ben hurriedly fastened to his belt and the tall man helped Ben mount the horse with a foot-up so quick and weightless it threatened to throw Ben over the other side of the horse.

 

“Chewie-” Ben tried but the older grounds-keeper shook his head. No words. No excuses. Just go, it all seemed to say. He shoved a piece of folded parchment into his hand with undoubtedly the address of his uncle’s current lodgings. Then with a smack to the back of his horse, the horse whinnied and set off at a gallop that if Ben were not an experienced rider, he would have fallen off for sure.

 

The horse was a fast one and did not so much as slow when several soldiers recognised their captive getting away at such speed and started to fire their guns. None hit him or the horse and a few choice shots soon sent them to their eternal rest.

 

Ben flew through the streets of London in all their glory and dankness that the night could foreshadow. He rode his horse as hard as he could and ignored the pain and exhaustion of his weakened body. For he was free. Free and at liberty once more.

 

For nearly a solid hour, he rode like the hounds of hell were on his tail. It was only when he broke out of the city altogether and into the more rural parts surrounding that he allowed himself to look back. No-one was pursuing him as far as he could see.

 

Slumping forward and unable to contain a laugh, he winced as his body once again began to demand attention. The adrenaline of the escape meant his arm and rib did not trouble him but it was coming back to him in abundance.

 

Quickly, he reached into his waistcoat and drew out the parchment with his uncle and mother’s destination. He opened it and read.

 

He blinked. This could not be the place for they were meant to be in the city. And yet, Finn’s words rang out to him: Go there and only there. Everything you seek will be there.

 

He re-read it several times before he believed it.

 

_Takodana._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make me happier than chocolate.


	28. Once Lost, Now Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Thank you so much once again for the amazing feedback. 
> 
> I've been binging on Victorian Dramas for the last few days to get my self into the right frame of writing. I hope it does justice to it.
> 
> Also, I haven't had a good night's sleep for over a week and I'm going slightly insane. Any feedback would really make life easier for me right now. I need cheering up before I lose my mind.

The month of January dragged with it a deep chill that seeped into the bones of anyone unlucky enough to be out of doors for longer than ten seconds. Everyone was keen to stay indoors. Except Rey. Mainly due to the fact she was forbidden to leave the cottage.

 

As soon as she was two weeks away from giving birth, Maz forbade her from leaving the cottage. Rey found the task of moving anywhere rather cumbersome due to her enormous girth but was still unhappy to be playing the waiting game. Especially when Maz warned her that her due date was unlikely to be the time that her baby came.

 

“Hardly anyone gives birth at exactly nine months,” Maz dismissed “you will more than likely be waiting another week or two before we see an appearance.”

 

This was not welcome news for Rey. She was ready. She wanted to meet the little person that she’d been growing in her abdomen and talking to at every opportunity. She wanted to cuddle them close and memorize every detail of them. She did not want to be propping her feet up on a stool and struggling to see past her bump.

 

BB8 was her constant companion in those trifling weeks, curling up around her feet as she sewed a seam in her chair by the window. Maz tended to not work so many hours anymore and always slept in the cottage at night with Rey. When she was forced to attend her tavern however, she sent up one of the pirates to sit in the cottage encase the contractions started unexpectedly. It was normally a member of Kanjiklub who sat silently by the fire, never said a word and tended to spend more time snoring loudly than keeping an eye on Rey. It amused her greatly but wasn’t exactly comforting.

 

Another downside of being confined to her home was the lack of information that Rey was capable of getting about Ben. The lack of news had been agonizing when she was in the tavern (for truly there were still no articles alluding to him in the newspapers) but not being able to check was far too difficult for Rey to accept lightly. None of the members of Kanjiklub ever had any news or indeed said anything to her (as that interrupted their sleep) and Maz never had anything to declare either. Rey wasn’t quite so sure if that was true in Maz’s case as the tiny woman always knew more than she let on.

 

She still cried silently at night over Ben and her lack of ability to do anything, but also felt emboldened. She was due to give birth soon and that had to take priority. She had to be a good mother and it had to start now.

 

She amused herself with telling herself stories. Silly rather outlandish tales that probably belonged in a story book. Always, as well, she seemed to return to the members of the Rogue One ship. She imagined their adventures on the high seas. Fighting their way to a victory that they had so deeply deserved.

 

She remembered the brown warm eyes of Jyn Erso. Remembered the fight that burst from the canvas and for a moment she felt as though she was a match for any man in terms of the combat of life. For truly there was nothing so dangerous in this world as being a woman and if Erso could command men and pirates, she could take on motherhood and win. Win by any means necessary.

 

* * *

 

A week before her due date, she was settled beside the fire as Maz was cooking some stew for dinner. She felt oddly content and was comfortable for once. She had been experiencing rather sharp pains that day that had startled her somewhat. She had remembered what Maz had warned however and tried not to worry too much. The constant sensation of movement in her abdomen was also quite amusing. Normally the wriggling could be a bit cumbersome especially when she was tired and wanted to sleep. At that moment though, she could only smile. The baby was active and eager to move. Just like her.

 

_This baby will be trying to run before it can crawl._

 

Maz came into the sitting room and handed Rey her bowl of stew. They settled down to eat when suddenly they heard an odd noise. Looking up from their food, they exchanged glances. It was coming from outside.

 

Getting up, Maz warned Rey to stay in the sitting room. Though no sooner had Maz disappeared around the corner did Rey get to her feet (with some struggle) and grabbed hold of her staff. She’d designed it over the last few days for lack of anything left to sew and had rationalised that a weapon in such a deserted terrain was a good idea. It was a crude weapon but she was strong and one thrash of it would send even a strong man to the ground.

 

Rounding the corner, she peaked around the door-frame. Maz was at the door. There was a pistol in her tiny hands. She decided to remain hidden from sight. The element of surprise was always a benefit against the unknown.

 

“Who’s there?” She demanded.

 

There was no answer for a moment and then a voice. “Guavian. Open the door. Please.”

 

It was Bala-Tik but he sounded all wrong. He sounded… strained. And he said please. He never said please. Ever. Maz slipped the safety off her gun. Rey gripped her staff until the knuckles on her hand turned white.

 

Maz paused a second and then wrenched the door open. Before she could do a single thing however something fell through the door. Bala-Tik himself let out a groan from his location on the stone floor which had not provided a forgiving blanket to land on. He was bleeding from the temple of his head and looked as though he tried to start a fight with a sea monster and came out of it the loser. Maz crouched down instantly as though to comfort the pirate but then her eyes sprang back up at once. For there was someone behind him. Someone who had pushed him. And was brandishing a pistol.

 

At first, the position that Rey had taken up blocked any view she may have had of the assailant. She could only see a large white hand holding out a gun. Maz’s expression was hard but not panicked.

 

The arm came into view and the candle light suddenly lit up the side of the frame of the intruder.

 

Her heart nearly stopped beating altogether.

 

He was thinner and his hair was more wild. His clothes seemed tattered and mud splattered. And there was a hardness to his jaw. His dark brown eyes were just as she remembered. His tall frame was still as forbidding as ever and his demeanour was that of a man that had suffered far too much for far too long.

 

Ben was in the doorway.

 

“Where is she?” He demanded.

 

Maz straightened. “Put that gun down Lord Solo.”

 

“No, I don’t feel inclined to do any such thing.” He replied with a voice that snapped like a whip. Rey hid further behind the door.

 

“What have you done to him?” Maz demanded turning her attention back to the slumped and bleeding Bala-Tik.

 

“Subdued him. He’s lucky. His friend Tasu Leech is strung up over my horse out there.” Ben jerked his head as though it was a matter of little importance.

 

“I’m sorry Maz.” Bala-Tik managed to rasp out before Maz shushed him.

 

“Was that really necessary?” She demanded.

 

“Considering you have known the whereabouts of my wife for nearly a full nine months – yes.” His expression hardened beyond recognition. He was practically snarling. “How could you? I came to you, I trusted you and you betrayed me.”

 

“Because the alternative was betraying her.” Maz said as though it was a matter of little to no importance. “And you are not my master any longer, Milord. I dare say you never truly were.”

 

“She is my wife! I had a right to know!” He barked. His gun was now lowered but it was still in his hand.

 

“She was scared. She thought her life would be dictated by that lecherous snake. And you did nothing to reassure her.”

 

“I did not know it required… if she’d told me-”

 

“How dense do you need to be to not realise what she needed without prompting?” Maz snapped sounding the most annoyed she had ever sounded.

 

“Did it never occur to anyone that maybe I was scared too?” Ben demanded. “As poisonous as he is, he was all I know. All I recognised. All I understood. Love always has conditions. But no one ever tells me what the conditions are.” In that moment, Rey wanted to run from her corner and take him in her arms. He sounded as confused and hurt as a child.

 

“You had her love. Surely that was meant to be all you needed?”

 

Ben said nothing for a moment. “Like I said, I am not used to love without conditions. I was just too blind to see the conditions she needed. Ones I will gladly bow to now.”

 

Rey’s heart felt like it may burst. Yet she had to bite her lip as another contraction gripped her. She sighed and wished, if just a moment, the baby would understand that she needed her strength.

 

Maz sighed loudly and she peaked around the door again. “Put that gun down. Stick it in your belt. I’m not letting you anywhere over the threshold until that’s gone.”

 

A rustle and the gun was put away. “I want to see her. Now.”

 

Rey drew herself up. A part of her wished to show she would not be intimidated or bullied in anyway. But another part, the part that had fretted and despaired about Ben’s safety, needed to see her husband.   
  
For he was here. He’d found her. He was alive.

 

With a deep breath, she stepped out from behind her hiding place.

 

His profile had been turned to the right and the candlelight illuminated only one side of his face. So when he turned at the shuffle of Rey’s skirt, she was gifted with the sight of his full profile.

 

She stifled a gasp with some effort.

 

She’d heard that he’d been hurt and scarred in the face. Yet nothing could quite prepare her for the truth. The scar was long and cut his long profile in two. The scar over his nose was quite thin and missed his eye but it was larger and deeper the lower down his jaw her eyes travelled. It had been stitched quite well and would heal. But the scarring that would never fade was apparent.

 

She took him in. As he took her in. All of her.

 

Ben had clearly been prepared for a fight, a confrontation and maybe a reunion. He’d not been prepared for this. How could he be?

 

Silence rang like a bell in the tiny passageway.

 

“Hello, Ben.” She provided for lack of anything else to say.

 

He merely gaped.

 

Maz broke the scene by propping Bala-Tik up. “I will tend to him and his friend-”

 

“We’re not friends-” Bala-Tik started.

 

“Shut it!” Maz snapped. “You two. The sitting room. Go.”

 

Rey could only retreat back into the room. She could hear Ben’s heavy and almost clumsy footfalls following closely behind.

 

She stared into the fire, at the stonework around the chimney, at the bowl of stew that would remain uneaten now. Anywhere but at the man who had burst back into her life like an apparition.

 

“You’re with child.” He blurted out.

 

Rey couldn’t bring herself to laugh at the bluntness. “Yes.”

 

“My child.”

 

“Yes.”

 

She faced him with squared shoulders. Another contraction started to spread throughout her abdomen but she grit her teeth against the twinge.

 

Ben’s mouth opened and closed several times.

 

“I looked for you. I spent months… searching everywhere… you were nowhere.”

 

“I needed to disappear.” Rey replied.

 

“You ran away from me. From your husband.” Ben ran his hand through his hair as though wanting to tug at it. “Did… did you know then...” He gestured to her enormous stomach.

 

“No. I had no idea until a few weeks after my departure.” Rey reasoned.

 

“But you never wrote. You never made contact. You… why didn’t you tell me?” He demanded.

 

“I couldn’t risk it. You would have dragged me back-”

 

“Of course I would have!” He exploded. “You are my wife! And soon to be a mother. Did you expect me to leave you in these God-forsaken mountains? To raise my child to serve cut-throats and herd sheep?”

 

Rey refused to be cowed down. “My child would have been happy. And loved. And above all free. I wasn’t going to let you near it if it meant handing it over as a gift to Snoke!”

 

“I would never have given the baby up!” Ben exclaimed. “It belongs with us. Both of us!”

 

“Oh like that would have made any difference(!)” Rey snorted. “You were still in his pocket. And he would have taken the child whether we agreed or not. I would rather die than let that happen.”

 

Ben floundered. “I’m not in Snoke’s good graces any longer.”

 

“I heard.” Her voice softened despite herself. For he did look wretched. “How did you escape? I was told you were a prisoner.”

 

“Finn and Poe… they got me out.”

 

Rey nearly fell down into a chair. Finn and Poe? They had said nothing… but then again they wouldn’t, would they? She didn’t know whether she wanted to kiss them or slap them.

 

“I’m glad. I’m very very glad.” She managed. “It does my heart good to see you.”

 

Ben’s face softened a touch. “Do you mean that?”

 

“Of course. It is stupid but I do. Truly.”

 

“Then why did you not write to me? Why did you leave? Rey, you broke my heart.” There was no bravado in his voice now. Only pain. Terrible pain and it made Rey’s own eyes water.

 

“I couldn’t write to you. When I heard of your imprisonment, I wanted to. But Maz told me you were allowed no letters or guests. That you lived in isolation and were treated appallingly. I wanted to ride out to you. Get you out by any means. But I dared not.” The safety of her child was not something she regretted nurturing. “How… how did you find me?”

 

“It seemed as though you trusted the wrong people. Or the right ones.” Ben stepped forward. “How many of my servants knew where you were?”

 

Rey swallowed. “Mr Chewbacca knew. I came down with him on a cart to deliver Maz’s furniture. And Finn also. He came to visit. But only Finn knew about the child. No-one else.” She looked up. “Did he tell you?”

 

“My reaction surely indicates that I didn’t know of your condition.” He snapped, clearly still smarting. “He shoved a location in my hand to ride to. At first I didn’t understand but it set off a domino effect. And suddenly it made complete sense.” He shook his head. “I’ve been a complete fool.”

 

“Why did you hurt my friends?” She demanded.

 

“They weren’t being very forthcoming. I had to remedy that.”

 

“By beating them?!”

 

“Hardly a beating. Merely a pistol whip.”

 

“You have no right to behave like such a brute!” She exclaimed. “They have been kind to me.”

 

“Well, good for them. I’m not inclined to ask of your personal relationships with mercenaries.”

 

“Why do you have to behave so hatefully all the time?”

 

“Because what other way is there?!” Ben yelled. “I tried to be a hardened man and I lost my father. I tried to be a good man and I lost you.”

 

“Can’t you see the role that Snoke played in both now?” Rey demanded and then winced. The pain in her stomach was growing rather insistent. Ben stepped forward but she put her hand up and one on her back to indicate that she was well.

 

“I see it. I’ve thought of little else. But I still hold just as much blame.” He looked up at Rey. “What do you want Rey? To wash me clean of my sins by laying them at Snoke’s door? You can if you may but you can’t escape what I’ve done. I don’t know how to atone for this unless you tell me.” He stood up straighter and then looked like there was not enough space in the room for him. “But I won’t live without you Rey. I cannot.”

 

Rey didn’t know what she meant to say but it was cut off by a pain in his stomach so strong that she bent double as it washed over her and let out a cry of agony. This time Ben did cross the room and caught hold of her.

 

“Rey! Rey, what is it? Rey-”

 

There was a feel of giving in her abdomen and Rey looked down. The hem of her dress and her shoes were soaking.

 

Rey bit her lip and shook with fear. No, not now! It couldn’t be.

 

But it was. The baby was coming. It was time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-Oh! It's baby time! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are my treasure. Seriously, I have nothing else.


	29. Deliver Me To Contentment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Thank you so much for the lovely feedback on the last chapter. It meant so much. 
> 
> Warning: This chapter alludes to difficult childbirth and complications that come after. I was intending to make the birth difficult as it is historically accurate that women had a hard time giving birth to children and it was a very dangerous enterprise. 
> 
> I wrote this chapter to Hurts - ‘Help’ which suits the tone of the chapter pretty well. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

She had pillows propped up at her back and was helped onto her large bed. Maz had sprung into action with the ease of someone who had done this a thousand times before. She had barked orders like a captain on the high seas. Bala-Tik was stitched up enough for him to be able to ride on Ben’s horse down to the town and get a doctor or a wise woman to help with the birth. Time was clearly of the essence. Tasu Leech was dumped into the sitting room until he could regain consciousness.

 

Ben was shoved out of the bedroom despite his protests.

 

“There is little you can do and your presence might exasperate her rather than provide comfort.” Maz reasoned as she had to bodily push him onto the landing. “You are the reason she is in this pain after all.”

 

Rey did not hear whatever exchange did follow as she was struggling under a wave of tremendous pain. If he were to come into the room, she may well aim for his eye.

 

Rey clung to the headboard and tried to grit her teeth against the onslaught of contractions. A sweat had quickly formed on her brow and she had to remember to breathe deeply. Maz came back into the room and patted a wet cloth to her forehead.

 

“I know it is hard, Child. But do not fret this will not last.”

 

Except it did last. It lasted far too long for Rey’s liking. Maz had grimly informed her that she was not showing enough down below to begin labour truly and start to push.

 

As she panted against another wave coming to sweep over her, she found herself wanting to call out Ben’s name. He was close and probably worrying himself into an early grave if the constant onslaught of footsteps echoing on the wooden floorboards were any clue. She wanted him to whisper gentle things to her. In the onslaught of her waters breaking suddenly, all his anger at being kept in the dark had been forgotten and he’d been nearly frantic at the sight of Rey in pain. But therein lay the problem: Ben was passionate, tempestuous and let his emotions run away with him. If he was afraid, he couldn’t hide it and Rey needed all her bravery right now.

 

So she breathes harshly through her nose and tries to not think about the crushing spasms in her belly.

 

* * *

 

The doctor arrives soon enough. She is a local wise woman who specialises in births. Apparently the doctor was not willing to come into the mountains with a known pirate without substantial recompense. Ben’s fury could be heard throughout the house at this information but Rey didn’t care. The lady, Madame Kalonia, seems to know Maz well as they fall into synch with one another and she had warm brown eyes that took the edge of her no-nonsense approach.

 

There is the sound of linen tearing and water being poured into bowls as Rey grimaced and shrieked against the pain. She is forced to undergo hours of startling pains before Madame Kalonia declared that she is now ready to push.

 

But the baby doesn’t come.

 

At first, Rey just pushes whenever prompted and the praises that she is doing well and pushing the right amount don’t indicate anything untoward. The pain is shocking and she cannot prevent some well placed tears escaping her eyes. But after two hours of constant grafting, she begins to look down at her abdomen and question: why aren’t you here?

 

Kalonia and Maz give nothing away and merely state that the baby is probably a bit lazy. This doesn’t sit well with Rey. Her baby has made a point of kicking her at every opportunity to make their presence known. She does not hold within her a lazy child.

 

Kalonia and Maz urge her to stand up to help things along and it takes both of them propping her up for her to manage it. She feels confident that the gravity will help the child along and she even gives two pushes that feel as though progress is happening. But then it is the same scenario of constant pain and a heavy weight with nothing happening.

 

Maz sometimes departed the room to give Ben updates though surely Rey’s wails of agony were enough indication that nothing was happening.

 

Eventually even Kalonia and Maz began to look grave.

 

Rey struggles and fights against exhaustion and pain and keeps pushing. Eventually a feeling of giving comes in her abdomen and Kalonia declares she can see something. And then looks very grave indeed.

 

“What wrong?” Rey demands.

 

“I can see the baby’s buttocks. It’s breach.”

 

Rey’s no midwife but knows that meaning. The baby is in a difficult position.

 

“What do I do?” She exclaimed.

 

“You must push harder than ever before.” Maz instructs.

 

For a solid hour, Rey pushes and growls and does everything. But still nothing. And she’s losing her strength. God forgive her, but she’s so tired. Tears come without restraint. It can’t end like this. Her baby has survived so much, they both have, and they cannot succumb now! She knows that if it takes much longer then the baby might find itself in real danger.

 

Her hair is matted with sweat and she feels as though there is not a drop of blood left in her.

 

“Let me through!” A voice demands and Rey turns her head. Ben is in the doorway, looking wild and crazed. He takes her in and looks like he wants to scream with despair. Surely she does not make a pretty sight. Crossing over to her bedside, he puts a hand on her forehead.

 

“I’m tired.” She whimpers.

 

“I know. I know you’re tired.” He chokes. “But don’t give up. Please I’m begging you. Don’t give up. We need you.”

 

His eyes are shining with unspent tears. His words resonate something in her. _We need you._

 

Her husband and her child.

 

She said she would win at motherhood and she has never broken a promise to herself yet.

 

Grasping Ben’s hand, she launches herself upright and screams as she threw every last bit of energy into pushing. It may not work and she may fail after all but damn she has to try.

 

Suddenly after five minutes, something begins to move and Kalonia shouts “Don’t stop. Keep going!” Ben says much the same and she would shout in pain at his grip on her hand if she wasn’t already experiencing agony.

 

There is a hot rush and suddenly a release. And a hearty and angry cry that is high pitched and beautiful.

 

I did it, she thinks and then falls onto the pillows and slips out of consciousness before anything else can be attempted.

 

* * *

 

She must have been allowed to fall into an exhausted slumber for it was many hours later when she opened her eyes. The first thing she realises is that she is incredibly hot. Sweating even and with a layer of perspiration on her face. Also the pain in her abdomen, which she was assured would pass with her labour, was still very present.

 

Rey realised with an enormous feeling of astonishment that the child was vacant from her body. She’s done it.

 

So where was the baby?

 

She wanted to lift herself up and call out. But she was like a limp doll on the bed and her mouth would not do as she bid. What was wrong with her?

 

She remained in a half sleeping, half awake stupor for many hours and she could hear voices around her.

 

“We may need to send for a proper doctor. One that will bring medicines.” Maz said gently.

 

“I have a bag of pounds, shillings and pence. Take the lot. Give him everything if that’s what it takes.” Ben’s voice commanded.

 

She had heard the echo of his tone throughout. He’d not left. Sometimes she could feel a pressure on her hand. The feel of him cradling it.

 

In her more quiet moments, she heard another snippet of information.

 

“The baby. Is she well? Is she taking her food?” Ben’s voice asked.

 

“We got a local wet nurse. She will be fed well enough while we look over Rey.”

 

_She_. It was a she. It was a girl. She had a daughter and she was well. She was safe and clearly healthy.

 

A daughter. Oh, she wanted to see her!

 

It was her last thought as she slipped back into a half waking, half sleeping state.

 

* * *

 

She heard very little in waking coma but she heard enough.

 

A strange unfamiliar voice said within her listening: “Puerperal fever… must make it through the night… prepare yourself.”

 

She was dying.

 

After that, she heard nothing but sank into a delirium. Bizarre and confusing dreams were all she could see.

 

An old building made of stone. An empty stomach and sore limbs from hours of grafting. She is small, tiny even, and surrounded by other children in varying states of hunger. Sleeping on a bed of rags. Filthy rags and dirty cheeks. A dream of a better life. A dream of any kind of life that did not entail this hardship.

 

An orange and white cat bursting into the courtyard of the old building of stone. A net broken open. A friendship formed. A companion at last.

 

A broken carriage. A gentleman in a servant’s clothes. A way out. A journey with her new pet. To the cat’s home. And to her own though she had never known anywhere but the brick building.

 

A lady with greying hair. Short in frame and draped in finery. Kind when there is no need nor expectation.

 

A man with silver hair and still the twinkle of youth in his eye. Handsome despite his old age.

 

A man who is both of them. Both the best and the worst. And everything to her.

 

Then she breaks through these images that pass before her eyes too fast for her to touch and looks around.

 

She is sat beneath a great oak tree that is perched at the top of a vast mountain that travels down for miles and miles. The sky is pink and orange as though dusk was well underway.

 

She was in the mountains of D’Qar. Only it was more beautiful than she had ever seen. The perfume of the flowers were stronger than ever and the grass cradled her like a blanket.

 

Was she dead? Was this heaven? Or a type of purgatory?

 

She let her head fall back against the tree. It would make sense to be damned to nothingness. She had broken every rule in the book. And yet she was surrounded by greenery and beauty. If this was truly purgatory, she imagined she would be consigned to a desert. Possibly forced to work with machinery again as a means of survival. Oh yes, that would be the very definition of hell for her.

 

If she was condemned to live here then at least she could experience the beauty of different shades of green.

 

“It’s alright up here. Wish I had seen it more.”

 

Rey didn’t move. Didn’t breathe. For she knew that voice. She had delighted in hearing it when she had been a young girl. No matter how gruff he tended to sound.

 

Eventually she did turn and looked around the tree with tears making her vision swim.

 

Lord Han Solo was half standing, half leaning against the tree, looking out at what D’Qar had to offer. His mouth was twisted in that way he had always had. She believed his default look was one of scepticism. And yet it did her heart such good to see him again.

 

“Han?” She was quiet even to her own ears. He still glanced her way and gifted her a crooked smile. She’d seen that smile in another form.

 

“You’re in a bit of a situation, aren’t you Kid?”

 

She gasped a laugh. She’d missed that endearment even if it was an impertinent term.

 

“I’m sorry to be gone. But I am happy to see you.”

 

“You’re not gone. Not yet anyway.” He strode away from the tree. “I’ve been here before myself. Fever dreams – do you know in mine, I saw myself and Leia as we had once been. My children were there. All of them. And we were watching the horses gallop around us.” Han snorted and kicked at the ground. “Heaven doesn’t quite live up to the delusions of a dying mind. But the happiness that you feel makes the passage easier.”

 

“Ben was with you though. He came to see you though you might not have known.” Rey reasoned.

 

“Oh I know. I knew he was there. I saw him. I saw his face. I touched his face. The despair I saw, Kid… a part of me wishes that it hadn’t been my last sight. And yet I was glad of him being there.”

 

Rey sniffed. “He’s sorry. I do believe that. It can’t right the wrong he did you but...”

 

“Oh, I’d have experienced much worse for much less. I had him back. It was far too late to enjoy it. But he came back.”

 

“Can you forgive him?” She asked.

 

Han laughed. “Oh Rey… I forgave him the instant he took away my horse.”

 

Rey was glad she seated on the grass as it meant she wouldn’t have collapsed under her tears. For they now came thick and fast. Han stepped close to her and took her hands in his.

 

“Grief is a terrible thing, Rey. I lost my children and, as a result, we lost our son. I pushed the affection and the love away from me because I couldn’t bare to feel such agony again. Ben… my boy… he’s dying of grief too. Grief that comes from guilt, from confusion and from heartbreak. You must go back to him. He needs you. They both do.”

 

Rey clung to his hands. They felt so very real.

 

“I don’t want to die. I want to go back.”

 

“Then go back. Look after my granddaughter.” Han smirked. “That’s going to be one good-looking kid.”

 

Rey couldn’t help the laugh that broke free. “Takes after her mother then, doesn’t she?”

 

“Damn right.”

 

Rey smiled and then her smile dissolved into despair. “I’ve never held her. She’s my baby and I never got to hold her. I want to hold my baby!”

 

“You’ll hold her. And Ben will hold you both. He’s a possessive one. If I know rightly, he’ll never let either of you go.”

 

Rey felt her soul grow lighter. She didn’t want to be let go of. Snoke had been abandoned. Han had granted the forgiveness that she had always known he would. Ben had found her.

 

And now she had to find him again.

 

Yet still she held onto Han’s hands.

 

“I don’t want to let go.” She cried. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

 

“Don’t waste your life looking back. Look ahead.”

 

She clung to Han’s hands until she could feel the vision around her grow fuzzy. She didn’t say goodbye. For they would see each other again. She believed that.

 

* * *

 

She was swimming on the edge of consciousness when she was able to take in her surroundings once more. She was unable to open her eyes, talk or do anything other than let the waves of heat overwhelm her. There was a cold compress on her forehead which helped somewhat but not much.

 

There was nothing at first and then suddenly there were words. A voice that she recognised.

 

“Rey? Rey, I don’t know how much of this you can hear… or if you can hear at all. No-one seems to know.”

 

Ben sounded broken. Tired, hoarse and like he didn’t have a deck to play with anymore. He sounded desperate.

 

“The doctor says… that you have to make it through the night. You have to survive the night for you to get better. He says that the fever will either break or take you from me.

 

“I won’t ask for your forgiveness as I don’t deserve it. If you are truly done with me, I release you. I will provide for you but you can live away from me if you wish. But please… please, make it through the night.”

 

Rey’s hand was taken.

 

“We have a daughter, Rey. A little girl. And she’s beautiful. She’s the most beautiful little thing I’ve ever seen. She’s so tiny! She has your mouth and the smallest little fingers. But she has hair. Dark hair that covers her head. I can’t stop staring at her. She sleeps a lot and that’s good. I go from one room to the other. I watch her sleep and I watch you sleep.

 

“You need to see her Rey. You need to hold her and love her. You would love her, I know you will.”

 

She could feel faint tremors and Ben’s voice broke.

 

“I’m so scared, Rey. I love you and I’ll do whatever you want. But come back. Please come back. Please!”

 

She wanted to squeeze his hand and hold him. But that wasn’t possible in her state. So she let herself drift on the waters of life, hoping that her body would float and she wouldn’t be dragged down below before her time.

 

* * *

 

Rey’s eyes stayed closed for a long time when she woke the next morning. The onslaught of sunlight peaking through by the morning sun was enough to blind her. But eventually she cracked her lids open and her vision focused to reveal all that was around her.

 

The room and the cottage was quiet. It was almost haunting to Rey just how silent her normally bustling cottage was. The bedroom had been cleaned and she was dressed in clean linen and sheets. At her side, a figure lay slumped with his head on the bed.

 

Ben was asleep by her side, his hand positioned so that it was clear that he had collapsed whilst holding her hand in his.

 

Everything was heavy in Rey’s body like she was laden down with sand. Yet she managed to twitch her hand enough to touch Ben’s.

 

Nothing happened for a moment until finally he began to stir.

 

At first, he didn’t seem to know even where he was. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked around. And then felt the moving hand against his.

 

Rey had barely time to move before Ben was up and over her in a manner that threw the chair he was sitting on back onto the floor.

 

“Rey? Can you hear me?”

 

“Ben?” Her voice was scratchy from lack of use and dry enough to hurt.

 

The doctor and Kalonia were ushered in and she was given water while her vitals were checked. In the end, they both looked to one another and nodded their assent.

 

“You’ve been very fortunate Mrs Solo. You must take some time to recuperate but should be well after a few weeks.”

 

Ben stayed pinned to her side and stroked her hair in a way that was very soothing. Yet something needed to be amended.

 

“The baby...” Rey rasped, “I want to see her.”

 

Ben kissed her forehead and turned to Maz who was stood in the doorway. “Please bring her in here, Maz.”

 

Rey knew all too well that she was incapable of actually holding her daughter but she would be able to look on her with help. Ben propped her up against a lot of pillows and apologised any time she grimaced in discomfort. Yet he was as gentle as it was possible to be.

 

Maz came into the room with a bundle in her arms which Ben gently took from her. He looked down at the object of his protection with such unadulterated affection and pride that Rey felt her breath steal from her lungs. Coming up to her bedside, he eased his body down so he was sitting beside her on the bed. And angled his arms so the form in the blanket was revealed to Rey’s eyes.

 

She was so tiny. That was the first thing that sprung to Rey’s mind. A tiny little person with perfect little features. All the pain and struggle of her birth suddenly seemed irrelevant. She was exactly as Ben had described: a rose mouth, black hair that sat almost feathery on her head and too small for Rey to look on her without worrying that she may hurt her unintentionally. But there were things that couldn’t be put into words. How her long lashes fanned her cheeks and how her nose looked like a little button. Small and sleeping and their child.

 

Rey roused enough strength to touch the cheek of her baby girl. Her skin was soft and felt as thin as paper. Yet she was a fighter. She wouldn’t have survived such a difficult delivery if she wasn’t.

 

The pride that came to Rey’s chest nearly overwhelmed her.

 

Ben took her hand and Rey looked up at him. He looked close to tears.

 

“You came back.”

 

Rey nodded shakily. “I’m not leaving again. We’re both staying.”

 

Rey let her head rest on Ben’s chest as he clung to her with one arm and cradled their daughter in the other.

 

No more running. She had a family now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sigh* Even I'm relieved.
> 
> Feedback is all that brings me happiness nowadays.


	30. Tempest of Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> So sorry for the delay. I've been a bit burnt out and suffering with lack of balance (tripping and falling easily) so I've taken some time to sort myself out. I hope that this chapter will make up for it.

The broth they fed her was good and hearty. It was a decent cut of meat and Rey had little to no doubt that Ben’s bag of money would have been set to work as she lay incapacitated. Eating was harder than she remembered as she got tired so easily now but she managed half a bowl much to Kalonia’s pleasure.

 

“Keep this up and you should be as good as new anytime soon.”

 

‘Anytime soon’ wasn’t quite as soon as Rey would have liked. It meant she was still unable to get up and tend to her daughter which did not at all sit well with her. It took her nearly two days to sit up unaided and another day more before Ben was confident enough to place the little bundle in her arms. He had been good enough to bring the baby into the room whenever she was awake however so she couldn’t be too annoyed. It showed a nurturing side to him that was rather delightful to Rey’s soul.

 

She laughed out loud when the slight but increasingly heavy weight was put in her arms. The little girl seemed to grow more lovely by the day. There had been a part of Rey that had been very afraid. Afraid that her time weakened would weaken the bond she felt to the baby. But instead it seemed to bloom and grow more ferocious. She was confident that if anyone were to try and hurt her little bundle of light, she would maim them with her own hands and feel no guilt. Judging from Ben’s careful attentions and his determination to sit next to her lest she grow tired with the baby still in her arms, he was very much in the same train of thought.

 

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Rey breathed, knowing she sounded almost ridiculous with happiness but not caring much.

 

“I don’t think beautiful is good enough for her.” Ben whispered as though not to disturb the baby.

 

Rey nodded her agreement.

 

“She needs a name. I needed you here… when she was named. You did all the work after all.” Ben reasoned.

 

“Did I? It was merely a trifle.” Rey dismissed, eager to forget the passage and tone of the birth. “But yes, ‘Baby’ isn’t a good enough name.”

 

“Padmé is a good name. It was my grandmother’s. And she was as lovely as her.”

 

Rey tested it out in her head. Padmé. Yes, it was pretty. And would be lovely for any girl. But not this one. Somehow it felt too delicate for her daughter. It made her sound like a precious flower when she was born in a fashion that proved her anything but.

 

“That’s a nice name. But it doesn’t feel right.” Rey murmured.

 

Ben looked a little disappointed but nodded. “Can you think of one?”

 

“One does come to mind.” Rey murmured, thought it over and then nodded. Yes, it couldn’t be anything else really.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Jenevieve. A fancy name for a future lady.” Rey managed. “But we won’t call her that. To us, she’ll be Jyn.”

 

Jyn. The woman with no legacy but only a tale told in a tavern. No more. Her daughter would be her legacy. And if she carried forward any of her famed bravery, Rey was more than happy to live with that.

 

* * *

 

Rey soon found that there were still many issues that existed outside her little cottage. Mainly that for all intents and purposes, Ben was a wanted man.

 

It hung in the air heavily over Rey’s sick bed and she tried to distract herself with finally being able to feed her child herself. The wet nurse had been paid quite handsomely but told under no uncertain terms that she was no longer needed. Rey felt quite ready to take over her motherly duties and she was dispersing milk already.

 

The first experience was bizarre and even a little painful for Rey but the exhilaration that followed as she watched Jyn suckle at her teat was really rather incredible. It gave her an earnest sort of pride that refused to die away and Ben was always eager to watch (having always left the room when the wet-nurse had got to work). Rey wondered if maybe he was a little jealous but pushed it aside. There was a hunger on his face but a different kind. The kind that develops when you see the woman you love feeding a child you created.

 

Rey was still forbidden from stepping out of bed but insisted that she bonded with Jyn. She would scoot over and have Jyn lain down on the middle of the bed with Ben on the other side. They was able to lavish attention on her even if she was too young to really know what was going on. Sometimes she slept. Sometimes she’d opened her eyes and stare without seeing. But once she dozed while clutching Rey’s finger and Ben’s thumb. The couple didn’t speak but just enjoyed that lovely tiny pressure on their hands.

 

Yet there was only so much they could not speak of and when she overheard Maz talk in a low voice to Ben about ‘it not being safe for you to go about in public yet’ Rey knew that it was talk that needed to happen sooner rather than later.

 

Once Jyn was put to bed in her little cot, Rey sat rigid in her own bed, feeling almost regal with her hands clasped on her lap and her mouth quite grim. If this was what it was like to be from money, no wonder people looked so unhappy, she mused sadly.

 

Ben came to her bedside and she could see that he was almost as resigned as herself. Knowing that they must talk about what happened, but not enjoying the prospect very much.

 

“What is happening on the Outside?” Rey asked. The Outside meaning the world in general while they were cooped up in the little cottage.

 

“Not very much.” Ben answered. “There have been no official announcements that I’ve absconded. Snoke would probably find that too embarrassing. But no doubt he’s written to Hux to have him come home. He will undoubtedly be the new heir to the empire that Snoke had built now. He’s made of the right stuff anyway.”

 

“Do you think they know-”  


“Of course not.” Ben dismissed. “ _I_ didn’t even realise. What chance do they have?”

 

“Word will reach them at some point. It is only natural.”

 

“Maybe. Maybe not. But no one has seen me apart from the doctors. And the pirates. And I doubt they will be believed into making a deputy follow them into a shadowy tavern.”

 

Ben seemed almost disinterested. Like it wasn’t his life he was speaking of, but the local town-fair results. Right up there with who had won the best goat.

 

“Ben-”

 

“Rey,” Ben interrupted. “I’m not going back. I’m never going back. I made a promise; when you were ill that if God let you live, I would do whatever you asked of me. You’re alive. And a promise is a promise.”

 

Rey found herself balancing on a precipice. On one hand, she wanted to reach out and take him in her arms. Wanted to kiss his face and let herself be weak with him. For she had longed for his touch for so long and she was only human. What woman could resist the man they loved laying down their destiny for her to do as she pleased? And yet, a calmer, more rational and cautious part of Rey (the one that had helped her survive and was aware of the tiny sleeping girl in the next room) stayed her hand. He was back and yes, she wanted their marriage to work. But jumping into his arms wasn’t what was needed right now. He was still more fragile than strong and so much had happened. Rey also felt she was waiting for something, something important and life affirming, but she couldn’t honestly say she knew what that something was. She just knew it hadn’t happened yet.

 

Slowly, she placed her hand in his large one, which he then covered with his other. Cradling it like she was precious. His wedding ring glint on his finger giving her renewed hope.

 

“We must be careful. And patient.” She wasn’t sure whether she spoke of Snoke or of themselves. Maybe both were accurate right now.

 

Ben didn’t ask for clarification and for that she was grateful. But he didn’t release her hand and she didn’t pull it away either.

 

* * *

 

So they were very careful and very patient indeed.

 

Ben spent as much time with Rey as he could but it was a bit difficult to get him to leave the baby’s room. Rey soon realised after talking to Maz that she had a problem she did not anticipate: Ben’s utter devotion to his daughter.

 

She’d fantasized about it of course, in the dark corner of her bedroom with tears on her face when she had carried Jyn in her womb. Dreamt about Ben teaching her to walk, showing her off and generally being a proud father. It was only when Maz brought in some broth (as she was still under house arrest as far as her bed went) that she saw that her fantasies had been a bit meek in comparison.

 

“I think you need to have a word with your husband.” Maz put the bowl of stew down on Rey’s bedside with something of a huff. “He really is starting to get under my feet a bit.”

 

“How is he?” Rey asked a bit perplexed.

 

“Won’t leave his little angel’s side, that’s how!” Maz cursed though there wasn’t much malice in it. “Every time I change her, he hovers over me. Every time she twitches in her sleep, he’s up and over her. For goodness sake, I can’t even burp her with him asking me if he can have a go!”  


Rey tried to stifle a giggle but failed.

 

“It’s nice that he wants to know Maz.” She said gently. The idea of it made an ember of warmth glow in her heart. “He’s never had a… a _proper_ family. He’s probably frightened we’ll disappear.”

 

“Like you’re going anywhere in your state!” Maz scoffed which made Rey frown a little. “Although I must admit, I do find myself a little bit happy at how good he is at soothing her to sleep.”

 

“To sleep?”

 

“Yes, in the night, if she’s not hungry. Of course we bring her to you if she is but if its just a grizzle she wants, well...” Maz tailed off. She was looking at Rey’s confused face. “Oh. Oh! You don’t...”

 

“He’s been… staying with her?” Rey asked.

 

Maz sighed as though she should have known better. Putting down the spoon, she tugged Rey’s blankets back. “Come with me child. But be careful. Your legs will be rather weak.”

 

Rey had been a bit annoyed at Maz’s attitude that she was too weak to do anything but, as she got out of bed, she nearly staggered and had to hold Maz’s hands very tightly. Her legs seemed to have forgotten how to work.

 

Never mind her teaching Jyn to walk; Ben would have to start with her first!

 

Rey took many awkward shuffling steps across her bedroom and down the hall. Maz pushed open the door to her baby’s room.

 

The room was done up rather wonderfully. Bala-Tik and Tasu Leech (once they’d been bandaged up) had been bringing lots of little things for Jyn. Such as blankets and small clothing for her to swaddle in as well as little rocking dolls that she wouldn’t be able to use until she was much older. Rey had an odd feeling they were very approving of Jyn’s name though they never seemed to be able to give a straight answer about whether their present were obtained legally or not!

 

But the bedroom wasn’t what held her attention right now. It was the people in it.

 

In her little Moses basket, Jyn was sleeping peacefully. She seemed even smaller right that moment and so pretty that Rey always struggled to believe she could produce something so very lovely.

 

To the right, looking like he’d passed out on a small, very cramped-looking bed, was Ben. He too was sound asleep though he didn’t look half so comfortable as their daughter. He was jammed rather oddly onto the bed and Rey knew immediately that his back would be hurting in the morning.

 

“What’s he doing?” She whispered in amazement.

 

“Sleeping.” Maz said simply. “When she sleeps, he sleeps. When she’s awake, he’s awake. I mentioned getting someone to act as a nanny but he took against it so badly that I dare not mention it again.” Maz patted Rey’s hand in her own. “Poor thing is besotted. And not for the first time.”

 

Rey couldn’t speak and had to be led back to bed by Maz. She knew, as she sank back into bed feeling oddly worn out, that she may have to stop this. A baby with too much attention was just as bad an outcome for a baby as having none at all. And yet, as she remembered Ben and Jyn’s sleeping faces, she couldn’t help but think that a bit of the bad stuff couldn’t be too terrible. Especially when it looked so beautiful to her.

 

* * *

 

Rey slept for a long time and when her eyes fluttered open again the sky was a velvet blue. Turning over slowly, she mused about how she was spending far too much time in bed. And then she heard a little cry.

 

Sitting up, she wondered if Jyn needed to be fed. More than likely. She had been asleep for at least two hours. Feeling suddenly determined, Rey decided to pull herself along to the baby’s room on her own. Ben had had enough time to bond with the little one; now she wanted to as well.

 

On soft sock-less feet, she shuffled slowly and a little clumsily across the hall. The whimpering was quite insistent now and she almost wanted to call out that Mummy was coming.

 

Rounding the door, she went to smile. But instead gaped.

 

Jyn was most certainly awake and being held by Ben who was equally awake. But she wasn’t the only one crying.

 

Rey blinked in stunned shock as fat tears were dripped down Ben’s cheeks and Jyn cried harder when one landed on her cheek. It was such a contrast to the scene she had seen earlier that she felt almost faint with panic.

 

“Ben?” She questioned croakily.

 

He looked round and his face looked blotchy.

 

“Jyn? Is something-” Rey began but Ben cut her off.

  
  
“She’s fine.” He said sounding watery. “Just hungry. She wants her Mama.”

 

Rey sat down swiftly and guided Jyn to her breast where the baby’s wailing soon ceased in turn for a loud suckling noise. Rey found her eyes darting back to Ben. He looked almost wretched.

 

“Go to my room.” She instructed not unkindly. “We will be about five minutes.”

 

“Will you… will you bring her with you?” It was a pleading tone. Like he couldn’t bare to have it otherwise.

 

“Y...yes.” She managed.

 

He nodded and left the nursery.

 

Rey fed Jyn until she was full and rubbed her back gently to burp her. Soon after, Jyn was asleep.

 

Rey found that walking unaided to the room with Jyn was a chore she wasn’t too confident about. She had to call Ben’s name to have him come back and help her.

 

He silently took their daughter in one secure arm and let Rey take his other hand for support.

 

Rey watched him as he sat down on their bed with Jyn dozing oblivious in his arms. He was looking down at her and his face looked as though he was on the verge of tears again.

 

Rey sat down gently next to him.

 

“Ben? Ben, talk to me. What’s wrong? Has something happened?”

 

Ben shook his head. Like he couldn’t speak. Or just didn’t have the words. Or maybe the heart.

 

“You’re scaring me. Please!” Rey pleaded.

 

Sniffing, Ben shook his head. “It’s hit me.” He whispered. “Just now, when I held her, it hit me. At last.”

 

“What hit you?”

 

“What she is. What she means. To you. To me. To us. She’s ours and we… we love her.”

 

Rey nodded naturally. For he was saying the most natural thing in the world. So why was he so distressed?

 

“I’d die for her. If she needed anything, I’d do it. In a heartbeat. I wouldn’t think; I’d just do it. And...” His voice was choking. “… that’s what _he_ did.”

 

Rey said absolutely nothing. She needed to stay silent for this.

 

“My father… he was cold and difficult and we never got on. I was convinced, so convinced, that he didn’t like me. Didn’t love me. But now I know...” Ben looked like his words would choke him “he loved me enough to walk into a trap. To let me take my revenge. Allowed me to act pathetic and to humiliate him. He did it because he loved me.”

 

Ben was now shaking in earnest but he kept his arms steady lest Jyn wake back up.

 

Rey could barely breathe. He’d always felt pain and remorse for what he’d done but now that he was in Han’s position (a father) he suddenly understood. Understood why he did what Han did and also that he had his father’s forgiveness. And it was breaking his heart.

 

He bent down and kissed Jyn’s forehead, her little tuft of black hair tickling his nose and making his tears come faster.

 

“Please, please forgive me.” He whispered.

 

Rey threaded her fingers through his hair in a comforting gesture. Then slowly she slid next to him so they were hip to hip and her arms was around his so they both cradled Jyn.

 

He was truly repentant and heart-broken by his actions. The thing that she had needed, been waiting for, had finally happened and it lifted a stone off her heart.

 

She knew what to say.

 

“Yes,” she whispered, gently kissing his wet cheek, “we forgive you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Kudos and comments are life to me.
> 
> I'm writing a follow up to 'Nocturnal Studies and Other Peculiar Magic' which I'm finding relaxing so if you liked that, keep your eyes peeled.


	31. A Deal with the Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> I'm so sorry for the delay. It's been such a difficult month with work demanded all my time and energy and a complete brick wall of inspiration. I go through periods of confidence hits where I'm convinced my writing is crap too which doesn't help. But I've finally managed a chapter.
> 
> I hope its up to standard.

Rey found her strength begin to return to her slowly but surely. After many decent meals and enough bed rest to send her nearly mad, she began to leave her bed regularly. Her legs were still weak from their lack of use but began to return to their previous buoyancy with time.

 

Jyn’s little cot was moved to Rey’s bedroom so it was easier to get up in the night with her. She was a good little sleeper and only woke up her mother with cries to be fed at about two in the morning. Rey would sleepily oblige while inhaling her daughter’s natural scent. The crown of her head smelt rich and like youth. Rey inhaled it with gusto.

 

Ben often watched her as she fed the baby but that was natural. He was in the same bed as her after all.

 

It had happened the same night that he had wept on her shoulder with mourning and grief for his past actions. It had seemed cruel to usher him away so he had rested his head on Rey’s breast and fallen into a restless and troubled sleep in Rey’s bed. Rey did not mind at all; it felt so good to have him next to her now. It was almost like their honeymoon all over again.

 

Since then he remained within her bed and seemed unwilling to leave either her side or their daughter's. So the fact they all shared a bedroom was now a rather happy coincidence.

 

Rey could not leave the cottage and neither could Ben. And for now that was all well and good. But it couldn’t last forever…

 

* * *

 

It had been a quiet evening one cold night. Rey had been sat beside the fireside with Jyn sound asleep in her arms. Ben was sitting in the opposite chair and they were enjoying the peace of domesticity. Rey found herself admiring him in the light of the flames. His hair seemed almost red and his skin looked tanned from the reflected flames. She was slowly getting less surprised at the sight of his scar now. It had been stitched neatly and was healed quite nicely. If she was truthful, it suited him a little. It made him look dangerous and Rey found that oddly exciting. And arousing. She couldn’t deny that she had missed her husband in more ways than just his presence but it was still too early to attempt any kind of love making since the birth. Also she was battling with a different kind of anxiety: self-consciousness.

 

Her body had changed and she had never had an issue with that. Watching her body transform and morph to accommodate Jyn had almost been quite fun to watch. But now she had red stretch marks littering his hips and her abdomen was softer than it had once been. She knew it was silly but she wondered if it may stem Ben’s desire for her and that terrified her. He hadn’t seen her naked since and a part of her refused to be ashamed into hiding herself if he wanted to see her. For she wasn’t ashamed; they were proof that she’d carried a child to term and that in itself was a great achievement. But she was still a little nervous.

 

Ben was exactly as loving as he had always been. Maybe even more so now but his usual cockiness wasn’t present. Maybe the combination of being held prisoner by Snoke and his realisation of his guilt would forever dampen it. But he had been no less of a husband as a result.

 

So it was with an almost earth-shattering shock that the sound of hoof beats began to greet their ears.

 

Looking at one another with stunned horror and then both jumping to their feet (Jyn grizzling at the interruption to her nap), Rey cradled the baby as though someone was about to snatch her from her arms and Ben grabbed the poker for the fire as a weapon.

 

“Run. Hide!” Ben hissed to Rey, “Take Jyn and hide yourself.”

 

“You don’t know whose out there!” Rey argued. The hoof beats were now right outside the cottage. It was already too late to run anywhere. A swift pounding on the door made the entire cottage vibrate.

 

Rey clung to Jyn.

 

“Stay behind me.” Ben instructed. Rey had never been one to shy away from a fight but she would die screaming before she surrendered her daughter to anyone’s arms but hers.

 

Ben brandished the poker like he would a sword and inched towards the door.

 

If his intention had been to open it, he was somewhat pre-empted.

 

A huge crash rang across the cottage as the door flew off its hinges and a black boot was seen as the reason for its swift recline. Almost immediately afterwards two tall striking figures marched over the threshold as calmly as if they had opened the door with a key.

 

Ben rushed back and guarded both Rey and Jyn was his frame as General Hux and Captain Phasma entered the sitting room.

 

They hadn’t changed much, Rey noticed. Phasma’s hair was a tiny bit longer and looked windswept. Whereas her husband looked as put together and nondescript as he had ever done.

 

“Evening Ren. Terrible evening, isn’t it?” Hux said as though he’d popped up from the village to enjoy a cup of tea.

 

“It is now.” Ben growled. Rey was quite impressed by how firm and unscared Ben’s voice was but Jyn had started to cry bitterly from the commotion that Phasma and Hux’s entrance had caused so her energy went into rocking and soothing her crying baby.

 

“Now, now, that’s not very friendly, is it?” Hux tutted.

 

“You come into my house, uninvited and scaring my daughter, and you expect a warm welcome?” Ben demanded. Phasma’s eyes flew to the baby in Rey’s arms and widened. Even Hux raised his eyebrows. Clearly the news of Jyn’s paternity had not spread as far as they had feared. Rey wanted to kick Ben hard.

 

“Well, I must admit, I knew you had found solace with your maid but I didn’t imagine...” Hux looked at Rey and the baby in her arms who was still whimpering but a little calmer. Rey drew herself up.

 

“How did you know I was here?” Ben demanded.

 

“It was a little difficult this time.” Phasma spoke for the first time. “You hid quite well and your mother seemed as ignorant as they came of your location. Seemed to think we had… disposed of you and were covering our tracks. It was a little debilitating.”

 

Ben hadn’t moved from his position guarding Rey and Jyn.

 

“However, we began to hear some interesting stories. Stories from pirates no less of an altercation in a tavern from a gentleman who bore a most remarkable deformity. A scar that cut his face in half to be exact. A little crude but worth an investigation which turned up results.”

 

Rey wanted to spit. Damn the gossiping of smugglers!

 

“What do you want?” Ben demanded. “Where are your Stormtroopers?”

 

“It was a bit redundant to bring company if it was merely a red herring. And it should be obvious what I want, Ren.” Hux said all of this with a tone of calm that was more chilling than if he’d bellowed at the top of his voice.

 

“To kill me? To drag me back with Snoke?”

 

“Snoke has made it clear that your usefulness has reached an end. But loose ends are not a good idea.” Phasma said almost regretfully.

 

Rey clung to Jyn and moved closer to Ben.

 

“So you have come to kill me?” Ben asked. “Fine. But leave my wife and daughter!”

 

“No, Ben!” Rey cried. But Phasma stepped forward.

 

“Wife? You two are married?”

 

“Of course we are!” Ben snapped. “I wouldn’t have a child with her otherwise. I’ll come quietly as long as you give your word to leave them be.”

 

Phasma was looking at Hux and Hux was looking back. They seemed to be communicating with their eyes. Again, Ben and Rey’s marriage had clearly not been a known factor to them. Rey wondered if this would guarantee her and Jyn’s safety or their demise. Tears and a desire to fight to the death were rising. She’d just got Ben back and she was now going to lose him.

 

“Then…” Phasma said slowly as though turning this information over in her head, “there may be another alternative. One not so final.” She looked to her husband and raised her eyebrows. They seemed to be able to talk without words. Rey wasn’t sure what exactly they were saying but it looked almost enlightened by a new opportunity. Rey didn’t feel comforted.

 

“Yes… this may be a better way. Less messy.” Hux said practically.

 

“Less unpleasant.” Phasma intoned. For a Captain she didn’t seem to have relished the idea of death. She would have done it, of that Rey was utterly certain, but maybe not enjoyed it. Maybe she pitied Ben. Maybe she felt for Rey and the baby. “Sit down. Let’s talk.”

 

Ben didn’t move an inch.

 

“Fine. I’ll sit.” Hux finished letting himself get comfortable in the chair Ben had vacated earlier. Phasma stayed standing behind her husband. “Let us be equals again Ren. Sit down opposite me and lets talk. Your lovely wife and child are fine. This is not a fight if you don’t wish it to be.”

 

Ben looked to Rey who slowly nodded. Slowly, as though circling a sabre-toothed tiger, he sat down in the opposite chair. Rey stood behind him with Jyn finally settling back to sleep. Her stance mirrored that of Phasma’s.

 

Hux sighed as though himself and Ben were about to enjoy a cognac together.

 

“What better way?” Ben demanded harshly. “What do you mean ‘less messy’?”

 

“I take it that you are aware that Snoke has been… most insistent on finding you?” Hux asked.

 

“I’ve heard things.” Ben replied curtly.

 

“No doubt.” Hux almost smirked but managed to control himself in time. “Well, he called me back to London. And he has made it quite clear that your position of favour with him is all but extinct. He was hoping that you would come around. That your punishment would clear your mind. Make you see the error of your ways. But alas.”

 

“This is obvious. Where do you come in?” Rey demanded.

 

“Well, as the second in command I am now the obvious successor. His new heir. But Snoke doesn’t like loose ends. And nor do I. Which is why it felt quite simple to finish you off so you couldn’t pop back with a nasty surprise. Like an army of your own or baring our secrets for your own gain.”

 

Ben scoffed. “Why would I go back? For a visit and a quick drink!? I wanted to escape so I did.”

 

“Exactly.” Hux said quite calmly. “And you know how often people leave the First Order...”

 

Ben’s throat moved. Rey could see that the obvious answer was ‘never’.

 

“Then what are you suggesting? Get to the point!” Ben hissed.

 

Hux leant forward but not before letting his eyes flick to his wife. Phasma nodded as though re-affirming the plan. Encouraging and advising him.

 

“It’s become apparent to me that you may not want your old position back. To be truthful, I’ve had my doubts about your personal interests interfering with orders from the Supreme Leader for some time.” Hux let his cold eyes rest on Ben. Those eyes clearly saw things very shrewdly. “And I was not blind to this girl’s influence on you even when she was your mother’s maid. I believe that your loyalties to this new… family of yours,” his mouth twisted as though the idea that Ben had married so beneath him was still remarkable to him, “actually surpass your own care of yourself. I would say you place them even higher.”

 

Ben said nothing but made no denials. Rey clutched Jyn even closer.

 

“So… in the art of appearing fair, and for old times sake, I will offer you a deal.” Hux finished.

 

Ben narrowed his eyes. “What deal?”

 

“Disappear. Don’t attempt to come back. Live as quiet a life as possible. And I will leave you be.”

 

There was silence with only the crackling of the fire to break it. Then Ben laughed.

 

“This really is a joke. You don’t give people an opportunity like that Hux!”

 

“Not normally” he agreed, “but lets just say that I will miss our enmity. It was amusing at times. And you are the closest I ever had to a...” Hux tailed off. Friend was clearly what he had meant but was clearly too deep a word for him. Rey wondered, in amazement, if insults and constant one-upmanship could count as friendship but said nothing.

 

“Friend or not,” Ben answered, “you are too ruthless, too ambitious, to leave me alive.”

 

“I doubt you would give me any trouble. Your quaint existence in this hovel indicates you no longer have a taste for the finer things. And where would you go but up north? Back to your family seat. And I have no desire to venture back up there. It gets rather cold.” Hux dismissed.

 

Still, Ben wasn’t convinced.

 

“How would I be safe?” He demanded, “I would forever be looking over my shoulder. And more to the point,” he paused for effect, “how can I trust your word?”

 

Hux shrugged. “You can’t. But its the best you’ve got.”

 

Ben looked up at Rey. She looked back.

 

She didn’t want to be the trusting one. Indeed, she didn’t trust Hux. Not at all. But it was a chance. And a better one than they had possessed when Hux and Phasma had burst in and she thought that they would both be finished by a pistol.

 

“You better make your mind up.” Phasma spoke sounding quite matter of fact. “You haven't got much time to play with.”

 

“Snoke.” Ben managed, “he’ll never agree to this.”

 

“Leave Snoke to me.” Hux dismissed. “All I want is your word. Your word that you will be quieter than the dead. So it will save me the trouble of ensuring you actually are.”

 

Ben sighed and then looked his old confidant in the eye. “Okay. I accept.”

 

Hux nodded. “Good. That’s settled then.”

 

Hux got up and made for the door. Phasma not far behind him.

 

Ben had one last thing to say.

 

“It won’t work, you know!” Ben warned. “Snoke will never allow it. Not even you would have that power.”

 

Hux looked back and smiled. It wasn’t a friendly one.

 

“You’d be amazed what I can achieve, Kylo Ren.”

 

Then with a sweep of his cape he was gone.

 

Rey and Ben didn’t sleep a wink that night. They spent the entirety of it around Jyn’s cradle where their daughter slept on oblivious. They were in some kind of appalling limbo. Ben was alive, yes, but was Hux deluded? Was it a bluff? Borrowed time? Was Hux going to get an army and come marching back? Finish it off with a flourish? And with a bounty on his head, there was nothing Ben could do. There was nowhere to run to.

 

Rey clung to her husband, too exhausted to do anything, and prayed that they could live something like a normal life.

 

* * *

 

Nothing happened the next day. Nothing at all.

 

It was torture.

 

Maz, who hadn’t been informed of the little visit, was very concerned about her charges. She tried to feed Rey more stew than she could stomach and was constantly on at Ben to eat some himself.

 

Ben seemed removed from it all. He only wanted to hold Jyn as much as possible as though trying to drink her in. Every yawn, every snooze, every fluttering of her eyes, he was there. Rey had a horrible feeling that he was trying to store as much of her in his memory as possible. Just encase…

 

The waiting was the worst of any of it. Every hour stretched to breaking point and every creak and knock of the door had them jumping nearly out of their skins.

 

And then…

 

It was exactly a week after Hux’s visit, a week of no appetite, no sleep and waiting, when Maz came bustling into their cottage before sunrise. Rey, who had managed a fleeting moment of rest, jolted awake and instinct made her grab a knife from under her pillow. She was almost disappointed to see her tiny friend waving a paper.

 

“Read it!” She demanded as a means of good morning. “I can’t believe it!”

 

Ben and Rey took the newspaper and gaped.

 

The headline read: **Lord Snoke; dead of natural causes.**

 

Ben and Rey read through every word of the report. It was confirmed by a representative of the First Order and a Harley Street doctor but no other details of the death came to light. Ben looked bemused. Snoke was old, yes, extremely old, but had been in very good health.

 

Rey wanted dance and sing with joy but Ben kept looking at the paper. His expression was cloudy.

 

“Something isn’t right.” He kept murmuring.

 

Ben was proved right the next day. He received a note from a smuggler from Maz’s Palace who had been given it from another messenger who seemed to believe going further into this kind of murky terrain was a bad idea.

 

It was in Hux’s writing and said simply:

 

_I kept my end of the bargain. Now you keep yours._

 

Ben sat down heavily and Rey finally got it.

 

Hux had promised he’d deal with Snoke…

 

Hux who was as ambitious for power as Ben was to get away from it…

 

He’d left one person get away alive; two would have been too much.

 

Rey wondered idly how he had managed to swing the papers into a natural causes storyline.

 

“Hux has always been fond of poisons that can’t be traced.” Ben had said feebly.

 

Rey had sat down next to him and they had remained in a shocked silence for a long time. Then Rey took her hand and said what felt the only thing to say:

 

“Come on. Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're going home!
> 
> Kudos and comments are everything!


	32. Homeward Bound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> You guys are amazing. Seriously so good it's beautiful! This is the second to last chapter of this story and I'm feeling pretty sad about it.  
> The absolutely fantastic fan art below is courtesy of Buiana who can be found at http://buiana.tumblr.com/ . Give her so much love as this made me dance with glee!
> 
> I actually feel happy about this chapter for once so I hope you enjoy.

 

The peace after so long and vicious a storm left Rey and Ben with a sense of disorientation for a day or two and although Rey had voiced her desire quite bluntly nothing was done at all in the first few days. They crept around the cottage as though trying not to disturb a sleeping dragon for Hux’s actions may still turn on them with deadly viciousness. And yet nothing occurred that was out of the ordinary and Rey was left with the realisation that maybe Hux would keep his word. So long as they kept their promise to not try and attempt to gain back the position that Ben had lost from his desertion. So it became clear that there was only one thing they could truly do: pack and leave.

 

Rey found herself feeling oddly bereft at the thought of leaving her tiny cottage. It may not have been glamorous or indeed very nice to look at, but it had been her home albeit for a short time. She’d had visions of raising Jyn here and living an ordinary quiet life. But Ben hadn’t been part of those visions and he was here now. So the visions would have to change.

 

Quietly, she packed her clothes and the few items she possessed with the help of Maz. Her friend seemed a little sceptical about her ability to travel so soon after regaining her strength.

 

“It’s a long trip with a tiny baby,” Maz warned, “and you are still far too thin for my liking.”

 

Rey _had_ lost weight. When she’d put on her old servant’s dress, she’d been amazed to find it much baggier than she remembered. She’d had to ask Maz to lace it as tight as it would go and she still felt she had more room than was necessary around her ribs.

 

“I’ve met worse challenges over these past few months.” Rey reasoned. “As much as I’ve loved this place, it has never been my true belonging as it is yours. I’ve made the best of it and have been happy here. But I’ve been happier elsewhere.”

 

Maz nodded as though resigned that Rey had made her mind up and her warning had just been to advice not to make Rey stay.

 

Ben had only the clothes on his back to take with him but he did have a bag of considerable money and was able to sort out transport back to the Manor by hiring a handsome coach to take Rey, Jyn and himself to the North again.

 

The morning of her departure was harder than Rey had ever imagined. With Jyn swaddled and fed for the journey, she turned to Maz to say goodbye and felt her chest contract. In her desire to go back to the Manor, she had forgotten that it would mean leaving her friend behind. Her friend embraced her and lifted her chin when Rey worried she may succumb to tears.

 

“Courage, Child.” Maz said gently. “I know you have much of it. Your time with us is over. It is time to move forward.”

 

The smugglers and pirates were a bit more of a surprise. They seemed unwilling to let Rey go: (“Who will make us edible food?”, they’d demanded sullenly) but now stood congregated at the entrance of Maz’s Palace as though they wanted to say goodbye but not sure how to handle it without seeming weak or foolish.

 

Rey stepped up to Bala-Tik and Tasu Leech and spoke for them.

 

“Thank you for the kindnesses you’ve shown me.” She said softly. “I won’t forget it.”

 

Bala-Tik looked extremely uncomfortable but patted her shoulder in what she assumed was a comforting manner. Tasu Leech turned without a word and walked back into the tavern. She had thought that he was taking his leave of her and felt a little hurt but then he reappeared with something in his hands. It was long and had to be held at the sides not to mark it.

 

He spoke in his mother tongue to her.

 

“It belongs with you.”

 

Rey took it and looked at it. It was the painting of the Rogue One crew.

 

She looked up and Maz nodded her acquiescence. “A story is no more glorious if you hide it away and let it become almost lost. Take it. Make your Jyn know where her name came from.”

 

Rey wanted to throw her arms around her unlikely friends but thought better of it. It would only crush the portrait in her hands.

 

She instead beamed at the pirates who had been her friends and climbed into the waiting carriage. She took Jyn from Ben’s arms and held her baby close. The carriage moved off and Rey waved until they were merely tiny dots on the landscape. Then she turned back forward, kissed Jyn’s head and let her weight sag into her husband’s side.

 

Maz’s words rang out in her head: “ _The family you seek is not behind you; it is ahead.”_

 

* * *

 

 

The journey went on a lot longer than her departure from the Manor. Mr Chewbacca had not really been very respectful of safe speeds on the roads and Rey had been so tense that she would be caught that she had been coiled tighter than a spring. Now they had to stop regularly for Jyn to be changed or fed and Rey noticed that Ben had paid the driver a good amount to skirt around the outskirts of London. Rey felt this was a good idea; Hux had been generous once. He would not be again.

 

It took nearly three days and, by the time the carriage emerged into D’Qar, they were looking distinctly travel-worn. Rey forgot this though in place of staring out of the window. The mountains were as high as she remembered; the fields as green, the air as crisp. Something in Rey began to revive more and more with every mile they travelled as though it was the medicine she had needed all along. And yet there was a churning in her stomach with their approach.

 

It was all going to come out…

 

In no time at all, the silhouette of Ileenium Manor came into view.

 

The place had changed, Rey could see, as their carriage drew up the gravelled courtyard towards the entrance. There was no welcoming committee of servants like the first time she had ever saw Ben. Indeed, how could there be? No-one knew they were coming. But also the place had an aura of quiet about the house. The curtains in most of the windows were drawn, the shrubs had not been tended to and there was an eerie quiet about the place. Almost as though the house had given up on showcasing its brilliance.

 

Rey looked to Ben who seemed to hold the same thoughts as herself as he looked taken aback as well.

 

The carriage pulled to a halt and the driver got out to open the carriage. Rey got out of the carriage and looked up at the old house that had been her first haven from the outside world. She sniffed Jyn’s head for courage. The sweet smelling crown of her daughter always grounded her.

 

Ben had just gotten out of the carriage when there was movement. Finn came out of the neighbouring stables, clearly coming to investigate who the unexpected guest was. He dropped the bridle he’d been handling at the sight of Rey and his former Master standing together.

 

It took two seconds before he broke into a run and bounded towards Rey.

 

“Rey! You’re here! You’re back.” He looked like he wanted to thrown his arms around her but pulled himself upright at the sight of what was held in her arms. His eyes widened in amazement.

 

“I’m here, yes. Oh Finn...” She touched his face and beamed her happiness at seeing him. Her oldest friend. Her dearest friend.

 

Finn looked down at the sleeping baby in wonder.

 

“This is...”

 

“Jyn. My little girl.”

 

Finn stroked her head adoringly. “Oh she’s a beauty.”

 

At that, Ben cleared his throat and Finn tore his focus away. Quickly, he bowed to his Master.

 

“My mother...” He started.

 

“I will get her. Come in, come in.” Finn ushered them both in and told the driver to go to the kitchen for nourishment.

 

Rey took in the hallway she had once seen everyday. It had the same almost defeated appearance as the outer house did. Although spotlessly clean, it was like the light had been sucked out of it. Like no-one saw fit to make it hospitable anymore.

 

Finn dashed up the stairs to get his mistress. In less than a moment, while Rey was looking about the dining room, there were quick footsteps and then a voice that made her heart nearly stop.

 

“BEN?!”

 

Rey watched from the hidden room. She watched her husband stand up straight. Straighter than he had for weeks and look up the stairs. And then, appearing in Rey’s vision, there was Lady Leia.

 

She looked much changed and Rey was taken about by how old and tired she looked. Her hair was styled but only in a way to get it out of her face and her dress was black and sombre. But the expression she wore now was one of immense relief, mingled joy and mounting despair.

 

“Ben! Where have you… I’ve been looking everywhere… Oh my God. Your face! What have they done to you?”

 

Lady Leia put up her hands and cradled his face looking like she may weep at the sight of the scar that cut his face in two. Ben said not a word but held her wrists in his huge hands as though to keep her there. He also closed his eyes and leant his cheek against her palm as though he wished to rest for a hundred years.

 

“I got away.” He said softly. “I escaped him.”

 

“I thought… I was sure… he’s dead Ben and I thought he’d taken you with him!” Lady Leia seemed to be letting out her worst fears now that she had proof that it was all a nightmare. Rey wanted to run to her but dared not. Instead she could only watch.

 

“I lived. I’m free Mother. It’s over.” Ben pulled her wrists away and looked at her seriously. “Oh Mother, there is so much I must tell you.”

 

At that moment, there was a clattering of doors being thrown open and Jess Pava and Mr Dameron came running pell-mell into the dining room from the side door.

 

“REY!” Jess cried in amazement. “It’s true! You’ve come back.”

 

This drew Lady Leia’s attention away from her son and made her turn her head to the open dining room door. And there she saw for the first time, Rey standing there with a wrapped bundle in her arms.

 

Lady Leia stared as though she had seen a ghost. Rey _felt_ like a ghost for she was immovable and unable to do a thing.

 

“Mother-” Ben started but Lady Leia put up her hand as though to silence him.

 

“Come to my rooms. Both of you. I want the truth. Now.”

 

* * *

 

 

And so Jyn had been handed over to a bewildered but adoring Jessika and Rey was forced into one of the most tense moments of her life.

 

Rey and Ben were standing before Lady Leia like two penitent school children who had been brought before a headmistress. Rey stayed silent as Lady Leia demanded once and for all to know the truth.

 

Rey wasn’t quite sure that she was prepared for the answer she got. For as straight backed and commanding as Lady Leia was, she turned almost slack-jawed when Ben told her without hesitation or denials that Rey had been his lawful wife for nearly a year and the baby that she had handed over to Jessika to play nursemaid to was their natural daughter.

 

Lady Leia was silent as Ben began to tell the whole story. How he had become entranced with Rey, how he had pursued her, how he had began to feel more tender towards her in the coming weeks, how they had finally surrendered after her near drowning and his impromptu marriage proposal after his own marriage prospects had been discussed.

 

The secret wedding, the subsequent estrangement and the hunting was also alluded to and it was a full quarter of an hour before Ben finally finished his story. Lady Leia at this point had been forced to sit down. Silence reigned.

 

“Mother?” Ben prodded. “Mother, say something.”

 

Lady Leia let out a shaky breath. “So I was right all along.”

 

Rey looked at Ben who mirrored her look. “Right?” He asked confused.

 

“I am not blind Ben. I saw how you looked at her and how she looked back.” Lady Leia lifted her eyes to them both and then shook her head. “But I never imagined… I believed a flirtation. Maybe a secret rendezvous. I thought that was why Rey left – because you had broken her heart. I never dreamt...” She put her palm to her head as though trying to stifle a headache. “And you have a child?”

 

“Yes.” Ben said quietly but without remorse.

 

Lady Leia took a deep breath. “Something you haven’t told me, something you haven’t explained, is why. Why did you not tell me?”

 

Ben opened his mouth but no words came out. Now that he had his mother’s angry and hurt eyes on him, it seemed hard to answer. So Rey stepped in.

 

“It was a marriage so below his station… we feared-”

 

“What?” Lady Leia demanded. “That I would block it? A little hypocritical of me that would be. Considering that his father was once a common soldier.”

 

“I wanted to marry the woman I loved.” Ben said stoutly. “And any risk to procuring that… I had to do it, Mother. I couldn’t risk it.”

 

“And is it still earnest? Do you still love her or has the excitement worn off for you?”

 

Ben squared his shoulders. “I love her more now than I ever have.” Rey could not help the blush that swept over her nose at that.

 

“And you left Snoke… for her? For love?” Lady Leia questioned.

 

“Yes. Mainly for her. But I was tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of constantly having to battle with guilt and self-loathing. There’s a time to fight… and a time to rest.”

 

Lady Leia looked at them both and then sighed.

 

“What do you want from me?” She asked.

 

Rey stepped forward. “Your blessing. If you can give it.”

 

Lady Leia looked at Rey. “I saw you like a daughter. I loved you like one. I had hoped that you would come to me for help if you ever needed it. I can understand that Ben didn’t trust me… but I had thought that I had earned yours a little better.”

 

Rey wished that Lady Leia had slapped her or maybe screamed with fury. But somehow this quiet yet resigned hurt was the worst thing that Rey had thought possible. Her eyes began to burn and Ben took her hand.

 

“She wanted to tell you.” He interjected. “So many times. But I insisted that we had to remain a secret. Don’t blame her please.”

 

“’Please’” Leia whispered almost smiling, “that’s the first time you’ve asked me politely for anything in over ten years.”

 

Rey and Ben stood silently waiting.

 

“Very well. You are married and therefore bound to one another.” Lady Leia said. “It will take time to get my head around this but I will succeed in the end. But I have one condition.”

 

Ben and Rey held their breath. “What?” Rey whispered.

 

Lady Leia looked up and Rey was stunned to see her eyes shining. “May I see her?”

 

* * *

 

 

Rey could have almost laughed at the sight of the composed and self-possessed Lady Leia nearly jumping out of her seat as she entered with Jyn cradled in her arms but didn’t. It felt too precious a moment. And like their future happiness rested on Ben’s mother’s reception of her tiny black-haired granddaughter.

 

Ben stood next to Leia as Rey stepped forward and pulled back the swaddling blankets to show Jyn’s face. Her daughter had just woken and, while a bit dozy and grumpy, wasn’t fussing.

 

Lady Leia took the little bundle as though she was handling a diamond of unspeakable wealth. In truth, she probably was and Rey couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her mouth as she watched her mistress lose her heart before her very eyes at the blinking baby girl. Jyn was looking up at Leia with fascination as though as curious to the new person as her grandmother was.

 

There was a moment of silence before Lady Leia looked up at her son. Despite the shocks the day had bought, there was a peace on her face that had been hidden for well over thirty years.

 

“She’s beautiful.” She whispered. Ben didn’t seem capable of speech so no-one said a world and left it to Jyn to gurgle and make little noises as her family cocooned her with their adoration.

* * *

 

 

The house began to ring with life again. After nearly two hours conference (an hour of which was spent with the new grandmother falling completely in love with her first grandchild), the servants were called and the proper announcements were made. It seemed as though Finn had kept his word as everyone seemed stunned at the news that Rey was their new mistress. It was met with joy however for in whatever capacity they could have Rey back, they would take it.

 

Finn and Mr Dameron exchanged nods with Ben as the Master requested a bath be drawn for him and some fresh clothing. It seemed as though the three men would have a much more courteous relationship now; after all they had rescued him from nearly certain starvation.

 

Rey, on the other hand, set about putting the rooms to rights. Ben’s room were more or less empty as the destroyed furniture had all been cleared away but Rey aired them out and changed the bedding. Jessika was scandalized that her new mistress was helping her clean the room but then they both started to giggle. Jyn had long since fallen asleep under Lady Leia’s gaze and was sleeping happily under that watchful gaze.

 

Ben reappeared eventually, wearing his old clothing and looking more like a Lord than he had in months. Yet he did not bark orders like he had done of old. Now he requested things albeit stiffly and seemed content with more or less everything. Maybe it was how close he came to losing the lot that made him decided to be a little more patient.

 

Rey was somehow the most startled when the time came to retire for bed. For now she could remain with Ben in his own rooms.

 

She settled Jyn into a cot that Finn had galloped off to town to procure (one with fine wooden carvings and Rey was sure had cost more than she had earned her whole life) and began to undo her hair. After everything that they had overcome, the normality that she was now faced with seemed the hardest to digest.

 

No secrets, no half-truths, no concealment. It was all out in the open.

 

Rey crept into the bedroom to find Ben in his under-shirt and little else. She unconsciously pulled at the hem of her sleeping shift and then slowly approached.

 

“Is Jyn well?” He asked quietly.

 

“Sleeping and seems content.” She answered climbing into bed next to him. The mattress was the comfiest she had ever lain upon.

 

“We will have to make it public tomorrow.” Ben warned.

 

“I know. I’m ready for it.” Rey looked at Ben. “I’m going to have to be a Lady, aren’t I?”

 

Ben scoffed a laugh. “You’ll never be a traditional lady, my love, don’t worry.”

 

Rey pulled a face. “Jess will insist on curtseying for me soon. Oh I can’t bare it.”

 

“And yet bare it you must.” He touched her face. “The time for concealing you is over. You’re my wife and I will have you acknowledged as such.”

 

The kiss he bestowed on her was gentle and rather chaste and yet Rey’s stomach fluttered all the same. Would he always do this to her, she wondered.

 

The air seemed to crackle between them and their next kiss was deeper, more searching, less innocent. Rey let her fingers glide through his thick main and let herself feel what it was like to be free.

 

Ben leant over her and continued to kiss her like he was exploring at his leisure. Closed mouth, open mouth, with a tender tongue against her lower lip, slipping inside her mouth where he was always welcomed. She let his fingers traced down her neck and collarbone, half tickling and all sensual. She pulled at the strings of his nightshirt and it came looser. He pulled it off and she discarded it like it offended her.

 

An old sense of nerves began to make itself known when he pulled up her nightgown and threw it aside in much the same way. Her body was different and she was oddly wary of his opinion. He did not seem to notice any change however as he set to work nibbling the undersides of her swollen breasts. She moaned with joy at the feeling and felt the dewy effect it was having on her lower curls.

 

It had not been six weeks since the birth but it had been nearly a whole year without this primal need satisfied.

 

Rey was suddenly flipped so that she was astride him. She was now more exposed than ever.

 

“What-”

 

“It might be easier. Like this.” Ben indicated through swollen lips and a glazed expression.

 

Rey nodded but bit her lip, looking down at herself. She spotted the small stretch marks that were still pink on her hips.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked.

 

Rey considered lying but there’d been enough of that.

 

“Do you find me changed?” She asked quietly.

 

Ben furrowed his eyebrows as though confused but then seemed to understand.

 

“Yes.” He replied. “You look more lovely now than you ever have.” Then he pointed to his cheek when his scar lay. “Do you find me changed?”

 

Rey almost blanched. His scar did not make him less appealing to her. Not at all. “Yes. You are a better man than you ever were.”

 

Ben nodded and then touched the small stretch marks on her hips with a caress. “We have both earned out stripes. Now we must wear them with pride. This is proof you gave me a perfect little girl. Mine is proof that I am far from perfect but I’m learning.”

 

Rey knew that he was earnest and new pride swelled within her. Kissing him, she let him slide within her. They gasped collectively at the feeling so long denied them.

 

The feeling of belonging. The feeling of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do mean it when I say that comments and kudos keep me going. It makes me feel like I'm good at something and I love it so much. Let me know guys. One left...


	33. Epilogue: One Year Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So this is it. I’m not gonna lie I feel really sad about this one as I’ve developed a huge affection for this one and I’m pretty proud of my little fanfiction. Considering I nitpick everything, that’s a good sign.
> 
> I want to thank each and every one of my followers and reviewers for your unwavering support and patience. Especially when real life would interfere with my updates at times. 
> 
> Enjoy...

Rey walked along the grounds of the Manor, keeping with her Sunday tradition of taking some time to breathe the air about her. The spring had bought about the coming of flowers and there was a fresh dewy feeling to the air. It smelt like rebirth.

 

This was much the same walk as Rey had taken so many times before as a young maid but there were difference now. She wore a bonnet that didn’t make her look so much like a bat, she was clutching a book that Ben had procured for her though hadn’t really read it as she took her stroll and she was not aimless this time.

 

This time she wanted to find Ben and Jyn.

 

They’d been gone for nearly an hour with Lady Leia explaining in a fond manner that Ben had taken Jyn out into the garden so she could see the flowers turn pretty colours. Rey had taken the opportunity of walking to go slowly and think alone for a moment. There was much on her mind.

 

She’d been the acknowledged wife of Ben Solo for a full year and the lawful wife even longer. Rey couldn’t help the quirk of her lips at how much of a sensation it had made amongst polite society.

 

People had been shocked, amazed, outraged and disbelieving all in equal proportions. Many lamented that ‘the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree in that family’ and talking in scathing tones of the aged Lady Leia’s extremely questionable taste in marrying a man who had been no better than a criminal. Finn had been asked a number of furious questions whenever he had travelled to London to do some business for the family. What had possessed his Master? Was he out of his mind? What was the girl like? Did she even have a family?

 

The flat and abrupt answers that Finn had given were that Rey, an orphan who had been raised in the infamous factory of Jakku, had no family, no fortune whatsoever and was the very best of women. This had been taken back by the patrons he had encountered (some of them servants to wealthy families) and passed on to their masters. Rey’s worth and goodness had been conveniently dropped but that was to be expected.

 

Lord Ben Solo had clearly no sense in his head. He had left the position of the heir of a great (though questionable) fortune under Lord Snoke and had married a scullery maid. The nerve of him!

 

It was probably good for their collective blood pressure that they had not witnessed Ben Solo’s reaction to this. Which was to laugh, kiss his wife and play on the floor like a commoner with his daughter.

 

Jyn’s status in the repercussions was somewhat more of a touchy subject and one where Rey and her dignity had been insulted. Especially when people began to question whether they had been married at all when Jyn had been born. Rey still felt like she could spit at the memory.

 

She could withstand many insults of herself and some even of Ben but no-one was to question her daughter’s legitimacy. Even Ben, a little more placid nowadays though not much, had been so furious that Jyn’s honour had been insulted that Rey had to urge Mr Dameron to lock the sword cabinet and hide the keys until she said it was safe. She’d had enough of dramatic scenes and a duel would have been the thing to turn her prematurely grey.

 

In the end, it had been the solemn oath of Reverend Tekka that they had indeed been man and wife nine months before Jyn’s arrival that had shut up many critics abruptly. For Reverend Tekka was known for his piety and honesty and they doubted he would lie before God even for his master and mistress. The revelation of Rey’s ascension to a position far above her due would have to suffice for gossip.

 

Yet, as much as it had been a fear of Rey’s in the early days of their affair, it seemed oddly unimportant now. They had faced down much more interesting and terrible things than the disapproval of stuffy duchesses and sirs that they had never met and wouldn’t like anyway. Rey and Ben had never been to London as man and wife (mindful of their promise to Hux and not wanting to give him any reason to go back on it) and Rey wasn’t sad about it. She didn’t need to be presented for the whole world to see in order to feel valued by her husband.

 

Married life suited Rey. She had regain the colour in her cheeks that months of strain had robbed her of and her clothes didn’t hang so loosely now. The marks on her hips had faded from pink to a silvery shade and were becoming hard to see. Not that it mattered to Rey anymore. They were a part of her and of her life’s journey. Ben’s scar too had also began to be less harsh but had faded to a rather shiny muted pink rather than the livid red it had once been. Rey found that she liked the scar more and more with time and now felt her husband’s angular face would be missing something without it. She often kissed and caressed it when they were alone. But she often kissed and caressed other parts of him too.

 

He was a good husband to her and she tried to be a good wife. He was still surly, quick to anger and prone to fits of melancholy at times but that was who Ben was and expecting the man she married to suddenly stop being that man wasn’t realistic or fair. There were fights between them, arguments that rattled the doors of the house and prompted Rey to want to throw very expensive ornaments at his head followed by a furious silence for a few days. Yet Ben never left like his father had once done and neither did Rey. Indeed, nine times out of ten, it was often Ben who came to Rey, penitent and begging for her to forgive him. How could he leave her if the act of her frosty silence was enough to drive him to distraction within a day?

 

But the good easily outweighed the bad and Rey could say without hesitation that she did not regret her decision to take a chance on Lord Solo’s character.

 

Their fortune had not dwindled for he still inherited his share of the family fortune and would inherit even more when his uncle and mother passed away though neither husband or wife were in any hurry for that. It was a day that Rey personally dreaded with all her heart. Lord Skywalker had been as shocked as his sister at the news of his nephew’s secret marriage but Rey had eventually wormed her way into his affections. Lord Skywalker had been very impressed with Rey’s enthusiasm for learning and had sent Rey several books on history, art and theology. It was quite sweet seeing as it was pointless; they had a library of their own.

 

The fortune would soon undoubtedly rise as Ben had decided to purchase some factories in the D’Qar. Rey had been horrified at this at first but Ben had made her listen.

 

“You tell me with no self-pity about the way you had live as a child; working day and night for little to no reward. I don’t want to see that happen again. If I own the factory, I can make sure its run properly.”

 

He had taken Rey of a tour of his new steel mill and she had watched with guardedness but fascination as he explained how the machines would work, how he would impose strict yet sensible safety precautions and how he was planning to pay a higher way than other factories. There were even talk of people leaving London to travel up North in order to get a place. The idea of thousands of workers swarming out of Jakku to head to D’Qar and Unkar Plutt hopping up and down in anger and desperation made Rey smile.

 

Rey would continue to oversee things (for who knew better the dangers of factory life) and so far she was immensely proud. They were only one business but you had to start somewhere. And kindness was a better teacher than the cane.

 

Walking along the glade, she came upon movement in a patch of green surrounded by posies. From a distance, she saw Ben crouched down and Jyn sitting on the grass.

 

Rey giggled. From here, she could see plainly what was happening. For the past few weeks, since Jyn turn a year old, Ben seemed determined to teach her how to walk. It wasn’t a ludicrous idea; Jyn was the right age and could crawl fast enough that if Rey took her eyes off her for a minute, she was out the door and down the hall. Something that Jyn found highly amusing.

 

Her daughter could talk a little. She babbled ‘Mama’ and ‘Papa’ quite happily (she’d never forget the look of rapture on Ben’s face when he’d first heard her say that) and smiled a lot. Her dark hair was growing to be as curly as her father’s and her hazel eyes never missed a trick. Her grandmother, who still resided in the house, was utterly enraptured by her and it had barely been a month of their return when Lady Leia had been questioning why there was a fuss about Rey and Ben’s marriage at all. Jyn tended to make everything else melt away.

 

Rey was stern however that her tiny daughter wouldn’t be spoilt. Many times she had stopped Ben indulging her more than was healthy and had to explain that buying her toys just because ‘he was sure she’d like them’ would do her more harm than good. She didn’t wanted a daughter that expected things on a plate for that was not the way the world worked. She was sure that when Jyn was a little older, Rey would take her on a tour of the factory so she could see just how lucky she was. Yet Jyn so far showed no signs of being anything but adventurous and happy.

 

One thing that Rey couldn’t prevent and also didn’t want to was the affection Ben showed their daughter. He played with her everyday and Jyn’s face always lit up at the sight of her Papa.

 

Currently however Jyn seemed to be struggling.

 

“Come on, you can do it.” Ben coaxed kneeling a few feet from her. Jyn stood but, as soon as she moved, fell on her bottom again. “That’s natural. Try again.” Ben said much the same.

 

Rey watched from a distance as her daughter kept trying to impress her Papa and prove she could do it. The bubbling feeling in her stomach returned and her mind flew back to what she had been thinking about really all through her walk.

 

She was late.

 

She hadn’t told anyone for she’d been late with her courses before only for them to come and the disappointment had nearly torn her apart. But a month had become six weeks and still no sign. She was beginning to severely dislike the smell of stew again and she’d been sick three times in the past few mornings.

 

She had listened to her body and now she was certain.

 

She hadn’t told Ben yet for she hadn’t wanted him to be upset if it wasn’t true. Now she _would_ tell him. Maybe she would carry another girl. Maybe a boy this time. Maybe she would continue the family tradition of twins. Indeed, she did feel a little more tender than before. A part of her, a very human part, felt worried at the prospect of childbirth again but she’d heard it was much easier the second time. She would also write to Maz for her to travel up for a holiday and ask her advice on the subject. She still missed her old friend.

 

She had also taken to looking at the portrait of the Rogue One crew that hung above the fire in the library. It always gave her courage and the brown eyes of Jyn Erso seemed to cheer her on. People who visited were very interested in the portrait and had even offered her money for it. But Rey wouldn’t hear of it. It was a part of her now and, if their acquisition of the canvas made their tragic tale spread more, all the better.

 

And Ben… Ben would be there. Fussing and fretting no doubt but there for every growth, every swell, every kick and pain. She already suspected that he would hardly let her alone once she really began to show if not sooner. He was always saying she did too much in her own Manor but she would never be a lady of leisure. She wasn’t built that way.

 

She thought about going to him and whispering the news. To see his face in the sunlight as the news sunk in that their brood would grow further still.

 

She instead stood and watched the sight of her daughter pulling herself up onto her feet and…

 

Rey forgot to breathe. Slowly and very unsteadily, Jyn put one foot down and then the other. One foot down and then the other. Slowly, she walked towards Ben.

 

Ben’s eyes were glittering. “That’s it… a bit more…Yes! You did it!” Jyn fell into Ben's waiting hands and he scooped her up, bouncing her in adoration. Jyn clearly understood that she’d done something good as she was giggling madly at her Papa looking so happy.

 

Rey laughed and clapped. Ben looked to his side and spotted Rey for the first time.

 

“Did you see-”

 

“Yes! Oh, good girl! Clever girl!” She ran to join her husband and daughter. She would tell him tonight, when they were preparing for bed with her hair plaited and the fire crackling softly. She would take his hands and tell him.

 

But for now, in the gardens of her grand home, she joined her husband and daughter. Celebrating the first steps of a new generation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go… If you’ve never reviewed before, please do to let me know what you thought of it overall. If you have reviewed, please do again and accept my deepest thanks. If ever I’ve wanted to know what you think, it’s now.
> 
> I will definitely write another historical Reylo. I’ve been toying with a Tudor style one where Rey enters a political marriage of convenience with Han (no incest though, I promise) but soon attracts the eye of her new stepson. Scandalous I know but an idea that won’t leave me alone. I love forbidden love stories as you can probably tell. I won’t write until I’ve finished Respite and Into the Lumos though. 
> 
> My tumblr is https://waterlilyrose.tumblr.com/ and once again thank you all so much. Peace.


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